Sometimes in marriage, things have to get worse before they can get better. Don’t be afraid to let that process work. If there is a continuous major problem in the marriage, find the courage to address it.
I’ve met numerous couples where there is an obvious major problem, but the offended party is afraid to deal with the issue. I’m not referring to minor differences, such as whether the toilet paper should roll from the top or the bottom…that’s easy stuff…(top, of course)…I’m talking about those non-negotiable concerns in a marriage.
Things such as…
Physical or verbal abuse…Confidence crushing negativity towards the other spouse…Substance abuse…Extreme laziness or not supporting the family… blatant neglect…
If you have a serious issue in your marriage, you have to push through the problem as difficult as that process will be.
I realize when I give this advice some immediately rebel against it, because they fear their marriage will be pushed over the edge if they address the problem. When there is a severe crippling problem in a marriage that goes unchallenged, however, one spouse will suffer in more areas of life than just the marriage. (If this is your situation, you already know that to be true.) The problems in the marriage will affect the person’s health, job performance, and entire well-being, not to mention the marriage will never be all God intends it to be.
When the injured spouse refuses to face reality and address the issue, I usually ask him or her one question:
Are you going to be satisfied with your life and this marriage if nothing changes or improves with this situation for the next 20 years?
The fact is that more nagging won’t help. Worrying about the problem will not make it go away either. If the answer to my question is no, then some action must be taken if you have any hope for improvement.
Obviously, I can’t offer specific advice in a short blog post. Your situation is unique, complicated, and personal, but I can encourage you to get some personal counseling. Force the issue. Work through the problem together. Allow it to make you stronger in the end, but don’t be afraid to address the hard stuff.
Do you have an example of this principle in your marriage? Have you and your spouse had to work through a serious problem before you could make your marriage better?