As part of a relationship series, I share how the quality of the words in a relationship always impact the quality of the relationship.
In this post, I want to share some gifts you can give your pastor.
How’s that for a self-serving post?
Those from the church where I serve as pastor should read this post knowing I minister to hundreds of pastors every month. In my latest blog survey, over 50% of my readers are in vocational ministry. But, even more important, only about 10% of my readers actually know me personally. So, this is not a personal plea. It’s written for the hopeful benefit of others. Thanks for being the kind of church that — for the most part — protects the pastor.
Most churches love to bless their pastor. I get asked frequently how the church can help me. But, that don’t know how.
To be a pastor of a local church is a privilege and a high honor. But, it’s the hardest work I’ve ever done.
Your understanding of time
Acts 6:1-2, Ephesians 5:31 (applies to the pastor’s marriage too.)
The pastor needs time away from the ministerial responsibilities and activities of the church so that he can commit time to his family and to the ministry of the Word of God. Every activity done in the church is important, according to God’s Word, but the primary responsibility of the pastor is to teach God’s Word. I have witnessed so many pastors who burn out because too many demands are placed upon them. If there is a social or an activity in the church or among its people, most people expect the pastor to always be there. There is often little consideration to the fact that the pastor needs time with his family; and certainly time to prepare the message of God’s Word.
If you want your pastor to be prepared to deliver God’s message of the week to you and, if you want his family to be strong enough that he can model family life for you, then give him time alone with God during the week. Make sure he has time to study and for his family. Too many demands on his time will make a very stressed out pastor!
Your financial partnership
1 Corinthians 9:11-12
Your pastor needs to be personally supported financially and needs your partnership in funding the mission of the church.
I haven’t met any strong, Biblical pastors who don’t realize that the ministry is a sacrifice. Most pastors don’t expect to be wealthy. Most pastors know that the ministry is a life of faith, even in the area of finances. They shouldn’t, however, have to beg for support. The burden of support should be on those receiving the ministry.
Operating any size church takes resources. The stress of “fundraising” on a pastor usually is outside of their comfort zone and expertise. What a blessing it is to a pastor when people willingly sacrifice to fund the vision!
Your personal support
2 Timothy 4:16-17
Paul knew what it felt like to feel all alone. It’s a scary feeling. Many pastors today know that feeling. Of course, God is “our refuge and strength and ever present help in time of trouble”, but the pastor needs to know that he has the support of a few people. There needs to be some people he can always depend on to encourage him in his daily walk with the Lord.
I want you to know that being a pastor is sometimes a lonely place to be. God has given us human relationships in order that we might provide physical strength and encouragement to each other to help us along life’s journey. The pastor often feels left out of this plan. Please don’t let that happen to your pastor!
If your pastor has an idea for the church, support him unless you have a better idea or what the pastor is proposing is un-Biblical. Be willing to not only voice your support, but provide physical, financial, and moral support to the pastor’s plan. Be a physical encourager by complimenting the pastor, praying for him, sending him an occasional note or email, and simply putting an arm around him and saying “thanks”. Don’t forget to encourage his family as well.
Our pastors need our support. They need to know we care. They need encouragement. There has never been a more stressful time to be a pastor than in the world today. Tell yours you care about him (or her) today!
Your unconditional love
Your pastor needs you to love him…even when he makes mistakes.
Do you love your pastor? Do you thank God for the person God has sent to lead your church? Here’s a more important question: Does your pastor know of your love?
By the way, that will be evidenced by your actions more than your words.
I can tell you that there are many pastors today that wonder if anyone cares for them. Most pastors hear far more complaints than they hear encouragement. Everyone always shares burdens with the pastor, but few people stop just to share love with their pastor.
Have you figured out yet that your pastor is not perfect? Your pastor is a flawed individual, just like you are, that God has appointed to shepherd your church. Many times they didn’t even ask God for the assignment, but are simply trying to be obedient to God’s call upon their life. Can’t you just love a person like that? They may have put their career objectives on hold, just so they could do God’s will and minister to you! Have you ever thought about it like that?
Why not think of how you can show your love for your pastor today?
Your growth spiritually
2 Thessalonians 1:3-4
The greatest compliment you can give to your pastor is to personally be growing spiritually. If you want to really get your pastor excited, let them see you excited about your relationship with Christ.
The pastor’s job is to help you become more like Jesus. A pastor is assigned by God to shepherd the church, equipping the saints to do the work of the church. The pastor is not the doer as much as the the equipper. (If that’s not a word let’s make it one.) The pastor should be building people who are doing God’s work in the church, the community, and around the world.
That’s the pastor’s part, but how is the pastor successful in their work?
When people are doing their part; growing in the Lord, doing the work of the church. The catch is this. The pastor can’t make you do your part. They can’t force you to be molded into the image of Christ. They can’t demand that you obey the Word of God. They can only encourage, teach, pray and lead by example, but you’ll never be made to do what you are not willing to do.
Give your pastor a great gift. Grow in your Christian walk!
Pastors, any other gifts come to mind?
You’re going to hurt people and people are going to hurt you. As John Ortberg says living with people is like “dancing with porcupines.” So what will you do when you get hurt?
As soon as I read the email from my pastor, my heart skipped a beat: “Mark, come to my office first thing this morning.” You know that feeling when you sense something isn’t right? I told my wife about the odd email, then I drove to the church.
As I walked into my mentor’s large office, he said, “Hey man, why don’t you close the door?” My heart was pounding. I shut the door and sat in the green wingback chair facing his desk. This man whom I’d worked alongside for twelve years began reading a prepared letter. Apparently, there would be no small talk. I didn’t know it, but he was about to make a shocking announcement and instantly end our friendship.
The man reading this prepared letter was not just my pastor; he was one of my best friends. We genuinely loved each other. That’s what made his announcement so gut wrenching.
Due to a philosophical difference, he announced that I needed to have my office cleaned out by Monday morning.
When he finished reading, he looked up and calmly asked, “Do you have any questions?” We sat without speaking, a moment of silence for the death of our friendship. Then I said the only words that seemed appropriate, “I hate that it’s ending this way.” He agreed.
I stood up and slowly walked out of his office. I already felt something hurting deep inside of me. My mind raced in a thousand different directions simultaneously.
“Mark, you keep looking back. You need to forgive and start moving forward.” My coach had heard my two-year-old sob story before. On this day, as we sat across from each other at Smokejack BBQ in Alpharetta, GA, I chided myself for yet again rehashing what should have been ancient history. I took a deep breath and nodded my head in agreement, like you do when someone says something completely true but completely unhelpful. “Forgive and move forward?” I thought. “Sure. No problem. While I’m at it I’ll solve world hunger and negotiate world peace. I want to move forward but I don’t know how. That’s the problem. I’m stuck! What specifically can I do?” I thought. I was exhausted. Something had to change.
Maybe you’ve experienced something much more painful. Your ex-spouse, a parent, a co-worker, or a close friend hurt you.
Your hurt may include a divorce, bankruptcy, a job loss, betrayal, abuse, or broken trust. The day you’re hurt is a bad day, but the unrelenting weight of a heavy grudge is even worse, isn’t it? When you want to forgive but don’t know how, you feel stuck.
In a nationwide Gallup poll, 94 percent of people said it was important to forgive, but 85 percent said they would need outside help in order to forgive. Apparently, many of us are stuck.
As a pastor who couldn’t forgive, I spent three searching for real steps to take toward forgiving someone who has hurt you deeply.
Stop telling your story as a victim
Forgiveness isn’t found in speaking but in surrendering. (Isa. 53:7)
Assess your Injury
“General forgiveness does not heal specific hurts. It’s important to pinpoint what was taken from you.” -Andy Stanley
Value your offender
You do not condone what they did, but you recognize that they are more than what they did. (Luke 23:34)
Intercede for your offender
“The more I pray for an idiot the less idiotic they become.” –Daniel Hahn (Matt. 5:44)
Own your part
As long as you remain 100% focused on their guilt, you will remain 100% stuck.
Release their debt
“Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward.” -C.S. Lewis
What have you found is helpful in releasing anger and bitterness?
This is a guest post by Mark Riggins. Mark is the Community Life Pastor at ENCOUNTER | Bible Fellowship Church in Ventura, CA. His new book STUCK When You Want to Forgive but Don’t Know How is available now on Amazon. Sign-up HERE for a FREE 30-Day Online Forgiveness Devotional. You can follow Mark on his blog: www.markriggins.org.
True friendship is rare.
I have had many friends in my life, but finding one that stands the tests of time — that’s hard.
“Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.” (John 15:13)
“For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!” (Ecclesiastes 4:10)
“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” (Proverbs 17:17)
“A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” (Proverbs 18:24)
Those kind of friends — are hard to find.
If you have ever gotten in a bind, had a major failure, or somehow lost your way, then you realized just how rare true friendship really is in our lives. The true friends show up at your doorstep ready to help.
To me, the difference in a true friend and one who calls themselves a friend, but is really an acquaintance is fairly easily identified.
Unconditional love - A true friend loves at all times. Regardless of what you do, what happens, or where life takes you, a true friend loves at all times. On your worst day — when you aren’t even fun to be around — a true friend still takes you to lunch. (And likely pays.)
Unwavering support – True friends are in it for the long haul. Even when you’ve fallen — or agree with you completely — a true friend is in your corner. When you call — even when you’re in trouble — they come. True friendships may only be for a season. I have many of those. But, if we run into each other again we pick up where we left off. Trust is already established. The relationship is just as strong. True friendships are consistent.
Willingness to challenge – Love and support is not ignoring the words you need to here. A true friendship makes you better. The Bible says “iron sharpens iron”. True friends will correct you if needed. Proverbs 27:5 says, “Better an open rebuke than hidden love.” Friends won’t let you injure yourself or others if they can intervene. They won’t remain silent with what you need to hear — and it will be shared in the deepest of love.
Full of grace – True friendship weather the sometime difficulties of relationships, forgiving when needed, and loving each other even when it hurts. A true friendship isn’t one-sided. Both friends are willing to lay down their life for the other. Grace is freely and generously given.
I have a number of friendship I would consider true friendships. Of course, Cheryl and my boys make the list, but there are others. We’ve been through life together. I can’t imagine my life without them.
What makes a true friend in your opinion?
Years ago I became fascinated with the questions of Jesus.
It occurred to me that if Jesus was asking a question it must be an important one.
In fact, depending on our response, they could be life-changing questions.
I realize that in the culture in which Jesus lived asking questions was a method of learning, but Jesus always knew the answers. He didn’t need to ask them. He IS the answer. What does He need to know?
His questions were to cause His listeners to think. And, they do.
Consider some of these 7 questions of Jesus.
“Do you believe that I am able to do this?” (Matthew 9:28)
“Why are you afraid, O you of little faith?” (Matthew 8:26)
“What do you think about the Christ?” (Matthew 22:42)
“Do you love me?” (John 21:17)
“Why do you call me ‘Lord, Lord’, and not do what I tell you?” (Luke 6:46)
“What do you want me to do for you?” (Luke 18:41)
“Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?” (Matthew 7:3)
To which of these do you most need to consider your answer?
I only read one statement of Jesus, but I couldn’t go any further in my reading.
It was a statement I had read hundreds of times before, but this time it hit me differently. Deeper. More impacting.
I love when that happens.
I realized I often take a statement like that from Jesus for granted.
Jesus — the Son of God — said something. Something so profound, so life-giving, and yet it has become so familiar to me that I almost gloss over it when I read.
This time I stopped.
I stopped and thought about the many other truths Jesus shared — often in a single sentence — which are life-changing.
Perhaps some of these will be meaningful to you.
Read through the list — memorize a few of them (you probably already have many of them.) But, don’t read them as familiar quotes that are usually written in red. Let them soak deep into your heart and mind. Let them add life to you. Be better with truth.
“Take heart, I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)
“The harvest is plentiful but the laborers are few” (Matthew 9:37)
“Go and learn what this means ‘I desire mercy, and not sacrifice'” (Matthew 9:13)
“Take heart, my son; your sins are forgiven” (Matthew 9:2)
“Ask and it will be given to you…” (Matthew 7:7)
“If the Son has set you free you are free indeed” (John 8:36)
“For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:30)
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9)
“You are the light of the world” (Matthew 6:14)
“Apart from me you can do nothing” (John 15:5)
“The greatest among you shall be your servant.” (Matthew 23:11)
“Take heart, it is I. Do not be afraid.” (Matthew 14:27)
“I am coming soon” (Revelation 22:7)
“With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” (Matthew 19:26)
“If you love me you will obey what I command” (John 14:15)
“Your give them something to eat” (Mark 6:37)
“A healthy tree cannot bear bad fruit” (Matthew 7:18)
“But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes upon you” (Acts 1:8)
“This people honors me with their lips but their heart is far from me.” (Mark 7:6)
“You will be my witnesses” (Acts 1:8)
“Do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink…” (Matthew 6:25)
“So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do to them” (Matthew 7:12)
“I am the way, the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” (John 14:6)
“This is the work of God, that you believe in him whom he has sent.” (John 6:29)
“It is finished.” (John 19:30)
I realize some of these can be misunderstood if out of context, so feel free to read the context of each of them. But, the fact is these are things Jesus said.
The Son of God — who is God — said them. Spoke them. Revealed truth to us.
And, every word He said has life-changing value.
I wonder, if we really understood the magnitude of these words of Jesus and believed them — if they would change the way we lived our life? The confidence we have? The assurance in which we find hope?
Which of these do you most need to apply to your life today?