Do you ever have days when you just don’t want to get out of bed?

I’m not talking about the days you wake up and wish you could hit the snooze button a few more times. I’m not referring to days when you didn’t get enough sleep because you stayed up too late watching David Letterman. Those days are normal. For some they happen everyday.

I’m talking about the days when you don’t want to get out of bed, because you don’t think you can face the world outside the covers. I’m talking about days when it hurts to think about facing life.

Do you ever have days like that?

Perhaps you’re like me, and you’ve had seasons where facing the day seems unbearable. It can last a day, a week, or months at a time. I’ve spoken about this before, but I went through a mini-depression a few years ago. My boys were leaving home, my father and Cheryl’s father died, and the stress of ministry was greater than ever. Some days it was all I could do to put on my pastor smile and keep going.

At times, the stress of life can cause a person to wish they didn’t have to face another day. In a world of constant changes, uncertainty, fear, trials and steady burnout, keeping your chin up and continuing to smile can often be a challenge. Has that ever been your story?

I wish we were better as a church and a society of realizing those times are natural, allowing people to be honest about them, and helping people through them rather than looking down on them because of their inner struggles. Even godly, people of extreme faith have times when they fell all is hopeless. (Read about Elijah and Paul for a couple of good Biblical examples.)

What do you do on days like that?

After years of experience, both personal and walking with others, here are a few suggestions for those times:

Get up and do something – No, you may not feel like it, but doing nothing during times of depression, mild or otherwise, almost never solves the problem. You may not be able to do what you need to do, and you certainly may need rest, but continuing a vegetative state of existence is not the right answer. Discipline yourself to get out of bed, be around people, and stay active.

Do the best you know how today – You may not be at 100%. You may only be 20% today. Okay, perhaps you only have 1% to give today. That’s okay. Give that. Do the best you can do today and don’t feel guilty about not doing all you normally would do. My guess is there’s probably something you can still do that will bring value to the people around you…yet another reason to get out of bed.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help – This may mean professional help and don’t be ashamed of that. Most of us need professional counseling at some point in our life. But, also soak up energy from others for a season. It’s okay to need others. In fact, that’s one primary purpose of the body of Christ. We are to bear with one another during tougher times of life. Chances are you’ve been there for others when they needed help. Now let others be there for you. (Note: Relying on others should not be an excuse to ignore the other principles here. You still have personal responsibilities and ignoring them will not help you, but only enable you to continue in your current condition.)

Prepare and build – This is a time to practice healthy discipline, get consistent rest, exercise, eat healthfully, and prepare mentally and physically for a day when you feel better about your surroundings. Watch for the healing moments, the days when a smile comes easier and for the door of opportunities to open, which encourage you. Those are good days and you should be even more productive on those days. You’ll be able to celebrate your progress and, when repeated over time, it will help lift your spirits. God does heal when we submit our pain to Him. In these seasons, you’ll also learn to recognize the signs that a period like this is coming again. Store up that wisdom and experience to help others and yourself in other similar seasons of life.

Wait and listen – God will use these times of desperation to build you more into His heart and character. This should be a time of constant prayer, crying out to God for help. Many of the Psalms were written during times like this in the Psalmist’s life. Read a few of them. Don’t make drastic decisions during these days as you wait for God to speak clearly again.

Have you been there?

You may now want to read my post “God WILL Allow More Than You Can Bear“.

Have you ever wished you could stay in bed and not face another day? Are you there now?

What steps have you taken to heal from times like these? What or who helped you the most?

Share your story so it will help others.

This is a guest post by Darrell Vesterfelt. Darrell is a the president of Prodigal Magazine and church planter in West Palm Beach, Florida who believes in the power of stories to change the world. His life’s passion is to help people to tell their story so they can see and understand the truth of God at work in their lives. You can follow him on twitter: @dvest

3 Principles of Starting New Things

I am a dreamer, through and through. Just ask my wife. She has heard me pitch about 100 new ideas to her in our first few months of our marriage. Some of those dreams have become a reality, but dozens of them haven’t.

That’s okay. Dreaming is what makes me suited as an entrepreneur and a church planter. It’s how I’m doing what God has called me to do with my life.

The thing I’m learning about dreaming is that dreaming, by itself, isn’t good enough. Starting something from nothing takes more than just a dream or a desire to make it happen. It takes a lot of time and sacrifice. Turning dreams into reality takes more time than I might want, sometimes. More sacrifice than is comfortable, but if none of my dreams ever turn into reality — then what was the point of dreaming in the first place?

Here are 3 principles I am learning as I am in a season of starting new things.

You have to do whatever it takes.

Not every dream is worth pursuing. I have lots of dreams in a day and I don’t run with all of them. I couldn’t. If I did, I wouldn’t be successful with any of them. If I want to be successful at all I have to pick a dream, and invest in it.

This selection process is important for me because it forces me to commit. When you’re forced to choose only one dream, you’re more likely to make the sacrifices needed to make that dream a reality. You are — all in. The dream that you choose is worth any and every sacrifice that you will have to make.

If your dream is going to become a reality, it is going to take every single resource you have, and then some. It will take all of your time, money, and energy. It might mean that you have to work two full-time jobs for awhile, or that you have to get creative about raising capitol. But get ready. If you want to start something new you’re going to have to do what it takes. And it takes a lot.

Don’t despise small beginnings.

If you’re anything like me, you don’t like small beginnings. Actually, you don’t like small anything. The bigger the better. As an entrepreneur (or church planter) it’s easy to get discouraged. But one of the things I’m learning is not to despise small beginnings.

It’s important to build a strong foundation now, while your dream is small, so that your business or organization can operate with integrity later, as it grows. Good things take time to build. Don’t despise the beginning.

Think of it like a building. If the structure is not sturdy when it’s small, it isn’t going to be sturdy when it’s big. In fact, if you build on a shaky foundation, your building will never survive. What you really need, in the beginning, is a strong foundation, good walls. A sturdy frame. Those things come from integrity and hard-work and patience.

Building a team of people around me isn’t just important, it’s vital.

As much as I’d like to think that I can do everything on my own, I can’t. In fact, if I try, I will for sure fail. I need people who can support me and encourage me when things get difficult. People who know me well enough that, when things get tough, or when my insecurity gets in the way, they can point me back toward reality, toward Truth.

I also need people who are good at things I’m not. I need people who are different than me, who have different skills and strengths to bring to the table. I am only part of the picture, and if I try to “chase my dream” alone it is only possible to accomplish part of the objective. I need people.

Just having people around me isn’t good enough, though. They have to be the right kind of people. If I try to fit the wrong person into the wrong role, I’m not doing anyone any favors. I’m actually denying and ignoring the truth of who God called that person to be, and using them for my own selfish ambition. That will only lead to resentment and frustration.

It won’t ever accomplish my objective.

One of the most important things I can do as I start something new is notice people for the unique set of skills and strengths they bring to my team, to celebrate those strengths, and to equip them to do what God has made them to do. That’s what it looks like to really love people; and loving people should always be my primary objective.

In the same way, I don’t allow just anyone to speak into my life and hold me accountable. Everyone has an opinion about everything and if I bent to what every person in the world thought was “right” for me I wouldn’t ever accomplish anything. There are only a few people who have the right to call me out when they think I’m wrong; and ultimately I answer to the Lord, not to them.

I go where He calls me, not where they do.

What principles have you learned about starting new things?

I originally wrote this post for Catalyst Leader.

Humility is a desired, but often neglected characteristic of good, servant leadership. The more we promote ourselves online, the more I’m afraid humility is being forgotten. As one who has an online presence, I consistently sense God reminding me that I’ve been on the bottom and I can return there.

Pride is a struggle for many leaders (author included), but we must strive to bring humility to our leadership roles.

Here are 10 attributes of a humble leader:

Dangerous Trust – Humility always demands a certain level of trust. A humble leader is willing to take a risk on others, trusting them with the sacredness of the vision, even at the chance they may be disappointed with the outcome.

Sincere Investment – Humble leaders know the vision is bigger and will last longer than they will, so they willingly invest in others, raising up and maturing new leaders.

Gentle, but Strong – One can’t be a leader and be weak. Every position of leadership will provide a challenge to the leader, but humble leaders have learned the balance between being gentle and remaining strong. (Think Jesus!)

Readily Admits Mistakes – Everyone makes mistakes. In fact, we often learn more through failure than through success. The humble leader is quick to admit when he or she has done wrong and deals with the fault-out without casting blame or making excuses.

Forgives easily – Leadership is filled with disappointment; often at the expense of other’s mistakes. A humble leader forgives easily, remembering how many times he or she has been forgiven.

Quickly diverts attention – We all like to be recognized for accomplishments, but a humble leader is quick to divert attention to others, sharing the limelight for successes with those, who many times, may have even had more to do with the success than the leader did. They celebrate the success of others louder than personal success

Remains thankful – A humble leader is appreciative of the input of others into his or her leadership. So much so, that a humble leader naturally praises the actions of others far more than the time spent patting themselves on the back for personal accomplishments. Humble leaders recognize that all good gifts come from above.

Recognizes Limitations – No one can do everything. A humble has the ability to say, “I can’t do that or I’m not the one who should”.

Shares authority – Humble leaders don’t take all the key assignments for themselves, but gives out prime responsibility and authority to people he or she is leading.

Invites feedback – A humble leader wants to learn from his or her mistakes and wants to continually see improvement. Humble leaders initiate other’s suggestions and feedback, not waiting until complaints come, but personally asking for the input.

Humility is not putting yourself down as a leader. It’s ultimately recognizing who you are in view of Christ and others. The danger in not being a humble leader or considering ourselves better than others, is that one day we may be “humbled”. Many of us learn humility the hard way.

What would you add to my list?

One verse I’ve learned by experience:

Therefore the LORD waits to be gracious to you, and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you. For the LORD is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for him. Isaiah 30:18

Are you waiting for God to answer? Don’t be surprised if He makes you wait. He’s not being silent without reason. He’s not withholding an answer without purpose. God is working His plan. He’s never late and never early.

Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD! Psalm 27:14

But those who trust in the LORD will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:31

Are you currently waiting for God to move? Can I (and my readers) pray with you in that situation?

It’s official. My new assignment is Immanuel Baptist Church in Lexington, Kentucky. The church voted to call me as their senior pastor yesterday. Cheryl and I are excited.

Immanuel launched as a church on February 1, 1909 with 33 people. Today the church sits on a 22-acre campus located in the heart of Lexington, Kentucky and in close proximity to the University of Kentucky campus. It’s building has 217,000 square feet of usable space. The recreation center houses two full-size basketball courts, an indoor-walking track, aerobics room, cardiovascular workout room and a full- service café known as the Solid Rock Café. They have soccer and baseball fields.

Immanuel has a strong staff who seem eager for leadership and are already functioning as a healthy team. More than that, Immanuel’s people have a heart for missions and service and they truly want to reach Lexington for Christ. Immanuel has a great mix of seniors and youth, and I look forward to learning how to bridge the multi-generational gap for more effective ministry.

Although Immanuel is considerably smaller than my current church, I have never seen a church with more potential!

You may be wondering, what about my current church…and…have I abandoned church planting?

A couple weeks ago, I shared with the church I planted, Grace Community Church, that I was resigning. (You can watch that video HERE.) Leaving Grace is one of the hardest decisions Cheryl and I have ever made and it will always hold a piece of my heart. Grace started with 11 core families and a staff of 3 in our living room about 7 years ago. We’ve seen God do extraordinary things, now averaging over 2,500 in our worship experiences each week.

Grace is in good shape for the future. I don’t believe I would sense God releasing me otherwise. In the providence of God, I recruited a partner in this, my second, church plant. Chad Rowland is fully equipped to lead without me. The staff, who are some of our best friends in ministry, is strong and the team dynamics are extremely healthy. The best days are ahead for Grace.

As for church planting…yes…I love it and always will, but what about church revitalization? To me it’s the same heart. My heart is to see people come to know, love and be like Jesus. I love how that is happening in church plants around the world. As long as I’m breathing I’ll be encouraging church planters and assisting new church plants.

But, what about the older, established church? Who is going to help them thrive again? My heart breaks for church histories, church buildings, and bodies of believers who are mostly being underutilized in their Kingdom potential. I want to play a part in helping an older church see new life. I will begin knowing it will be harder work at times, but confident God is able to work His will in Immanuel through my leadership.

God has been at work at Immanuel for over 100 years. I feel unworthy, humbled and honored to join them in their history, look forward to their future, and celebrate with them what I believe could be their best years still to come.

Prayers appreciated. We will start officially at Immanuel in mid June, but first we want to finish well at Grace, sell a condo quickly and buy a place to live in Lexington. Will you say a prayer (or two) for us in this transition?

Do you have any examples to share of older, established churches that have been revitalized?

Should your church be involved with social media? I get asked that question frequently. I was recently in a church that didn’t have a website. I scolded them for that. Seriously, I don’t see how a church can expect to meet new people without a website. The majority of people these days will check out a church’s website before they ever visit the church. If there is no website…no visit.  (That speaks to the quality of the website also.)

I’m not sure I can answer that question of social media for every church though, so I will try to guide you towards a decision that’s right for your church.

Consider these 3 questions:

Do you want to reach younger people? – If you want to reach people these days, you have to go where they are at and younger people hang out in a world of social media. The number one way people under 40 reach me is with a Facebook message. Twitter is growing. Email is still common, but not growing at the rate of the other two.

Will someone maintain it? – My friend Scott Williams says, “For a business to not have anyone responding to their social media streams is equivalent to not answering the phone.” You can’t simply have a social media presence and expect results. You have to commit to it and work it. Not being active in social media may be worse than not doing it at all.

Can you afford not to? – Again, I can’t answer that question, but can you reach the unchurched people you are attempting to reach without social media? If you can, perhaps you don’t need it. If you’re not sure, perhaps you should give it a try.

One suggestion I have is to find the person or persons in your church who are already active in social media. Get them to volunteer to help the church in this area. You don’t have to assign this to a staff person who isn’t interested or doesn’t understand. Find the right person, give them authority and responsibility, and let them help build the Kingdom through your church and social media.

How well is your church doing in social media?

Name a church you think is doing a good job in this area.

Biblical forgiveness is hard. I’ve wrestled through this issue personally and with dozens of others over the years. The deeper the wound the harder it is to forgive. Those of us who have been forgiven, however, must learn to forgive. My guess is that includes you!

Here are 5 ways to truly embrace forgiveness:

Give it first. Before it’s “deserved”, extend forgiveness. It seldom will be.

Expect nothing in return. Forgiveness is based on a choice you make, not the reaction you receive.

Make it genuine. Forgiveness should never be lip service. You have to get gut-level in your release; even of the right to get even.

Make it permanent. It’s not forgiveness if you continually take back the grudge. Forgiveness means you let it go. Period.

Do it now. The longer you wait, the more damage it will do to your heart and harder forgiveness will be.

I’m not saying any of these is easy. I’m not saying it removes consequences, which need to be in place. I’m not saying you won’t be tempted to remove your forgiveness the next time the person comes to mind. I am saying that if you want to offer Biblical forgiveness, you must embrace it…not partially, but fully.

To clarify some of these in detail, read:

7 Things Forgiveness Is

7 Things Forgiveness Isn’t

Who was the hardest person you’ve ever struggled to forgive?

(I’ll go first. Mine was my father, but granting him forgiveness paved the way to a deeper intimacy with Christ and a restored relationship with my father.)

I work with a lot of hurting leaders, mostly who lead within our churches. My most recent Ministers Health Survey revealed there are some genuine concerns among our church’s leadership.

I’ve often wished I could say something to every leader. There are some things I’ve learned the hard way. I often share things leadership should do, but today I thought it wise to share some things not to do.

Here are 7 things every leader needs to quit:

Measuring success compared to another’s success – Your leadership will not be like someone else’s leadership. It’s not designed to be. You’ll likely be successful in ways other leaders aren’t. Some of those may be visible and measurable, but some may not be. The goal should be to be the best leader you can be and measure your success by your obedience to being the leader God has designed you to be.

Pretending to have all the answers – There’s an unfair expectation many leaders face to be the person with the answer in every situation. Seriously, how’s that working for you? The sooner you admit you don’t have all the answers, the quicker your team will be willing to fill in your gaps.

Trying to be popular – If you want to be popular, be a celebrity. If you want to be a leader, be willing to do the hard tasks to take people where they need (and probably want to go), but may be resistant along the way. Leadership can be lonely at times. Be prepared.

Leading alone – Just because leadership can be lonely, doesn’t mean you have to lead alone. Good leaders surround themselves with people who care, people who can hold them accountable, and sharpen their character and their faith. If you have a tendency to separate yourself from others, stop now and reach out to someone. Take a bold risk of being vulnerable and release some of the weight of responsibility you feel.

Acting like it doesn’t hurt – When people you trust betray you…it hurts. When people rebel against your leadership…it hurts. On days where it seems you have more enemies than friends…it hurts. Don’t pretend it doesn’t. You won’t lead well if you’re a cry baby, but you should have some outlets where you can share your pain.

Trying to control every outcome – Three reasons not to: 1) It doesn’t work. 2) It limits others. 3) It’s not right. Leadership is not about control. It’s about relational influence. When you control others you limit people to your abilities. When you empower people you limit people to their combined abilities as a team…and there’s strength in numbers.

Ignoring the warning signs of burnout – At some point in your leadership, if you really are leading through the deep waters of change, relational differences, or simply the stress of wearing the leader hat, you’ll face burnout. When you start to have more negative thoughts than positive thoughts, when the pressure of leadership is unbearable for a long period of time, or when your leadership starts to negatively impact your physical or emotional health or your relationships, it’s time to seek help.

Be honest: Which of these do you most need to quit?

What else would you advise leaders to quit?

HE ONLY is my rock and my salvation; He is my defense; I shall not be greatly moved. Psalm 62:2 KJV

If you are trying to be your own rock, WATCH OUT!

The forecast is calling for rough winds throughout the rest of the century up until…at least when Jesus returns.

I use several versions of the Bible, but for this verse I particularly like the King James Version. Notice carefully that the Psalmist is being gut honest with us. It says when God is my rock and my salvation, my defense, I shall not be greatly moved. Here’s the part not to skip…the Psalmist does not say he will not be moved, he says he shall not be greatly moved.

I can identify with the Psalmist.

Now I don’t know about you. Maybe you are much more righteous than I and you “never” experience movement in your Christian walk. Your trust is never affected by the changing times, the uncertainties of life, or the fear of the unknown. You simply trust Him every day. The winds and trials of life don’t sway you from a solid faith. There is no doubt in your heart. You have rock-solid faith everyday. Good job with that super faith.

But as for me, I still move.

No, I don’t want to move. I don’t want to waver in my faith. I know God can do immeasurably more than I can think or imagine. I want constant, powerful, unmovable faith.

Sometimes I still struggle a bit in my faith.

Okay, total transparency here…sometimes…depending on the day or the circumstances…sometimes I struggle a lot…

Thankfully though, I have found from steady experience that the more I grow in my relationship with Christ, the more I get to know Him, if I will consistently seek to make Him Lord of my life, even though the winds keep coming, they have far less impact on me.

My faith is stronger today than it was in years past. That’s probably good, because storms and times of testing seem only to get bigger as time passes. The good news, however, as my trust in Christ has grown…

I’m less likely to be GREATLY moved.

I bounce back to my faith in the Solid Rock of God quicker than I used to do. Over time and by experience, I’ve learned that when I allow Him to be the Rock, instead of me trying to be my own, or even relying on others for my strength…when I cast all my cares on the One who cares for me…I find I am much more powerful to meet the storms of life.

Be honest. Are you allowing Him to be your Rock, or are you trying to do things on your own?

When it comes to making changes…

Whether at home….

In an organization…

In a business…

In a church…

The way you introduce change is equally important to the change you introduce.

If you want the change to be effective, you’ve got to invest time in doing it well.