I receive dozens of emails from pastors each week. This one caught my attention and I asked permission to use it here. Hopefully others will benefit from my response and weigh in with their own thoughts. I have changed his name.

Ron,

I hope all is well with you. I frequent your blogs ever so often via twitter, which I do enjoy. the reason for this email is for some direction. It is my belief that the Lord has called me to be a pastor, however I am presently single. I wanted to find out what are some of the qualities one should look for and how should I go about finding a wife as a future pastor. I have been keeping the issue in prayer.

I would love to hear your thoughts.

Sincerely,

Mike

Dear Mike,

Most likely you will not be able to pick every expectation or qualification you have for a spouse. I think is is wise, however, to have a goal. You are more likely to reach a target for which you aim. With that in mind, here are 7 qualities I believe make up the ideal pastor’s wife:

If a pastor is not careful, the weight of everyone else’s problems will take precedence over the issues and concerns of his immediate family. I see it frequently among pastors I encounter. There have been seasons of my ministry where this is the case, especially on abnormally stressful days.

I decided years ago when I was a small business owner, serving in an elected office and on dozens of non-profit boards that my busyness would never detract from my family life.

Here are 7 ways I attempt to protect my family from the stress of ministry.

It seems to me from my ministry experience that marriage has never been threatened more than it is today. It’s true in all segments of our society, including marriages of those in the ministry. That’s why I’m excited to tell you about RefineUs Marriage Ministry. Justin and Trisha Davis are allowing God to use their story to help strength, save and grow marriages. Their ministry has already helped marriages in our church and I believe they can help yours.

Here are some of the offerings RefineUs has to offer:

The movie “The Last Song” has a powerful story to tell. Cheryl and I watched it at the theater when it first came out earlier this year, but I watched it again on the plane heading to Africa recently. I encourage you to watch it.

The applications for me are:

Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.” (Matthew 19:14)

I understand the heart of Jesus for children even more from my time in Sierra Leone.

The innocence of children was evident to us in every village we visited. The children would run to us, swarm around us, and follow our every move. They were sponges for the love of God. They were filled with joy and excitement…always seeming to anticipate more.

I was reminded that children are the future of this great country in Africa. The children of Sierra Leone…

In case you missed it, I’m in Africa this week on a mission trip. I’m sharing some of the top posts I have written, according to the activity they have received.

Here are the top posts on parenting:

While I’m away, I thought I’d share the top posts (according to unique hits) I’ve written about marriage. I hope you are working on your marriage today!

Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. Ephesians 6:4 NIV

Fathers are not usually seen as the nurturing ones in a family. When my boy’s get sick, they don’t want me, they want Cheryl. The Bible, however, tends to also place the father in a nurturing position. We are told not to “exasperate” our children, which means not to wear them out with correction, but to “bring them up”. That phrase literally means that we spend time with them on a regular basis and encourage them in the development of their character.  That sounds like nurturing to me.

Our children have become media junkies. The Kaiser Family Foundation recently released a study of children ages 8 to 18, which found, not surprisingly, that they are consuming a astounding amount of media entertainment each day. Children now consume an average of 7 ½ hours per day or 52 ½ hours per week of media saturation.

Daily media consumption of U.S. children:

Scripture is clear, however, that the role of a believer is to consider the interest of others, even before we consider our own. Paul writes, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.” (Philippians 2:3…emphasis mine)