5 Things I’ve Learned the Pastor Doesn’t Always Need to Know

In every position of leadership I have ever held, there were people who felt the need to “inform” the leader.

When I served in an elected office, people told me things I wouldn’t have otherwise known without the position. Sometimes I needed to know – sometimes I didn’t.

When I was a business owner, there was always at least one employee who made sure I knew the inside scoop of the company talk. Sometimes I needed to know – sometimes I didn’t.

As a pastor, I’ve learned there are plenty of people willing to tell me things I would never hear if I wasn’t the pastor. Sometimes I need to know – sometimes I don’t.

As a pastor, my heart is to listen to the people to whom God has sent me to minister – ultimately so I can help them – or get them help they need. But, honestly, I usually never know if people are telling me something I should know or not until they tell me. If someone has a legitimate problem in a ministry area, I want to know about it, but, over the years I have learned, there are some things I never feel the need to know.

Here are a 5 examples:

Gossip about another person.

If you don’t have permission to share personal information about someone – unless the person is in physical danger – I usually have no business knowing until they are ready for me to know. “Pastor, have you heard what’s happening with so and so…I hear they did such and such…” I can’t tell you how many times someone tries to share something with me about someone they are hearing third or fourth hand.”

Prayer requests given with a motive of gossip.

One of the “favorite” ways people share what they “think” I should know – or what I’ve learned they want to tell me – is to share it in the form of a prayer request. Rumors are spread this way. The same as the previous one applies – if you don’t have permission, I probably don’t have permission to hear.

Extremely intimate details about another person’s life.

This is a hard one, because if it’s in this dark place of someone’s life where help is needed I want to help if I can. But, again, it almost always needs to come from the person needing help, from someone close to them, and, certainly with their permission. I have had “friends” share their “friends” sins to me – without their “friends” knowledge. I struggle with information like this. There are times – again when someone’s life or health is in jeopardy I may need to know and may need to intervene, but those are usually rare. When I approach someone I don’t know well without them welcoming me it is rarely successful.

Private problems happening in another church.

It’s amazing how many people want me to weigh in on the internal struggles of another church. I have plenty struggles in our own church to deal with. If you want me to pray for another church – I’m certainly willing to – but I don’t need to know all the rumors of what’s taking place in another church – unless the church welcomes my assistance in addressing them.

Secrets one doesn’t have permission to tell.

I once had someone tell me about business problems of someone else – without their permission. It was very awkward running into the person a few days later. Do I share with them I know their “secret”? This also includes details your spouse isn’t ready for me to hear. While your marriage may need some help, when you break the confidence of the marriage, I almost never have access to speak into your spouse’s life when they are ready for me to. Your marriage relationship is too important to betray trust – even to me. We are almost always better to give me a chance to talk with the person and hear what they are ready for me to hear.

I can hear the reaction to a post like this – a pastor who doesn’t want to know anything? This is really not the intent of this post. Honestly, the things I’m referring to are almost always given to me with a motive to be the first to share some juicy piece of information rather than a heart to see the people helped.

You might be surprised to hear what people try to tell me, because I’m a pastor. Now, again, there are times when abuse or neglect is suspected or occurring to an individual and I may need to hear, but most of the time those are not the intent with the list above. Chances are if it’s wrong for you to share with others, it’s equally wrong to share it with me.

Please understand, I’m not suggesting I don’t care about the struggles of people’s lives, but there is never an excuse to spread gossip or rumors which only cause more harm than good to a person or situation. I can be just as tempted toward gossip as anyone unless I’m guarding my heart. Even though I’m the pastor, there are some things I simply have no need to know. The Scripture is very clear about spreading gossip – and, the pastor is not exempt from this command. I don’t want to be an instrument in perpetuating gossip which does more harm than good.

Pastors, what’s the strangest thing you’ve been told – that you really didn’t need to know?