I previously posted this story under another title, but since it’s been 4 years, I thought I was expand it and share again.

Recently I received some great life and leadership advice from my mom.

Please understand, my mom is retired from over 40 years of work in the business world, but she is usually not the first person I would think of for business advice. I mean, she is smart, no doubt about that, but she is my mom.

I would read Truett Cathy or Warren Buffett for business advice. I look to John Maxwell (and others) for leadership advice. I have a plethora of people I go to for life mentoring. I go to my mom when I cannot find my recipe for cornbread. (She makes some killer cornbread by the way.)

Before you write me…I know, my mom is a great place to get life advice. I’m trying to be funny and make a point. (I wish I didn’t have to give so many disclaimers )

Anyway, a friend is a salesperson for a manufacturing company. He has been concerned he might lose his job because his sales aren’t meeting expectations of management. My mom shared with me what she has been telling him. He claims that he could sell more product, if the production people could produce his orders faster. He says sales are not the problem, a lack of production is keeping the company from moving forward, and other orders seem to be produced before his orders, which is hindering his ability to meet his quota.

My mom told him he may need to leave his comfortable desk and chair, shut his laptop for a while, show an interest in the production people, and, if necessary, learn to help make the product. Her quote, “You need to make yourself indispensable to the company right now, because desperate times call for desperate measures.”

Make yourself indispensable.

You know, my mom is right. Too many times when our organization is suffering we cast blame rather than rally the team. We throw in the towel rather than work for a solution. We give up rather than create energy around us.

It is easier to quit sometimes than to weather through the rough periods, but the greatest and sweetest victories come to those who stick it out through the hard times and make it to the other side.

My mom was basically saying:

Sometimes you just have to do what you have to do so you can get done what has to be done.

I know…that’s deep right? And, I’m not as eloquent of speech as my mom. But it’s true. Sometimes it’s necessary to do the uncomfortable, the thing you don’t really want to do, maybe even the thing you don’t feel qualified to do…if you want to be successful. I frequently talk with people who are struggling in their personal life…either vocationally, in their relationships, or even physically. They want things to improve, but they aren’t willing to do the hard things to get them where they ultimately want to be.

Are you discovering tough times? Are you struggling to get where you want to be? Learn a lesson from my mom.

Desperate times call for desperate measures.

What is some life advice you got from your mom?

This is a guest post by Darrell Vesterfelt. Darrell is a the president of Prodigal Magazine and church planter in West Palm Beach, Florida who believes in the power of stories to change the world. His life’s passion is to help people to tell their story so they can see and understand the truth of God at work in their lives. You can follow him on twitter: @dvest

3 Principles of Starting New Things

I am a dreamer, through and through. Just ask my wife. She has heard me pitch about 100 new ideas to her in our first few months of our marriage. Some of those dreams have become a reality, but dozens of them haven’t.

That’s okay. Dreaming is what makes me suited as an entrepreneur and a church planter. It’s how I’m doing what God has called me to do with my life.

The thing I’m learning about dreaming is that dreaming, by itself, isn’t good enough. Starting something from nothing takes more than just a dream or a desire to make it happen. It takes a lot of time and sacrifice. Turning dreams into reality takes more time than I might want, sometimes. More sacrifice than is comfortable, but if none of my dreams ever turn into reality — then what was the point of dreaming in the first place?

Here are 3 principles I am learning as I am in a season of starting new things.

You have to do whatever it takes.

Not every dream is worth pursuing. I have lots of dreams in a day and I don’t run with all of them. I couldn’t. If I did, I wouldn’t be successful with any of them. If I want to be successful at all I have to pick a dream, and invest in it.

This selection process is important for me because it forces me to commit. When you’re forced to choose only one dream, you’re more likely to make the sacrifices needed to make that dream a reality. You are — all in. The dream that you choose is worth any and every sacrifice that you will have to make.

If your dream is going to become a reality, it is going to take every single resource you have, and then some. It will take all of your time, money, and energy. It might mean that you have to work two full-time jobs for awhile, or that you have to get creative about raising capitol. But get ready. If you want to start something new you’re going to have to do what it takes. And it takes a lot.

Don’t despise small beginnings.

If you’re anything like me, you don’t like small beginnings. Actually, you don’t like small anything. The bigger the better. As an entrepreneur (or church planter) it’s easy to get discouraged. But one of the things I’m learning is not to despise small beginnings.

It’s important to build a strong foundation now, while your dream is small, so that your business or organization can operate with integrity later, as it grows. Good things take time to build. Don’t despise the beginning.

Think of it like a building. If the structure is not sturdy when it’s small, it isn’t going to be sturdy when it’s big. In fact, if you build on a shaky foundation, your building will never survive. What you really need, in the beginning, is a strong foundation, good walls. A sturdy frame. Those things come from integrity and hard-work and patience.

Building a team of people around me isn’t just important, it’s vital.

As much as I’d like to think that I can do everything on my own, I can’t. In fact, if I try, I will for sure fail. I need people who can support me and encourage me when things get difficult. People who know me well enough that, when things get tough, or when my insecurity gets in the way, they can point me back toward reality, toward Truth.

I also need people who are good at things I’m not. I need people who are different than me, who have different skills and strengths to bring to the table. I am only part of the picture, and if I try to “chase my dream” alone it is only possible to accomplish part of the objective. I need people.

Just having people around me isn’t good enough, though. They have to be the right kind of people. If I try to fit the wrong person into the wrong role, I’m not doing anyone any favors. I’m actually denying and ignoring the truth of who God called that person to be, and using them for my own selfish ambition. That will only lead to resentment and frustration.

It won’t ever accomplish my objective.

One of the most important things I can do as I start something new is notice people for the unique set of skills and strengths they bring to my team, to celebrate those strengths, and to equip them to do what God has made them to do. That’s what it looks like to really love people; and loving people should always be my primary objective.

In the same way, I don’t allow just anyone to speak into my life and hold me accountable. Everyone has an opinion about everything and if I bent to what every person in the world thought was “right” for me I wouldn’t ever accomplish anything. There are only a few people who have the right to call me out when they think I’m wrong; and ultimately I answer to the Lord, not to them.

I go where He calls me, not where they do.

What principles have you learned about starting new things?

I am frequently confused for an extrovert. On Sundays and other important days of ministry I can perform as an extrovert. I assure you, it’s not the real me!

I’m an introvert. I’ve written extensively about it here. You might read:

True Confession: Life as an Introvert

Don’t Quit the Ministry Because You’re an Introvert

7 Ways Extroverts Can Help Introverts

7 Pitfalls of Being an Introverted Pastor

7 Ways I Work with Introversion to Protect My Ministry

It’s not that I’m fake in those incidents. I love people. I love connecting. I genuinely want to engage with others. It simply doesn’t come natural to me.

As a result of my ability to appear extroverted, a question I receive frequently is: How do you do it? How do I appear so extroverted when I am so introverted? (I almost max out that preference on the Myers Briggs.) How do I perform on Sundays…and other days of the week?

Recently I went through a week of interviews for my new ministry assignment. I was expected to meet and engage at several affairs each day. I was exhausted, but I kept going. I’ve never been so extroverted for a week. How did I do that?

Here are 5 ways I break away from my introversion to perform as an extrovert:

Prepare mentally – I have to prep myself before Sunday, for example, that I have a job to do, people are expecting me to engage with them, that it’s not going to be easy, but that I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. It’s a mental exercise before any event where I need to be outgoing.

Act purposeful – I remind myself that there is a reason to be extroverted in some occasions. Often people are waiting on me to engage them. To be a Kingdom builder, I have to converse with others; even when it’s uncomfortable. The reason I am willing to act outside my comfort zone is that I love people more than I love my individual preference or comfort. I have to be purposeful.

Discipline myself – At some point, I just do it. I simply have to make myself do what I may not want to do. Work the room. Make the initial approach for a new relationship. Talk! Engage! Connect! Do it!

Practice – It gets easier with time. It really does.

Reward myself – After an extremely extroverted occasion…I crash heartily. Sunday afternoon naps are the deepest sleeping I ever have. Plus, my family understands if I’m quieter than normal at Sunday lunch.

Okay, introverts, your turn. How do you breakout of your introversion when you need to do so?

I originally wrote this post for Catalyst Leader.

Humility is a desired, but often neglected characteristic of good, servant leadership. The more we promote ourselves online, the more I’m afraid humility is being forgotten. As one who has an online presence, I consistently sense God reminding me that I’ve been on the bottom and I can return there.

Pride is a struggle for many leaders (author included), but we must strive to bring humility to our leadership roles.

Here are 10 attributes of a humble leader:

Dangerous Trust – Humility always demands a certain level of trust. A humble leader is willing to take a risk on others, trusting them with the sacredness of the vision, even at the chance they may be disappointed with the outcome.

Sincere Investment – Humble leaders know the vision is bigger and will last longer than they will, so they willingly invest in others, raising up and maturing new leaders.

Gentle, but Strong – One can’t be a leader and be weak. Every position of leadership will provide a challenge to the leader, but humble leaders have learned the balance between being gentle and remaining strong. (Think Jesus!)

Readily Admits Mistakes – Everyone makes mistakes. In fact, we often learn more through failure than through success. The humble leader is quick to admit when he or she has done wrong and deals with the fault-out without casting blame or making excuses.

Forgives easily – Leadership is filled with disappointment; often at the expense of other’s mistakes. A humble leader forgives easily, remembering how many times he or she has been forgiven.

Quickly diverts attention – We all like to be recognized for accomplishments, but a humble leader is quick to divert attention to others, sharing the limelight for successes with those, who many times, may have even had more to do with the success than the leader did. They celebrate the success of others louder than personal success

Remains thankful – A humble leader is appreciative of the input of others into his or her leadership. So much so, that a humble leader naturally praises the actions of others far more than the time spent patting themselves on the back for personal accomplishments. Humble leaders recognize that all good gifts come from above.

Recognizes Limitations – No one can do everything. A humble has the ability to say, “I can’t do that or I’m not the one who should”.

Shares authority – Humble leaders don’t take all the key assignments for themselves, but gives out prime responsibility and authority to people he or she is leading.

Invites feedback – A humble leader wants to learn from his or her mistakes and wants to continually see improvement. Humble leaders initiate other’s suggestions and feedback, not waiting until complaints come, but personally asking for the input.

Humility is not putting yourself down as a leader. It’s ultimately recognizing who you are in view of Christ and others. The danger in not being a humble leader or considering ourselves better than others, is that one day we may be “humbled”. Many of us learn humility the hard way.

What would you add to my list?

This is a guest post by Joey Berrios. Joey is an educator, writer, and designer. You can read his blog at joeyberrios.com. He is the author of Addicted To Love.

Taking Initiative

We all have the fear of rejection. We all have the fear of putting ourselves out there. We all have the fear of taking a risk. We all have the fear of failing. We all have a part of ourselves that wants to play it safe and hold back when it comes to our personal creativity and innovation.

Seth Godin says the following about our fear of taking initiative in his book Poke The Box: “The simple thing that separates successful individuals from those who languish is the very thing that separates exciting and growing organizations from those that stagnate and die. The winners have turned initiative into a passion and a practice. The challenge, it turns out, isn’t in perfecting your ability to know when to start and when to stand by. The challenge is getting into the habit of starting.”

Fear holds us back from personal breakthroughs and innovation. Fear keeps us from speaking up when we have a great idea. Fear keeps us from creating something beautiful that can enhance the lives of others. Fear causes us to be mediocre. If we are not careful, fear can rob us of our creativity and passion. By playing it safe, we rob ourselves of the difference we can truly make as leaders in the lives of others.

One of the greatest qualities of a leader is the ability to take initiative. A great leader does not wait to be told what to do: he finds what needs to be done and does it. A great leader understands that he must fight to keep himself from being controlled by fear and doubt.

Examine the following quotes from a few of our world’s great leaders:

“Success seems to be connected with action. Successful people keep moving. They make mistakes, but they don’t quit.” -Conrad Hilton (Hilton Hotels)

“The right man is the one who seizes the moment.” -Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

“I would rather regret the things I have done than the things I have not.” -Lucille Ball

“An idea is worthless unless you use it.” -John Maxwell

Is there a project you have been dragging your feet on? Is there an idea that you are passionate about? Is there a goal that you want to accomplish? Don’t let fear keep you from taking the necessary steps to reach your desired future. Yes, you will have haters. Yes, your ideas might not always workout the way that you planned. But what option do you really have? You cannot afford to do nothing. You must step out and take a risk. You must take initiative and bring your dream to life.

Success comes to those who are extraordinary. There are far too many people who are playing it safe in our world today. Our world needs leaders who are willing to take the risks necessary to bring their ideas to life. Playing it safe and refusing to take risks will only chain us to mediocrity. By taking initiative, we can begin to see our creativity and innovation make an impact on our world.

Where in your life do you most need to take initiative?

You’re familiar with the common scenario where someone approaches you for advise for a “friend”. Everyone knows that “friend” is the person asking the question.

That scenario happens in leadership also.

Good leaders attempt to get to the question behind the question.

The question behind the question may be the most important question.

When someone is asking the leader a question, the leader needs to consider if the question is the real question or a disguised question to get to an unspoken question.

Confused?

Sometimes, whether because of fear, insecurity or intimidation, people are hesitant to share what’s really on their mind. They ask questions or make statements that are really innuendos of a bigger issue.

Good leaders look beyond what’s being verbalized. They attempt to discern the motive and intent of the question or statement. They ask follow up questions to make sure they understand the concern or input being given.

The health of the organization may depend on knowing what’s really being communicated…or not being communicated.

Next time someone asks you a question…or makes a statement…consider whether there is a question beyond the question.

You may now want to read “10 Symptoms of the Unaware Leader“.

A couple years ago there was a consistent problem in one of our areas of ministry. It was something which I would have quickly addressed, but no one brought it to my attention. Thankfully, I’ve learned the hard way that what I don’t know can often hurt my leadership or the church the most, so I’m good at asking questions and being observant. Through my normal pattern of discovery I encountered the problem, brought the right people together, we addressed the problem and moved forward.

End of story.

It reminds me though that the leader is often the last to know when something is wrong. I tell this to our team consistently. You only know what you know and many times, because of the scope of responsibility of the leader, he or she isn’t privy to all the intricacies of the organization. Some people, simply because they would rather talk behind someone’s back than do the difficult thing of facing confrontation, tell others the problems they see before they share them with the leader. Without some systems of discovering problems the leader may be clueless there is even a problem.

Not knowing is never a good excuse to be unaware.

It’s not a contradiction in terms. I’m not trying to play with words. I’m trying to make an important leadership principle. As a leader, you may not know all the facts, but you should figure out how to be aware enough as a leader to discover the facts which you need to know.

Not certain if you are an aware leader?

Here are 10 symptoms of the unaware leader:

• Not knowing the real health of a team or organization.
• Clueless to what people are really saying.
• Unsure of measurable items because they are never measured or monitored.
• Not asking questions for fear of an unwanted answer.
• Not dreaming into the future; becoming content with status quo.
• Preferring not to know there was a problem than that there is one.
• Ignoring all criticism; dismissing it as negativity.
• Not learning anything new, relying on same old ways to consistently work.
• Making every decision without input from others.
• Assuming everyone supports and loves your leadership.

There are some things the leader will never know. That’s okay. Walking by faith is a good thing. I highly encourage it. There are issues within the life of an organization, however, that while the leader may not know readily, or even want to know, he or she should explore continually.

Want to test your awareness?

Try this simple experiment. Send an email to a fairly sizable group of people you trust…key leaders…staff members…friends…. Make sure there are some people on the list who you know will be honest with you. In fact, tell them you want them to be. Tell them that you are trying to be more aware as a leader and need their help. Ask them: What am I missing? What do you see that I don’t see? What should I be doing that I’m not doing? What are people saying that I’m not hearing? Who on my team is keeping from me how they really feel?

Now, to really make this experiment successful, let them answer anonymously. You trust them, right? Set up a Survey Monkey account and let them respond without having to add their name.

See what responses you receive.

Not ready to do that? You could simply address the symptoms above and see how that improves your awareness as a leader. Whichever you choose…here’s to knowing what you do not currently know!

What other symptoms are there of an unaware leader?

This is a guest post by Tor Constantino. He is a former journalist, has an MBA, and works in public relations where he has directly reporter to several CEOs in his career. He lives near Washington, D.C. with his wife and two daughters. You can read his blog and follow him on Twitter.

Not all decisions are created equally – some are much tougher for a leader to make than others. Consider the recent decisions surrounding National Football League quarterback, Peyton Manning.

A Gordian Knot of Decisions

The future NFL hall-of-famer recently left the Indianapolis Colts to become the starting quarterback for the Denver Broncos.

Prior to that decision, Manning had only played professionally for Indianapolis. The team drafted him out of college more than 13 years ago. During that tenure, Manning won a Super Bowl, was selected for multiple Pro Bowls, was named league MVP and never missed a game.

However, he missed the entire 2011 NFL season due to a series of spinal surgeries and physical rehabilitation to alleviate neck pain and weakness in his throwing arm that had developed over time. When Manning and the Colts ownership decided to part ways, there were no less than 12 different NFL teams that were lined up waiting to woo the QB to their respective franchises.

How Did He Decide?

While each team had its pros and cons, each was unequivocally willing to open their respective checkbook to corral the superstar player. According to media reports, within a week the final three teams Manning was considering were: the Tennessee Titans, San Francisco 49ers and the Broncos.

Less than 14 days after his release from the Colts, Manning signed a life-altering deal with Denver for $96 million over five years. While some questioned the move, many applauded the decision.

While nobody knows all drivers of Manning’s decision…

There are some general lessons to be learned when big decisions must be made.

1. Relationships Trump Talent

Initially,sports experts believed that Manning would select the resurgent 49ers organization since the team is loaded with a slue of talented players, a top-rated defense and an aggressive, young coach. However, insiders reported that Manning developed a strong relationship with Broncos General Manager, John Elway who led the Broncos to multiple Super Bowls as a QB in the twilight of his career – very similar to Manning’s situation. It seems that the trust and common bond that was fostered between these two men, trumped a decision based purely on a team’s raw talent.

2. Trusted Advisors are Essential

Anyone who’s followed his career knows that Manning has a tight circle of counselors. Those have included his agent Tom Condon, former Indianapolis Colts coach Tony Dungy and General Manager Bill Polian as well as Manning’s dad, QB legend Archie Manning and others. Once he was released by the Colts that circle tightened to only include his most experienced and trusted advisors who helped him consider and evaluate all the decision variables to ensure nothing was fumbled.

3. Not Every Decision is a Long-Term Decision

Most management books stress the need to make decisions with the long view in mind. However, in the Manning example, he took a decidedly short-term perspective. A few weeks after signing with the Broncos, Peyton turned 36 years old – for an NFL quarterback that’s nearly retirement age. Manning clearly wants to add to his legacy and win as many championships while he physically can. The Titans had even offered him an ownership stake in the team once he left the game, but Manning believed he had a better chance of winning in the short-term with Denver – which seems to matter to him more.

4. Removing Barriers Helps Solidify Decisions

One of the most interesting, yet under-reported, aspects of Manning’s contract negotiations was that he was willing to release the team that signed him from financial obligations if he was unable to perform as a result of any complication related to the neck surgeries or previous nerve damage he suffered. Shrewdly, once Manning knew the team he wanted he removed the most serious objection – his health – before it became an issue, which saved time and helped solidify his decision.

5. Decide Based on Your Strengths

Manning is unique amongst NFL quarterbacks in that he is often compared to an on-field offensively-minded coach or veteran offensive coordinator as well as player. As such, he has complete command of the offense both on and off the field. Interestingly, the two head coaches for the Titans and 49ers were both offensive players in the NFL, while Broncos head coach Jon Fox has a decidedly defensive-focused approach to the game. Manning knew his personal strengths and understood that Denver afforded him the greatest opportunity to lead and play the game his way, while helping the entire organization.

While few of us will have to decide between NFL teams to play for or the value of intangibles beyond a multi-million dollar payday, we can clearly see the benefits of a thoughtful decision process that, if applied, can help anyone make the right call in the game of life.

Question: What tactics help you make decisions?

I work with a lot of hurting leaders, mostly who lead within our churches. My most recent Ministers Health Survey revealed there are some genuine concerns among our church’s leadership.

I’ve often wished I could say something to every leader. There are some things I’ve learned the hard way. I often share things leadership should do, but today I thought it wise to share some things not to do.

Here are 7 things every leader needs to quit:

Measuring success compared to another’s success – Your leadership will not be like someone else’s leadership. It’s not designed to be. You’ll likely be successful in ways other leaders aren’t. Some of those may be visible and measurable, but some may not be. The goal should be to be the best leader you can be and measure your success by your obedience to being the leader God has designed you to be.

Pretending to have all the answers – There’s an unfair expectation many leaders face to be the person with the answer in every situation. Seriously, how’s that working for you? The sooner you admit you don’t have all the answers, the quicker your team will be willing to fill in your gaps.

Trying to be popular – If you want to be popular, be a celebrity. If you want to be a leader, be willing to do the hard tasks to take people where they need (and probably want to go), but may be resistant along the way. Leadership can be lonely at times. Be prepared.

Leading alone – Just because leadership can be lonely, doesn’t mean you have to lead alone. Good leaders surround themselves with people who care, people who can hold them accountable, and sharpen their character and their faith. If you have a tendency to separate yourself from others, stop now and reach out to someone. Take a bold risk of being vulnerable and release some of the weight of responsibility you feel.

Acting like it doesn’t hurt – When people you trust betray you…it hurts. When people rebel against your leadership…it hurts. On days where it seems you have more enemies than friends…it hurts. Don’t pretend it doesn’t. You won’t lead well if you’re a cry baby, but you should have some outlets where you can share your pain.

Trying to control every outcome – Three reasons not to: 1) It doesn’t work. 2) It limits others. 3) It’s not right. Leadership is not about control. It’s about relational influence. When you control others you limit people to your abilities. When you empower people you limit people to their combined abilities as a team…and there’s strength in numbers.

Ignoring the warning signs of burnout – At some point in your leadership, if you really are leading through the deep waters of change, relational differences, or simply the stress of wearing the leader hat, you’ll face burnout. When you start to have more negative thoughts than positive thoughts, when the pressure of leadership is unbearable for a long period of time, or when your leadership starts to negatively impact your physical or emotional health or your relationships, it’s time to seek help.

Be honest: Which of these do you most need to quit?

What else would you advise leaders to quit?

When it comes to making changes…

Whether at home….

In an organization…

In a business…

In a church…

The way you introduce change is equally important to the change you introduce.

If you want the change to be effective, you’ve got to invest time in doing it well.