I’m sick of Satan’s dirty little tricks. Criticize me all you want for the legalistic sound of this post but I’m not taking a chance in this area of my life and I want to use this post to encourage men to do likewise.  If I’ve learned anything about being a man it’s that I am weak in this area. I’m tired of sitting with couples whose marriage is rocked because of an affair.  Lately this has included those in ministry and it’s impacting their ability to do Kingdom work.  If a man says he can handle this area of temptation without proper discipline in his life he’s most likely lying or impotent.

In nearly every situation I encounter (all but one or two that I can remember), the affair didn’t start in an instant; it started over a series of time and moments of indiscretion by the man (or woman).  I can’t intelligently speak to this issue from a woman’s perspective, but here is the progression of the sin of adultery in a man’s life:

Glance

Look

Gaze

Thought

Lust

Pornography

Flirting

Affair

Rarely does an affair start at the glance stage. It’s true a man may not go through each of the stages. Some skip the pornography stage, for example, although well over half the time this is the case. The key here is that it is a progression. It seems to me, therefore, that where we need to get a handle on the problem is early in the progression.   Satan is the master at entering adequate temptation into this progression.  He seems to know the right images and situations to tempt the man.

Every time I post about this issue females accuse me of being a pervert.  Just read some of the comments in THIS POST.  Guys, help me out here.  Be honest with who you are and the temptations you face on a daily basis.  You know you have a problem if not controlled.  Even the Old Testament character Job realized he needed some discipline in his life in this area.  (Job 31:1)  No temptation has seized you except what’s common to man. (1 Corinthians 10:13)

Men (and women), we must get a handle on what we look at and what we do with our thought life.  I’m not saying every time a man has a lustful thought it is going to end up in an affair, but the progression is the scary part. Some of you reading this are already past the danger point in your progression.  My advice is to get help now. Your family, ministry and reputation are too important not to protect it.

For more on this thought process, read my post Addressing a Porn Generation and 7 Ways I Protect My Heart and Ministry from an Affair.

Now, for those brave enough, be honest with me…Do you struggle in these areas?  What are you doing to protect yourself?

One of my goals in ministry is to help protect the minister and his or her family. Through this blog I reach hundreds of men and women who serve God in a vocational role.  My heart is heavy when I hear from those who are drowning with burnout and whose family is suffering.  Having been on both sides of the pulpit, as a pastor and a layperson, I have a unique view of the pastorate.  I previously wrote THIS POST and THIS POST about the issue.  I am very thankful to be serving in a healthy church, which encourages my family time, but I hope to encourage those who struggle to balance family and ministry.

With the Christmas season upon us, I thought I would share a few things you can do and a few things not to do for your pastor or minister to encourage them this year.  The reality is that the December calendar will be packed with Sunday school and small group socials, Christmas parties, and holiday open houses.  People in ministry have accepted a call of God to care for people.  Most ministers have a hard time saying no to people and can easily become overwhelmed with the never-ending demands of ministry. That’s especially true this month.  If a minister is not careful, he or she will spend so much time with others that their own family will feel neglected.

With that in mind, here are a few suggestions:

DO:

• Pray for them during the holidays (and always) – This is an especially stressful time for ministers
• Let them off the hook from attending every social event – They simply can’t keep up
• Invite them to your social, without an expectation that he or she will come – They will love knowing you thought of them
• See if they have specific needs at the holidays – Many ministers, especially in smaller churches have a hard time financially at Christmas time
• Encourage them – People in ministry get tons of critics. Find some time to encourage one.

DON’T

• Expect them to be everywhere – It’s impossible
• Be disappointed when they can’t make your event – It’s probably nothing personal
• Make them feel guilty when they aren’t where you want them to be – They WILL take it personal and it will weigh heavy on their heart
• Hold them to a higher standard than is realistic – They are simply human
• Get upset when they don’t sing your favorite Christmas carol at church this season – Believe me…it happens…

Find ways this Christmas to support those who have accepted God’s call to ministry.  You would be amazed what a difference you can make in their life and the life of their family and you’ll be playing a part in Kingdom-building.

Pastors/Ministers, what else would you add to my list?  Do you feel especially stretched this time of year?

Looking for ways to make the spirit of Christmas come alive for your family? The staff at Grace Community Church recommends these resources and this reading plan. Enjoy a very Merry Christmas and allow some of these tools to help you keep the reason for the season fresh in your minds and homes. Thanks to Lifechurch.tv for help with the reading plan.

If you need a printable format, here is a Christmas at Grace Resources 2

We are recycling Bibles this Sunday at Grace Community Church. Recently during a staff retreat we were thinking of ways to encourage Bible reading. We realized as we were talking that many of us in the room have many Bibles that we never use. Not having one could never be a good excuse for the church staff not to read the Bible. The more we talked, the more we recognized that there were probably others in our church with multiple Bibles they no longer use. At the same time, we are always conscious of people in our church and community who have no Bibles.

What was the solution? Have a ReWord Bible Day! This Sunday we are encouraging everyone who has one to bring in an extra Bible…the one on the book shelf, in the night stand, or in the trunk of your car. (I have one there.) We will then get them to people who need a Bible. We love the thoughts of someone reading the Bible someone else has already read.

Do you have an extra Bible (or two) laying around your house? What are you going to do with it?

Sometimes ministry can bring some strange characters into your life. Grace Community Church, where I pastor, is a church designed to reach broken, hurting, confused, even difficult people. Occasionally though the characters can push a button and it’s no longer fun. Let me explain…

Yesterday our small groups pastor, Ben Reed, had a “fun” voicemail from church member Estavon Williams demanding he be allowed to lead a small group. You can read about that phone message HERE.   Ben, of course, dropped everything to get him signed up to lead.

Today I got the call.  Listen to Estavon’s complaint against me by clicking  HERE

How would you respond? Now keep in mind, I’m not as nice as Mr. Reed and prefer the direct response. I plan to go running soon, with my shorts (that are not that short BTW) and don’t want to feel intimidated into recognizing everyone who happens to honk. Normally, I get lots of honkers.

What would you do?

(PS. This is all part of office fun…This is a joke! Estavon is a fictitious character. Sometimes we take life to seriously. If you can’t laugh…you’ll miss out on a lot of fun in our office…Just saying)

Recently I asked the staff what characteristics they think a person who is on staff at Grace Community Church should have. As we reflected on the list, we realized we see lots of these values in our volunteers also.

Here’s the list…

Motivated self starter

Servant leader

Trustworthy

Team player

Warrior Spirit

Flexible

Integrity

Grace-filled/Accepting

Personal Health

Accepting

Authentic

Enduring

Forward thinking

Excellence

Accessible

Steadfastness

You can read about the people who made this list, and are the team of Grace HERE.

Could you work with a team like this?

This is a random post, but I was thinking recently about the “backside” of great leadership. Great leadership involves leaders who have matured in their approach to leading people. Leading well means that sometimes what a leader does when the team’s back is turned is more important than what they do in the team’s presence. The backside of great leadership is when a leader does what is best for the team and the organization, not for his or her personal gain.

Still not sure what I mean? Here are some characteristics of the backside of great leadership…

When a team member is doing good work, a great leader:

• Protects your back when critics rise agains you or your work…
• Won’t back you in a corner by holding you accountable for unreasonable expectations…
• Welcomes you back to good favor after you make a mistake…
• Backs you up when you attempt to make a thoughtful decision…
• Gives back to the team more than he or she takes from it…
• Never stabs you in the back with others on the team or in the organization…
• Gets back to you when you need his or her input on a decision…

Are you following my thought process? Can you think of more characteristics of the “backside” of leadership?

I had lots of suggestions to my Tweet yesterday asking for a favorite version of the Christmas song Little Drummer Boy.  Here are what the kind folks on Twitter suggested: (You might also find some new friends on Twitter this way.  I’d recommend all of them to you!)

You will see the Twitter name followed by their suggestion:

@AymieJoi  Josh Groban

@SymphonicStorm Jars of Clay or Truth

@Billmusa Bing Crosby and David Bowie

@bencotten  Jars of Clay

@EllisShue Family Force 5 or Wilson Phillips

@mibetteridge Bing Crosby & David Bowie

@craigclayton Jars of Clay

@robrash   Phil Wickham

@sarahpickering1 Mercy Me

@TheTrueChrisVia Jars of Clay

@andrew_acker The Almost

@tijuanabecky The Lifechurch Version

@rachelshaver Phil Wickham

@JessicaDDickson Bing Crosby and David Bowie

@lorryschoenly Jackson 5

@JohnnaBigelow Big Crosby and David Bowie

I also had several answers on Facebook, including a few different answers, but I’ll let you go to that page, since some include links.  You can connect with me on Facebook HERE.  Scroll down and you’ll see that post. If we are friends there, we should correct that.

How did my friends do?  Do you have a favorite version of Little Drummer Boy? Share it with all of us here.

We recently ended a series looking at the Biblical character of Job. I preached three times in this series, at the beginning and the two messages at the end of the series. Job is a complex, hard to understand book, because it forces us to wrestle with the struggles of the world. The dilemma Job faced was one we all face. How could a good, loving, all powerful God allow suffering as He does? Why doesn’t He provide us with more answers? At times, and I mean this with all due respect, God seems distant, hard to understand.

If you missed the other two sermons I shared, you can hear them HERE and HERE or watch them HERE and HERE.

This is the conclusion to the Job series.

We try each week to choose which of the three services works best. Due to recording difficulties, we captured video in one service and audio in another. Personally preferred the audio message, so you can listen to that one HERE.

We are sharing a week of Thanksgivings; celebrating people who have made a difference in our life.  Read the previous two days HERE and HERE.

Today, let’s talk spiritual talk.

Who is the person who helped you most to grow spiritually?

Obviously, as with the other days, you could answer God or Jesus or the Holy Spirit, and of course those answers would be correct, but thankfully God uses other people in our life to make a difference.  He shapes our life through the influence of people.  So, in terms of your spiritual growth, who is the person who helped you or is helping you the most.

As I’ve done the previous days, I’ll go first.

I began to mature the most during my early to late twenties.  It was during the Promise Keeper days, when the large men’s gatherings were encouraging men to live bolder for Christ in their homes and communities. During that time it was popular to have an accountability partner, based on the principle in Proverbs 27, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”  and I had numerous ones over the years.  Three of those, however, had the largest impact on my life spiritually. They are three men named Dennis Weiland, Steve Springer, and Keith Swift.  These three men met at my home one early morning a week for years.  They challenged me to want more of Christ and His Word.  They kept me searching the Scriptures for truth.  The discipline I have in my life now is greatly related to their influence.  Dennis now works with me at Grace Community Church and Steve and Keith are in other churches.  Our relationships have changed, but their impact on me remains the same.

Now your turn:

Who is the person/persons who helped you most to grow spiritually?

In the spirit of Thanksgiving, pay tribute to them as a comment here.