Our children have become media junkies. The Kaiser Family Foundation recently released a study of children ages 8 to 18, which found, not surprisingly, that they are consuming a astounding amount of media entertainment each day. Children now consume an average of 7 ½ hours per day or 52 ½ hours per week of media saturation.

Consider the average daily media consumption of U.S. children according to the study:

• Listening to music: 151 minutes
• Watching television: 270 minutes
• Playing video games: 73 minutes
• Talking on cell phones: 33 minutes
• Text messaging: 90 minutes
• Nonschool computer use: 89 minutes

Do you find these numbers surprising?
Do they alarm you?
If the numbers are what they are, how does this impact the way we attempt to reach this generation with the Gospel?

Your thoughts? Do we run from this part of culture, ignore it or embrace it?

Source: ON MISSION magazine Summer 2010, from Kaiser Family Foundation, February 1, 2010.

I said at the beginning of this message on parenting, delivered at Grace Community Church, that I could not answer the entire “how to” questions about parenting.  My desire was to offer a paradigm of principles for effective parenting.  I really do believe if you follow these principles you will truly live out the Biblical principle of “Train a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not turn from it.”  (Proverbs 22:6)

The four principles are:

Be there

Be intentional

Be relational

Be consistent

I also shared this diagram.  To understand the diagram and apply the principles, you’ll have to listen to the message.

For the audio version, go HERE

I’m working on some blog posts, messages, and eventually a book on the impact of fathering. I’m especially interested in addressing the absence of a strong father figure in a person’s life, since I see it as a huge scar in many people’s life.

You can help me with this part of my ministry. Please consider completing my survey on fathering. It’s quick and easy and all responses are anonymous. I understand in advance that just answering questions about your father may be difficult for some, but your responses may help others. Thanks!

Click HERE to access the survey. Feel free to send others here to complete it also.

Also as a part of this post, I would love for you to add your public comments on fathering and the impact it has on your life, either as a father or by your father as a comment on this post. What difference has being a dad made on your life? What influence did your father have on you? Who knows, your comment/story may make it into a book some day!

Thanks!

Here’s a quick message to my two boys.  Jeremy and Nate are 21 and 18 years old. (This picture is a few years old, but it’s one of my favorites.)  Jeremy just graduated from college last week. Nate finishes his first year of college next week. They are tremendous young men, but I realize they have some incredible opportunities ahead and I don’t want them to miss anything God has for them, especially not because they were unprepared.  I wish someone had given me this advice when I was their age. (Perhaps you need to hear it as well.)

Boys:

I’ve messed up many times in life…

Please learn from my mistakes…

I’m not perfect now, but at least I’m headed in the right direction…

I wish I had started this path earlier in life…

Don’t wait to build your character, discover your life purpose, and chase your dreams…

Head your life early in the direction you want your life to eventually end…

Start today…

Do you need that encouragement today?

I’m curious: At what age did you start heading your life in the direction you ultimately want to go?

Read a letter I wrote to each of my boys HERE and HERE.

Winners of today’s Free Fridays:

John Payne – Love and Respect

Renee Garcia – That’s My Son: How Moms Can Influence Boys

Cris Pone – Love and Respect

Wilfredo Mora – Raising a Modern-Day Knight

Jennifer Janes  – Love and Respect

I will attempt to email you, but if I don’t reach you, please email me with your address.

Congratulations! I’ve got another great book to give away next week.

My father passed away this week.  He was so proud of my online involvement. You can read my tribute to him HERE.)  He loved reading this blog.  In honor of him, I decided I’d give away some of my favorite books for building the character of your children, your marriage, and your home.  I have used them to better understand myself and my role as a husband and father.  If I’ve learned one thing this week (and over the course of my life), building a healthy and happy home takes intentionality.  If you are like me, you need all the help you can get.

This week, if you are selected, you will win one (1) book and you can pick any one of these five books:

Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs by Emerson Eggerichs (The concepts in this book will radically change your marriage.)

For Men Only: A Straightforward Guide to the Inner Lives of Women by Shaunti Feldhahn and Jeff Feldhahn  (If you are a man, you need to read this book sometime.)

For Women Only: What You Need to Know about the Inner Lives of Men by Shaunti Feldhahn  (If you are a woman, you need to read this book sometime.)

Raising a Modern-Day Knight: A Father’s Role in Guiding His Son to Authentic Manhood by Robert Lewis  (This book helped me shape the parenting of my two boys more than any other book.)

That’s My Son: How Moms Can Influence Boys to Become Men of Character by Rick Johnson  (I haven’t read this, but Cheryl said it was phenomenal and contained many of the principles we used in raising our sons.)

To be clear (please read this sentence), I am giving away a total of 5 books, but each of the 5 entries chosen will receive the one (1) book they have chosen.  I’m sorry there are no books specifically for raising girls, but I raised only boys.  If you have girls, you may want to pick one of the first three books.

To enter simply:

1. Comment on this post with your name and/or Twitter name.

2. Tell which book you would like to receive if you are selected.

Twitter RT’s are appreciated.

You will have until 10 PM CST tonight to win.  I will choose the winners using Random.org based on the total number of comments received.

Have fun and best wishes!

Several months ago, I wrote a blog post about my father.  Today I’m re-posting part of that post.  This week my father peacefully passed from this earth into the presence of His Savior.  His battle with cancer got the best of him and He gave up his fight and entered his eternal rest.  I’m thankful he no longer has unbearable pain.

My dad would readily admit that he has made many mistakes in his life. We could pretend those days never happened, but the fact is that his alcoholism caused many scars in his life and in the lives of those he loved.  He spent many years trying to overcome those days.

Because of his faith in the person of Jesus Christ, my dad finished his earthly life as a new man. He had been sober for many years and he and my mother were very happily married.  He loved his children and wanted nothing more than to be with them.  His grandchildren just think of him as Pa Pa, with no personal knowledge of years gone by.  My father was active in church, loved to share Scripture with others, and would help anyone who needed a hand.  Yesterday I was overwhelmed hearing what a “good man” my father was from so many people. Sometimes we don’t know a person’s impact until they are gone. (That seems sad, but it’s true.)

Perhaps that is what the writer of Ecclesiastes meant in Chapter 7, verse 1, which says, “A good name is better than fine perfume, and the day of death better than the day of birth.” I have learned from watching my dad’s life that finishing is better than starting and that finishing well by loving God and others is the end goal of life.  My father was truly prepared to die.

When I meet with people who have made mistakes in life in my role as a pastor, I am always less concerned with where they have been or what they have done wrong.  I am always more concerned with where they want to go in life and how dedicated they are to get there.  My dad is an example of someone that wanted to end well.  I believe his legacy will continue to prove he achieved his goal.

Love you dad!  Thanks for paving a good path for others to follow.  Give Jesus a hug for me!

(You can read his obituary HERE.)

Are you prepared to die? Do you have a personal relationship with the person of Jesus Christ?

Have you heard the news? Cheryl and I are gaining a daughter! Our oldest son Jeremy asked Mary to be his wife last week. (In a very romantic way that would make most of us men hate him. He set the standard high.) They will marry sometime next year and we couldn’t be more excited.

If we were selecting a daughter or a daughter-in-law, we would have chosen someone just like Mary. She has a natural mothering heart wired to care for others. Mary is beautiful, smart, kind, and compassionate. She loves children, puppies, and people. Mary is patient with others, including Jeremy, Nate and me when we tease her. (Which is one reason I always wanted a daughter!) Mary is respectful to Cheryl and me, and has become a great friend to Cheryl. Best of all, Mary loves Jesus with all her heart. She truly is a remarkable young woman.

Jeremy and Mary have dated six years, and we have known her family for many years, so we’ve watched her grow into the fine young lady she is today. Mary completes Jeremy perfectly. We often comment that Jeremy is a better person when Mary is around; and he seems to enjoy life better. Their equal heart for missions and ministry welcomes God to use them throughout their marriage.

Mary, you should know that Cheryl and I are going to compete for the in-laws of the year award…every year! We enjoy our time with our children, but we want to encourage you two as you plan your life together, without getting in your way. We are always here if you need us, and just as we’ve told our boys (and you), you are never an interruption to our days. We are always here for you!

Welcome to the family Mary! You are dearly and completely loved!

Good choice Jeremy! You make us proud!

I was encouraged recently reading a passage in 1 Samuel 20:18-23, 35-42. If you know the story, it’s about David’s relationship with King Saul and about his friendship with Jonathan.

These specific verses deal with the question of whether the king wanted to kill David. Jonathan, the king’s son and David’s best friend, agreed to a test to discern the king’s heart. As a sign to David, Jonathan would shoot arrows into the field where David was hiding and a little boy would retrieve them. If he shot the arrows close to the boy, David was safe. If he shot the arrows far beyond the boy, David was in danger.

It’s a great story and I hope you will read it again. My purpose of this post is not the main theme of the story; my focus is the little boy. We tend to read this story for the purposes of David and Jonathan, and while they are certainly central characters in God’s story, so was the little boy.

This little boy was innocent in the matter…he was just doing what he was asked to do. The boy apparently had no idea the importance of the role he was playing at the time in protecting the future king of the Israelites. The little boy, however, was a kingdom builder without knowing it. God used Him in a mighty way, just for being willing to follow through on an assignment.

Have you stopped lately to consider the importance you play in God’s story? You may see your role as minor…perhaps you work in the parking lot ministry…you help with set up or tear down each week…you shake hands…you sweep the floor…you push buttons so another person can talk…you invite your friends to attend church with you…you offer to, and really do, pray for people. It may seem “unimportant” to you, but in God’s eyes, you are playing a vital role in His Kingdom.

Regardless of what you think of your abilities or position, you have the potential to be an important part of carrying out God’s plan through your local church. Most churches couldn’t do what they do without the sacrifices of people like you. You have opportunities the pastors never have. You have value. You have impact. You can advance the cause of Christ, just through your obedience.

Be encouraged with your service!

All eyes are always on the minister’s family and having been on both sides, as a full-time vocational minister and years as someone with a full-time secular job, let me assure you that most pastors feel the pressure to live up to the standards of excellence people have set. I’m thankful I have a great marriage (most days) and two great boys. I’m fine with you making decisions about me based on my family life, because right now, thankfully, things are going well, but still, I also sense the pressure to live up to a set of unrealistic expectations at times.

The false expectation may often feel like I’m not supposed to have disagreements with my wife, my kids are never to be the ones that misbehave at times, or when you see Cheryl and me in public we should always be holding hands as we pray together.

I know what the Scripture says: He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him with proper respect. (If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God’s church?) (1 Timothy 3:4-5)

Does that, however, mean the minister must have a perfect marriage and perfect children?

Is the standard you have set for the minister’s family higher than the one you have set for your family?

I’m curious, what expectations do you have of a pastor’s family?

When our boys were in middle school, we did not allow them to roam the mall on their own without an adult in the building.  I know, call us bad parents, but we believed their safety was more important than their coolness with other children.

Once when our school system was closed because of snow, one of our boys spent the night with another boy his age.  He told us they were going to a gym and would be home afterwards, but before he returned home, we received a call from another friend that had seen him at the mall.  He was BUSTED!  What was worse for him was when he found out that we would have been fine with him going to the mall, because the parent was going also.  That was a huge lesson for him in honesty.  Years later, when this same son had another situation that required honesty, he told the whole truth and nothing but the truths…so help him, God.

Scripture is very clear for the believer about how we are to approach honesty.  We are told to “let your yes be yes and your no be no”.   Honesty is a value, however, that is shared by believers and non-believers.  It’s sort of a baseline moral standard of expectation of society.  Raising our children to be honest, therefore, is an important part of our parenting.

With that desire in mind, here are some suggestions to encourage your children to be honest:

Model it – If your children see you being dishonest, even on the telephone with the telemarketer or with your employer as to why you are not going to work, they are learning bad habits.  Be honest with your words and your time.

Teach it – The Bible is full of great stories about honesty.  Spend time reading and discussing them with your children.  A few suggestions are stories such as Joseph and his brothers, Esther and her situation with Haman, and the story of Jacob and Esau.  Obviously, you will need to study them first so you can discuss them with your children.  Ask questions to see if they understand and what their values are towards the issue of honesty.

Enforce it – There are some issues that should be handled more strongly than others in parenting.  Enforcing honesty is one of them.  If you allow even little actions of dishonesty to go unchecked, you are building a negative principle into your child’s life that you will one day see again and regret.  Of course, the punishment should always fit the age and the severity of the wrong, but the issue of honesty is one area where zero tolerance should be a part of your disciple plan.

Encourage it – Honesty should become an aspired value in your home.  Find examples of honesty around you and talk about them with your children.  When you see good news of this value being demonstrated, whether in the news, the church or community, make sure your children are made aware of the positive effects of honesty.   Again, ask questions to make sure they understand the importance of being honest.

Reward it – When your children are found being honest, reward them.  Our boys were told consistently that if they told us the truth we would respond much differently than if we had to figure out the truth on our own.  Make being honest a big deal to them, even something to celebrate.

Working to establish honesty in your children early will help ensure they live honest lives as adults.  Even though honesty is a shared value, most of us would agree, our level of trust in others has diminished in recent years.  As parents, we play a large role in raising the level of honesty in our society, one family at a time.

What are some tips you may have for teaching children to be honest?

(I originally wrote this article for Clarksville Family Magazine.)