I’ve always admired the president’s commitment as a father. Watch his four minute Father’s Day address and his view on what makes a great father. Tell me what you think about his take on what it means to be a dad.

I love being a dad. I really do. It’s one of my favorite things about life.

Here are 12 reasons:

• I get to cheer from the sidelines…
• I get to see my legacy live through others…
• I get to keep growing so they can watch me grow…
• I get to watch boys become men…
• I get to share wisdom and experience…
• I get to be two boy’s biggest fan…
• I get to share stories with others about my boys…
• I get to receive encouragement to stay young-minded…
• I get to anticipate daily texts, emails, and phone calls…(or iChats…)
• I get to enjoy my new daughter (Thanks for marrying Jeremy! Let’s update the family pic!…)
• I get to be continually challenged as I learn from my boys…
• I get to point my boys to Christ…

Add to this post:

Any dads out there today? What do you like about being one?

Are you missing your dad today? What’s one great thing about him?

Have you thanked your Heavenly dad today? What’s one thing you’re thankful for?

Happy Father’s Day!

The last two years have been a season of change in my life. I’ve experienced a change of perspective as we’ve transitioned into being empty nesters and I’ve experienced a change of passion in terms of where I see God wanting me to invest my energies.

At 47 years of age, I have learned enough to know there are things I wish I had known earlier in life. Reflecting on my role as a husband, father, and leader, I realize how much wisdom is necessary to accomplish all that is required of men. In my conversations with other men, I know that many men never received proper instruction and wisdom on what it means to be a man. I have a strong and growing desire to encourage the next generation of men and young leaders to be men of God in their homes, churches and communities.

Recently I felt led to address the younger men of our church with this issue on a Saturday morning. In a simple, two hour gathering, I plan to speak to men candidly and challenge them to live godly lives in all areas of their lives. The premise of the meeting will be to address the men as if I was sitting with one man, helping him discern how to be a godly husband, father, and leader.

If you are in the area, come join us Saturday, June 18 from 8 to 10 AM at St Bethlehem Christian Church. We have advertised this to men age 35 and under. That’s not a magic age and no ID’s will be checked at the door. We are limited in space and want to make sure I’m addressing audiences younger than me. I’m still learning how to be 47!

Young men, be honest: Do you wish someone further down the road in life would speak into your life?

Okay, let me be honest…I’m not sure the title of this post is theologically sound. I don’t know if we can “break God’s heart”. His heart appears fairly strong to me. He carries the weight of the world on His shoulders, so I’m assuming He can handle most anything we throw His way. I did want you to read the post though, and I do think there is an illustration here that is important for us to consider.

Our youngest son Nate was studying in Europe for the summer. (You can read more about his experience HERE.) For the last couple of years, he has attended school 8 hours away, so the distance is not much of an issue, although it is summer and I wish he were home. The problem for me now is the way we ended our instant messaging today. He will not have Internet for the next 5 days, so I’ll not have any correspondance from him for nearly a week.

I realize 5 days is a short time for many. I sometimes only talk to my mother once a week, but I’m new at this empty nesting. Five days seems like forever right now.

But, there’s a bigger issue that came to my mind as I saw those words typed in a chat program. I’m a dad who will miss talking to his son for the next five days…and I’m not even close to being a perfect dad.

How much might God miss talking to me? Do you think God would hate hearing “talk to you in 5 days or so”?

I don’t know that there has ever been a time when I went 5 days without talking to my Heavenly Father, but there have surely been days when I seemingly cut Him out of my day.

Here’s a question I’d love for you to ponder:

If you were having an instant messaging discussion with God, when would you tell Him you two would talk again?

Be completely honest with me: Is prayer one area of your Christian experience that you struggle with the most? Why do you think that is true?

This is a premature post. My boys will probably balk at it, but I’ll be honest. I’m a people watcher. That’s especially true when I’m out of town where I don’t know anyone.

This week I’m in Florida to perform my oldest son’s wedding. He and his soon-to-be wife have been together for many years, so we feel she’s already part of the family. They say they want to enjoy life together a few years, but we know they both love children, so, even though we would encourage them to take their time, we suspect they’ll have children within the first few years of marriage.

That means most likely we’ll someday be grandparents and it has made me more conscious of what it will be like at that stage of life. Cheryl and I talk about it often.

Today I saw a family out with a grandmother. It was a beautiful family. The kids seemed well-behaved. The parents seemed attentive. The only problem, in my opinion, was an over-bearing, controlling grandmother. Every time the children did anything she corrected them. She consistently over-ruled the parents with the children. She didn’t appear as a loving grandmother, but rather as a family friend who grew impatient with the couple’s children.

I’ve already told my boys, but I feel I need to tell you for accountability purposes. Here are 4 commitments Cheryl and I hope to make as grandparents:

When parents are near, we’ll be silent - In the ideal setting, grandparents should have raised their children to be adults. Their daily parenting task is done and they shouldn’t try to take that role from their children who are now parents.

We’ll be there for the parents - Parenting is hard work. A parent needs all the support he or she can receive. We’ll be in the parent’s corner as grandparents.

We’ll support the parents - Not only will we support the parents, when we’re grandparents, we’ll step away and let the parent’s model for parenting prevail. Hopefully the mark we hoped to make on our children will carry forward, but it will be their job, not ours, to be the parents. (Granted, if there was a severe problem, we’d step in, but if it’s a matter of preference in parenting, we’ll be silent.)

We’ll compete for grandparents of the year - Let’s face it. I’m competitive. This will be one more place I hope to succeed. Hey, it worked for parenting…at least I think it did…why not for grandparenting?

It’s going to be fun being a grandparent.

Are you a grandparent? What would you add to my list?

Are you a parent dealing with grandparents? What would you add?

Have you witnessed, or experienced, over-bearing grandparenting? What would you add?

I have traveled a fair amount the last few weeks and I’ve been thankful for the opportunities to speak at various conferences and events. When I’m on the road, I’m more of a people observer than normal. I learn a lot about me by watching others.

For example, one night recently I sat at an outdoor concert observing the family in this picture. I hope they don’t mind being the subject of this post. If they are in a witness protection program, I apologize. What I have to say about them, however, is all good stuff. What a happy family! The parents played, wrestled, loved, and cuddled with their two little boys. I especially enjoyed the part of the oldest boy tackling the dad. Sometimes he didn’t know what was coming! I loved watching the surprise attack!

As they went to leave, I felt led to say something to them. I told them I had enjoyed watching them, that I could tell they were good parents, to keep up the good work, and to never take these moments for granted, as tiring as the days can be.

They seemed to appreciate my comments, or perhaps they are just kind to old people who stalk them, but I know from experience that one day they’ll most likely have the same emotions I have when I see a young family enjoying life together.

They’ll think:

• It passed so quickly…
• Where did the time go?
• I would love to experience those moments one more time…
• We should tell younger couples to enjoy it while they can….
• You don’t get those moments back….

Or stuff like that…

Share with me, what stage are you at in the parenting days?

What advice would you give to parents with younger children?

Recently I was reposted my parenting model I’ve called “Grace Parenting”. You can read the article HERE.

One of the principles in my model is to Major on the Majors, Not on the Minors and I stated that there are certain non-negotiables I think a parent should enforce in their parenting. A reader commented on the post, asking, “What are the non-negotiables?”

Great question! For my family, these were mostly Biblical characteristics I wanted my boys to possess as adults, things most people would agree are a part of having a good, moral character.

Things such as:

• Honesty
• Respect
• Love

Each of these are what I consider non-negotiable. There is never an appropriate time not to be honest, not to respect, or not to love.

Obviously, you can’t mandate that your children possess these qualities in their heart…you can make them love someone. I believe you can and should address their actions in these areas and they are issues which were handled more strictly in my parenting. I also know you can mandate that children see each of these characteristics modeled for them by the parent.

Those are some of my non-negotiables…though not an exhaustive list…

For this discussion, do you agree with this principle?

What would you add as a non-negotiable characteristic to implement, teach, and even enforce in parenting?

How did you or do you teach these virtues in your home?

Let’s talk parenting!

Have you ever been curious about the 10 Commandments, specifically how we can implement them into our life today? A couple years ago, I wrote a series about each one. I’m a grace guy…if you read this blog much you know that. We are not under the law, but under grace. There are great Biblical principles, however, that these commandments have for us to live better lives today.

Here’s a repost of all of them together…just click on the link:

Ten Commandment Number One

Ten Commandment Number Two

Ten Commandment Number Three

Ten Commandment Number Four

Ten Commandment Number Five

Ten Commandment Number Six

Ten Commandment Number Seven

Ten Commandment Number Eight

Ten Commandment Number Nine

Ten Commandment Number Ten

Questions:

Which is the hardest for you to keep? Be honest!

What would you add as ways we violate these commandments today or how they have meaning for us still, even in the days of grace?

This Sunday we launch a four week series on the family, called Modern Family. (Cute name, don’t you think?) We know that much of the tension in lives, but also much of the joy in life, comes from those closest to us…even those we love the most. Learning how to do life according to God’s standards makes our family life more enjoyable and gives God great glory! This series will include three weeks on the marriage and one week on parenting.  I honestly believe this series will be helpful for families regardless of whether the marriage is working well or barely holding together.

Join us at Grace Community Church at one of our two campuses for this series. We love visitors, so, if you don’t have a church you are plugged into now, this may be the series to check us out for the first time. If you aren’t in the area, we’ll post these messages online.

To help my thoughts with this series, answer this question:

What’s the biggest difference between you and your spouse…the one that perhaps causes the most tension?

I frequently have parents ask me what type of discipline they should use with their children. I’m glad parents are asking the question, but I seldom can give a standard answer for every situation. I prefer to use a paradigm through which parents can make their own decisions.

That’s the purpose of this post. Perhaps these steps will help you make wiser decisions regarding discipline. Here are 8 paradigm shapers for making discipline decisions as a parent:

Have a vision – If you don’t know where you want to take children you’ll be less likely to take them there. This should be decided before the need for discipline arises and it should ultimately help shape the discipline you use.

Have a purpose – The purpose of discipline should not be to cause harm, but to teach. Discipline is to help a child learn how to live. Keep this in mind as you discipline and it will help you make wiser choices. Ask yourself, “What can I do to best teach my child what he (or she) needs to learn from this experience?”

Step back and process – Immediately after an offense is not always the best time to administer punishment. It’s okay to let children wait for a response. Sometimes this is the best discipline for the child and it almost always makes your decision better. This step becomes more important as they get older and the discipline decisions become more difficult.

Never make a decision in anger – You don’t want emotions to make the decision. You want a well thought out response.

Consider the bigger picture – This is where having a plan/vision comes in handy. Considering where you want to take the child, how they are progressing in life, and the motivation of their heart, what punishment will most help accomplish your objectives for the child in this specific circumstance.

Make the punishment fit the offense – You shouldn’t have a standard punishment. Grounding for older children or time-out for younger children may work in some circumstances but not in others.

Make the punishment fit the child – All children are different, learn differently and require different methods to teach the principles you want to teach.

Reinforce love – Every discipline should be used as an opportunity to show children how much they are loved.

Let’s face it…parenting is hard work. I’m hesitant to say anyone is an “expert” in this subject. We all have room for improvement. I’m not assuming you will carry around this list in your pocket, whipping it out at the appropriate time of need, but I do believe having a framework of this sort in your schema will help you better address the issues of discipline you face as a parent. In the end, having this type of paradigm thought process, before the need for discipline arises, should help us be better parents.

Is this post helpful? What is the most difficult issue you deal with regarding discipline? What would you add to my list?

For more parenting tips, click HERE.