Teaching Children Honesty
Teaching Children Cooperation
Having the Sex Talk with Children
7 Tips for Surviving the Terrible Threes
Building a Lasting Connection with Children
Building Spiritual Maturity in Your Home
10 Principles for Effective Discipline
Parenting by Grace: A Model
10 Easy Steps to Spoil a Child
7 Things I Should Have Taught My Sons
What is your greatest current leadership challenge?
Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. Ephesians 6:4 NIV
Fathers are not usually seen as the nurturing ones in a family. When my boy’s get sick, they don’t want me, they want Cheryl. The Bible, however, tends to also place the father in a nurturing position. We are told not to “exasperate” our children, which means not to wear them out with correction, but to “bring them up”. That phrase literally means that we spend time with them on a regular basis and encourage them in the development of their character. That sounds like nurturing to me.
The Bible tends to lay responsibility on the father to help set the tone or the climate of the home. A father, who is consistently harsh or is never satisfied with his children, will tend to produce children who lack the confidence to face tough situations in life. On the other hand, a father too quiet and passive to be intimately involved in the lives of children will likely lead to adults who cannot connect well with others, either in the workplace or in their own marriages and homes.
Fathers are often one of the best determinates of a child’s future success in life. If a boy never feels he meets his father’s approval, he may become either an underachiever or an overachiever, but he will likely never feel that he “measures up” in life. A girl whose father fails to affirm her will often seek that approval from another man, often in seeking inappropriate or less than ideal relationships. She may enter marriage unrealistically expecting something from a husband that he may or may not be able to give. I haven’t even mentioned the effects of an absentee or abusive father.
The biggest impact in the life of a child whose father never nurtures is that they often have a harder time realizing the nurturing aspect found in a loving relationship with a Heavenly Father. Without the model from an earthly father, they see God more in the role of Judge than of “Abba”; which is the Hebrew term for our modern “Daddy”.
I’m thankful for the grace and mercy of God that allows so many second chances for fathers who have missed the mark, but if we desire to be Godly fathers, we will strive to nurture our children in love.
For more thoughts on parenting, click HERE.
Happy Father’s Day!
What changes do you need to make this year to be a more nurturing dad?
Our children have become media junkies. The Kaiser Family Foundation recently released a study of children ages 8 to 18, which found, not surprisingly, that they are consuming a astounding amount of media entertainment each day. Children now consume an average of 7 ½ hours per day or 52 ½ hours per week of media saturation.
Consider the average daily media consumption of U.S. children according to the study:
Do you find these numbers surprising?
Do they alarm you?
If the numbers are what they are, how does this impact the way we attempt to reach this generation with the Gospel?
Your thoughts? Do we run from this part of culture, ignore it or embrace it?
Source: ON MISSION magazine Summer 2010, from Kaiser Family Foundation, February 1, 2010.
I said at the beginning of this message on parenting, delivered at Grace Community Church, that I could not answer the entire “how to” questions about parenting. My desire was to offer a paradigm of principles for effective parenting. I really do believe if you follow these principles you will truly live out the Biblical principle of “Train a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not turn from it.” (Proverbs 22:6)
The four principles are:
Be there
Be intentional
Be relational
Be consistent
I also shared this diagram. To understand the diagram and apply the principles, you’ll have to listen to the message.
For the audio version, go HERE
I’m working on some blog posts, messages, and eventually a book on the impact of fathering. I’m especially interested in addressing the absence of a strong father figure in a person’s life, since I see it as a huge scar in many people’s life.
You can help me with this part of my ministry. Please consider completing my survey on fathering. It’s quick and easy and all responses are anonymous. I understand in advance that just answering questions about your father may be difficult for some, but your responses may help others. Thanks!
Click HERE to access the survey. Feel free to send others here to complete it also.
Also as a part of this post, I would love for you to add your public comments on fathering and the impact it has on your life, either as a father or by your father as a comment on this post. What difference has being a dad made on your life? What influence did your father have on you? Who knows, your comment/story may make it into a book some day!
Thanks!
Sometimes you have to laugh. I don’t normally laugh at comic strips…or share them…but something about these seemed funny at time so I decided to share them. Sometimes you just need a smile. The picture was in the same email…and what’s not to love about it? Hope they produce some afternoon joy!
What/Who is making you laugh these days?
Here’s a quick message to my two boys. Jeremy and Nate are 21 and 18 years old. (This picture is a few years old, but it’s one of my favorites.) Jeremy just graduated from college last week. Nate finishes his first year of college next week. They are tremendous young men, but I realize they have some incredible opportunities ahead and I don’t want them to miss anything God has for them, especially not because they were unprepared. I wish someone had given me this advice when I was their age. (Perhaps you need to hear it as well.)
Boys:
I’ve messed up many times in life…
Please learn from my mistakes…
I’m not perfect now, but at least I’m headed in the right direction…
I wish I had started this path earlier in life…
Don’t wait to build your character, discover your life purpose, and chase your dreams…
Head your life early in the direction you want your life to eventually end…
Start today…
Do you need that encouragement today?
I’m curious: At what age did you start heading your life in the direction you ultimately want to go?
My youngest son Nate is in Chicago and we are bringing him home once again this weekend for a funeral. This time for the funeral of my father. I thought his thoughts were worth sharing today:
I have a paper due tomorrow morning at 8, so I should probably be working on that… but there’s not too many things I dislike more than writing those.
This year has by far been the most difficult year of my life. I’ve had to go home 3 times for 3 different funerals, one of which for a very close friend. Mixing all of those emotions with the emotions of being homesick in general has been interesting. At the beginning of my first semester I sensed God trying to teach me to trust in Him with every aspect of my life, and unfortunately I’ve continued trusting myself instead of Him.
I think learning to trust God completely is the most important thing that any Christian could do. Imagine what would happen if every believer truly started living by faith in every arena of life.
It’s hard. I really suck at it. Instead of spending time with Him I sit on facebook and write blog posts..
Trust God. What does that mean exactly… I don’t know. But I know God’s real and has a real plan. The goal if figuring out how to stop holding on to my life and surrender it to God, but again, I don’t really know what that means or looks like.
It’s amazing how unstructured this post is…
Can you identify with Nate?
Is trusting God completely a process for you as well?
What is the number one distraction in your life from fully trusting the God who loves you more than you could ever imagine?
Have you heard the news? Cheryl and I are gaining a daughter! Our oldest son Jeremy asked Mary to be his wife last week. (In a very romantic way that would make most of us men hate him. He set the standard high.) They will marry sometime next year and we couldn’t be more excited.
If we were selecting a daughter or a daughter-in-law, we would have chosen someone just like Mary. She has a natural mothering heart wired to care for others. Mary is beautiful, smart, kind, and compassionate. She loves children, puppies, and people. Mary is patient with others, including Jeremy, Nate and me when we tease her. (Which is one reason I always wanted a daughter!) Mary is respectful to Cheryl and me, and has become a great friend to Cheryl. Best of all, Mary loves Jesus with all her heart. She truly is a remarkable young woman.
Jeremy and Mary have dated six years, and we have known her family for many years, so we’ve watched her grow into the fine young lady she is today. Mary completes Jeremy perfectly. We often comment that Jeremy is a better person when Mary is around; and he seems to enjoy life better. Their equal heart for missions and ministry welcomes God to use them throughout their marriage.
Mary, you should know that Cheryl and I are going to compete for the in-laws of the year award…every year! We enjoy our time with our children, but we want to encourage you two as you plan your life together, without getting in your way. We are always here if you need us, and just as we’ve told our boys (and you), you are never an interruption to our days. We are always here for you!
Welcome to the family Mary! You are dearly and completely loved!
Good choice Jeremy! You make us proud!
All eyes are always on the minister’s family and having been on both sides, as a full-time vocational minister and years as someone with a full-time secular job, let me assure you that most pastors feel the pressure to live up to the standards of excellence people have set. I’m thankful I have a great marriage (most days) and two great boys. I’m fine with you making decisions about me based on my family life, because right now, thankfully, things are going well, but still, I also sense the pressure to live up to a set of unrealistic expectations at times.
The false expectation may often feel like I’m not supposed to have disagreements with my wife, my kids are never to be the ones that misbehave at times, or when you see Cheryl and me in public we should always be holding hands as we pray together.
I know what the Scripture says: He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him with proper respect. (If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God’s church?) (1 Timothy 3:4-5)
Does that, however, mean the minister must have a perfect marriage and perfect children?
Is the standard you have set for the minister’s family higher than the one you have set for your family?
I’m curious, what expectations do you have of a pastor’s family?
