I received a call recently from someone trying to make a difficult decision. I seem to get those kinds of questions frequently. Usually the dilemma a person is facing has no direct, easy answer and the exact answer is not always clearly spelled out in the Bible.
- The one who has to decide whether to risk losing a friendship to do the right thing…
- The girl who knows she is in the wrong relationship, but can’t decide whether to let it go…
- The person who is ready to give up on their marriage…
- The person working for a boss he or she knows is being dishonest…
- The person who did something wrong, did not get caught, but wonders if they should confess…
You know the type….
In fact you’ve probably been there…
Usually I do not give the person an answer; either because I do not know the right answer or because I have learned that even if I did he or she might resent the answer I give them. (I wrote a post about that principle HERE) Even though they have asked for my opinion, the person needs to own the decision they make, based on what is in their heart and their personal inclination. I can and will share truth with them, but the reality is that I cannot effectively lead people where they do not want to go.
Through years of counseling I have landed on the following three questions that have proven helpful to give people as a framework to use when working with these type decisions. Often these questions will guide an individual towards the best decision personally without pressure from me. They are more likely to follow a decision they reached on their own.
What can you do?
God’s grace is amazing. Even when we make a wrong decision, God works all things for good. (Proverbs 16:9) When a person understands this truth they actually are more open to making the wisest decision. The kindness of God does lead to repentance.
What should you do?
This is obviously a more difficult question. With this question the person is forced to consider the issue of right and wrong. They should think through this concerning what God would have them to do and what would be best in the short-term and long-term for all parties involved. The separation between the first two questions often helps people work through the correct answer for their situation.
What will you do?
This is the biggest question, because it forces the person to consider making the best decision as opposed to the popular, comfortable or easy decision. When a person answers this question it helps them develop a resolve in their heart to carry through on their commitment.
I give these questions to people and usually let them work through them on their own, at least at first. If they need to talk through them I will do that after they have wrestled to answer them personally at first.
Have you had times when you had to make a difficult decision and could not decide what to do? How did you solve your dilemma?
I love this teaching Jesus did for the disciples, especially in the Message Version.
Now Jesus turned to address his disciples, along with the crowd that had gathered with them. The religion scholars and Pharisees are competent teachers in God’s Law. You won’t go wrong in following their teachings on Moses. But be careful about following them. They talk a good line, but they don’t live it. They don’t take it into their hearts and live it out in their behavior. It’s all spit-and-polish veneer. Matthew 23:1-3 The Message Version
I do not know about others, but I want to see authentic Christianity lived out in the lives of others. I do not want to follow someone who teaches God’s Word, but does not live it out in his or her personal life. Jesus seems to say here that some people talk a good talk, but they do not really “get it” in their hearts. They know all the right verbiage, but their actions do not mirror what they say.
One example is how we may teach a Gospel of love, but then we spew so much hate out in the way we treat others. It is okay to denounce sin, in fact we should, but when the sinners who practice the sin we are denouncing do not believe that we love them, then I am not sure people hear our message, because they cannot get past what they see as condemnation.
Jesus had a way of building a relationship with sinners, without condemning them, giving them an example of holiness, but fully convincing them that He loved and cared for them as individuals. He is the guy I want to follow as my example.
How about you? Do you long to see authentic Christianity?
One of the most frustrating things I know about being a pastor is the number of people who are negative about everything. Thankfully I am in a great church and most of our negativity comes from outside our church, but I talk with pastors every week who tell me that groups of people are always negative about something they are doing.
Jesus taught His disciples how to build the church. The chief goal would be to love people no one else loved, even when they were not very lovely. We have tried to plant a church with that philosophy. Along the way we have discovered what Jesus experienced in working with religious leaders in His day. (See Matthew 16:5-12) When a church reaches genuinely hurting people or when people in the church lead messy lives, the complainers will rise up, mostly among the most religious of people, and when these type people talk, their negative energy (yeast) spreads fast.
I have often told our staff that our ultimate goal is the same as every Bible-believing church in town. We are trying to help people grow to know Jesus and be more like Him. Churches tend to try different methods, some work and some don’t, and sometimes churches can get more passionate about those methods than about the work the church is called to do, but the goal of the heart of any believer should be the same. With that in mind, how do we respond to those who choose to complain and remain negative towards our own methods of trying to build Christ followers?
What do you do with negativity towards the mission God has called you to?
- Be on guard against negative talk. Ask yourself if what they are saying line up with truth. Is it true? If not, dismiss it.
- Learn when necessary. We should not refuse to listen to any criticism. There is an element of truth in most criticism, even among things you need to ultimately dismiss.
- Surround yourself with the right people. Some people are negative about everything and never encourage. Find people who can encourage you to walk closer to Christ.
- Remember negative people spread things about others too. It often helps me reconcile what a negative person says about me when I realize they are always spreading something negative. If it were not me being criticized, it would be their next victim. Do not give as much attention to the consistently negative person. Sometimes we tend to give them the most attention. The only way you will ever shut down the person who is always negative is to refuse to give them an audience for their negativity. The fact is that if they are given a continued voice they will bring people into their negativity. If the same attention is placed on people who are a positive influence then they will bring people along into positivity.
- Remind yourself of truth. Ultimately you are looking for truth, not one person’s opinion on truth.
- Confront untruth. You do not have to go on a witch-hunt for untruth, but you should try to stop the spread of falsities if you hear them being repeated or told to you.
- Be truthful and positive around others. Decide that you will always be a positive influence. Don’t repeat untruths and avoid being a hypercritical person. Look for the good in situations. A positive attitude is equally contagious.
What ways do you have to deal with negative people?
I am still somewhat numb over the news and buzz over the fall of Pastor Gary Lamb. In my previous post I addressed some of these issues, but with the news continuing to dominate many of the blogs I read I decided to address the issue again. Obviously this is a far more public failure because Gary blogged about it personally and the Internet and social media participation is much larger now than in the past.
I am especially bummed by some of the comments and views I am reading on other posts about this issue. Some people have decided that Pastor Lamb’s situation provides an opportunity to bash him and every church structured like his church. (For an example, read the comments on Monday Morning Insight’s post about this issue.) While this is well meaning for the most part, I frankly feel that when a situation like this occurs and gets such public attention that it provides opportunities we did not previously have to do something positive for the Kingdom.
Here are some Kingdom-building opportunities for the church to consider:
- It gives us the opportunity to show the world how the church treats people who are in sin. Jesus showed us how He treats sinners in John 8. We now have that same chance. Sadly, based on the comments I see from pastors and others on various blog posts, I am not sure we are painting the same picture Jesus did. And yet we wonder why hurting people do not look to the church as their first place of hope in hurting times.
- It gives us the opportunity to build or rebuild accountability into our lives and in the life of our church. Every pastor and minister should be asking if this could happen to him or her with his or her current system, or lack thereof, of accountability. As I said in my previous post, I know too many pastors who see nothing wrong with being alone with other staff members of the opposite sex. Hello?
- It gives us the opportunity to check our own hearts and marriages individually. If a married person does not seriously take a look at where their own marriage is after reading this story, I would question the sincerity of keeping their marriage strong.
- It gives us the opportunity to help at least two families rebuild their marriage. Is there a better way to model for married couples outside the church that are in distress that with God’s grace and strength a marriage can be restored than to witness it with one of our own? I hope the restoration of these marriages gets as much attention as the failure in the marriages has received.
- It gives us the opportunity to demonstrate grace and restoration of a fallen soldier. Regardless of one’s take on Pastor Gary Lamb’s qualification for the pastorate or his style of ministry, few can question the impact he has had on so many people’s lives or the passion he has displayed for Christ. I cannot help but think that produces overall good for the body. Granted we all need to be checked at times to make sure we are walking in complete truth, and that time is obviously now for Pastor Lamb, but how effective could he be if he is restored, mentored, and sent back out to invest that renewed passion for the Kingdom’s good? (I believe the body of Christ was questioning the effectiveness of Paul at one point, yet God used his failures in powerful ways.)
Could this be one of those opportunities where God can work all things for good? Could we place all the negative energies some have towards Gary Lamb towards praying that God gets glory here and that lives are drawn to Him through this failure?
NOTE: In times like this we should certainly all get refocussed on truth. To help with this, read the series of devotionals I am posting this week beginning with this one HERE.)
I am excited about a new series of devotionals, which begins tomorrow and runs for 7 days. Check back each afternoon for the next week and let’s be encouraged together about the power and strength of our relationship with Christ. I believe these teachings can be helpful if you:
- Are struggling to discern God’s voice.
- Are going through a difficult period in life.
- Can’t seem to find your way right now.
- Need to grow in your trust of God.
- Just want some encouragement.
If any of these match something in your life then check back each afternoon beginning tomorrow.
Feel free to answer this question now: What are you trusting and asking God to do in your life right now?
Yesterday I posted a simple way to implement change in an organization when the changes needed seem overwhelming. You can read that post HERE.
Today I want to put a contextual spin on the issue for the area of spiritual growth. I know lots of believers, especially early in their Christian walk, who think they should instantly have spiritual maturity shortly after being saved. Spiritual growth is a process that takes years of discipleship.
If you want to mature in your faith, start with one spiritual discipline. Master that discipline (or get better at it at least) and then move to another discipline. For example, try to form a habit of regular church attendance. Then start reading your Bible everyday. When that becomes a regular part of your day, begin to form a prayer list. After a period of time you can start journaling. Keep adding positive changes to your spiritual life, but only add one at a time. See if that helps you grow without facing spiritual burnout.
What suggestions do you have towards spiritual growth?
What is your work ethic like?
I was talking with a friend recently who said one of his biggest turnoffs to Christianity, before he became a believer, was a Christian who freely talked about his faith, but had the worst work ethic in the company where both of them worked.
Scripture always encourages hard work. Laziness is not a value admired by God or society. Most of us would be opposed to handouts given to people who could work but refuse to do so. The Bible says if you do not work you should not eat. (2 Thessalonians 3)
Yesterday my message at Grace Community Church was about the type of workers we should be to honor Christ. Listen to that message HERE. My intent this week is to continue that discussion here on my blog. (I understand when I address this issue that many will claim they are trying to protect their family. I admire this and feel and practice the same way with my family, but that value should never contradict the value God also encourages His people to display in their work. Consider Colossians 3:17, 23)
Answer this question in your own mind: Does the energy, effort and attention you give to your work represent the character of Christ?
President Obama has opted out of most activities in the National Day of Prayer. While he says he intends to pray privately, as a part of his normal daily practice, he will not be active, nor will any of the executive leadership of his administration, in the organized activities of the day. Personally I think the President should recognize the importance of this day to many and at the very least he should have sent token representation from the executive branch of government, but I am not surprised by his absence. The basic organizers of this event have not been among his greatest supporters.
Read the CNN story HERE.
What do you think? Are you surprised by the president’s actions? Do you agree with some who say that this year, more than most, this country needs prayer? Should Christians make an issue of this or is this just another day and everyday is a day of prayer? How should Christians respond?
More than anything though, have you prayed today?
Try this, pray for each of these in a sentence prayer or two:
- National Leaders
- State Leaders
- Local Leaders
- Emergency Personnel
- School Officials
- (If you want to really walk on the wild side, pray for your pastor and church staff!)
I’m thinking a lot lately, really the last few years, about the word grace. What a beautiful word!
According to Dictionary.com it means:
- elegance or beauty of form, manner, motion, or action.
- a pleasing or attractive quality or endowment.
- favor or good will.
- a manifestation of favor, esp. by a superior
- mercy; clemency; pardon: an act of grace.
- favor shown in granting a delay or temporary immunity.
The definitions continue under the heading of “Theology”:
- the freely given, unmerited favor and love of God.
- the influence or spirit of God operating in humans to regenerate or strengthen them.
- a virtue or excellence of divine origin: the Christian graces.
- the condition of being in God’s favor or one of the elect.
- moral strength
The founders of Grace Community Church and I have received so much grace we even put it in our name. Yesterday I was reminded how much our staff is a product of God’s grace. We’ve all needed lots of it. (Everyone we decided except for maybe Ben. Of course, he probably just hides it well.)
Lately though my thoughts have been on how we abuse grace. We take it for granted. We attempt to cheapen grace. We failed to accept it. We try to add to it.
Today, at least for the moment I’m typing it, I’m just going to be overwhelmed with the amazing grace my Father provides for me.
Grace, grace, God’s grace,
grace that will pardon and cleanse within;
grace, grace, God’s grace,
grace that is greater than all our sin!
What are your thoughts about the word “grace” today? Have you needed lots? Has lots of grace been given to you? Think carefully about this next question: Are you abusing grace?
We are in a series called Epic, tracing God’s story through the Bible. One message in that series concerns the law, given to God’s people through Moses. In this message I attempt to answer these questions:
What is it?
Why do we have it?
What difference does it make in my life today?
You can watch part of the message here. You must login to TruthCasting in order to watch the full length service. Your email address is only used as a log in and also gives you the ability to forward a service to a friend.