Sunday at Grace Community Church is talked about two essentials to a healthy marriage; communication and honesty.  You can view that message below.

In that message, I also shared 7 tips for better communication in marriage:

Be a good listener – You can never expect to grow in your communication until you learn to truly hear one another.

Timing is important – Don’t try to address major issues when the other party is distracted.  Set aside time to address important topics.

Never criticize the person – You can address actions, but when you attack the person, defenses rise and communication fails.

Be willing to give each other credit for differences

Guys, can’t talk to wives as they talk to their guy friends…She is more tender hearted…

Girls, if they want the guy to understand something…You must say it in a language he understands…men understand facts…men don’t read subtleties or between the lines…

Keep emotions under control – When girls start shedding tears and men’s anger rises, communication is hindered.  Wait until the intense emotion passes, then address the issue.

Prompt resolutions – Don’t let issues linger too long.  Don’t let the sun go down on your anger.  The longer an issue lingers, the harder it is to address.

Be willing to humble yourself and forgive – Marriage is hard; people make mistakes; marriage must be free flowing with grace.

What would you add to the list? What has improved the communication in your marriage?

I also asked this question in my message: What is the real state of your marriage? Be honest and be willing to get the help you need.

For more help for your marriage, click HERE.



By popular request,I am going to post more about marriages on this blog.  Over the next few weeks or months, as long as I can stretch what I have learned, I will share some insight into marriage through a Monday Marriage Moment.  Today’s focus is communication.

One of the greatest struggles in any marriage is learning to communicate.  Men and women communicate differently, but every person communicates uniquely as well.  Those differences can cause tremendous conflict that is often just miscommunication, more than anything else.  A major goal then in any marriage should be to understand the communication style of each spouse and then to learn and adapt communication in a way where each spouse clearly knows what the other spouse is saying. That understanding alone can eliminate many of the problems most marriages naturally face.

Here is an online resource I have used in business and ministry, but is equally useful in a marriage.  Click HERE to take this online assessment.  Spouses should consider some of the assessments businesses use, such as Myers Briggs and StrengthsFinders to learn each other’s differences.  There are also great books and resources at the 5 Love Languages site.  The key is to be doing something to learn your mate!

Experience can teach you how each other communicates, but if you want to avoid conflict that damages the relationship beyond repair, be proactive and study each other.

Could communication be a problem in your marriage?  What are you going to do about it?  What other resources have helped you discover you and your spouse’s communication styles and differences?

My 18 year old son Nate is serving as an intern this Summer for Michael Bayne our family minister working primarily with middle and high school students.  Recently he took it upon himself and made this video announcement to send to the students.  It reminds me that the methods of communicating with our people are changing every day.  Are you staying current?  Does your church use Facebook, Twitter, text messaging and video messaging to stay current?

Maybe you need to take a lesson from the next generation of leaders too of how best to contact your people.

When communicating with children there is an old management axiom of communication that works well with children also. If you want your children to respond well to your instructions for them, try these steps.

Make sure your communication is:

Clear

• Make sure children understand what you are trying to say. Children are not capable of comprehension at an adult level.
• Speak their language. Children don’t always understand clichés and innuendoes.
• Say what you mean.  Don’t make them guess at your meaning.  This may work with your spouse (NOT!), but it will not work with children.

Concise

• Don’t nag children.  It’s tempting, but it’s not successful.
• Don’t threaten unless you will follow through with the threat. Make sure children understand what you want them to do and then give consequences when they don’t comply.
• Use short phrases and sentences.  Remember, they have short attention spans.

Consistent

• Keep the same values and expectations over time and talk with your children often.
• Follow through with commitments, even when they challenge your authority or throw a tantrum.
• Have a vision for parenting (where you want to lead them) so you can consistently lead them there.  Children are more likely to follow if they sense you have direction.

Keep in mind that children learn best by example, so don’t be a “Do as I say, not as I do” parent.  The life you live in front of them will be the loudest communication you offer them.