Listening to Andy Stanley of Northpoint preach recently on providential relationships that impact our spiritual life reminded me of some of the men in my life who encouraged my spiritual growth the most. 

Dennis Newkirk was my pastor when I was in my early twenties and just beginning to get serious about my Christian life.  I grew up in church, but as typical for high school and college years, I wandered from my roots.  I continued to be a leader in other areas.  Dennis recognized this in me and recruited me as a leader in the church. His teaching was the most practical and life-changing I had ever heard. I will never forget the day he pulled me aside and said, “Ron, you are a giant-killer.  Go kill some giants!”  That word became the challenge of my heart that remains today. 

Tommy Rowell was an interim music minister at our church.  I was going through one of the most difficult years of my life.  One night Tommy showed up at my door.  He even came to the back door. I didn’t know Tommy, but God had shared with Tommy that I needed a friend. I did.  Tommy and I became great friends. I learned from Tommy the value of guy friends.  I learned how two men can hug one another and even say they love each other, without it being too weird.  (It still is not something I do naturally, but I ain’t scared of it.)  Tommy’s friendship launched my desire to minister to men who were just as empty of healthy male relationships as I once was.

David Atchison has a similar story to mine, coming into the ministry after years in the business world.  When I became interested in men’s ministries, David was one of the first people I met.  We shared the same heart, had similar Kingdom passions, and just enjoyed each other’s company.  I asked David to mentor me for a couple years.  His insight into God’s Word, especially in the areas of grace and our identity as believers, greatly shaped my theology and understanding of who I am in Christ.  Interesting, David was part of a church plant named Grace Community Church almost 10 years before we launched our own Grace Community Church. 

There have been dozens of others I could have mentioned, these were just the three that came to mind first. Who have been some of the providential relationships in your life that have helped shape you into the believer you are today?  Feel free to pay tribute to them by commenting to this post.  (Then forward it to them.) 

Most of the believers I know have a strong desire to raise their children to be godly; to be passionate followers of God.  With two boys of my own I know the difficulty in completing that task. Years ago, before I even had children, God laid on my heart to develop a plan for my fathering.  Though I never put this on paper at the time, over the years I have begun to write it down in an effort to encourage other parents to have a plan for their parenting in the area of spiritual development.  (I have another overall parenting plan.  Perhaps I’ll share that soon.) 

So, here’s an outline of my plan for spiritual development of a child.  You will need to alter your plan to fit your own goals, life situations, and individualities of your children. 

1.      Realize that raising godly children does not usually happen by accident. 

It will require proper planning and implementation.

2.      Know what you want your child to look like as adults.

Ultimately I want my boys to be like Christ, so He became the primary model I used.

3.      Define what it means to be a Christ follower. 

For me that definition is one who knows what God requires of him and is willing to do whatever it takes to meet that requirement.

4.      Strive to live like Christ personally. 

I realized early in parenting boys that they would each be copycats of me. 

They must see me willing to live out my own definition of who a Christ follower is.

5.      Have basic principles in mind of spiritual growth that you want each child to learn. 

For me those were:

a.      How to hear from God.

b.      What it means to be a student of God’s Word.

c.       The act of surrendering to God’s will.

6.      Find practical teachings from God’s Word.

For my boys, that meant looking at the characters of the Bible and how their lives represented Christ, how they heard from and obeyed God, and also how sometimes they failed.  Reading through Proverbs and Ecclesiastes also helped implant wisdom in my boys.

7.      Individualize teaching time for the child. 

We seldom did the typical Bible study setting; although that may seem like the easy way.  I looked for teachable moments with my boys; for one boy that was often while pitching a baseball together and for the other it was while kicking a soccer ball. Bedtime was another opportune time for teaching. It is amazing what children will do to delay bedtime, but if the discussion is productive I always felt their character development was most important. Dinner time was another time when we could talk about the things of God.

8.      Be purposeful to talk about the specific character traits you want your child to have. 

We decided each year what was most important for each boy to learn that year.  I purposively brought up character topics, such as honesty or how to treat girls and discussed it with them during teaching moments when I had their full attention.

9.      Be willing to grow in your own learning of who Christ is.

Over the years, my understanding of who Christ is and how He relates to us and the world around us has continually grown. I have allowed my boys to walk through those changes with me.  I haven’t been afraid to let them know I didn’t have answers or that I was wrong.   

10.  Pray and trust Christ. 

I know plenty of examples where parents did everything I have done, yet they haven’t experienced the same results.  I know that only God’s grace can really build godliness and every child has the ability to resist that grace. 

I know it is one of my responsibilities as a father to see that this plan is implemented.  I am thankful for a supporting wife who has worked with me to balance my role with her more nurturing role (which she is excellent at completing).  So far our boys are following after God’s heart in their own way. Both have expressed a sense of call to vocational ministry upon their life.

My role is changing from my boy’s primary influencer to one of a mentor or coach, but I’m thankful for the godly young men they are becoming. 

Every believer wants to hear from God. We want to know “Is this God?” “Is this what He is telling me to do?”

We often listen for the grandiose voice of God and sometimes God speaks that way, but many times God is more subtle than that. Often God speaks through those quiet moments, through other people, and through life’s circumstances. In a crowded world of noise and life distractions sometimes it’s hard to understand what God is saying. How do we take the circumstance of life, as mixed up and confusing as they can be, and figure out what God could be saying to us?

Here are some guidelines to hearing God speak through the circumstances of life.

Mirror your circumstances with the truth of God’s Word. God will never contradict Himself. He will never speak to us through our circumstances in a way that will contradict His written word.

God uses people to confirm His voice. God often sends people into our path to confirm His will for our life. People who attempt to follow God with their life can help us to hear from God.

Recognize that God operates from a plan. Proverbs 16:9 says, “In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.” Rick Warren has sold millions of books telling us that we should live our life with a purpose…God’s purpose.

Examine your circumstances in light of God’s overall plan. When trying to hear from God through the circumstances of life, we should not try to make a decision on one event or set of circumstances. Circumstances may or may not be God speaking to us. We should look at our life over a span of months or years. Jeremiah 29:11 indicates that God has a definite plan to proper us and give us hope. When we look at our life over time we will be able to see what God has been doing. When the circumstances of life consistently line up over time with God’s overall plan it is possible that God is trying to speak through those circumstances.

Don’t allow circumstances to keep you from hearing or obeying God. Paul says in 1 Corinthians 16:8-9 (NIV) “But I will stay on at Ephesus until Pentecost, because a great door for effective work has opened to me, and there are many who oppose me.” The common sense thing to do when everyone opposes you would be to leave, but Paul knew the circumstances were not indicative of God’s will for his life. Sometimes our circumstances may look gloomy, but we haven’t heard the truth of our circumstances until we have heard from God.

Ask God to show you His perspective on the circumstances. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. (Jeremiah 29:13 NIV) As followers of God we will spend our whole life trying to discern the will of God for our life; listening for His voice. If we desire to hear from God through our circumstances we must intently listen for the voice of God. Hearing from God is not always easy. When life is coming at us we cannot seem to understand what is going on, we shouldn’t be afraid to ask for clarification. We should feel free to ask, “God what did you mean by that?”

Remember: God’s primary desire in speaking is for eternal purposes. We limit God to this finite world when we fail to remember He is an infinite God. When we are trying to discern God’s voice through the circumstances of life we should consider how what is happening around us fits into God’s eternal plan to save a lost world from destruction and to mold His children into the image of His Son. God’s primary activity will be in these areas of our life.

Hearing from God is critical for the children of God to know God’s will for our life. Our mission is to learn how to hear His voice. We must listen intently and carefully for His voice through the crowd of noises in the world in which we live. Thankfully God has not given up on us, but is still speaking to His people today.

A college girl from our church sent me a text the other night saying she was struggling spiritually to find her place.  She spent the summer interning at a church doing inner-city ministry.  Coming home has caused her to face the struggle of trying to know what God wants her to do.  She thought she had her life figured out, but now she thinks God wants more from her.  Her relationship with God feels tough and awkward right now.    

It reminded me of a principle God has taught me over the years that is incredibly important for all believers to understand.  After a period of spiritual highs there will most always be a period of spiritual lows. 

It even happened to Jesus.  Consider His baptism experience:   As Jesus was coming up out of the water, he saw heaven being torn open and the Spirit descending on him like a dove. And a voice came from heaven: “You are my Son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased.” (Mark 1:10-11)  This was certainly a high point for Jesus. 

What happened next?    At once the Spirit sent him out into the desert, and he was in the desert forty days, being tempted by Satan. (Mark 1:12-13) 

The spiritual highs are awesome!  We need them.  They make us more aware of God’s presence and glory in our life.  Just don’t be surprised if the spiritual lows follow.  (That process can, if we allow it to, make us more aware of God’s presence also.) 

This morning on the radio we looked at Psalm 119.  I love the heart of the Psalmist. It seems from reading that he has had a taste of the goodness of God and of following His ways and he is vowing to never walk apart from a life of devotion to God again.   That’s the heart I seek.     

Look at the words of the Psalmist and see his passion. 

Psalms 119:33-38

Teach me, O LORD, to follow your decrees; then I will keep them to the end.

Give me understanding, and I will keep your law and obey it with all my heart.

Direct me in the path of your commands, for there I find delight.

Turn my heart toward your statutes and not toward selfish gain.

 Turn my eyes away from worthless things;

preserve my life according to your word.  

Fulfill your promise to your servant, so that you may be feared.  

(NIV…emphasis mine)

Yet the Psalmist had apparently lived long enough to know himself.  He would make a vow, but then normalcy would set in again and, if not careful, he’d be right back to living to please himself again.  He dreaded that return to the mundane Christian experience.   

Continue to look at his words:

Verse 39-40

Take away the disgrace I dread, for your laws are good.

How I long for your precepts!  Preserve my life in your righteousness. (NIV….emphasis mine)

It reminds me of what happened to Jonah in the belly of a fish.  He cried out to God with a heavy realization of what truly is valuable in life:

Jonah 2:8

“Those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs.  (NIV….emphasis mine)

God, help me today not to sacrifice your grace for the seemingly glamorous temporary pleasures and trappings of this world. 

I’m on vacation. It’s been too long since Cheryl and I got away for some extended time to relax. I’m not good at relaxing, and for me, sometimes relaxing is being free to think about what I want to think about. (So quit responding negatively to my Twitters about my thinking!) Anyway, Cheryl and I are accomplishing a goal. We’ve traveled now to every corner of the great USA together. She and I had both been here previously, but never together. (I’ll blog some pictures later.)

I have other things on my “Still To Be Done List”. Here are the first ones to come to mind:

1. Write a fiction book.

2. Sky dive.

3. Live in a city of over 1,000,000 people.

4. Live in a city with less than 10,000 people.

5. Travel Africa.

6. Do mission work in Africa.

7. Travel Asia.

8. Do mission work in Asia.

9. Develop patience (Notice that’s near the bottom. If I never get there…oh well…)

10. Wrestle a bear. (Okay, I’m just kidding about that one. Sort of.)

What’s in your “Still To Do” list? I’d love to hear from you.

Arrogant. Perhaps. Opinionated. Maybe. Critical. Sometimes. Aimless. Never.

People may call me lots of things, but one thing where most people will agree who know me is that I have a purpose to most everything I do; perhaps even to a fault. Playing a game of golf just for fun? Not so much. Playing a game of golf so I can build a relationship with someone or have quiet time to focus on something my mind has been racing about lately. Occasionally. (Actually about twice a year.) My life is usually aiming for something. I promise you I’m not writing this blog post just for “fun”. (What’s that?) So when I write about developing a life plan you can be sure it’s something I practice.

In my previous post 3 Questions to Help Formulate a Life Plan , I listed questions and a process to help a person think through what a personal life plan may look like for them. I want to continue that thought with some more suggestions.

This process was developed while working specifically with marriages in distress and then I began to apply it to the total life planning process. Therefore, it works equally well if used in a specific area of your life, such as marriage, parenting, career, or even your spiritual, physical and financial life.

As you work through the progressive questioning the answers become harder to attain. That’s intentional, because basically we end up striving for those things we really want in life anyway. If your life goals are shaped through a process you are more likely to work to achieve them.

Answer the questions truthfully; not how you think someone else would want you to answer them or even how you wish you could answer them. Again, we tend to work hardest for the things that are in our heart. Don’t try to make yourself something your heart is not into. Only God can do that.

Update your plan regularly. As life changes occur, you gain more life experience, or you simply mature, your answers to questions may change.

Don’t be hard on yourself when you don’t meet your end goal. Just evaluate, re-tool, and go at it again. You’ll most likely do this many times in life. The winners in life are constantly updating the vision for their life and they learn their best lessons through failure. (Someday I’ll post about failure. I know that subject well too!)

Some goals never change. The process to get there may, but the goal itself stays the same. Where you want to be spiritually and the type of family relationships you desire are examples here.

Business speaker Harvey MacKay said: “Failures don’t plan to fail; they fail to plan.” My encouragement to you is to have a plan for each area of your life in which you want to achieve success. (Please tell me that’s every area!)

One of the most common ministry opportunities I have is helping people discover God’s will and determine a life direction. I sometimes feel I get to be a sort of “life coach”. I believe strongly in having a plan of where you want to go and what you want out of life. “Where there is no vision, the people perish.” (Proverbs 29:18) Several years ago I started asking people three questions to help them begin to formulate their own life plan. The questions are:

Where do you want to go?

Begin to ask yourself some evaluation questions. You can think of your own, but here’s some to consider. (Don’t be afraid to dream and think big when answering these questions.)

• If you could see your life in 5 years, 10 years, 20 years, what would you hope to see?
• Where would you live?
• Where are you in your career?
• What kind of relationship would you have with your spouse; with your children, etc.?
• What does your relationship with God look like?

How are you going to get there?

People are usually pretty good at answering the questions above, or at least they have general ideas, but we don’t always plan a course of action to get there. One truth we cannot escape is that we will most likely end up in the direction we are heading. So, we don’t usually meet the goals we set for ourselves unless we aim for them. Begin to take the answers to the questions above and write some action steps to meeting them. What would you have to do differently in your life if you want to end up someday where you say you do?

Are you willing to pay the price?

This is always the quickest question to answer, but if it’s answered truthfully it is always the hardest question. I hear men talk about wanting a close family, but they aren’t willing to place their family ahead of their career or hobbies. Someone says they want to advance in their career, but they aren’t willing to gain the education necessary. Achieving success at anything requires a certain level of sacrifice. Some people may want to attain the level, but they aren’t willing to invest what is required to get there. At some point you will have to determine if you are.

Spend some time wrestling with these questions and you will be on your way to developing your own life plan. For accountability purposes, share them with someone close to you and give them permission to periodically ask you how you are doing.

For a continuation of this post, see THIS POST.

Are you willing to give it a try?

Here are some of the best wisdom, lessons and principles I’ve received from life. I’m not saying I live by these always, just that I’ve lived long enough to know they are true. I’d love for this to be a continuing dialogue, so please read mine and add your own.

Above all else guard your heart, for it is the well spring of life. – Proverbs 4:23, Eventually it all boils down to the heart of the matter.

God cares more about our character than He does many of the individual decisions we make, but if we are not careful we will spend more of our prayer time focusing on those decisions. – Being a good father is more important than buying the best house in town.

You’ve got to know when to fold them; know when to walk away; and know when to run. – There are times to fight and times you know you can’t win and times when you shouldn’t be fighting anyway. Learning the difference is huge.

If you can’t say nothin’ nice, don’t say nothin’ at all. - Thumper knew a truth that Scripture plays out too. There are times when we need to “shut up” and say (or email) nothing.

Once it is said, it’s much harder to take back. - Thumper didn’t say this one, but maybe the warning should have come after it, because we usually don’t listen to the first suggestion.

It takes time to mend a broken heart. – As believers we don’t grieve like a world without hope, but we still hurt. Healing wounds take time, prayer, and truth. Some marriages need to know this principle.

Letting people get credit for something I did is okay if the organization is moving forward. - In the end, if I’m leading, I’ll get all the credit I deserve and more.

Jesus came full of grace AND truth. - We tend to err in one direction or the other.

More of the same will not produce change. - You can’t keep doing the same things and expect to get different results.

Sometimes the greatest fear we have is the greatest opportunity God has to use us for His glory. - God seems to always call us to that which seems bigger than we are. That causes us to rely on Him more.

God is faithful; you can trust Him. - This one comes with test after test, but He has proven Himself every time.

We tend to end in the direction we are headed. – We shouldn’t be surprised if we end up in a bad situation, if that’s the direction we were aiming our life.

You get more bees with honey than vinegar. – Being nice to people usually gets better results than beating them into submission. (Bible truth: It’s the kindness of God that leads to repentance.

People are different from me. – I tend to want people to respond to life and me as I respond to life and others. They don’t.

Every life experience can be used of God for something that gives God glory. – Everything! Maybe even reading this post!

Now share yours!

What have you learned in life…or what did you momma…or Thumper…teach you?

You might also enjoy:

10 Lessons I’ve Learned in Life

10 Lessons it Took Me Years to Understand

10 Life Principles I’ve Learned