“What I do in my private time is of no one’s concern but mine.”  I’ve heard that line all my life.  I wonder if that statement is less true, however, for those who are in leadership positions, especially those who desire to lead people towards some sense of a better life, who work with students or children, or who are representatives of other people in their leadership.  In a day in which authenticity is such an admired character trait, it is important that leaders not be one person on the job and another when off duty. 

Did you see the story of the college president who resigned for helping “keg up” someone of the age he was supposed to be leading? 

I certainly don’t want to kick a man when he’s down; although with $400,000 he has a pretty good cushion to rebuild his career.  I do think his story though serves as a reminder to those of us in leadership positions that what we do in our private time does matter.  For that reminder I’m thankful. 

(I write a lot about relationships.  Periodically over the next few weeks I’m going to share some insight here into parenting.  I thought I’d start with an attention getter, but something we all face someday….or at least we should.  Before I talk about parenting, I always say on this subject that we do the best we know how to do.  My parenting is not perfect, so these are just my experiences.)

I’ll never forget the first “sex talk” I had with our oldest son.   It was one of the most scary moments of parenting, but looking back I’m glad I did it then.  I recognized that helping my children live pure and healthy sexual lives would be a challenge in a culture that is often defined by sex.  I began with a few principles, which has helped me to continue to have open and honest dialogue with my boys, even in their teenage years. 

Start Early – The key here is that you want to be the primary and first source of information for your child.  The old saying is true, “If you don’t tell them, someone else will.”  You want to make sure they are getting the correct information about sex. 

Share in Stages – A four-year-old needs to know that there are boys and there are girls, but that’s about it at that age.  Share information based on the child’s interest, maturity and ability to understand. 

Answer questions – If your child is willing to ask a question it is because they want an answer. Many parents make the mistake of telling children they “don’t need to know yet”.  There are no bad questions.  Again, they will search for an answer and they may find the wrong ones. 

Teach according to truth, not culture – The fact is that today’s culture is mostly wrong about the issue of sex.  Culture today is trying to redefine what sex is.  Don’t be afraid to teach your children to be different.  If they understand the reasons for purity they are better able to stand against the times. 

Deal with the emotional as well as physical – Our children should understand the emotional aspect of sex and the damage which can be caused by premarital sexual activity, as much as they should understand the physical aspects.  The emotional pain of premarital sex is usually the most damaging aspect later in life. 

Get help – There are plenty of resources on teaching children the Biblical perspective on sex.  Every parent deals with this, so seek out parents who are further in this process than you and seem to have learned something they can share.

Keep the door open – My boys are entering the adult stage of life.  As far as I’m concerned I’ve told them what they need to know, but they know I’m available for questions and so they keep asking.  Most of their questions these days are more relational than physical, but at least they are still willing to ask. 

I don’t believe my boys would be as open talking about such a difficult subject regularly and honestly if I had not established that freedom and practice at an early age. 

Kudos to my son Nate this week; his first major project as student body president of his high school is getting local attention. The publisher of our local newspaper posted a blog about Nate: http://tinyurl.com/565zso.

I’ve said it before, but you need to keep your eyes on Nate. Here is a young leader with a call on his life bigger than most people I know many years older. I wish I had understood life and leadership as well as he does at his age. You can read Nate’s personal blog for more information about him. (Moons from Burma)

The fact is that I have 2 incredible boys you should watch to soar in years to come; both are very different. Nate, the younger, is more organizationally driven. He is so self-motivated and structured that I really just try not to get in his way. Jeremy, the older one, is more relationally driven. He requires more structure and honestly more attention, but he loves people deeply and doesn’t really feel complete unless there are people activities occupying his time. I describe their difference like this; if I wanted a specific task accomplished I would seek Nate’s input. If I wanted someone to visit the hospital or to build a relationship with someone quickly I would send Jeremy.

In a June post I asked the question “What is God Up To with Youth Today?” This morning I received an email from a friend’s son.  This 22 year old recent college graduate is seeking our church as a prayer partner for his mission work over the next two years.  He is going to be a Journeyman with the International Mission Board.  He couldn’t tell me exactly where he would be for security reasons; just that it was in Asian countries in areas that are unfriendly to the Gospel.    

Reading his email this morning made me think.  Would I be willing to step out by faith into an area where I know I’m going to face opposition and possibly danger?  Will I follow God’s leadings in my call to ministry wherever the call leads?  Will I give up personal comforts and safety to attempt to reach people who may not even want to be reached?  Probably more importantly to where I am called today, am I willing to be obedient to God’s voice in my life, here in my city, even on the days where there seems to be more obstacles than opportunities?

I’m very thankful for the passion of today’s youth willing to boldly go where God is moving.  You challenge me! 

Facebook began as a social network site primarily for college students. It was fairly exclusive.  When I signed on I had to swear in blood that I actually ministered to college students. (Something like that.)  Now anyone can join; and anyone is joining.  The average age of my new friends is twice the age of a traditional college student or Facebook’s founder; whichever is younger. 

I think the same thing happened to Myspace when it went away from being a place for bands to display their music to the world.  I gave up Myspace earlier this year. 

I am still doing a considerable amount of ministry on Facebook. It is really the only way college and high school students ever contact me, but I wonder if the aging trend continues if Facebook will survive.  Will college students look for an alternative? 

If you do, let me know.  I and some of my friends want to come along. 

I read lots of business magazines and blogs.  I find it helps me with my own management skills.  I also believe the Bible teaches us some great leadership principles.  Unless you have lived under a rock then you know that today’s workplace is changing. The “new” generation of workers is more value-centered.  Through my conversation with business leaders, what I have read and what I have personally observed this new generation of workers love time at home more than time in the office.  They value a company that cares for the environment.  They want benefits as well as pay.  Fairness and honesty in the way they are treated is of utmost importance to them. They want immediate responsibility and authority in their area.  They want to dress comfortably and they don’t expect to do what they are doing forever.  Finally, they want to enjoy what they do and have a deep sense of purpose in their work.  It’s not that those values weren’t present 20 years ago, but today they are critical to finding and keeping good people. 

As I lead and help others do so I’m sometimes faced with a dilemma.  What is the balance between creating the “fun”; new values-centered workplace and the need to get a job done well?  When do I need to become the “bad guy” leader who pushes for excellence and for quantity of work as well as quality, without really being labeled the bad guy?  Because this generation will not work long or well for bad guys. 

It seems to me that learning where the lines are, hiring the right people in the first place (of course), and operating with a great Jesus principle of grace and truth, is going to be a key to leading this next generation.  If we want to obtain the energy and creative minds of youth then we must learn to manage them well. 

I’m praying that I will grow in those skills so I can help others do likewise and I’m once again reminded how much I can learn from Jesus!

Obviously the world is changing at rapid pace. The technological age has made the world faster, smaller, thinner, bolder, sexier, and more complex.  We have more options, but with those advances come more challenges.  This morning our server was down and one would have thought the sky had fallen. Last week I left my Blackberry at my office when I ran out to a meeting.  I was miserable, unproductive and moody at that meeting. (Sorry guys.)  Our worlds often center around technology.  What would we do without it?  It helps us do our work so much more efficiently, yet it’s also sometimes a stumbling block to real success in the areas of our life that matter to God (and hopefully us) most.

Our family minister, Michael Bayne, shared a story with me today that quickly put things into perspective.  Apparently his 2 year old daughter finds it funny to hide his Mp3 player.  He freaks on her, because he loves his music, but she thinks it’s funny.  Instantly I smelled a rat in this picture.  Could his 2 year old be crying out “Pick me, Pick me” over this piece of technology?  Granted, Michael Bayne is one of the most attentive, loving, great dads I know, but sometimes a 2 year old can be used to teach us some valuable lessons. 

So, here’s a question for us all…

Is your technology more important than the personal, God-given, relationships you have?     If you had to give up one or the other for a night, which would it be?  (Be honest.) 

Now having answers those questions (with correct answers obviously because we couldn’t admit otherwise, could we?), the next question is rather clear:

Is that answer reflected in the way you are currently living your life? 

Ouch! 

I’ve been following the story of the girls in a Massachusetts town who are believed to have formed a pact to get pregnant together.  The stories are all over the Internet; including many chat rooms and rumor pages calling the girls “retarded” and making other derogatory statements about them.  Apparently the girls would go to the school nurse to have pregnancy tests and were more excited when they were pregnant than when they found out they weren’t.  One girl even admits that a 24 year old homeless man is the father of her baby.  The school’s pregnancy rate among students this year is over four times what it was last year. 

We can stand in awe of this story, but I think it’s a very sad commentary on our society and ultimately on those of us who call ourselves the church. Some of the quotes I read about the girls:

The school superintendent said: “Many of our young people are growing up directionless.”

A fellow student said, “They’re so excited to finally have someone to love them unconditionally,”

Another adult in the system said these were, “girls who lack self-esteem and have a lack of love in their life.”

Finally, one student may have said it best when she said, “No one’s offered them a better option.”

While I am thankful on one hand that these girls value life enough to have carry their babies, I couldn’t help but think about the teenage girls in my own community, the one where I’m involved in planting a church.  Are they just as confused about how to find true love?  Are they just as desperate?  We claim to be offering a better “Way”.  We certainly believe we have a “better option”, but do these girls know it?  Have we shared with them the unconditional love of Christ?  Do they sense that kind of love in us? 

I am thankful in my community for some great Christian youth leaders and para-church ministries, as well as teachers and administrators, who attempt to reach our young people each day, but I still wonder if we need to be doing more at the church level, specifically to help train parents, change a culture that’s dying for love and looking for it in all the wrong places, and reach those who feel left behind and unloved in our society.   I see these girls pact as a wake-up call to the church to be the church God has called us to be; to be light into darkness. 

I got phished today on Myspace. I don’t know what that means yet, but it doesn’t sound good.  The problem is that I opened my account with a false email address.  At the time I thought it was a smart idea.  It would cut down Spam while still allowing me access to my account.  The plan has worked great until now. 

I’ve had the account for years, had almost 4,000 “friends” and was able to do a lot of ministry through Myspace. Just today I connected with someone on the site.  The problem is I can’t change my password, make changes, or further protect my account because to do so they need to send a verification email to me….at an address that doesn’t exist.  I had to personally delete all my friends, 40 at a time, until I had no more. 

It’s kind of sad. I have never lost that many friends in one day.  I’m not even sure I’ve ever had that many friends in one day.  Anyway, it’s been a drag having Myspace, Facebook, and now Twitter, Blog, etc.  It was time for a change.  Still, I didn’t really even get to say goodbye to all my friends. 

What is God up to these days? I am constantly encountering young people who want to do something of meaning; something that adds value to society and to their life. They want their life to have purpose. It’s more than just missions, although obviously that’s where I point them; towards something with an evangelical purpose. Youth today, though, just want to help. They aren’t satisfied seeing a need and letting someone else address it. They wouldn’t be content just throwing money at the problems. They want to get their hands dirty doing something of importance in the world.

Does anyone see this? How does the church connect this trend to the needs of Kingdom building?

If you have thoughts, let me know.