I receive dozens of emails from pastors each week. This one caught my attention and I asked permission to use it here. Hopefully others will benefit from my response and weigh in with their own thoughts. I have changed his name.

Ron,

I hope all is well with you. I frequent your blogs ever so often via twitter, which I do enjoy. the reason for this email is for some direction. It is my belief that the Lord has called me to be a pastor, however I am presently single. I wanted to find out what are some of the qualities one should look for and how should I go about finding a wife as a future pastor. I have been keeping the issue in prayer.

I would love to hear your thoughts.

Sincerely,

Mike

Dear Mike,

Most likely you will not be able to pick every expectation or qualification you have for a spouse. I think is is wise, however, to have a goal. You are more likely to reach a target for which you aim. With that in mind, here are 7 qualities I believe make up the ideal pastor’s wife:

If a pastor is not careful, the weight of everyone else’s problems will take precedence over the issues and concerns of his immediate family. I see it frequently among pastors I encounter. There have been seasons of my ministry where this is the case, especially on abnormally stressful days.

I decided years ago when I was a small business owner, serving in an elected office and on dozens of non-profit boards that my busyness would never detract from my family life.

Here are 7 ways I attempt to protect my family from the stress of ministry.

It seems to me from my ministry experience that marriage has never been threatened more than it is today. It’s true in all segments of our society, including marriages of those in the ministry. That’s why I’m excited to tell you about RefineUs Marriage Ministry. Justin and Trisha Davis are allowing God to use their story to help strength, save and grow marriages. Their ministry has already helped marriages in our church and I believe they can help yours.

Here are some of the offerings RefineUs has to offer:

Drew Snider is a pastor at Gospel Mission in Vancouver, B.C., Canada and a reader of my blog. Recently he asked me a question online about performing marriages for those who are living together and I thought it was worth asking here, so I asked him to guest post about it. Here’s Drew’s post:

Authors Kerry and Chris Shook are encouraging a revolution of relationship strengthening in their new book “Love at Last Sight”. The Shooks, who founded Woodland Church in 1993, and have seen it grow to a mega church of 18,000 per weekend, believe that relationships are in trouble. The key relationships in our life, such as with our spouse, children and close friends, needs to move from a “love at first sight” mentality, to a “love at last sight mentality.”

Too many people get into relationships by falling madly in love, but then allow the relationship to lose energy over time. “Love at Last Sight” challenges

I have found 7 to be a popular number with blog posts. This week I even did an experiment. I posted four posts in a row with 7 principles in each. It prove to be a very successful week, with more interaction than usual. Seven is a Biblical number of completion. I’m not suggesting there is something to that trivia here, but I do believe there is something at work here. What do you think?

Here are my “7″ most popular “7″ posts:

After I have answered a question too many times to count, I figure more people have the same question. One of the issues I see frequently is what happens to men when their marriage caves in around them and their wife no longer wants the marriage to work. This could be because of simple neglect over the years or an affair, but she wants out and he wants her to stay. When this happens, a man often becomes a vulnerable puppy of a man and literally doesn’t’ know what to do next. I’ve sadly seen it so many times. It could be his fault or her fault, but at this point, the man just wants to save his marriage.

Here are a few suggestions I gave even recently to a man in this situation. Although this is a personal reply to one man, I believe it may have application for many men in this situation. One thing needs to be clear, however; you must own your decision. You know your situation far better than anyone else. These suggestions are based on experience with dozens of marriage situations:

While I’m away, I thought I’d share the top posts (according to unique hits) I’ve written about marriage. I hope you are working on your marriage today!

Scripture is clear, however, that the role of a believer is to consider the interest of others, even before we consider our own. Paul writes, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.” (Philippians 2:3…emphasis mine)

Therein lies what I believe to be one of the largest mistake men and women make in a marriage. Whenever I believe Cheryl completely identifies with me or I completely identify with her, we are bound to run into some conflict. I will never understand the depth of emotions Cheryl is capable of producing and she will never understand the shallowness of emotions I am capable of maintaining. Neither of us is right or wrong, we are just different, and as I look at the situations we have handled together in life, I see why God allowed the uniqueness in each of us. I must be careful never to place expectations on Cheryl for her to be like me and she must do the same with me.