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Common Struggles

The first sermon of the new year at Grace Community Church was a difficult one, because I encouraged our people to let go of some of the burdens they had been carrying in 2010. We wanted to start 2011 with a clean slate and make it a better year. I challenged people to write the one issue they wanted to leave behind on an index card. We captured those, and though they didn’t have names on them, we recorded the general issue to see what people in our church were dealing with this year. For me personally this is helping to shape the way I preach.

Here is a graph of the over 1,000 cards we collected:


You can view the sermon from that day here:

What would you have written on that card? Does this graph represent some of your struggles?

5 Examples of a Leader for a Season

I am frequently asked when is the right time to leave a leadership position.  I once wrote 8 Ways to Know It’s Time to Quit.  It’s still one of my most requested blog topics.  This is a hard decision for many leaders.  Thankfully, there are still leaders with a sense of loyalty, who want to do the right thing, and they simply do not know how or when they should leave.

I love hearing how one leader’s tenure carried the organization from infancy to maturity….

I am always impressed to hear of a long term pastorate…

The healthiest way, organizationally speaking, is to have a long-term leader, one who goes through seasons with the organizations, who carries the vision forward over a long span of time.

It should be noted, however, that sometimes a leader is just for a season….

  • Some leaders get things started…
  • Some leaders guide the organization through transition…
  • Some leaders only handle the tough times…
  • Some leaders help organizations start again…
  • Some leaders close things out graciously….

And then they move on…

If a leader does what he or she has been called to do, there is no shame in doing ONLY what the leader was called to do…

Have you ever been the leader for a season?

What other example would you list?

Writing a Life Plan for the New Year, Part 4

We’ve been writing a life plan this week.  I hope you are following along and writing your own plan.  I’m looking forward to hearing the goals you have and the success you see in attaining them.  I have tried to keep it simple, hoping that will improve your chances of following through to completion.   If you’ve missed any of them, be sure and read

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Today we add another step in the process…Accountability

If you want to see your goals become reality, you need to build a system of accountability into your plan.  If you are confident you want to complete the detailed goals you’ve set, and you believe the action plan you have written will help you meet them, then you must find a way to hold yourself accountable to completing the action steps.

You’ll need to add accountability you are comfortable with and makes sense for your goals and action steps, but here are some suggestions to consider:

  • Put action items on your calendar for the next year….I have some items that repeat throughout the year.
  • Print your life plan and share it with someone….give them permission to check in with you throughout the year.
  • Find a partner…this is especially helpful when exercising or in weight loss.  (This is what makes Weight Watchers successful.)
  • Use an application/program such as Things, which I use, to schedule tasks and set alarms to remind you of your action steps
  • Comment on this post with your plan, or post it on your own blog…there’s something about going public that builds a stronger desire for completion

The key here is to build a system that will hold you accountable to completion of your goals. As you repeat the actions and see results towards your goals, you will develop habits in these areas and in the process of doing so will find you achieve more of your goals.

There is one more step to this process…I’ll share it tomorrow… Can you guess what it is?

Friday Discussion: Let’s Talk Christmas Music

I threw out a Tweet last night to see what might be a good Friday discussion. I got one suggestion that we talk Christmas music. We did seem to develop quite an interest this week on favorite versions of Little Drummer Boy. Read that post HERE. Lots of Twitter and Facebook friends, however, said they weren’t fans of the song.

That prompts the questions:

What’s your favorite Christmas song? Who has the best Christmas album? Which Christmas song/album must I have that I may not even know about?

Also, what’s the one Christmas song you don’t care if you ever hear again? Any who would say they aren’t crazy about Christmas music?

Dialogue. Give your opinion. Discuss. For this Friday discussion, let’s talk Christmas music.

We Wrote a Story Together

If you follow this blog, then you may remember that a couple weeks ago we wrote a story together. You can read how it started HERE, but basically I wrote an opening sentence and then different commenters each added a line to continue the story. Today I’m providing the completed story…or at least where it is today. It’s “different”, but reading it shows me how unique our minds work. I never would I have imagined taking the story in the direction it went. Have you ever been in a planning session that went this way? It’s how a team operates.

Here is our story:

Carolyn knew not to question the timing, but she had never experienced anything like this before now. She was anxious that someone so important was interested in her opinion. That she did not know what to say!!

Here she was, in a place that was both exciting and terrifying. And she could not have felt more exhilarated! The CEO, Mr. Jenkins, had asked to see her first thing this morning.

“Carolyn,” he said, shaking his head. “How did we not see this coming?!”

Puzzled, she really had no idea what he was talking about. “See what coming?”

Her mind raced as she replayed all of her hard work over the last month. But knowing about the events last week at the company HQ her pulse quickened. She tried to maintain her composure so as to appear neither excited nor nervous.

“Carolyn, the demand generated for your new book has been off the charts!” he exclaimed.

Her ADD was kicking in, this was important, she MUST STAY FOCUSED! Assured that she had, she struggled to retain her composure and asked to see the report. She turned her head quickly feigning like she was looking for something in her purse, but in reality she was executing a well-timed sniff test. See Carolyn had a history with deodorant.

She sat down, still confused and jittery. …as Mr. Jenkins announced, “You’ll be happy to know you’ve won employee of the year, and you won’t believe what the prize is!”

And then the hardest question of all:” Did I even remember to put on my deodorant this morning?” “What am I thinking? I’ve got to stay focused on the issue at hand”, which now seemed impossible as Mr. Jenkins was reaching for something inside his desk drawer.

However, since she is hardcore ADD, the thought faded as quickly as it came. As she contemplated her deodorant, her mind took her back to the place she most hated. Even though she should be enjoying this success, she felt like she was sitting in her high school principal’s office again.

Her mind wandered back to her hometown of Tribune, Kansas where Mr. Shaeffer had often had to dish out discipline to her and her friend Charlene. Where was Charlene now? Was she still alive….”What was that Mr. Jenkins?”

In that moment before Jenkins answered the question, Carolyn made a decision. It was time for a trip back home. She thought to herself, “I wonder if my name is still carved into the door to the gym?”

Mr. Jenkins answered, ” Oh, sorry…that’s just the new ring tone on my iPhone.” Sugarland’s, “Stuck Like Glue” echoed in the conference room as Mr. Jenkins pushed silence on his phone. The country music ringtone suddenly made all the pictures of Chuck Norris on the walls of Mr. Jenkins’ office make sense.

Her alarm clock was blaring in the background as she slowly woke to face her day. But going back also scared her…it had been so long since she had seen him. A secret only her dog understood. It had all been a dream- but it stirred up the desires in her to revisit her past.

She quickly scrambled to pack a bag and headed home, wondering after all these years if her secret would be revealed. On the plane, she thought more about Charlene, the murder, and of course, him.

The countryside seemed to move by in slow motion; would she ever be home; did she really want to be home? She dialed her phone with trembling hands: “Charlene?–it’s me.”

No one knew she had been there when it happened, and the shame and guilt were sometimes overwhelming. Silence crackled across the telephone wires as she waited for Charlene’s reply. And she wondered, ‘Should I really be here…should I be doing this? Does any of it really matter anymore?’
Sheepishly she pulled into the driveway, brushed a tear from her eye and slowly began to open her car door. Even the sound of the door opening and the wind as it whipped through her hair brought back unwanted memories.

The explosion knocked her to the ground.

Off in the distance a man with wire rimmed glasses looked on through a pair of military issue binoculars. The small device in his hand would ensure that the reunion would never happen. Carolyn raised her eyes up over the porch steps only to realize that Charlene was gone.

The only thing she could think to do was sit on her favorite rock in her favorite bay and think about what was happening. Carolyn was so confused! Everything was gone. Where was she! Who was Mr. Jenkins?

Rolling over in the bed she grabbed her blankets, pulled them up over her head and wished for a few more hours of uninterrupted sleep. Dreams sure have a way of ruining a nights sleep!

Something, perhaps a log floating in the rippling water, perhaps a shadow, reminded her of a long ago trip to Puerto Vallarta…Where she had visited a local Mexican restaurant. The owners, a kind indigenous family, had taken her and Charlene in for the night after their purses, with all their money and personal identification, had been stolen. Could Charlene ever understand the feelings being there brought back?

Suddenly, a gnawing feeling engulfed her as she recalled something…and it hit her: in only twenty four hours, she had left her boss standing in the office bewildered and begging her not to leave at this incredible moment of success, had shot off to see Charlene, had nearly been blown to bits, and then flown to Mexico like some asylum escapee passing into and out of reality, like some character in the first novel written by a writer with catastrophic ADD and way too much caffeine.

Startled by Bobby McFerrin singing “Don’t Worry, Be Happy”, she answers the phone and hears a familiar voice say “I’ve been thinking about you”.

It was her Father; “You shouldn’t have come back!” He said. “You know what will happen now!”

Carolyn started to wonder where all her past friends were, just now, she needed them for support, validation or celebration, she didn’t yet know what Where were all her friends now, for support, validation or just plain help? More importantly, would her ADD allow her to make any sense of what was happening?

Right then, her phone vibrated, it was a text ” I’m not dead, meet me at our spot “. OMG, was all she could think.

The sound of sirens in the distance brought her back to the situation at hand. She knew she needed to leave before she was asked any questions. So she climbed back into the car, stared at the burning house in front of her, and made her decision. She knew that she could not talk to the police just then. She started her car and headed off to find Robert.

Though stunned by the fact that Robert was clearly not dead, Carolyn drove quickly, arriving within minutes to “their spot”– But what was that object he was carrying and why was he waving it in the air?

She pulled into a secluded spot, turned off the engine and got out of the car. In the distance she saw Robert waiting for her. Suddenly she heard a loud BANG! …as the balloon Robert was carrying burst…and she saw the person who had perpetrated this cruel action.

Could it be? “No, that’s not possible; she’s dead”, she thought as she ran to Robert. Carolyn, reached Robert right at the same moment that Charlene did.. Both of them where alive, for years she had lived with regrets that weren’t real, her world was about to change.

Because the helium that was released from Robert’s burst balloon made her voice so squeaky high that she could now sing super-hyper-soprano.

Amid the random, myriad thoughts, the bunny slippers peeping out from under Mr. Jenkins desk jolted her abruptly back into the present.

Bunny slippers, Mr. Jenkins office; what had happened to the day as it was obviously night now and she was alone in his office; alien abduction perhaps?

Carolyn shook her head trying to clear the cobwebs out-what in the world was going on? Has this all been a dream or is it really happening. Confusion took over. She needed to get out, to clear her head. But as she turned her mind saw two men in the shadows, then the same bright light and suddenly it was day and she was in her own bed; or was she?

She pulled back the covers, sat up and shook the cobwebs of sleep from her mind as she went for her bunny slippers, but where were they and where did those muddy footprints come from?

Carolyn felt a cold chill as she realized that the footprints led to the two shadows in the corner–it was Robert and Mr. Jenkins, and they were both dressed in clown suits!

“What are you doing here?”, she called out; “What’s going on?”

She hated clowns, terrified of them since she was a small child because her father dressed for one at her 5th birthday party and screamed so loudly, as he tripped over one of her friends.

Mr. Jenkins replied, “You’re still dreaming. Think real hard and you’ll wake up.” She did and all of a sudden she was awake in her own bed; no clowns or bunny slippers.

She relaxed with the knowledge that heard dear friend Charlene was, in fact, alive. But something was still not quite right.

So she had no other choice but to drop to her knees and pray “Lord, I have no idea what to do or what’s going on. What should I do?” Just then, she felt the Lord was leading her to the one place where everything would be revealed: The deodorant factory where she had witnessed the murder.She had always had a nose for trouble and now she could understand exactly what had been going on.

THE END (At least for now…)

I included links to the people who provided them. If you didn’t leave a link on your comment, to either a blog or Twitter account, or at least your full name, I didn’t assume you wanted credit for helping write this post. I did add a few names who commented frequently here or on my blog. If you added a line and want to be linked here, send me an email and I’ll happily add you. (Or, if you want your name taken out, let me know also.)

Rick Phillips , Jerry Webb, @LemonJazz, Joe Sewell, Lance Morgan, Charles Anderson, Bryan Ruffin, Esther Rennick, Lisa McAuley, Randy Gravitt, Paul Stanley, Ami Dean, and Cheryl Kosec, Felicity Shiro, Lin Pearson, Jon, Kyle Reed, Tom Jamieson,

This was fun…What do you think happens next in Carolyn’s story?

Thanks for playing along…we may try this again sometime.

When I Say I and When I Say We

I was talking with someone the other day about my early experience with church planting before anyone was on our team.  As I told my personal story, I kept using words such as “our” and “we”.  Towards the middle of the conversation the person stopped me and asked, “Who’s ‘we’?”  I was talking about me the whole time, (although I usually just answer my wife and I) but I confused him with my verbiage.  I wasn’t trying to be confusing.  It’s just a habit I’ve formed.  I have come to realize over the years that a team vocabulary is a large part of encouraging healthy teams.  I love teams and team-building so much that I’ve disciplined myself to always talk in a collective sense.

I cringe when I hear leaders use the words “I”, “me, and “my” when referring to their team, their church or organization.  To me it always sounds so controlling, prideful, and even arrogant.  As an example, Ben Reed is our small groups pastor at Grace Community Church.  He’s an amazing leader.  I would give anything to have been where he is at his age when I was that same age.  When I refer to him, I don’t say “He’s my small groups guy”.  He’s not!  He’s our small groups guy.  I don’t want to portray to him or others that I control him. I want the perception to be that “we” together are part of a team effort.  I would be limiting his potential if I refer to him in a possessive sense.

I understand it may seem to just be semantics, but to me it’s an important issue for leaders to think through, perhaps bigger than to whom some give credence.  If we truly want to create a team environment, then we must develop team vocabularies.

There are a few times when I use the personal words, such as:

  • When offering a pointed direction… “I am asking you to do this for the team…”
  • When offering an opinion that may not be shared by others…  ”I think we should…”
  • When asking a question or stirring discussion… “I wonder if we could…”

When I am speaking on behalf of the team or referring to team members, I try to use a collective term…My advice is to default to words like “we” and “our” whenever possible…even if people have to ask you who the “we” is to whom you are referring. The more we talk like a team the more our environments will feel like a team.

What do you think?  Have you had a leader who abused team vocabulary as described?  Do you need to change the way you say things?

Most Popular Posts This Week

Here are the top post this week according to reader traffic:

What If We Did Church Like This?

Addressing a Porn Generation

7 Phrases We Should Never Use to Start a Sentence

5 Steps to Thinking Strategically in the Moment

God Will Allow More Than You Can Bear

Which post did you enjoy the most?

Thanks so much for reading this blog. I love that my top list of the week usually includes older posts. If you enjoy reading this blog, please help spread the news by Tweeting, linking to it on your blog or Facebook and commenting on posts you read.  It encourages me and helps build an audience.

Catalyst 2010 Recap #Cat10

I was privileged to blog live from Catalyst Conference this past week.  Here are the posts from the notes I took in the order they appeared:

Craig Groeschel – Generational Tension

Craig Groeschel Interviews the Devil

Perry Noble – Don’t Give Up!

Beth Moore – Dealing with Insecurity in Church Leadership

Seth Godin – Everything in this Economy has Changed

Christine Caine – Passion for the Lost and Human Trafficking

Daniel Pink – Author of Drive on What Motivates

Scott Harrison Shares About Charity Water

Andy Stanley – Tension for More

Gayle Haggard on Grace and Forgiveness

Pete Wilson: Plan B for Church Leaders

You may also want to read the posts from Tony Morgan, Kent Shaffer, Scott Williams, and Tim Schraeder.

Did you attend Catalyst? Have you before? What have you gained from the experience?

7 Reactions to Fatigue (What Happens When I’m Tired)

I remember returning from Africa late one Sunday night. I was physically exhausted, but emotionally energized, so I hit the floor running at full speed Monday morning. I had back-to-back meetings from early morning until late night my first day back to work.  Tuesday was no different.  Wednesday we had an extended family emergency that occupied most of the day.  When Thursday came, I began to crash. That’s scenario has been repeated many times.

In seasons like this I’m reminded of an important leadership and life principle.  When I’m physically tired I tend to:

  • Doubt my abilities
  • Question my purpose
  • Lose patience quicker
  • Ignore truth
  • Give up more easily
  • Lean toward the negative
  • Stress faster

Sometimes the best thing to do is the hardest thing for me to do….R E S T !!!

When I find myself in times of severe fatigue, I’ve been known to go home and take a nap at lunch. Then I’ll spend a night or two doing nothing, which is difficult for me). I go to bed early. I sleep late (for me). Then I feel better , have a better outlook on life and think more productively.

Could the best thing you could do be to do nothing?

How do you react when you are physically tired?

Is rest a discipline for you?

You can also read “7 Ways I Deal with Fatigue” for more on this subject.

What’s Your Continual Prayer

This woman told our team that she prayed 40 years for a church to come to Compound Village where she lives in Sierra Leone. Africa for Jesus recently opened Believers Church and it is the first ever Christian Church in a village with over 3,000 people. I was amazed by her faith and consistent prayer.

For what or whom have you been continually praying?

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