All my life I’ve heard the phrase, “you’d have to experience it to understand it”.  The older I get the more I know that statement to be true about many things.  I was reflecting today about ways I’ve heard that statement used and ways it’s come true in my life.  Some of these below I have experienced; some I haven’t. Some I hope to; some I hope I never will. 

Here are 25 things you have to experience to understand (in no particular order):

1.      Meeting a payroll.

2.      The pain of divorce.

3.      Completing a degree.

4.      Skydiving.

5.      Becoming a parent/grandparent.

6.      Living by faith.

7.      Falling in love.

8.      The speed at which a child grows up.

9.      The pain of kidney stones, or having a baby. 

10.  Going on a mission trip.

11.  Getting married.

12.  Receiving Salvation.

13.  Driving on the Autobahn. 

14.  Losing a job.

15.  Getting hired.

16.  Finally forgiving someone.

17.  Missing the last flight home.

18.  Receiving unconditional love.

19.  Buying your first home. 

20.  Loss of a child.

21.  Caring for an elderly parent.

22.  A first kiss.

23.  Loss of a business.

24.  Battling depression.

25.  Completing a list.

For what have you heard that phrase apply? 

I don’t read many email forwards, so please don’t start sending them to me. My mom doesn’t forward many and this one she only forwarded to her 3 children, so I decided to read it.  It’s a list of things unique to my generation.  I found them interesting and memorable.  If you can identify, enjoy the trip down memory lane.

TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED the 1930′s, 40′s, 50′s, 60′s and 70′s!!

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant.

They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn’t get tested for diabetes.

Then after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-based paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking.

As infants & children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, booster seats, seat belts or air bags.

Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat.

We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from o ne bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.

We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank Kool-aid made with sugar, but we weren’t overweight because, WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.

No one was able to reach us all day. And we were OK.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brak es After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo’s, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 150 channels on cable, no video movies or DVD’s, no surround-sound or CD’s, no cell phones, no personal computer! s, no Internet or chat rooms…..WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.

We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.

We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls and, although we were told it would happen, we did not poke out very many eyes.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend’s house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them!

Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn’t had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!!

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!

These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever!

The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.
We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL!

You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated so much of our lives for our own good .

Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn’t it?!

Most of the believers I know have a strong desire to raise their children to be godly; to be passionate followers of God.  With two boys of my own I know the difficulty in completing that task. Years ago, before I even had children, God laid on my heart to develop a plan for my fathering.  Though I never put this on paper at the time, over the years I have begun to write it down in an effort to encourage other parents to have a plan for their parenting in the area of spiritual development.  (I have another overall parenting plan.  Perhaps I’ll share that soon.) 

So, here’s an outline of my plan for spiritual development of a child.  You will need to alter your plan to fit your own goals, life situations, and individualities of your children. 

1.      Realize that raising godly children does not usually happen by accident. 

It will require proper planning and implementation.

2.      Know what you want your child to look like as adults.

Ultimately I want my boys to be like Christ, so He became the primary model I used.

3.      Define what it means to be a Christ follower. 

For me that definition is one who knows what God requires of him and is willing to do whatever it takes to meet that requirement.

4.      Strive to live like Christ personally. 

I realized early in parenting boys that they would each be copycats of me. 

They must see me willing to live out my own definition of who a Christ follower is.

5.      Have basic principles in mind of spiritual growth that you want each child to learn. 

For me those were:

a.      How to hear from God.

b.      What it means to be a student of God’s Word.

c.       The act of surrendering to God’s will.

6.      Find practical teachings from God’s Word.

For my boys, that meant looking at the characters of the Bible and how their lives represented Christ, how they heard from and obeyed God, and also how sometimes they failed.  Reading through Proverbs and Ecclesiastes also helped implant wisdom in my boys.

7.      Individualize teaching time for the child. 

We seldom did the typical Bible study setting; although that may seem like the easy way.  I looked for teachable moments with my boys; for one boy that was often while pitching a baseball together and for the other it was while kicking a soccer ball. Bedtime was another opportune time for teaching. It is amazing what children will do to delay bedtime, but if the discussion is productive I always felt their character development was most important. Dinner time was another time when we could talk about the things of God.

8.      Be purposeful to talk about the specific character traits you want your child to have. 

We decided each year what was most important for each boy to learn that year.  I purposively brought up character topics, such as honesty or how to treat girls and discussed it with them during teaching moments when I had their full attention.

9.      Be willing to grow in your own learning of who Christ is.

Over the years, my understanding of who Christ is and how He relates to us and the world around us has continually grown. I have allowed my boys to walk through those changes with me.  I haven’t been afraid to let them know I didn’t have answers or that I was wrong.   

10.  Pray and trust Christ. 

I know plenty of examples where parents did everything I have done, yet they haven’t experienced the same results.  I know that only God’s grace can really build godliness and every child has the ability to resist that grace. 

I know it is one of my responsibilities as a father to see that this plan is implemented.  I am thankful for a supporting wife who has worked with me to balance my role with her more nurturing role (which she is excellent at completing).  So far our boys are following after God’s heart in their own way. Both have expressed a sense of call to vocational ministry upon their life.

My role is changing from my boy’s primary influencer to one of a mentor or coach, but I’m thankful for the godly young men they are becoming. 

You got to love this story. I bet this family gets all the Disney they want.

Did you read this story:  Disney motto helped dad, autistic son survive at sea

‘To infinity … and beyond’ is one of the few phrases 12-year-old responds to

Maybe this is a good reminder just how powerful a thought, a phrase, a song, or a lyric can be. 

I want to encourage you to write a letter today (if needed).

In counseling couples and individuals who are experiencing difficulty in a relationship I have often encouraged them to practice the art of letter-writing. Most of the time I would try to help them improve their one-to-one communication skills, but there are some things easier and better to express on paper than in person. For example, a letter may be needed when a couple cannot communicate without arguing; when one person refuses to listen to reason or even give the other person an audience, or when one person is so intimidating to talk to that a point is hard to make with them verbally. Some things seem to convey more importance and get closer attention if they are written rather than just spoken.

A letter allows you to think through what you have to say and cuts down on reactionary arguments that come when trying to discuss something controversial. A letter will usually be read several and even many times; further enforcing the points you are trying to make. A letter is harder to dismiss than a verbal conversation. Please note, this is also NOT email. This is letter writing. That requires a paper and pen, or at least a printer and paper. Email quickly becomes an exchange of ideas that can almost be as counter-productive as the verbal communication. It’s too easy to hit the “reply” button quickly with emails.

I’m not advocating that you avoid personal conversations, but if the situation calls for it, here are some things to remember before writing your letter.

1. Spend as much time praying about it as you spend writing the letter.

2. Edit; then edit, and then edit again. (Again if needed.)

3. Write with an end goal to benefit the receiver and the overall situation in mind. (This should eliminate some things you probably shouldn’t say anyway.)

4. Just as you should do in verbal communication, don’t attack the person; address the issue. Leave personal jabs out of the letter. (This is what editing is all about.)

5. Try to express your true heart; not your anger. Remember, you are attempting to say those things, which for whatever reason, you aren’t able to say effectively in person. Don’t lose your audience by “going off” on the person.

6. The goal is not to be a martyr; no one responds well to that approach. The goal is to be transparent and communicate effectively.

7. Make sure you dedicate as much or even more time focusing on the part you have played in developing a bad relationship or situation. If an apology is needed, give it clearly and completely in the letter.

8. Be clear about the points you are trying to convey. Read them back to yourself. This is one of the best benefits of letter writing. You have the opportunity to clearly think through your response; so don’t lose your chance here.

9. Before you send the letter, ask yourself: “How would I respond if someone sent this letter to me?”

10. This is not a miracle cure, so don’t expect immediate results. The person may not respond the way you would have them to and you may not even know they read the letter. You can be assured they will!

I hope you never have to write the type letter discussed in this post. Chances are, however, if you live a normal life there will be a few situations that merit the true art of letter writing. Write well!

Have you seen where a letter helps a situation better than an face-to-face encounter?

In the modern workplace, information is the power to help employees have the motivation to succeed and reach the vision of an organization.  Unfortunately this is missing in many organizations today.  Information in the form of the company’s goals, future plans, and the mindset of executive leadership is what fuels a sense of ownership and encourages a team spirit. 

Today’s “information age” workforces, especially those who have entered within the last ten years, want to be a part of something that has lasting value.  In order to insure this value is met, they feel a need to understand why they are doing what they are asked to do.  They want to feel they can contribute to shaping the company’s path.  They want to participate in the planning of the organizations future. 

The boss who says or thinks “Because I said so” will not be as successful in today’s culture. 

“What I do in my private time is of no one’s concern but mine.”  I’ve heard that line all my life.  I wonder if that statement is less true, however, for those who are in leadership positions, especially those who desire to lead people towards some sense of a better life, who work with students or children, or who are representatives of other people in their leadership.  In a day in which authenticity is such an admired character trait, it is important that leaders not be one person on the job and another when off duty. 

Did you see the story of the college president who resigned for helping “keg up” someone of the age he was supposed to be leading? 

I certainly don’t want to kick a man when he’s down; although with $400,000 he has a pretty good cushion to rebuild his career.  I do think his story though serves as a reminder to those of us in leadership positions that what we do in our private time does matter.  For that reminder I’m thankful. 

Even before I had children the Lord began to stir in my heart a strong desire to raise godly children. When I found myself with two boys of my own I began to realize the difficulty in completing that task. The Lord began to lead me towards developing a plan for my fathering. I had a plan for my business, a plan for my ministry activity, even a plan for my civic responsibilities, but I didn’t have a plan for my parenting. 

Working with my wife, I began to visualize the type of men we were hoping God would shape in our boys. Then, once we had a vision, we started to set goals and make plans to realize the dream. If we want our boys to be honest, for instance, then we must create situations which gave them the opportunity to make a choice between honesty and dishonesty. Then we walk through that learning experience with them, applying grace or discipline where needed. Each year we re-evaluate their individual needs in the area of spiritual and social maturity. 

At the age of 12, I began a yearlong study with each boy on what it means to be a godly man. We discussed things like moral purity, sex, and commitment in marriage, and commitment to Christ. It wasn’t the first time we discussed these issues, but we were more definite in our effort to answer some of the deeper questions of life. 

When each boy turned 13, he and I went out of town for a night and day. We began our time by each of us writing out answers to a series of questions that I had developed, all relating to manhood. After the “test”, the boy was allowed to pick an activity for the evening. One boy picked a steak dinner and the other decided he wanted to attend a baseball game. When we returned to the hotel we began to answer the questions.  Our overall intent for the time was to answer one question, “what does it mean to be a man?”

Returning home my wife was prepared for us to host a few carefully selected couples who had been influential in our lives or the lives of the boys. Each was given an assignment to write a letter to our son expressing what they believe it means to be a man, specifically a man of God. After dinner, we all gathered in our living room and each couple read their letter to our son. We ended the event with a prayer commissioning the boy to Biblical manhood. At this point there was not a dry eye in the room. 

These years of preparation have provided fruit that has lasted through their teen years.  As Jeremy turns 20 today I know that he is prepared to be a man.  Don’t misunderstand me.  My boys are not perfect, and they will surely make mistakes in life, but I am confident they have an understanding of what it means to godly men. I am trying to model those principles for them in my own life, and continuing to disciple them in the ways of Christ. I recognize the importance of passing along the legacy of Christ to my children and I realize that this will not happen by accident. It will require a vision, some goals, and proper planning and implementation. As spiritual leader in my home, I know it is my responsibility to see that this is implemented. 

Cheryl and I have two incredible boys.  We know that God has blessed us dramatically with them.  This week our oldest Jeremy turns 20.  I will no longer be able to say I have 2 teenage boys. 

Jeremy leaving his teens makes me reflect on my role as a dad.  So far he and his brother have been consistent Christ-followers.  Both indicate they have experienced a call to the ministry.  Both are respectful, polite and generous young men.  They love (most of the time) spending time with their parents.  I get the pleasure of sharing wisdom with them often, because they regularly seek my advice.

People ask me all the time how we did it.  I always point to God’s grace…and Cheryl, but it is important to note that we practice intentional parenting.  We truly believe it’s our job to lead our children somewhere.  We know we aren’t finished yet, but so far…so good. 

Here’s the outline of our “plan” for effective parenting: 

*    Model Christ-like living

*    Dream a vision for who you want your children to be

*    Create goals specific to the vision

*    Develop a plan to meet the goals

*    With Christ’s help, work the plan

Tomorrow I’ll share some practical parts of this plan. 

We have overnight guests this week, so I decided to use Cheryl’s bathroom to shower this morning because it’s the most private one in the house. I think I need to go in there more often. I learned some things about my house and wife I didn’t know:

1. I forgot we had a Jacuzzi tub. Can I use it?

2. Why does she have nicer soaps than the boys and I do….and why does she have so many different kinds?

3. Who needs flowers in the bathroom?

4. I see pictures of the boys in there. Where’s my picture?

5. There are some products in there that I don’t know what they are.

6. I tried to use every kind of soap, shampoo, conditioner and body wash in the shower. Am I cleaner now?

7. What do you do with this?

I think that’s all I learned. Can I use the Jacuzzi and play with the duckie now?