Communicating love to a spouse should be considered a never-ending, life-long commitment. If I’m honest, however, my wife is usually better at this than me.
Partly because of her personality and partly because she has a stronger relational aptitude than me and partly because she is awesome — but, for whatever reason — demonstrating love seems to come easier for Cheryl than for me at times.
I’m not talking about the quality of the love. I think I love Cheryl deeply. It’s that I’m not as good at “showing” my love.
I’m a work in progress. (I hope its okay to be honest that way.)
Plus, I’m to lead others. By example. I’m a pastor and teacher. People are trying to follow me. And, I believe, that should be in my marriage also.
So, how can I — how should I — communicate love to my wife?
And, just to be fair, I don’t think I’m alone in that question.
I am actually asked this type question frequently by other men who — like me — sometimes wonder how to communicate love to their spouse.
That’s what this post is about — communicating love in a marriage.
For men who want to do likewise with their wives…
Here are three suggestions:
Continually learn her. The wife knows when we’ve stopped. All of us are changing. Our needs, wants and dreams are continually adapting to our experiences, circumstances and the world around us. We demonstrate love by desiring to know even more the one we love. Great couples ask questions of each other. Routinely. Intentionally. They explore each other’s hearts and minds on deeper levels; uncovering the unspoken desires of the heart. They spend quantity time together; even learning to love each other’s activities.
Constantly pursue her. All women want a certain amount of romance in the relationship. Many men would never consider themselves romantic, but the good news here is they get great credit for genuinely trying. Strong couples keep dating on a regular basis. They pursue one another; giving no other human relationship preeminence over this one. They avoid sameness and boredom – which is one of the leading causes of marriage failure. They explore together. Try new things. Refuse sameness in the relationship. When men intentionally lead this effort, we demonstrate our concern for the relationship and our intent to keep the spark alive.
Consistently out-serve her. This one will be hard for most men, but this is a great way to use our competitive nature. Which is strong for most of us. When the goal is to out-serve our wives, we at least make progress towards doing so and it generates a desire to be a servant leader in our homes. Equally important in serving our wives is to serve them in an area that has the greatest value – not necessarily only the things the man likes or wants to do. It is hard not to love someone who strives to understand you enough to serve you at this higher level of commitment.
None of those are “easy” — if they are done well — and none of us ever master any of them. Some of us are better than others — like Cheryl. Some of us — like me — keep trying.