Yesterday we launched a new series called Necessary Roughness. It’s a unique series for us. I wrote about it HERE.
Week one we addressed the issue of communication in relationships. You can watch that message here:
Communication from Gcomchurch Sermons on Vimeo.
Question: What is your number one struggle with communicating effectively?
Most of the believers I know have a strong desire to raise their children to be godly; to be passionate followers of Christ. With two boys, I know the difficulty in completing that task. Years ago, before I even had children, God laid on my heart to develop a plan for my fathering. Though at the time I didn’t put this on paper, over the years I have begun to write it down in an effort to encourage other parents to have a plan for their parenting in the area of spiritual development. (I have an overall parenting plan. You can read that HERE.)
This is an outline of my specific plan for spiritual development of a child. You will need to alter your plan to fit your own goals, life situations, and the individualities of your children.
Realize that raising godly children does not usually happen by accident. It will require proper planning and implementation.
Know what you want your child to look like as adults. Ultimately I want my boys to be like Christ, so He became the primary model I used.
Define what it means to be a Christ follower. For me that definition is one who knows what God requires of him and is willing to do whatever it takes to meet that requirement.
Strive to live like Christ personally. I realized early in parenting my boys that they would each, in many ways, be copycats of me. They must see me willing to live out my own definition of who a Christ follower is and being willing to walk by faith.
Have basic principles of spiritual growth that you want each child to learn.
For me those were:
Find practical teachings from God’s Word. For my boys, that meant looking at the characters of the Bible and how their lives represented Christ, how they heard from and obeyed God, and also how sometimes they failed. Reading through Proverbs and Ecclesiastes also helped implant wisdom in my boys.
Individualize teaching time for the child. We seldom did the typical Bible study setting; although that may seem like the easy way. I looked for teachable moments with my boys; for one boy that was often while pitching a baseball together and for the other it was while kicking a soccer ball. Bedtime was another opportune time for teaching. It is amazing what children will do to delay bedtime, but if the discussion is productive I always felt their character development was most important. Dinner time was another opportunity when we could talk about the things of God.
Be purposeful to talk about the specific character traits you want your child to have. We decided each year what was most important for each boy to learn that year. I purposively brought up character topics, such as honesty or how to treat girls and discussed it with them during teaching moments when I had their full attention.
Be willing to grow in your own learning of who Christ is. Over the years, my understanding of who Christ is and how He relates to us and the world around us has continually grown. I have allowed my boys to walk through those changes with me. I haven’t been afraid to let them know I didn’t have answers or that I was wrong.
Pray and trust Christ. I know plenty of examples where parents did everything I have done, yet they haven’t experienced the same results. I know that only God’s grace can really build godliness and every child has the ability to resist that grace.
I know it is one of my responsibilities as a father to see that this plan is implemented. I am thankful for a supporting wife who has worked with me to balance my role with her more nurturing role (which she is excellent at completing). So far our now adult young men are following after God’s heart in their own way.
My role is changing from my boy’s primary influencer to one of a mentor or coach, but I’m thankful for the godly young men they have become.
Oh yea?…we’ll see about that…
Cheryl and I hang out together on Saturdays. It’s our favorite time of the week. We do whatever we want to do…together. Many times that involves eating. Our boys say when they are old and boring, they want to be like us…often driving miles just to eat somewhere new or unique.
On a recent Saturday we found a new breakfast place. It was good…not as good as we hoped for…but not bad. We had plans that evening to drive an hour away to an Italian restaurant we had heard about, but never been. In the middle of the day, I told her I was going to eat something…I don’t remember what. She said, “You can’t eat that now. You won’t eat any supper.”
Oh yea?…we’ll see about that…
I didn’t want something to eat as much as I wanted to show her I could eat whatever it was and still eat a full supper.
That’s a simple illustration, but it’s repeated throughout my life. Tell me I can’t and I want to prove that I can.
Am I alone in this desire to prove those two words wrong?
(BTW, You can’t comment on this post and tell me you’re like me…or that I’m weird. YOU CAN’T!)
Most of my readers know by now that I live in a military town. Our church is full of modern-day heros who have sacrificed to keep us free as a nation. I’ve written 10 Reasons I Love Our Military Families previously. Today is a day to remember all that took place, honor the fallen. Hundreds of fire, police and medical personnel, along with hundreds from our nation and others died on 9/11. I heard today that 90 countries were represented in the deaths on 9/11.
In a military community, the remembrance takes on a deeper meaning, because that day changed how many in our community have lived these last 10 years. In our church alone, we have several widows, several parents who have lost children, and hundreds of families who have spent more time separated more than together, because of the events of 9/11. There have been 603 lives lost this far into the war on terror from our community.
This week, as we remembered the events of 911, three of our brave soldiers were interviewed. Here’s is the short interview we shared today.
Please pray for our military and families and for our nation! Please continue to remember those who serve, our military, as well as our police, fire and emergency personnel. Thanks for all you do!
I am honored to live in a military town. All my life I have known soldiers. Some of my best friends and family have been military-related. Our church has a large military population. I have heard people talk about the burden of military families on a church, because every three years they have to be replaced. The family in this picture was in our community group, but left our church for a reassignment. Cheryl and I could not love a family anymore than we love them and we’ve loved staying in touch with them.
I have always felt our church was stronger because of our military families, for as long as they might stay. Therefore, as we celebrate military families, here are 10 Reasons why I love the military families in our church:
God bless our military and God bless America!
(I previously posted this over 2 years ago, but thought it appropriate to re-post, slightly edited, in honor of this weekend.)
I previously wrote 7 Ways to Encourage Your Wife. Several wives (and some husbands) asked for the counterpart. How do you encourage your husband? Fair enough.
I have been guilty of assuming men are simple to encourage, so I had actually written previous posts
If a wife wants to encourage a husband
and
A secret a husband keeps but needs you to know
each involving just one thing to do. You should probably read those posts first, but to keep with the women’s post…
Give him a break from sharing details or emotions – Unless the situation demands it or he wants to share them, let him share the basic facts and information in a non-emotional way. It may be all he knows, has observed or remembers. Give him times when “That’s nice” is enough for an answer.
Brag on him – Especially to your friends… Let them know your guy is the greatest! Be sincere, but do it often and make sure he hears you.
Appreciate his interests - If he likes golf…learn a little about the game…enough to encourage him on a good day. If it’s fishing, cars, or football…well…you get the idea… (Bonus points: Give him hobby time – Most men love knowing they have your permission to enjoy a hobby, without wondering if they should be doing something else.)
Understand his work – A man is often more defined by what he does than anything else in his life. Know enough about his work to recognize his accomplishments.
Be available to him – And occasionally without a lot of effort on his part… Remember…you asked…or at least some of you did. 
Assure him you’re okay…and he’s okay – On this one, I have to be honest…many times we are left wondering if everything is okay. We can’t read emotions as well as you do, but we know when you’re NOT okay. You can encourage him by assuring him nothing is wrong, even if you can’t process at the time how you feel or “what’s wrong”.
Let him fix something – This is not just with his hands…unless he can do that sort of thing…(I can’t) but with his mind. He’s wired as a fixer. Give him an actual problem to solve…and let him solve it without your help.
I almost said “let him eat steak”, but decided some men may prefer ice cream…so I’ll let you decide that one… You know your husband better than I do!
Men, what would you add to my list? What are some ways your wife can encourage you?
You may also want to read 6 Top Needs of a Husband.
I’ve often written this with three steps, but I’ve found something is more memorable if it has an easy to remember formula.
If you are trying to complete a difficult assignment…
When you aren’t certain all parties are as committed as they need to be…
When you are trying to rebuild your trust in a relationship…
Before you commit to a partnership…
At the beginning of an important venture…
Where Where do you want to go? Seriously talk through the end goal. What do you want to accomplish? Define a win! Make sure this part is very clear up front.
How – How will you get there? What’s the plan? Who is going to do what? Who’s responsible? Who’s in charge? What are the necessary steps involved?
Agreement – Are you in complete agreement with the previous two? This is critical. Don’t neglect this important step. Don’t move forward without this step. Are you sure that you are sure?
Tenacity – Are you willing to pay the price to see it through? Most great ideas fail…not because they weren’t great ideas…but because no one had the tenacity to see them through. Decide on the front in that all parties have a “whatever it takes” attitude. This will save you many headaches and heartaches down the road.
WHAT you are trying to accomplish will seem more attainable when you can pass the “What Test”.
There are dozens of applications for this simple formula, but the point is that strategically thinking through these steps will help protect and build or rebuild the relationship; plus keep all parties from being disappointed.
I did the funeral for an 18 year old young man once. (In fact, I’ve done a few too many funerals for children when the parents are still living.) For this boy, I went to school with his mother and his father is a dear, personal friend. He was supposed to start college the following Monday, but tragically died in a car accident on the prior Sunday night. He was a well-loved, funny, popular boy and the funeral home was packed with people paying their respects. As you can imagine, there were hundreds of students wrestling to understand why this happened to their friend.
In times like these, there usually are no words that can fully bring comfort to the family. They are hurting. They are hurting with a pain whose depths most of us can never imagine. I frequently get asked, “What should I say to the family?”
Say nothing if there’s nothing to say…just be there…
Tell them you’re sorry…but don’t try to make explanations…
Give them a hug…and hold them until they let go…
Cry with them…and assure them you care…
Pray for them…and do this continually after you leave their presence…
Just be a friend…
When was the last time you were in a situation where there was simply nothing to say?
I realize this is a heavy issue for this blog, but seriously…I have had to sit with people several times after a loved one committed suicide. A clouded or confused mind may see suicide as the only way out, although it is never the right option, but it is never easy reconcile for the people left behind. I believe one of my dearest pastor friends died of a broken heart after his son committed suicide. Sadly, suicide appears to be on the rise. Our local paper reported this week (see article HERE) that our state has been awarded $1.4 million to aid in suicide prevention.
This post is not aimed for those who have ever considered suicide…
If you are at all thinking of taking your life…STOP and call for help NOW!!!
This post is for those who are victims of knowing someone who has taken his or her life…
One of the things I hear after a suicide breaks my heart. Families are often left wondering what happened to their loved one. Well-meaning people often repeat something they’ve heard before…that friends and family members who commit suicide are destined to be separated from Jesus the rest of their lives. They assume that suicide is the unforgivable sin. I’ve encountered people who struggle for years with the thoughts that their loved one died apart from Jesus. The only problem with that assumption is that I can’t prove it in the Bible.
Yes, suicide is a sin.
Murder is a sin…taking a life is a sin…suicide is a sin…
Please don’t resort to that…There is always a better way…
If you are at all thinking of taking your life…STOP and call for help NOW!!!
But, suicide is NOT the unforgivable sin.
The grace of Jesus Christ is sufficient even for this sin…
I’m fully convinced there will be brothers and sisters in Christ who are in Heaven, who were experiencing terrible trials…who felt trapped or helpless…who made a bad decision…who took their life…but fully believed that Jesus was the only answer for salvation.
Jesus describes the unforgivable sin in Matthew 12:22-32. It says nothing about suicide.
I know this is a delicate issue. You might read THIS POST or THIS POST I found which addresses this issue in better detail.
I’m praying for those struggling with this issue as I post this…
