“You Can’t”

Oh yea?…we’ll see about that…

Cheryl and I hang out together on Saturdays. It’s our favorite time of the week. We do whatever we want to do…together. Many times that involves eating. Our boys say when they are old and boring, they want to be like us…often driving miles just to eat somewhere new or unique.

On a recent Saturday we found a new breakfast place. It was good…not as good as we hoped for…but not bad. We had plans that evening to drive an hour away to an Italian restaurant we had heard about, but never been. In the middle of the day, I told her I was going to eat something…I don’t remember what. She said, “You can’t eat that now. You won’t eat any supper.”

Oh yea?…we’ll see about that…

I didn’t want something to eat as much as I wanted to show her I could eat whatever it was and still eat a full supper.

That’s a simple illustration, but it’s repeated throughout my life. Tell me I can’t and I want to prove that I can.

What is it about me?

Am I alone in this desire to prove those two words wrong?

(BTW, You can’t comment on this post and tell me you’re like me…or that I’m weird. YOU CAN’T!)

Is he a good guy?

What’s he thinking?

More important,

What’s he about to say?

I’ve always wanted to try fiction writing…

But you see…

I’m most passionate about issues such as church and ministry leadership, organizational development…

Stuff like that…

Pretty boring, huh?

Well…maybe not…

I’m toying with an idea…

What if I start a fiction series focussed on the life of a pastor…

The adventures of a pastor, his family and his church…

We’d see the highs and the lows of ministry and leadership…

How they deal with issues within the church…

What do you think?

Would you read it?

Then also…

What should their names be?

Right now I have Bro. Hank and Sister Marge…

I’m thinking you can help me do better than that…

Suggestions?

Here are 7 random things I wonder:

If God talked to Himself…what would He say?

If birds of a feather flock together…why do opposites attract?

If the greatest lessons in life come from failure or loss…should I pray for hard times?

If we know the end of the story…why do we keep living like this is as good as it gets?

If laughter is the best medicine…do they have a generic for that?

If today is the first day of the rest of my life…then why do I feel so old?

If God is in control…then why do I keep pretending like I am?

What are some things you are wondering these days?

There are two ways to ensure you always agree with your senior leadership:

1. Follow someone just like you…

(Ever found that person?)

2. Be the senior leader…

(Of course, when you can’t agree with yourself…)

Any other suggestions?

Ladies, here’s a secret your husband probably won’t share…

He needs your unconditional respect…in fact…he needs you to be his biggest fan…

Your support feeds his God-given ego…

Sure, that ego can be abused…

But just as you need his unconditional love, he needs your unconditional respect…

I realize you nor he is capable of perfectly fulfilling those individual needs…

But at least you know the secret now…

You see…

Doing well for the woman he loves is perhaps one of the greatest goals in a man’s life…

That inner desire starts at a very early age…

The little league ball player who turns around to see if mom watches him bat…

The same little boy who brings a flower (weed ) home to mom…it’s the respect he’s seeking…

The truth is sometimes a guy feels as if he doesn’t measure up…actually a lot of times…

(Please don’t tell him I told you this…)

He feels the weight of being wonderful in so many areas…his home, his family, his work…even in his hobby…

It’s a pressure men carry internally…mostly never sharing it with anyone…

Chances are that fear of failure is his greatest fear…

He sees you doing so well with all your responsibilities…the home, the kids, relationships…

Even your walk with God shines brighter than his sometimes…okay…most times…

You handle things so well, in fact…at times, he’s tempted not to even try…

(Please don’t tell him I told you this )

One time after preaching…Cheryl said nothing…

Usually she says “Great job today”…or…”That was a good one”

That day…nothing…

3 days later…I asked, “Was I that bad?”…

I needed her positive feedback and encouragement….it’s what fuels me…

Your husband does too…

I know that sounds shallow of us…perhaps it is…

But…

Here’s the best part of the secret….

If your husband feels respected in his home…he will do anything to keep it…

Maybe even start doing the dishes….brag on him when he does that too…

Maybe next will be the dusting…nah…don’t push it!

Next time your little boy…I mean big boy…is up to bat…make sure he can turn around and see you smiling…

(This is a revised version of a post I did a couple years ago, and a light-hearted way to address a serious issue I see in many marriages.)

For more of my marriage advice, go HERE.

Chances are good by now you’ve seen this. It happened down the road from me. I don’t know this pastor, but I may need to invite him to lunch sometime.

Just so you know, this is not a typical Tennessee prayer. It certainly brings attention to the fact that we do pray!

What thoughts come to your mind with this prayer?

I was talking with a young man at church today. He’s been married a couple years and is still learning how to understand his wife, and more importantly, how to communicate with her. I think he actually thought I’d figured things out by now. Silly boy!

His dilemma?

He had an example:

His wife got a new haircut. She wasn’t sure she liked it. She wanted his response. He said, “I like it.” She said, “Do you really?” He said, “Yes, I really do!”

She said, “No you don’t, you’re just saying that.” He replied, “No, I really, really like it. Seriously.”

She asked, “Would you tell me if you didn’t?” He said, “Of course I would.” She said, “No you wouldn’t…you hate it don’t you?”

“No”, he continued, “I really think it’s great. You’ve never looked any better. I think it makes you so much more attractive.”

“So you didn’t like my hair before?”

“I didn’t say that. I just meant I really like it.”

“But you said I’m more attractive now. It makes me think you didn’t like my hair then.”

“I loved your hair then and I love your hair now. You could wear your hair anyway…in fact you could shave your head…and I’d love it.”

“See, you don’t really care.”

Okay, so I don’t know the word for word conversation. I embellished a little…almost like I’ve had a similar conversation. Not that I ever have of course…but, almost like I had…almost

Men, have you ever been in that conversation?

Wives, how should he have responded?

(Please note that I put this post in the “funny” category…)

Most of my posts are serious, but I’m actually a guy who likes to just have fun! Warning. This post will not improve your leadership, strengthen your family and may waste a few minutes of your time…but let’s play anyway!

I get asked frequently “what’s your favorite ____?” Primarily this question involves food.

• What’s your favorite meal?
• What’s your favorite food?
• What would you eat if it were your last meal?

It was the subject again recently while we were on vacation. We were traveling with another couple and the three others (besides me) wanted to know one or all of the answers to those questions.

What, are we in 5th grade again?

I don’t know! Honestly I don’t. I have lots of favorites. I could pick a different favorite everyday of the week.
I love:

• Pizza
• Steak
• Fried Chicken (Southern style)
• Homegrown tomatoes
• Ham
• Hamburgers
• Fruit
• Bacon
• Cake
• Pie
• Chocolate

What can I say? I’m an eclectic eater!

What about you?

Someone once asked me…if I was holding a gun to your head and you had to give an answer, what’s your favorite food?

Just curious…What would you say?

At least I didn’t ask you to raise your hand if you like…

Just for the record, our marriage is fine..in fact…it’s probably never been better…

But…that doesn’t mean we don’t have disagreements. Actually, our differences are what make us a stronger couple. (As long as we can laugh about them occasionally )

Help us solve our current difference of opinion (like you’re opinion will matter any more than mine did ).

Here’s the scenario. We moved into a condo downtown about 6 months ago. You can read why we did it HERE. Since we got here we’ve had boxes in our garage trying to decide what we we’re keeping and what we were giving away. My vote was to give all of it away. Cheryl’s vote was to keep all of it. The condo has plenty of storage space.

Today we moved most of the boxes upstairs and placed them in the attic. (In fairness, Cheryl moved most of them while I looked over my message for tomorrow.) Several of those boxes were heavy…heavy…heavy. I moved those.

What was so heavy? Our formal china we got when we married. I think we should get rid of it. Cheryl thinks we should keep them.

Here are my thoughts:

• We downsized (supposedly) and will probably never choose to upsize again.
• We most likely will never have a formal dining room again.
• We never used the dishes anyway…I didn’t even remember what they looked like.
• The boxes are heavy…heavy, heavy, heavy! (Not too heavy for me of course )

(She may have other thoughts, but I didn’t consult her before I wrote this post. )

Anyway, help us solve this difference of opinion. I’m inviting you to weigh into the discussion.

I actually think it’s funny how differently individuals in a couple look at things. Perspective, values, opinions and differences can divide a couple or make a couple stronger. We choose to allow them to make us stronger. (BTW, I have written about marriage differences HERE and HERE.)

Answer this question as a comment: Would you be inclined to keep the china (you may never use) or get rid of it?  (You could also tell me if your spouse would vote the same way.)

I’m thinking if enough of you see it my way she may change her mind…but for now, they’re in the attic!

How are you and your spouse different from each other?