7 Aspects of the Man: Nelson Mandela (And Quotes)

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Nelson Mandela. He is referred to as the “Father of a Nation”. He lived a life of inspiration. He is mourned around the world. His life was long, and varied. He had plenty of highs and lows. Married and divorced three times. Prison. Labeled a terrorist. I don’t know all his story. Probably neither do most of you, but, from what. I know, I’m impressed how he ended. He finished well.

Here are 7 examples of the man Mandela was:

A man of peace – Pictures of Mandela can be found with leaders from all political spectrums. He brought peace to a nation and inspired peace in others. He fought for peace. (I think one key here too is that he was a person of humor. Countless reports mentioned that he made people laugh frequently. I love that.) Mandella once said, “If you want to make peace with your enemy, you have to work with your enemy,” 

A man of suffering – Mandela spent 27 years in prison because of his stand for equality. Eighteen of those years were spent sleeping in an 8 foot long cell. He was willing to suffer for a greater cause. He understood suffering as a part of achievement. One or his more famous quotes, “Do not judge me by my successes, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again.”

A man of courage – Mandela was willing to stand against bigotry, tyranny and injustice, even at personal risk. Mandela said, “I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.”

A man of conviction – And he inspired others with that conviction. He once said, “If I had my time over I would do the same again. So would any man who dares call himself a man.”

A man of triumph – Much of what the world admires about Mandela is the man he became after his years in prison. Bishop Desmond Tutu said that prison shaped him into the man he was in his final years. He once said, “Everyone can rise above their circumstances and achieve success if they are dedicated to and passionate about what they do.

A man of humility – I love this quote of Mandela, “Lead from the back — and let others believe they are in front.”  It’s amazing that he gave up the presidency after one term. He most likely could have held the power position even longer. It’s reported he lived modestly, even giving away a third of his income as president.

A man of faith – My favorite trivia about Mandela isn’t trivial. Apparently, he was a believer. I loved THIS ARTICLE from Christian Today. Read some of Mandela’s quotes. It’s hard to deny his faith. As an example, consider this statement of Mandella. “Each Easter marks the rebirth of our faith. It marks the victory of our risen Saviour over the torture of the cross and the grave.”

Nelson Mandela wasn’t perfect. None of us are. Politically speaking we may have even disagreed on some issues. But, what a great life! What an inspiration! What a great legacy! Rest in the peace you fought to realize.

5 Options for Dealing with Emotional Pain

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What do you do with pain? You’ve been injured. It wasn’t fatal, but it hurt. In this post, I’m talking about emotional pain. The fact is emotional pain often hurts more than physical pain. It certainly can last longer. All of us have experienced emotional pain. Some more than others.

What do you do with emotional pain?

You have options. Here are 5:

Rehearse – You can keep reminding yourself how much it hurt. You can go over and over again in your mind the people to blame. You can live the hurt repeatedly in your mind. The longer you do the longer it seems to hurt.

Repress – You can pretend it doesn’t hurt. With the right performance you can even convince people you’re okay…even yourself…for a while. But, deep inside, when the fake smile goes away and the pretend laugh goes away, it still hurts.

Resent – You can build a grudge. You can increase your anger towards others. But the depth of the grudge will be directly proportional to the depth of the pain and the time of recovery.

Repeat – You can hurt others because you were hurt. Get even at your next opportunity. Take out your hurts on another. But the emotional pain remains. It does.

Release – You can let go, admit it stinks, ask God to begin to restore your heart and allow you to begin again. Emotional healing is almost always a process that takes time. It may require outside help. It won’t be easy, but it begins with the intentionality to release the pain and move forward.

Choices…choices.

Which will you choose? 

Obviously this is a simplistic approach to a very complex issue. But the principles are true. If you have serious emotional injury, get help. Don’t struggle alone. See your physician. See a counselor. Talk to a minister. (As a word of counsel, if it is serious emotional issues most ministers aren’t equipped to counsel through this. But, most can refer you to someone trained to help you.)

5 Ways This Introvert Responds at a Social Gathering

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Social gatherings. I love them. I really do. As an introvert, however, they can be very difficult. Introverts are typically far more likely to be placed in awkward, uncomfortable situations when the crowds are large.

People have a hard time believing I am introverted. Certainly I’m not on Sunday.  I intentionally try to meet as many people as possible. And, I have plenty experience in extroverted environments. I’ve even served in public office. I can work a room if I need to do so.

Introversion is a personality based on preferences. It’s how someone is wired by life. We don’t simply choose to be introverted. We are programmed that way in our core personality.

So, knowing this time of year can be uncomfortable at times, I thought recently about how I respond in social settings where I’m not the host or where I don’t know most everyone in the room.

This may not be true for all introverts, but it is for me. I had this discussion with a fellow introvert. He said he just avoids all parties this time of year. I don’t want to do that, but knowing my reaction will hopefully keep me from hiding out in my personality and missing fun I really do often want to have.

Here is my typical response:

Find the corner – I look for a place away from the crowds to adjust to that space. I do this before even looking around to see who is in the room. I’ve been told, “I waved at you when you entered the room”, but I didn’t see you. I promise. I wasn’t even looking yet.

Survey the room – After a pause, this is when I finally begin to process who is in the room. Who do I know? Where’s the “safe” place to begin conversation? It’s usually with people I somewhat know and can easily begin conversation.

Spot the extroverts – It’s not that I don’t want to talk to them. Possibly they are some of the ones I most want to talk to, but I need time to “warm up” first. Many times these people launch into heavy conversation as soon as an introvert hits the door. The thought that this might happen is many times one of our biggest fears…and a main reason we avoid the social gathering altogether.

Look for an opportunity – When can I best break into a conversation? Many times if I can get started I’m good. Getting started is the hardest part. I won’t interrupt. Introverts typically don’t do that. We are gentleman (and gentlewomen) communicators.

Decide whether or not to move forward – At this point, I will either make the best of it…and many times have a great time if I do…or flame out early…or never ignite at all. It’s sad, but true. I’ve gone through this routine countless times only to spend a few minutes at a gathering before exiting as quickly as possible.

So, introverts, let’s not miss the parties we want to attend. If you want to stay home…great. But, I am committing not to allow my introversion to stop me. I’ll do this by disciplining myself to attend, adjust, and engage.

Help me out introverts, because whenever I post about this extroverts accuse me of all kinds of things.  (That’s why I wrote THIS POST). If you’re an extrovert and want to know how to better engage with introverts, read THIS POST.

Introverts, any other ways you respond in these type settings?

Are any of these true for you?

10 of my favorite John F. Kennedy Quotes

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Obviously, John F. Kennedy spoke many memorable quotes. As with any leader of significance, I knew there were probably some statements that are lesser known, but are meaningful. In fact, in light of what we know now, some may even be more relative today. (I discovered these with simple Google searches and several sites attributed these to JFK.) If Twitter had been around, some of these would have been retweeted and favorited.

Here are 10 of my favorite John F. Kennedy quotes:

Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future.

We must use time as a tool, not as a couch.

We would like to live as we once lived, but history will not permit it.

Those who dare to fail miserably can achieve greatly.

Leadership and learning are indispensable to each other.

Once you say you’re going to settle for second, that’s what happens to you in life.

The cost of freedom is always high, but Americans have always paid it. And one path we shall never choose, and that is the path of surrender, or submission.

Conformity is the jailer of freedom and the enemy of growth.

Physical fitness is not only one of the most important keys to a healthy body, it is the basis of dynamic and creative intellectual activity.

A nation that is afraid to let its people judge the truth and falsehood in an open market is a nation that is afraid of its people.

Do you have a favorite JFK quote?

The little tree that could…

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I saw this little tree while I was running in our local arboretum this fall.

It made me stop and take a picture. It also made me think.

You may not be able to tell from the picture, but this tree is not very big. Not a whole lot taller than me.

It reminded me of the Charlie Brown Christmas special.

And, some other principles about little things.

This little tree, one of the smallest in the park, is doing its part, in a marvelous way.

Displaying God’s glory through the amazing colors of fall.

In fact, this was one of the prettiest trees I saw all season.

It made me look. It made me stop. It prompted this post.

And, I was reminded.

Sometimes it is the smallest that brings the greatest impact.

When God chooses, He can use the smallest, or seemingly insignificant, to bring Him the greatest glory.

Because, ultimately, there are no minor players in God’s economy. He works all things for good.

Don’t overlook the small things in life today.

The small gesture. The one kind word. The small start. The beginning stages. The often overlooked. The gentle whisper.

The small things may actually be the big things.

Do not despise these small beginnings” (Zechariah 4:10)

10 Things I’m Learning in Ministry and Life

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Some are new…some are reminders I’m seeing lived out…

The most mature is often not the one with the most knowledge of Scripture but the one who has learned to most live like Christ.

The longer we sit in the same chair the more ownership we take in it and the less likely we are to want to move from it.

If we want people to grow we have to encourage people to change. Stability isn’t growing. It’s often the level field on the way to a period of decline.

Success in ministry is not always translated into success as a follower of Christ.

Just because they know it doesn’t mean they know how to live it. Or that they live it.

Without a sense of desperation, many people will resist any change you propose.

Pastors are human.

My attitude at the beginning of a day often determines my progress and attitude at the end of the day.

A similar perspective that changes frowns into smiles often changes worry into a prayer…fear into faith…bad days into good.

More talk the talk than walk the walk. And it’s easier. And I’m guilty too at times.

What are you learning these days?

If I Were Going to Start a Blog Today

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If I were starting a blog today…I’d do things differently than when I started this one.

I’d be offline for at least 30 days.

Maybe longer.

If I had enough patience…maybe several months.

And, I’d write…just write.

As much or as often as I felt like it.

I’d sharpen my craft.

I’d build a great blog platform (I have to have help with that part.)

I’d read other blogs and gain ideas.

I’d develop some outlines or themes for future posts.

I’d discover my unique voice…what I’m most passionate about writing.

I’d build up a pool of great posts.

But, I wouldn’t release them until I knew I was ready. At least 30 days. Maybe longer.

Then I’d release them at whatever interval I plan to post. (Daily, several times a week, weekly, etc.)

Why?

It would give me an arsenal of posts. I’d have some ready to go and then be able to concentrate of future posts. I’d be thankful to have the margin.

It would give me practice. I would know that I’d need to be able to write frequently if I were going to make blogging work long term. Audiences take time to develop. This would also discipline me to build my blogging muscles.

Here’s what I know now. Most people start a blog, but never continue. This would test my commitment and ability to sustain myself as a blogger. If I were going to start a blog today, I’d first want to make sure I was in it long enough to build my voice.

That’s what I’d do.

How Rumors Spread…

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I’m telling you stuff I wouldn’t tell anyone else. I would appreciate you not sharing it. I’m not one to spread rumors.

That was from the guy behind Cheryl and me at a ball game recently. Loud talker guy.

I thought to myself, “That’s exactly how rumors start.” 

In fact, I probably should have said…

“No. You would never spread a rumor. But, you will talk loud enough for everyone around you to hear what you are sharing. About someone. That you probably had no business sharing…even if you were a soft talker. ”

They discussed business, politics and the church. No bases were left untouched. And people were trashed with no opportunity to defend themselves.

But don’t worry loud talker. I’m safe. I won’t share anymore about Bob and all his problems with Tim or what a low life Wayne is because of the way he’s treated Sam.

You’re “non rumors” are safe with me.

(Names have been changed to protect the accused guilty.).

Moral of the story here. And, it applies to all of us…even pastors and bloggers.

Rumors spread because people share them.

And, I’m not angry, even if I sound like I am. Especially not at loud talker. Sadly, he was being no different than many of our conversations. He was just loud enough to get caught. (But, he should lower his voice. 🙂 )

This guy didn’t necessarily anger me. Individually, he would have almost been funny…if it weren’t such a serious issue.

You see, I’ve seen the damage rumors cause. I’ve witnessed individual’s reputations destroyed by rumors. I’ve known rumors to divide a church. Satan uses rumors to spread lies.

So, rumors anger me. It’s sin. Shouldn’t it anger us all? And, at some level we can all be guilty.

Let’s do our part to stop the spread. And, the way to do that is not to share them.

You may now want to read 7 Ways to Stop Gossip or listen to my sermon message on addressing gossip HERE.

5 Don’ts of Healthy Communication

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In my career, I work with a lot of people in a lot of settings. You might say my job involves a lot of relationships. And, in the process, I have learned the key to healthy relationships is communication. Communication is an art of sorts. Some are better at it than others.

I have seen relationships destroyed because of poor communication. I know marriages that could improve if we improved the communication in the marriage. I’ve seen people avoid other people, because they know how the communication will go when they encounter them. I’ve known people who are short on quality relationships, and, honestly, many times it is because they never learned or don’t practice healthy communication.

So, sincerely, this post is intended to help. We are all guilty or some of these at times. This blogger/pastor included. So, this is a reminder to me also.

Here are 5 Don’ts of Healthy Communication:

Don’t always have a bigger story. This is the one I’ve been guilty of the most of these five. Someone is telling you their story and their experience reminds you of your experience. So, naturally, you interrupt their story, or don’t appear to be listening closely, because you want to share your story. But, remember, right now they are sharing “their” experience. It is important enough to them to share it with you. Don’t try to trump their story. It is rude and it shuts them down. Discipline yourself to wait for the right opportunity…and be okay if it doesn’t come…sometimes your only role is to listen.

Don’t talk more than you listen. This will address the person you’re thinking of in the first point that is always sharing their story. They never listen. They don’t give you a chance to share yours. If this is you…stop talking and listen. Ask questions. Show genuine concern. Be interested in what others have to say too. You’ll find people more interested in what you have to share when it’s your turn.

Don’t always be negative. All of us are negative at times. Life is hard and it impacts us. That’s partly what friendships are for…to share our burdens with one another. But every conversation and every comment we make shouldn’t be negative. That makes it difficult to build a sustainable, healthy relationship, because sometimes the other person needs you to be positive on the day they are especially negative.

Don’t consistently have the last word. Sure you’ve got one more word to share. We get that. You’ve already proven that point. But, sometime let them say the final word. It’s humbling for you. And, good. For you and them. And, the conversation. And, the relationship.

Don’t speak before you think. This is so important. Maybe the most important. It includes the saying, “If you can’t say something good…don’t say anything…or nothing if you want to be like Thumper…at all.” If we could catch our words before they exit our mouths, filter them through the power of love and grace, then release them, we could keep from injuring those with whom we are trying to communicate. And, relationships could thrive apart from the injury of inappropriate or awkward…often even mean-spirited words.

Okay, be honest, upon which of these do you need to improve? What others would you share? Remeber, I shared mine. Now your turn.