In my talks with pastors and ministry leaders, I hear some repeated themes. One common theme is that they have a story of a failed leadership experience. Their first church. The church experience that went bad. Or, many times their current ministry and that’s the reason for our conversation.

They grew (or are growing) from the time, but looking back, they wish they had known then what they know now. You’ve probably got some of those learning experiences too. It may have been an incident or the entire time in that ministry, but there were critical errors that kept you and the church from accomplishing all God had for you. Errors in leading. Why don’t we learn from each other?

I’ve reflected back on some of those conversations and there are literal words I have heard consistently over time.

Here are 7 things I’m hearing that kept a pastor from leading well:

“I failed to delegate” – Many pastors try to be a solo leader. They know the expectation placed upon them and they know what they want to achieve, and they begin to think if it is going to be done right they must do it. They begin to try to control every outcome. Sadly, it can even limit the leader’s willingness to walk by faith. It doesn’t take long until a pastor burns out, potential leaders disappear and people are never developed and discipled. It’s a recipe for eventual disaster in leadership.

“We couldn’t see beyond today” – Many pastors get a tunnel vision in leading people. They only see what they see. They don’t consider the unseen…the yet to be imagined…the hidden gems of opportunity. Again, often this is a matter of faith, or laziness, sometimes a personality wiring, or maybe just falling into a rut of routine. In the sameness of today, things become stale and eventually people become bored…and someday they disappear.

“I ignored the real problems” – The real problems aren’t always the spoken problems. They aren’t the obvious problems. The real problems are the underlying reasons behind a problem. They usually deal with heart problems. What people are really thinking, but aren’t saying. The real problems always involve people and often involve perceptions, which may or may not be reality.

“We resisted change too long” – Change is coming. One way or another. Better to be on the side of change where you are the change agent, rather than being the agent that has to be changed. (If you get what I mean.) Over time, if change is ignored, change will be thrust upon you. And, that’s never welcomed change.

“I tried to please everyone” – When you do this you really please no one. Your time management isn’t under control. You are pulled in so many directions you do nothing effectively. Instead of leadership there is chaos. The loudest voices win and the silent ones you actually have a chance of leading somewhere disappear. And, you end up one very tired, skittish, ineffective pastor.

“The momentum was allowed to die.” – Momentum is extremely difficult to get back if you ever lose it. It’s easier to shift momentum to something new through change than it is to rebirth it when momentum is completely absent.

“I neglected my family” – Many pastors tell me they started to have problems at home when the ministry received more focus than the family. Three times in the past month, I’ve talked with a pastor who walked away from ministry…for how long I don’t know…because they realized they were going to lose their family if they didn’t. Sadly, too many pastors stay until it’s too late to repair the damage. Very sad.

That’s what I’m hearing…consistently.

What are some reasons you’ve heard that kept a pastor from leading well?

There’s always an excuse if we’re looking for one. I’ve made so many. Even when we are certain God has called us to something, we will stall because an excuse is always near. Most excuses seem reasonable at first glance. Common sense even.

But, following a dream, especially a God-inspired, God-sized dream, always requires a certain level of risk. Walking by faith. Stepping into the unknown. Overcoming excuses.

Are you stalling? Maybe you’re even running out of another good excuse. If an opportunity is still staring you in the face, let me help.

Here are 7 of the best excuses I’ve used or heard:

I can’t – You don’t have what it takes…and so far…aren’t trusting God to provide what you lack. (Gideon would agree. Judges 6)

I won’t – Or at least you won’t give it a try. In fact…if the truth is known…you’d rather run…some more. I did this one for years. (How did that work for Jonah?)

I don’t know how – It seems overwhelming…and you are either too proud to admit it or aren’t willing to learn. (Think Noah knew how to build a boat that large? Genesis 6)

I don’t have time – God calls for obedience now…and you’re preoccupied. And, chances are…with this as an excuse…you never will have time. This has worked for me before too…for a season. (See Luke 9:59)

I’m all alone – It feels that way sometimes, doesn’t it? It’s true. Sometimes we can’t see the forest for the trees. I once thought I was the only one with a burden to plant a church. Little did I know. God had an army prepared. (Elijah thought He was alone…and found out otherwise. 1 Kings 19)

I’m afraid – And you can choose to let fear control you. I have. Many times. It’s a powerful, motivating excuse. Much could go wrong. And, our mind is capable of quickly creating worst-case-scenarios. (Could we learn from Esther? Esther 3)

I can’t afford it – You’re afraid the dream will be more expensive than the provision of God. You wouldn’t verbalized this one, but it’s real, isn’t it? (Tell that to the widow in 1 Kings 17…or the disciples who picked up 12 baskets of leftover bread. Matthew 14)

There will always be an excuse not to follow the dreams God lays on your heart. Obstacles in life are plentiful. You can keep making excuses, or you can address them one excuse at a time. The one who achieves most is often the one most willing to overcome excuses.

Are you?

What excuse are you using to stall on God’s plan?

A dad loves uniquely from any other love.

A dad often shares a quieter love, marveling at his children on the inside, yet expressing it differently than mom.

A dad may act silly. Wear funny clothes. And never change his hairstyle, use the same corny jokes or actions, inaudibly enjoying the teasing it brings from his kids and because he loves the sound of his children laughing.

A dad will often stand back, watching as mom dotes, often even pretending he thinks she dotes too much, but so glad that mom dotes on his children.

A dad may pretend to be tough, when really, he’s only a big puppy dog, and this is many times only realized later in his life.

A dad might let mom take the phone call from the kids, but then ask lots of questions after the phone call ends.

A dad loves to sacrifice, work hard for his children, not doing it for recognition, but secretly relishing when his children do realize he did it just for them.

A dad might dismiss the need for attention. Say he doesn’t need anything. Act like he’s good with less attention on Father’s Day, but a dad warms inside with a simple acknowledgement from his children that he is their dad.

A dad loves uniquely from any other love.

(I realize this us written from the perspective of a dad who is involved in the life of his children…and it won’t fit with every dad. It’s written more in principle than in exact practice. A dad’s love is unique. But, I hope your dad was or is all that you have needed him to be, even though no dad is perfect. If you didn’t have a great experience with your dad, and I know so many who don’t have this story for their life, my heart goes out to you today. That was my story until the last few years of my dad’s life. Don’t be ashamed to reach out to other older men in your church or life and thank them for their influence in your life.)

I’ve seen this shared a dozen times or more now…all my friends have posted it by now…

But, in case you missed it…

Classic

We are in a crisis of men these days. Godly men are in shorter supply. Do a quick Google search and you quickly find some of the ramifications of absentee fatherhood on our society.

As a fellow dad, I want to use this Father’s Day to challenge my male readers. This is for you fathers and fathers-to-be.

Here are 5 critical needs for dads:

Shape up – “When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put aside childish things.” (1 Cor 13:11) The privilege of fatherhood should sober us into the responsibility of fatherhood. I’ve met a lot of dads (me at times) who need to grow up so we can better help our kids do the same some day. I am not suggesting we stop having fun. I hope that never stops for me. I’m speaking of childlike immaturity that injures healthy relationships. I can never forget that my children will often be partially shaped for life by my example. For example: Where do you need to put away childish ways? Is it with your senseless anger? Is it in your pity party practices? Are you like a toddler when it comes to patience? Are you selfish with your toys?

Step up - I’ve never known a godly woman who didn’t want her husband to take the godly role of spiritual leadership. I’ve known lots of men who didn’t know how so they never even try. Men, we need to take an active leadership role in our home. We need to lead our families boldly towards Christ. The world isn’t going to do this for us and neither should the church have to do it. The church should be our partners, but our role as dads is to lead. Do it! In what ways do you need to better lead your home?

Show up – That means “Be there”. Don’t dump the responsibility for your home on your wife. Be there from the crying babies and the dirty diapers, to the rebellious teenager and the sex talk. Your children will spell your influence in their life many times with one word…TIME. Would your children say they feel they are a priority in your schedule and your attention?

Stand up – “As for me and my house…” Men, we need to protect our family, wherever possible, from the ills of this world. When my boys were young, I monitored what we watched on television and what we listened to on the radio. I enforced Scripture in the home as best I could. I led our family to discuss Biblical principals. I wasn’t always popular with them for every decision I made, but I’m thankful today for the foundation my boys have and the Christian lives they are living. I believe much of that is a direct result of decisions Cheryl and I made, (and Cheryl allowed me to make) to take a stand in our home when the boys were young. Men, what stand do you need to take to better lead your family towards truth?

Serve up - I heard a preacher many years ago, early in my life as a husband and father, that he wanted to “out serve” his family. I’ve set that as a goal ever since. I want my wife and children to recognize I’m willing to sacrifice my desires for theirs. I heard a story of a family who never knew their father’s favorite piece of fried chicken was the leg. He never ate it. Years later they learned it was because he thought it was the best piece and so he always saved it for them. I’m not advocating you skip the chicken leg, but that man had an attitude of sacrifice. That level of commitment won’t be done holding the television remote all the time. It will more likely be done holding a wash rag and a bucket of water. How can you better serve your family?

This is a tough stuff. I know it. When I offer such a challenge I sometimes hear from men who say too much is expected of men already and I shouldn’t bash them more. They mention the sitcoms where the man is always made out to be the idiot who never does the right thing. I get all that. And, I agree. This is not intended to be more stress, but I believe we need more accountability not less. More leadership. Not less. We need to raise the standard for authentic manhood. It’s been lowered enough. We need men willing to defy the norms and be men of God. Men who are bold in their love of family, bold in their faith in God, and bold in guiding their family to better reflect Christ to the world.

Here’s to the challenge men! I’m praying for you as you love and serve your families.

Happy Father’s Day Dad! I believe in you!

You may want to read:

10 Things I’d Do If Raising a Daughter Today

10 Things I’d Do If Raising a Son Today

Change invites conflict.

You can’t escape that fact.

But…

Avoiding change stifles growth.

Which eventually leads to conflict.

(Ever been a part of a declining organization…or church?)

And…

Avoiding conflict allows tension to build.

Which in the end creates more conflict.

(Ever seen what happens when someone is silently angry with you long enough?)

Therefore…

In my opinion…

Avoiding conflict or change is impossible.

At least in this world…

How are you doing at trying to avoid either?

Did I begin today in prayer?

Have I read my Bible today?

Did I give today my best efforts?

Did I make someone’s life a little better today?

Did I take steps towards the dreams I have and God has for my life today?

How did I add value to the world around me today?

Was my attitude ever in the way of me or others having a productive, happy day?

Can I put today behind me, go to sleep, and give tomorrow another chance?

How can I improve my answers tomorrow night?

Am I ending today in prayer?

I received the following email, with a few key points disguised for anonymity, and thought it could be a question others are asking. Do you ever wonder the right structure for your church? If so, this post is for you.

“Pastor Steve” wrote (not his real name):

Hi Ron,

We are a small town church about 100. I have one full time and one part-time staff besides me. I would like to reorganize for better efficiency. We have a deacon board leadership and would like to come up with different titles and job descriptions for the leadership. Right now we have assignments for building, music, finance, missions, education and chairman. Pretty standard, traditional titles.

I lead the board and, thankfully, they are open to change. I’ve pastored here for over a dozen years, so they trust me.

Any suggestions on structure, purpose and job descriptions?

Thanks,

Steve

My reply (Slightly expanded from the original):

Steve,

I applaud you for thinking about how to be more efficient as a church. Frankly, that almost seems unusual for pastors, churches and church leadership.

I’d probably start, however, by asking bigger questions. Not magical questions. Just bigger.

Start with questions like these:

• What are we trying to accomplish?
• What is our vision?
• Who has God uniquely called and equipped us as a church to be to our community and world?
• What are my unique passions as a pastor?
• What do we want to be known for above everything else as a church?
• What are three or four activities or programs we would do if we had to quit everything else?

Once you (And I’d invite others) have spent sufficient time brainstorming and summarizing some those questions, (feel free to add your own) then you can ask:

• Considering our answers above, what are vital steps needed to accomplish each of these listed?
• What’s an appropriate timeframe to expect to be doing these?
• What are action steps, with timelines, for the future goals we have as a church?
• How can I and/or the staff or leadership improve so we can lead these new initiatives?
• What are things we are currently doing that simply aren’t needed anymore or don’t work?

And finally, ask yourself or as a group:

• Who do we have on the team to accomplish this list?
• Who is gifted best to serve where?
• What can I do and what will others need to do?
• What can other staff members do?
• Are there key leaders in the church we’ve not tapped for leadership who could fill some of these roles?
• Where are the biggest holes in people and leader resources we need to fill?

Keep in mind these are broad, general questions designed to get you and your team brainstorming. You’ll need to choose the questions best for you and adapt them accordingly.

After you’ve gone through the questions, which is not a quick process, you can then begin to organize the new structure around tasks and people. This type process gives you a more realistic and effective structure. Keep in mind, the more you keep the list of things you are trying to do to a minimum, the more you will increase your effectiveness.

To summarize:

I always try to start with the biggest vision and work backwards. We want to reach people. We want to disciple people. Etc. Always start with what you MUST complete and do well.

Then, I lead us to ask, how are we going to accomplish that? Finally, we need to know who the people on the team are to help us do that.

If you spend time working through that process you’ll be close to having your new structure. Also, you’ll need to review this process again over time as people and times change. Your broad answers of what you’re trying to answer will likely stay the same, but it is always good for review. Your more specific answers will change depending on who the people are in the church at the time and how things need to be done now.

Quick response, but hope that helps some.

Ron

I was talking to a young pastor recently. He’s been called to a church in steep decline and asked to salvage and, hopefully, even grow the church again. It’s hard work changing a church. (I know this firsthand.) He knew immediately he would have to do some things differently to achieve different results. (You understand that…don’t you?) So far, in the six months he’s been there, the church has stopped declining. That’s a good start. He’s lost a few families, but gained others to replace them. He believes they are being positioned for growth and believes that’s why God called him to the church.

The hardest part on him, and even more so on his family, has been the conversations being had about him that he hears about second hand. There have been times he thought things were going great, only to hear of the small coup forming behind his back. Sometimes his wife hears about it before he does. He’s naturally hurt knowing how some are responding to his leadership in this way. He is trying to be open to input and humble in his approach, but he wants to lead where he feels God has wired and called him. The behind the back network of talk is threatening the work the church is doing.

I wish I could say this was church specific, but I hear it (and see it) frequently. Hearing this pastor’s heart reminded me what someone said to me recently. She said, “I don’t know why, but people feel they can say anything about a pastor they want and there’s no accountability for it.” It’s true. It’s not fair or even Biblical the way some pastors are gossiped about in churches, but it’s a reality in ministry.

By the way, it has to be very unattractive for those outside the church.

That’s why I’m writing this post. It’s intended to be a lighthearted approach to a very serious issue. If you are active in a local church, please consider how you can encourage your pastor and pastor’s family today. One way you can do this is to monitor your conversation about the pastor when the pastor is nowhere around. (Do to others as you would want them to do to you…that should include pastors.)

Now, again, in an attempt to be humorous, let me also stretch your mind around this idea. (To understand this post, you should know that I’m a cook. My mom raised me to be. So I can not only pastor a church…I can roast a mean chicken or a smokin’ piece of roast beef.)

If you’re going to roast your pastor…here are a few things to consider:

Temperature – I play with temperatures when I’m cooking a roast. 325. 350. 375. It depends on how fast or slow I want to cook it. When you choose to roast your pastor, consider your own temperature. Are you angry? Are you really at a good temperature personally to be roasting? With the temperature of the church right now, am I helping or hurting the mission of the church by roasting the pastor? This is a good time to check your heart and motivation.

Time – I’ve cooked a roast as long as 8 hours. I can sometimes accomplish it in 2 hours, but it isn’t as good. Consider the timing of your roast. Have you thought through what you are upset about? Is it valid in a context beyond your personal preference? Is it valid within the context of the vision your pastor has been called to lead? Have you given adequate time to think through how you’re responding, or is this only a gut reaction…or even a selfish or angry reaction?

Seasoning – I typically flavor my roast beef with garlic, salt, pepper and Worcestershire sauce. I usually put a few beef bouillon cubes in the water. When you’re roasting your pastor, remember you are to be the “salt of the earth”. Are you seasoning your conversation with love? Would you be okay with others, even your pastor, hearing what you are saying right now? What if it were being recorded and played before the church…or the unchurched? Is it seasoned well? Does it represent the church and Christ’s love well?

Veggies – Momma always said “eat your veggies”. I cook potatoes, carrots, and onions on my roast. I often alternate between green beans,  cabbage and mushrooms as an addition. You’d be amazed how good those can taste in the roast. My family doesn’t always agree on what veggies I put in the roast, so I go back and forth between their favorites. When you roast your pastor, consider the issues besides the issue you’re roasting. A pastor juggles many hats. Where two or more are gathered in Jesus name, He will be there, but also will be two or more opinions on how things should be done. At least one opinion for every person in the room. Most of the time, multiple opinions for each person. Do the math on that for your church. As you continue your roast, consider the veggies in your roaster. (You do realize the church can’t operate effectively if it only pleases you….right?)

Quality – When I’m buying a roast, I realize already that I “get what I pay for”. I can’t expect a less expensive cut of meat to be as tender as a more expensive cut of meat. I can’t expect a grass fed beef and a grain fed beef to taste the same. As you roast your pastor, remember he isn’t a god. He can’t do everything. Don’t hold him to a standard he could never meet. Don’t expect his sermon to be the quality of an Andy Stanley sermon when he may not be Andy Stanley, and when the church doesn’t afford him the staff to lead that Andy has to prepare to preach. I was talking to someone recently who told me of a large megachurch pastor who has a paid research team helping with his sermon. You think he has a well researched message? Of course he does. Realize that the more you pull your pastor in dozens of different directions, and the more expectations you place on him personally, the less time he will have to concentrate on his message. Also realize that God didn’t wire everyone the same in communication or leadership styles. And, God may not place on your pastors heart what you hope He will.

So there. You have some tips for your next roasting time. Happy roasting.

Roast any preachers lately ? What tips do you have?

(This is intended to be a satirical post. I’ve been writing quite a few of these lately. In spite of my disclaimer, someone will misinterpret my poor attempt at humor. For those who do, simply add me to your next roast, but my goal is to help the local church and its pastor better achieve their Kingdom mission. We are losing hundreds and thousands of pastors to the ministry. I see this issue playing a part in that exodus.)

Several years ago I read an article by Raymond P. Rood’s entitled “How Then Should Organizations Live”. (http://www.humantechnologies.com) Rood makes the point that every organization has three basic needs. This philosophy resonated with me and, based on my experience, I can see how it relates to the churches, businesses, and non-profits I have led.

Here are 3 things Rood says every organization needs to thrive:

Growth – Rood says “growth needs focus on productivity and expansion.” The growth of any organization is vibrant and fast-paced and requires lots of energy and attention. It’s a world of numbers and percentages of increases. Without growth, the organization will eventually die, but if an organization only grows and never matures, that growth will not sustain itself for long.

Maintenance – According to Rood, “maintenance needs focus on order and the reduction of problems.” The more an organization grows the more it needs a structure in place to manage the growth; that’s maintenance. Systems. Some people love the maintenance world. Maintenance is extremely necessary for the organization to remain healthy. Still, if all an organization does is maintenance it will become dull, boring, legalistic, and uninspiring. (Did I paint that well enough?) Some organizations, and even churches, die because they live in the maintenance world. They become one large bureaucracy of rules and regulations, designed with good intentions, to sustain the organization’s growth. That leads to the third basic need of organizations.

Development – Rood writes that “development needs focus on organizational quality.” The development needs of an organization are designed to take it to the “next level” of success. This is where an organization really matures, develops lasting principles and values, and prepares itself for years of growth and success. Without developing an organization it will eventually wither and die.

(A common mistake is to confuse development with growth. Growth is always growth. It is focused primarily on things getting bigger. We need that focus. Development is focused on things getting better, which may or may not lead to growth. It may be completely internal. As a development person, I always hope this leads to growth, but quality is my main objective. An example here would be developing or improving the internal accounting or paperwork systems…the maintenance function. It’s more difficult to tie these directly to growth sometimes, but they can always be tied to development.)

For an organization to thrive it must do all three well. Using this information, I have expanded my thinking around these areas.

I’ve discovered, for example…

• Everyone in the organization tends to prefer one of these three, even though all of us need all three to be successful in our role.
• For a position to be most successful, it should have a primary focus on one of these three, although, again, all of them are necessary, for every position.
• If a person is mismatched in one of these they will more quickly burnout. A person with a preference for growth, for example, will burnout sooner when they are function in the maintenance function.
• We have to discipline ourselves as leaders and team members to make sure all three of these are a part of our work and the organization.
• I have heard some people say they love all of these…or really “confident” people say they are good at all of them. I question this. In my experience, they may enjoy elements of all of them, and may even be good at all of them to some degree, but there will be one preference in the bunch (and weaknesses they can’t see in one of them.) For years, I thought I would be good at maintenance need, because I like organizational efficiency. When I was put in that position exclusively, I bombed at it.
• When shaping a team, we need to make sure people specializing in all three are represented, and allowed to lead in their area of strength.

With these understandings, I have frequently walked our staff through each of these in a retreat setting. We expand our thoughts on these three needs as they relate to the life of our church and each individual area in which we serve. The discussion always leads to ways we can improve in each of these areas. As a pastor/leader, knowing the importance of each of these, I want to make sure we are excelling in all of them. That’s a healthy church.

For disclosure, I’m a development guy. My lesser strength is in the maintenance area, but I have seen what happens when we are weak in this area. I love the growth area, being a starter and entrepreneurial, but in an established organization, I always drift towards development…which usually involves starting something new in the same organization. If that’s all I had to do, I’d be happy. To be an effective leader, however, I must discipline my time to focus on all three needs. I can specialize in one, but I must be committed to playing a part in each area.

Some questions to ask, considering these three basic needs:

• Which of these are missing most in your organization or church?
• Which of these do you prefer doing most? (If you say all, let me encourage you to reconsider your answer.)
  
• Should you discipline yourself in the other areas so you can be a healthier organization?