(I’m reposting the most popular posts of the year.)

“And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.” Mark 11:25

bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. Colossians 3:13

Whether in business, in church, or in family, relationships can cause pain and separation. It’s tempting to get even, but forgiveness is not an option for the believer, even for that person who has hurt us the most. Forgiveness is treated as an important attribute for followers of Christ in the Bible. Even still, I frequently hear people give excuses for not forgiving someone, such as:

“You can forgive but you can’t forget” … That’s most often true…only God (and sometimes time and old age) can erase a memory.

“I’ve tried to forgive them, but they haven’t changed” … That’s probably true. Forgiveness can be a catalyst for change, but it doesn’t guarantee change.

“I may have forgiven them, but I’ll always hold it against them” … Okay, that may sound logical, but it’s not forgiveness.

Forgiveness is a releasing of emotional guilt you place upon the other person. It’s a choice we make that happens in the heart. It’s not a release of responsibility or an absence of healthy boundaries, but it is a conscious choice to remove the right to get even from the person who injured you. It’s a release of anger and the right to hold a grudge.

Forgiveness is hard.

Recently I was talking with someone who wants to forgive the person who has hurt her the most. She wants to be free from the guilt of holding a grudge. She wants to follow the example of Christ in Biblical obedience. The problem? She’s not sure she has truly forgiven, because she still hurts from the injury.

I shared with her that while forgiveness is a decision…a choice…it is not an automatic healer of emotions. It helps, but emotions heal over time. Then I shared some ways she could determine if she’s truly forgiven the other person.

Here are 5 ways to tell if you’ve forgiven someone:

When the first thought you have about them is not the injury they caused in your life. You should be able to have normal thoughts about the person occasionally. Remember, you are dropping the right to get even; the grudge you held against them.

Ask yourself: Would you help them if you knew they were in trouble and you had the ability? Most likely this is someone you once cared about…perhaps even loved. You would have assisted them if they needed help. While I’m not suggesting you would subject yourself to abuse or further harm, that you are obligated to help them, or even that you should, but would you in your heart want to see them prosper or see them come to harm?

Can you think positive thoughts about this person? Again, you’ve likely been on positive terms with this person or in a close enough relationship for them to injure you to this extreme. Is there anything good you can come up with about them? If not, have your really forgiven them?

Do you still think of getting even with the person? There may be consequences that need to come for this person and you may have to see them through to protect others, but does your heart want to hurt them? If so, would you call this forgiveness?

When you have stopped looking for them to fail. If you have truly forgiven someone, then just like you would for anyone else, you would want them to succeed or at least do better in life. Forgiveness means you’ve stopped keeping a record of the person’s wrongs.

I realize this is a tough list. Those struggling with forgiveness will most likely push back against it a bit. Feel free to push back if you’re not struggling with forgiveness. (Or claim you’re not ) I know this, however, for your heart to completely heal, you eventually need to forgive the one who hurt you the most.

Have you seen a lack of forgiveness keep someone from moving forward in life?

What would you add to my list?

You may want to read:

7 Things Forgiveness Is

7 Things Forgiveness Is NOT

“Take the staff, and you and your brother Aaron gather the assembly together. Speak to that rock before their eyes and it will pour out its water. You will bring water out of the rock for the community so they and their livestock can drink.” So Moses took the staff from the Lord’s presence, just as He commanded him. He and Aaron gathered the assembly together in front of the rock and Moses said to them, “Listen, you rebels, must we bring you water out of this rock?” Then Moses raised his arm and struck the rock twice with his staff. Water gushed out, and the community and their livestock drank“. 2 Chronicles 20:8-11 NIV

You may recall that God had shown Moses that He could bring water from a rock before. Moses had struck a rock with the staff and seen a gusher come out to quench the thirst of the people. There is something different about this occasion, however, but before we get there, look at what happens in verse twelve:

“But the LORD said to Moses and Aaron, “Because you did not trust in me enough to honor me as holy in the sight of the Israelites, you will not bring this community into the land I give them.”

Wow! The first time Moses struck the rock with water, he was obeying God exactly. God was pleased, Moses was rewarded, and the people were satisfied. This time, God is not happy, Moses loses reward, and we are left to examine why.

Do you see a difference in what God commanded and what Moses did? Read the verses again. God said to “speak” the water out of the rock. Moses struck the rock with his stick two times. Moses may have thought to himself, “God, this is a hard rock. To get water out of this rock, I’m going to have to strike it like I did before.” Moses, however, did not fully obey God, and God was not pleased. (Thankfully, God didn’t punish the people for Moses’ disobedience.)

The first time, God had Moses strike the rock. No doubt this took great faith on the part of Moses. Who ever heard of water coming out of a rock? Moses may have looked pretty silly banging on that rock had water not come out. The second time, God called Moses to have even greater faith. Moses was to simply speak and the water would come out from the rock. Now you may be thinking what I thought the first time I read this: Big Deal! But, it was a big deal. God wanted Moses to grow in his faith. God wanted to see evidence of his deeper faith.

Do you sometimes feel the challenge of the Christian life get more difficult?

As you grow in your Christian life, God will require more of you. Not for salvation. That was done on the cross. As you grow in your relationship with Christ, you will be held more accountable with Kingdom responsibility. He wants you to trust Him more as He uses you more. Much like an older child may have bigger responsibilities within a family, if you’ve been in the family long, God expects you to have learned a few things by now.

What He calls you to do won’t always make sense, at least not in the natural realm, but when God calls us to something, we are to do exactly as He tells us to do it! God wants to see that our love for Him and our faith in Him is growing.

Be honest, has your faith grown more in the past year?

Sow for yourselves righteousness, reap the fruit of unfailing love, and break up your unplowed ground; for it is time to seek the LORD, until He comes and showers righteousness upon you. (Hosea 10:12)

As I read the Scriptures, here are 3 things I know about God:

God wants people to seek Him – From the beginning of time, God has been calling His creation into fellowship with Him. Before a person ever seeks God, God has first sought after that person. (John 6:44, Acts 17:26)

God is easily found – Remember the story of the boy Jesus where His parents misplaced Him for a short time. Mary and Joseph found Him in the temple, learning from the temple leaders. When questioned, Jesus responded, “Didn’t you know I had to be in my Father’s house?” God desires that same attitude in our hearts today. I have never known anyone who genuinely searched for God who didn’t find Him, because God is always waiting that we may call on Him. If you seek Him, He will be found by you. He will never hide from you. (Jeremiah 29:13, Acts 17:27)

God desires to change our lives – God’s design for us is to be righteous. He wants us to have the mind of Christ so that we might receive the full blessings of fellowship with Him. Being perfectly Holy, God cannot accept sin; any sin. He wants to clean us up and mold us into the image of His Son. He wants to turn over the “unplowed ground” and make it fertile enough to bear good fruit. He wants to change us so we may better experience Him and all of His glory. (Romans 8:29, Ephesians 2:10)

What thoughts does this post trigger about what you know about God?

NOTE: If you’re seeking God today, don’t be surprised if you find He’s already been seeking you!

The Lord you God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing. Zephaniah 3:17

Take a moment and savor that verse. Read it. Read it again. Read it one more time!

Pretty amazing, isn’t it?

God takes delight in you! He rejoices over you with singing!

When my boys were little I loved the smile on their faces when I told them how special they are to me. It still seems to bring such peace to them to hear me brag on them. They seem to want to know my pleasure in them.

I find the same joy in my heart when I read this scripture!

The idea that God delights in me! I don’t know about you, but sometimes I don’t feel very delightful! Sometimes I wonder how I can even stand myself! Yet, God, the Creator, Sustainer, Lord Almighty, the Great I AM, takes personal delight in me! Me!

Picture this! God rejoices over you and me…enough that He does it with singing! What a wonderful testimony of the depth of our Father’s love!

As you lay down to sleep tonight, listen carefully for your Father’s tender voice, as He takes great delight in you and rejoices over you in song! Somehow I picture Him having a special tune…a unique lyric…words that are designed just for you.

The Lord your God is with you. He is mighty to save!

Are you listening? What do you have to worry about with a God like this?

He who observes the wind will not sow, and he who regards the clouds will not reap. Ecclesiastes 11:4

You’ve been holding back, haven’t you?

You want to move forward, don’t you?

You just can’t seem to move forward.

Someone told you you couldn’t…

They said you didn’t have what it takes…

Someone you loved hurt you…

They lied to or about you, cheated on you, misled you,

You failed miserably…

It was a public failure…everyone knows about it.

You disappointed the people you love the most…

Whatever the reason…

You feel like a miserable wretch.

(Is that a fair assessment?)

Maybe this is your theme verse:

Bend an ear, God; answer me. I’m one miserable wretch!

Psalm 86:1…I’ve had days I’ve thought it was written for me.

It’s kept you from taking a risk…

It’s kept you from living your life…

At some point…

You’ll have to try again…

You’ll have to get back up…

You’ll have to move forward…

The beauty of grace is that it gives you a fresh start.

You can begin again. You can start anew.

Pray this prayer. God, I’ve messed up. I’m messed up. Others messed me up! God, I can’t hide from you. I believe Jesus paid all the price for my sins…and the sins of others. I know real life is found only in you, and in you there is hope. All things can be made new. God, by your grace and power, renew me. Cleanse me. Strengthen me. Help me take the first step. Permit me, push me, shove me forward. Whatever your will…Let’s go! In Jesus name! Amen.

Are you praying?

My friend Kenny York launched one of the fastest growing non-profit ministries I’ve ever seen. Manna Cafe is a mobile feeding ministry in my hometown. They take food to where the homeless and hungry live. It was amazing to watch them flourish in two fast moving years and I was happy to be a small part of it.

Recently Kenny and I were talking about his story. He has some “baggage” in his past. There were times of partying…a little more than most of us have partied. There was the period of homelessness. There were the days that were so dark he couldn’t even see any hope of future light.

He calls it his “wilderness experience”.

Many of us have similar stories, but they didn’t all run as deep as Kenny’s did.

Today Kenny is an ordained Gospel preacher. They call him Pastor Bubba and he is reaching people who will never enter most of our churches.

I’m so proud to call Kenny my friend.

Kenny said something in our conversation I thought was worth repeating. Perhaps it applies to you in your story. Maybe you are doubting the purpose for your struggles, or at least how God could ever use them for good. Perhaps you are in a leadership position, but you feel slightly unqualified because of your past. You fear if people knew the real you, they may not respect you…or even love you anymore.

Maybe Kenny’s story can help.

Kenny said:

Without my wilderness experience, I wouldn’t have the scars I needed to do what I’m doing right now.

Wow!

Have you ever thought of it that way?

Your scars have shaped you into who you need to be, so God could use you how you were designed to be used. The scars you are now developing, even though you can’t see it at this time, are achieving a greater glory that will someday be revealed.

You wouldn’t be who you are designed to be…without your scars.

He comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any kind of affliction, through the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 2 Corinthians 1:4

Are you at a point yet where you can see how God is using your scars?

Over the years, I’ve observed that many times the initial reaction to tragedy often dictates the final outcome of the situation.

I’m not talking about our split second response to disappointment, but the way a person responds in the days and weeks following the receipt of an unfortunate situation. Initially we react with emotions. That’s normal. The key is how we respond after the initial shock is gone. Ideally, as we mature, our response time should improve, shortening the reaction from the purely emotional release, which is natural, to the more confident and assured position, which is making rational decisions in spite of our emotional state.

Doing that takes discipline and practice.

Many people, it seems to me, never move beyond the emotional response and it cripples their potential for future recovery.

Let me give you an example.

Recently my oldest son Jeremy lost his job. His company downsized and, what he thought was a stable position, suddenly disappeared. He had been married less than a year and had weeks earlier purchased his first home. Jeremy is very mature for his age, so he handled the news better than some might have, but you can imagine the shock and disappointment was big for him.

For the first 24 hours he was numb, afraid, even a bit angry. I knew then that his reaction to this unexpected change of events would greatly determine his recovery period. I encouraged from the sidelines, but knew he ultimately had to own his response.

What happened? The next day he went to work. He weighed his options. He developed a plan. He took immediate action towards reaching his objective. The plans changed a few times in the coming weeks, but his resolve and confidence remained steadfast. Today he’s successfully working for himself. He’s only a couple months in, but already the signs of success are apparent. He’s recovering from disappointment into a better position, with more flexibility and job security, than he had previously. I’m so proud of him.

(BTW, if you need content development or online marketing/social media assistance, but can’t afford full-time staff, he may be able to help you.)

The initial response to disappointment or uncertainty often determines the quality of recovery.

This principle has Biblical implications. Recently I saw this principle reading about Nehemiah. Nehemiah had just learned the wall of his home city had been destroyed. His people were in jeopardy. The potential for devastation to the Jews was huge.

How did Nehemiah respond?

“As soon as I heard these words I sat down and wept and mourned for days” Nehemiah 1:4

That was his emotional response. Perfectly normal.

What happened next?

“and I continued fasting and praying before the God of heaven.”

That was his rational response. A sign of maturity.

Nehemiah knew that ultimately the protection of his people was God’s business, not his. He called upon God, because he knew that ultimately God was in control. In spite of the circumstances around him, God could be trusted.

There’s another example. Nehemiah was the cupbearer for the king. On one of his visits to serve the king, the king notices Nehemiah is not his bubbly personality as usual. The king asked Nehemiah what was wrong.

Look at Nehemiah’s response:

Then the king said to me, “What are you requesting?” Nehemiah 2:4

Imagine you’re standing before the most powerful man in the world and he asks you to state a request on your behalf. As we later learn, Nehemiah’s request would take him out of the king’s service. It was a huge request. How Nehemaih responded would greatly determine the outcome.

What did Nehemiah do in that moment? Verse 4 continues:

“So I prayed to the God of Heaven. And I said to the king…” (verses 4-5)

This time Nehemiah had less time to react. His initial reaction would greatly impact the quality of the response he received from the king. What happened next was greatly determined by his initial reaction.

Are you in the midst of a crisis? Have you received bad news? Are you disappointed with where your life is headed?

Your initial response may determine your future recovery.

Have you seen this principle at work?

But Samuel said, “How can I go? Saul will hear about it and kill me.” The LORD said, “Take a heifer with you and say, ‘I have come to sacrifice to the LORD.’ Invite Jesse to the sacrifice, and I will show you what to do. You are to anoint for me the one I indicate.” Samuel did what the LORD said.1 Samuel 16:2-4a NIV

God sent Samuel to annoint David king. He was removing Saul from power. It was a dangerous and scary assignment and it made no sense. Speaking against the king could bring death, but not only that, Saul looked like a king. David was an unknown kid. Samuel was naturally afraid. Wasn’t there some other way?…Samuel must have thought.

God’s plan was made. He wouldn’t budge because of Samuel’s fear. God never leads by popular opinion, so Samuel obeyed.

That’s what faith does.

When Samuel obeyed God, EVEN THOUGH it didn’t make sense for him to do so, he was exhibiting his faith in God. Faith always moves without seeing or understanding. Faith is always prior to receiving the complete picture or having all the answers. Faith precedes victory. Every time.

If we want to please God, we have to obey Him when it makes no sense to do so.

Years ago our family traveled to our nation’s capital on vacation. I have spent considerable time in the city, as a college intern and during my political and business days. It is one of my favorite places to visit. Our boys had never been. I told them that this would not be an enjoyable trip…at least not for the first few days. At nine and twelve years of age, and not being musuem people, I knew they would be bored at first and I wanted to prepare them.

I was right. I told them, however, that if they would obey me, they would be glad they had been once the trip was over. By the time we left Washington, DC, both boys were sad to say goodbye to the city. They had fallen in love with it. The twelve year old even said he wanted to attend a college there. (He obviously later changed his mind.)

That is the way it is sometimes in our Christian walk. Obeying God, following Him, and carrying out His plan, especially when it contradicts our own, is not always the first thing we want to do. It won’t even make sense sometimes. But, as we obey God, and He works His will through our obedience, God blesses us in ways we never expected, and we begin to experience what it means that “all things work for good for those who love the Lord”. (Romans 8:28)

Samuel didn’t want to go find David, but he obeyed. And, guess what? God knew what He was doing. Duh!

And, God knows what He is doing in your life too!

You need only to trust and obey!

In what area of your life are you most having to walk by faith these days? 

One verse I’ve learned by experience:

Therefore the LORD waits to be gracious to you, and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you. For the LORD is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for him. Isaiah 30:18

Are you waiting for God to answer? Don’t be surprised if He makes you wait. He’s not being silent without reason. He’s not withholding an answer without purpose. God is working His plan. He’s never late and never early.

Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD! Psalm 27:14

But those who trust in the LORD will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:31

Are you currently waiting for God to move? Can I (and my readers) pray with you in that situation?

HE ONLY is my rock and my salvation; He is my defense; I shall not be greatly moved. Psalm 62:2 KJV

If you are trying to be your own rock, WATCH OUT!

The forecast is calling for rough winds throughout the rest of the century up until…at least when Jesus returns.

I use several versions of the Bible, but for this verse I particularly like the King James Version. Notice carefully that the Psalmist is being gut honest with us. It says when God is my rock and my salvation, my defense, I shall not be greatly moved. Here’s the part not to skip…the Psalmist does not say he will not be moved, he says he shall not be greatly moved.

I can identify with the Psalmist.

Now I don’t know about you. Maybe you are much more righteous than I and you “never” experience movement in your Christian walk. Your trust is never affected by the changing times, the uncertainties of life, or the fear of the unknown. You simply trust Him every day. The winds and trials of life don’t sway you from a solid faith. There is no doubt in your heart. You have rock-solid faith everyday. Good job with that super faith.

But as for me, I still move.

No, I don’t want to move. I don’t want to waver in my faith. I know God can do immeasurably more than I can think or imagine. I want constant, powerful, unmovable faith.

Sometimes I still struggle a bit in my faith.

Okay, total transparency here…sometimes…depending on the day or the circumstances…sometimes I struggle a lot…

Thankfully though, I have found from steady experience that the more I grow in my relationship with Christ, the more I get to know Him, if I will consistently seek to make Him Lord of my life, even though the winds keep coming, they have far less impact on me.

My faith is stronger today than it was in years past. That’s probably good, because storms and times of testing seem only to get bigger as time passes. The good news, however, as my trust in Christ has grown…

I’m less likely to be GREATLY moved.

I bounce back to my faith in the Solid Rock of God quicker than I used to do. Over time and by experience, I’ve learned that when I allow Him to be the Rock, instead of me trying to be my own, or even relying on others for my strength…when I cast all my cares on the One who cares for me…I find I am much more powerful to meet the storms of life.

Be honest. Are you allowing Him to be your Rock, or are you trying to do things on your own?