I need to address the women. Last night I got angry. It wasn’t a huge issue and today I’m over it, but I had to remind Cheryl again that I have a right to be angry at times. (I wasn’t angry at her. Thankfully that hasn’t happened in years.) As a man, I have as much a right to get angry as a woman has to cry. I don’t express emotion in tears; I often express them in anger; or at least an emotion that looks like anger to Cheryl.
Please don’t misunderstand. My right to express anger is not an excuse to throw things, hit someone, or even be verbally abusive. I never have that right. Frankly, you don’t either. None of us should allow our emotions to turn into times of violence. There is never an excuse for that. How we learn to control our emotions is a key to establishing healthy relationships. (NOTE: If your emotions are uncontrollable then I encourage you to seek help. Addressing serious emotional problems for the male or female is not the purpose of this post.)
In Ephesians chapter four it is clear that we should not sin in anger. We are also not supposed to go to bed in anger. Thankfully I didn’t last night, but the passage clearly allows a place for anger in our lives. Further in the same passage we are told to get rid of anger, but if you examine the text in the original language, there are actually different original meanings for the word anger. There is anger that is okay to express. It is an emotional release of an immediate reaction to a situation; again, much like crying.
The dilemma between couples is to understand the differences in our makings and then learning to adapt who we are in a mutually submissive response to each other. In my relationship with Cheryl as an example, when I get angry at something when I’m with her, which is again my natural response to things that upset me; I must control that anger to keep it from becoming harmful to our relationship. That being said I reserve the right to express the emotions, just as Cheryl has the right to cry when she is upset by something while in my company. Bottled up emotions are dangerous. The goal in our relationship is to create a healthy environment where both of us is free to be emotionally open with each other, while maintaining the strength and integrity of the relationship.
Of course, the typical response from the woman is that they don’t like to see anger displayed. When a man gets angry, even with controlled anger, the woman may feel threatened, intimidated and uneasy. That’s a natural reaction to a misunderstood emotion. What needs to be understood in this case is that the same thing happens with the man in reaction to a woman’s tears. When Cheryl, or any woman, begins to cry I immediately shut-down, become defensive; perhaps even a little afraid. (Some women understand this effect of their emotions on men and use it against us. That too is wrong.) I don’t know how to respond adequately to a woman in tears. (That last sentence could be a country song!) Most women don’t know how to respond to a man in his displayed anger. This is the battle of the sexes, so-to-speak. It’s the paradox that exists in the male/female relationship because we are so different. It is part of the mystery that in the end causes attraction between the two sexes.
The next time your man gets angry at something, give him time to unwind, help him process through it if he wants you to, but let him be a man. Guys, let your wives cry without trying to fix the thing she is crying about! Then both the man and the woman should use the experience to learn from each other and have a stronger, more emotionally open and healthy relationship.
I’m fully confident this post will cause some anger to raise among my women readers. That’s okay. I can handle anger. Just please don’t cry!
