The Two Shall Become One Flesh


I’m not good with art, but if you were sitting in my office, I would attempt to draw this diagram on my dry erase board. I hope you can get past the crude drawing to get to the intended meaning, because it really is important to understand in shaping a marriage.

Taken from Ephesians 5:21-33, I believe this is the model of a healthy marriage that God is attempting to build. It is by design that two unique and imperfect people are called to become one.

To accomplish that task, two things must occur.

First, as indicated with the upper left and right triangles, each spouse must get rid of the “baggage” he or she brings into the marriage. While most of us come with lots of baggage, in simple terms, this is anything that will not help the couple become one. If for example, one spouse is selfish, while that may be allowed in some relationships, it will not work in making one flesh.  Discovering what parts of each spouse will not work in building one flesh becomes one goal in building a strong marriage. This could even be natural bents or personalities, but they must be considered as to whether they make the marriage stronger or weaker.

The middle two triangles, with the words “One Flesh”, illustrate the process of taking the best of each spouse, that part that helps completes the other spouse, and using it to build God’s design for the marriage.

As an example, my wife is the compassionate one in our relationship. (You could have guessed that most likely.) In our life together, she helps me be more compassionate.

At the same time, Cheryl would enable others to take advantage of her if I were not around. Many times, I provide the strength that makes us strong as a couple and protects our family life.

So what do you do with this information?

Well, first working together (if you can’t do this together in love you have other issues to work through first), begin to make lists of those things that could keep it from becoming one flesh (your baggage). Over the course of time (don’t rush this process), each spouse begins to work on his or her baggage.

Second, make an opposite list of those qualities in each spouse that add to the strength of the marriage bond. Obviously, this is a more pleasant list to put together, but it’s most helpful if each spouse share the strengths of the other spouse. Once this list is in place, over time, begin to yield the marriage to the each of these strengths.

The seemingly impossible goal of becoming one flesh is not only challenging, but it is a lifetime process. Learning to communicate strengths and weaknesses each spouse brings to the marriage can help build the marriage God intended for you to have.

What strengths or weaknesses do you and/or your spouse bring to the marriage?

10 Problems with Doing the Best You Know How To Do

Confused charming woman holding up her hands

Years ago in a company I owned, there was a young man who worked for me who had tremendous potential. I believed in him so much that I personally invested in him and paid special attention to him. I thought his future with our company was worth the extra time. Sadly, he never measured up to my expectations and we ended up having to part ways.

Every time I would meet with him to “encourage” him, he would say the same thing.

I’m doing the best I know how to do.”

I have come to realize over the years that this response was actually his primary problem. He was doing the best he KNEW HOW to do.

But, here’s the reality I know:

The best you know how to do is never the best you can do!

It’s not. I wish I was, because that would make things much easier. But, there’s so much more. That’s just an excuse. And excuses never get you where you say you want to go.

Here are 10 problems when you do the best you know how to do:

  • You leave out a critical thinking…
  • You quit learning new things…
  • You fail to be stretched…
  • You never develop personally…
  • You quit asking questions…
  • You resist change…
  • You dismiss new ideas…
  • You stop growing in your field of expertise…
  • You never become an expert…
  • You fail to allow God to work through you…

There is a huge difference in doing the best you know how to do and doing the best YOU CAN DO. The best you can do is to continue to get better. The times you are being stretched beyond what you know how to do may prove to be the best times of your personal development.

Never settle for the best you know how to do. It seldom will take you to the places you really want to go!

Here’s a challenge question: What are you currently doing to produce future personal growth? 

Join Me At Exponential 2015

Expo 2015 Precon Booklet Ron Edmondson5

I hope you’ll join me at Exponential conference, where I’ll be teaching on church revitalization. Honestly, this is one of the most “hands-on” conference experiences of which I’ve ever been a part. The speakers are practitioners. We learn from you. And, there’s lots of time for great networking. Join me!

Go to the site HERE and register as well as pick up a free e-book.

It’s going to be a Kingdom-building blast.

Expo 2015 Precon Booklet Ron Edmondson2

12 Tips to Run Your First Long-Distance Race

Runner feet running on road closeup on shoe. woman fitness sunri

I am a runner.

Running is some of the best thinking and down time I have in my life. It’s the one time where I’m the most removed from all the pressures of the world and able to clear my mind and concentrate.

As a leader, I’ve found it to be a huge part in my leadership development. I think when I run.

Just to give you a point of reference — a good week for me would be to run about 30-40 miles total. My favorite distance is about 5 to 7 miles. I run at a moderate pace — somewhere between 9 and 9:30 minute miles. I have completed 1 full marathon and more half marathons than I can count. My goal is to do one more full. I’ve intended to the last few years and schedules haven’t allowed it, but hopefully I can still plan in this direction. I don’t run a lot in really cold weather, but my goal is to remain fairly trained for a half. (I’m told if I can run 8 miles comfortably I can run a half. And, I’ve found that to be true.)

What some who know I run don’t know is that I was a previous anti-runner. I ran years ago, but then in my 30’s I had even made the statement, “I hate running. I’m a good walker.”

I continue to encounter people who are where I was. They think they are “too old” or past the running days. So many times I hear — “You wouldn’t catch me running unless I was being chased.” We”ve got to get you guys some new lines. :)

But, most of the time those people are just like me. They never really got into the habit of running. And, that’s what it is. You don’t start by running a half. It is a gradual build before you are inspired to enter to run a longer race. You might set a goal to run a 5K — or even a 1 mile fun run. No shame. Start where you can.

So here are some suggestions — just to consider. I can’t oversell the benefits to me of a discipline of running. I miss it during the harsh winter. Maybe it’s something you should consider.

Keep in mind these are an amateur’s perspective. You should obviously check with your doctor and the experts. And, believe me, there are lot of experts.

Here are 12 tips to prepare to run a race:

Training makes all the difference. I did finish my marathon, but I wasn’t adequately prepared. I won’t do another one until I’m sure my schedule will allow me to complete all of it. Don’t race if you aren’t prepared. Period. It’s not good for your body or your mindset towards running.

As a side note, running for me is down time, so I run alone. You may need to run with a group. Find a friend or a group and encourage them to join you if you need this support.

Follow a training schedule that matches your schedule. The Internet is full of online schedules. Research until you find the right one for you. I have consistently used Hal Higdon’s and they fit well with my weekly schedule.

If you have to skip training one day, don’t skip the long runs. You need the long day every week. These days are vital to stretching you for the final big day. You’d be better to push your schedule back, in my opinion, than to miss this day. If you have to alter the long run to another day — do that — but don’t skip it.

You may gain weight initially while training. This was surprising to me. And, frankly disappointing at first. You will have an appetite like never before. If you aren’t careful, you will justify eating much more because you are running so much. If your goal is to lose weight, you’ll need to have a plan for what you eat too.(The good news is you WILL get to eat more!)

Keep running. In the beginning, before you are truly committed, run even if you don’t feel like it. That’s hard, but you have to do it. Even if you don’t run as far as the schedule calls for that day — just run. You must push through the desire to quit. The joy of running will come. This is one of those “you just have to experience it to believe it” things. Keep at it until it sticks.

Remember it’s a “marathon not a sprint”. Even if it’s for a shorter run, don’t frustrate at where you are today. You’re not going for speed at this point. Pace yourself. A lot of times you’ll feel like you can run faster, but you can’t just yet. Don’t be afraid to start slow and build. You’re going for distance and to build the discipline of running. Keep pushing forward and you’ll increase over time. Celebrate each step of progress.

Shoes matter. I’m tight with money when it comes to spending on me, but I have discovered that having the right shoes and replacing them often is a key to lessen injuries. This is a place where I learned the hard way to invest. Even best is a good run shop where they can analyze your running pattern and help you find the right shoe.

Learn to stretch. I’ll get some push back on this one, because there are so many opinions. But, for me, I stretch the first mile of a long run. I may do a few stretches, but I am ready to get started. I just start slower until I’m ready to run my normal speed. Many say the best stretching is after you run. And, I’m not the best at this either, but I keep working at it.

The rest periods in your schedule are important. Once you start to enjoy running — and that will come — you will be tempted to run even when the schedule gives you an off day. Don’t do it! Your body needs the rest to prepare for the longer runs. Again, trust me on this. These are good days to do something different. I like to use weights or ride my bicycle on these days.

Run a shorter race first. >If you are training for a full marathon, try to do a half-marathon first. If a half is your goal, try a 5K. It will help if you’ve experienced the adrenaline of a race.

Don’t let your head play tricks with you. Running for long periods of time is as much a mental exercise as a physical one. Fight through the mind games. Listen to your body — of course. Check with a doctor — all those things. But, don’t let your mind be your enemy.

Prepare to celebrate. Once you cross the finish line, no one can take that feeling away from you!

You can do this! Obviously some reading this post are not able to run a longer race — or run at all. But, some of you have just been making excuses. I’m encouraging you to go for it! Run. Run for life!

10 Leadership Statements That Often Come From A Heart Of Pride

Businessman taking a selfie

“Pride goes before destruction…” Proverbs 16:18

We are all capable of pride. Some of us more than others.

Here’s what I’ve learned over the years — mostly from my own personal growth and experience —

Many times what may appear to us — or we may label as — a leadership style or personality is actually a leader’s personal battle — and sin — of pride.

And, pride is very dangerous.

“Do you see a man who is wise in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for him.” Proverbs 26:12

Here are 10 leadership statements that often come from a heart of pride:

“I need to know everything that is happening around here.”

“If I don’t do it — it won’t be done right.”

“Look what I’ve accomplished.”

“I know all there is to know about this.”

“They’ll do what I say or else.”

“If I left all this would fall apart.”

“Did you hear about what I said/did?”

“I don’t need anyone looking over my shoulder.”

“It wasn’t my fault.”

“I don’t need anyone else’s opinion. I know I’m right.”

So, what can we do leaders?

How do we battle a pride pastors?

We above all else — guard our heart. (Proverbs 4:23)

We let people in — we value others. (Romans 12:16, Philippians 2:3)

We recognize who we are and who God is. (Ecclesiastes 5:2)

We remember that we are created for His glory — not our own. (Isaiah 43:7)

It’s a constant battle.

As leaders, we’ve been given a platform. We have the opportunity to build a name. We value our work done for the good of others. And, God can use the voice we develop for His good. He does it everyday.

No denying that.

But, we must be careful not to let pride be the motivation in building our seat of influence. Or in taking credit that belongs to Him — and should be shared with others.

Someone said humility is not thinking less of yourself. It’s thinking of yourself less. (And, others more.)

That should become a discipline of our life.

Thankfully God gives “grace to the humble”. (James 4:6)

And, wisdom.

“When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with the humble is wisdom.” Proverbs 11:2

I’m in the battle with you. To His glory, let’s lead well.

Tortoise and Hare Principle in Organizational Leadership


A few years ago I was running in Philadelphia. It is one of my favorite cities in which to run. I love the Fairmount Park System, because I can run for miles in new territory.

On this particular day, I set out to explore a several mile loop around a portion of the park. Shortly into my run, I entered the park in front of a young college-aged girl running at the same pace with me. (I assumed her identity based on the college sweatshirt she was wearing — and the proximity to a local college.)

We had been running at the same pace for about a half-mile when she apparently became impatient with my pace and decided to run faster. She gave me a look that seemed to speak “get out of my way old man” and quickly disappeared from my sight. I continued my steady pace through the park and encountered her again a couple miles later. She had looped around the park and was heading back, still continuing at her faster pace. We smiled at one another as we passed.

And, then the story took a change in my favor.

After 3 or 4 miles I returned to the place we had originally met and who did I see? My college “friend” was walking, out of breath, holding her stomach and in obvious pain. She couldn’t finish the track.

I realize some people are sprinters and some are long-distance runners, but I have to be honest. As the old guy, I got a boost in my adrenaline when I was still running with plenty of fuel in my tank.

Now, before you think I’m awful, the reason I share is that it reminded me of an important leadership principle.

It’s the tortoise and the hare principle.

There are certainly times an organization needs to sprint. Run like a hare.

Organizations need times of stretching to take leaps forward. Healthy organizations continue to grow. That requires fast decisions at times — the ability to adapt quickly. Momentum is built when energy and excitement combine and things are running at full speed ahead. Every organization should continually have periods of sprinting.

But, that can’t be the only pace of a healthy organization.

There are also times the organization needs to slow the pace down to tortoise speed.

It may sound boring to a driven leader, but long-term, sustainable health of an organization depends on establishing systems and strategies. And, as much as we may resist it — even structure. Yes, structure.

Take a church plant, for example. In the initial days, it seems like a sprint. Everything is new. Exciting. Fast-paced.

But, over time, to continue as a healthy church, at some point there becomes a need for structure. Systems need to be implemented. There may even be a need for a few rules. Yes, rules.

The fact is most of us would rather sprint. I wished I could that day in Philadelphia. It can almost become “cool” to be sprinting — so much so that we never really attain a healthy foundation upon which to build long-term, sustainable growth. And, hopefully all of us ultimately want to finish well. Go the distance. That requires that we learn to pace ourselves — like a tortoise.

You can’t sprint forever.

Be honest.

What pace is needed most right now in your world — tortoise or hare?

7 Things I’ve Learned About Successfully Leading Change


Bottom line: Every organization — whether a church, business or nonprofit– needs change in order to continue to grow and remain healthy.

But here’s the thing about change. If you’ve ever been in leadership you know this.

Change is hard. Very hard.

And, it’s especially hard for some people. In fact, in my experience, the most common reaction to change — at least initially– is rejection or rebellion.

And, that’s what makes change difficult to lead.

Learning to lead change successfully may be the single most important challenge of any leader.

I’m not an expert. But, I’ve led some change. Some successfully. Some not.

And, along the way I’ve learned a few things.

Here are 7 principles that can help you successfully lead change:

Establish trust.You can best lead change from a pre-established trust in your leadership. New leaders should be careful not to implement a lot of major change early unless that change is vital to the organization. Major change will be easier if the leader has established some credibility.

Introduce change early. This is where “early” comes into the process. People need time to warm up to the change that is coming. The less you surprise people the greater your chance for success can be. Change always comes with an emotion attached and giving ample notice allows people a chance to acclimate those emotions.

Communicate often. Inform people along the way by keeping them updated with the progress during a period of change. Include the good news and the bad news in these updates. Hold nothing back. I’m not sure you can over-communicate. And, use different means of communication to make sure you catch everyone and every style of listener.

Widen the distribution. Get buy-in from as many people as possible. Sometimes leaders have to lead alone. People can’t understand where you’re taking them that they need to go, but may not even know yet or want to go. But, those times of loneliness should be rare. Wherever possible, include others in decisions concerning change.

Follow through on commitments made. The quickest way to lose trust is to say one thing and do another. Likewise, do not make commitments you cannot keep. Be true to your word.

Be consistent. You will keep people’s trust through the change if it is easier to figure out where you are as a leader, what you are thinking, and why you are making the decisions you make. And, pay attention to the word “why” — it’s critically important. People need to learn you and seeing a consistency in you over time and testing and they more they understand why the more accepting they will be of change.

Change continuance. Do not make change a rare occurrence. Build a culture of healthy change so that it will be more naturally accepted when it comes. That takes time. And experience. You need some wins so people learn to trust you when you are trying to lead change.

There are a few things I’ve learned about leading change. What have you learned?

3 Reasons a Leader Should Never Respond to Criticism in Anger

What do you mean?!

Over the years in leadership, I have experienced my fair amount of criticism. When I was in business, it could come from employees, former employee, customer, supplier, or the public. When I served in political office, every vote seemed to bring critics from the opposing side. Now, after being in ministry for over a decade, I have learned that criticism comes from outside and inside the church. 

And, with an added bonus, we now get to receive criticism through online and social media — making it so much easier to deliver. (Please read my sarcastic, poor attempt at humor in that last sentence.)

I suppose criticism is a part of culture — a part of our nature. And, because I work with lots of leaders who receive criticism, I’ve addressed it a number of times on this blog.

Here’s the reality. With every decision a leader makes some people will agree. And, some won’t. Now I spend most of my time on this blog thinking through how we can be better leaders. And, we should spend most of our energies there, in my opinion. But, learning to navigate through criticism is a part of leading. It’s as simple as that.

I’ve watched as the way a leader receives criticism begins to shape the leader. I know young pastors, for example, who give up on a church because of a few very vocal critics. I know some politicians who grew so tired of the criticism that it just wasn’t worth it anymore. In fact, in my opinion, some of the best people never run because they don’t want to face the critics.

Our first reaction to criticism is to lash out in anger towards it. 

That’s natural. As, natural as it is for some to criticize, it is normal to want to defend ourselves. Especially when we feel the need to correct inaccuracies and promote the truth. 

While I believe we should always speak truth in love and correcting false statements against us may have a place, I do not believe responding to criticism with immediate anger is ever appropriate.

Here are 3 reasons why:

It’s not right.

I always hear the example of Jesus in the temple, but Jesus wasn’t dealing with their criticism of Him, but their misuse of the temple. (And He apparently took time to think through His response according to John 2:15. He made a whip. How long does that take?) I view Jesus’ response as a very calculated, righteous anger. That’s much different than the spur of the moment rise of emotion anger.

It may be true.

That’s a hard reality, but the fact is that as difficult to receive as criticism may be, maybe even based on faulty information at times, often there are things in the criticism for us to learn. I have found that even in the most unfair type of criticism, and from people who don’t have a clue how to be nice when giving it, there is sometimes something I can learn. Even if it’s nothing more than how to handle mean people. (Because often mean people have a story that has made them so mean — and the answer to dealing with them might be grace, and truth, delivered in love.) We have to be willing to humble ourselves to examine where we might be wrong. It takes time to analyze the criticism before we know how to respond with the appropriate emotion. And, sometimes, the right response will be anger — but I’ve found those cases to be rare. (See Psalm 139:24, or Matthew 7:1-5)

It doesn’t work.

That’s the bottom line leadership principle. Responding to an emotional person with another emotion backs people into a corner and ultimately produces even more criticism. The leader who wants to lead well through criticism will take a more calculated approach.

Jesus offers a great remedy for handling criticism. Consider Luke 6:27-28. Jesus said we should bless those who curse us. What if the next time you receive criticism you stopped and prayed for them? And, while you were at it, prayed for your response. That may take a few minutes, an hour, or a day.

The way to navigate through criticism in leadership greatly depends on our response — especially our initial response — to it.

I realize that’s often an unnatural response, but with discipline, and practice, a leader can learn to better handle the critics — and — hopefully — keep leading.

10 Permissions a Great Leader Grants


Does your team have permission?

To dream – Give your team permission to dream the seemingly impossible. The lid of possibilities will often be when your sense of realism trumps your sense of imagination.

To fail – People need to know they can mess up and still have another chance on your team. Do they?

To have fun – Let’s get this party started! Work hard, but take time to laugh along the way.

To experiment – It might work. It might not. Let’s give it a try.

To ask questions – People only know what they know. Let them ask about that of which they are unsure?

To collaborate– Build a team. That’s the healthy view of leadership. Isolation can lead to destruction.

To gain recognition – Those who own all the acknowledgement limit people who will ever attempt to achieve it.

To be challenged – People perform up to the expectation. Seldom beyond.

To own – Ownership leads to stewardship. The more you give people a seat at the table the more responsibility they will assume for overall results.

To create – Original thoughts are welcome here. Are they? Make sure your team knows it. And, believe me, they will.

Where do you need to permit?