7 Ways a Husband Injures a Wife – Without Even Knowing It


I recently posted “7 Ways a Wife Injures a Husband…Without Even Knowing It“. It’s been a popular post. Thankfully, I’ve not seemed to make a lot of women mad – a few – but not many that I have heard from – yet. We will see how the men respond with this post.

As I committed, a companion post is warranted. Guys, we injure our wife. All of us do. We are different and the way we respond to our wife often causes injury. And, most of the time, it’s unintentional. We didn’t even know we were doing it.

I’m not making excuses for us. We should strive to learn our spouse…and do better…understanding our differences – communicating better – injuring less. That’s what this post is about. Awareness. Understanding.

I ran this post by my wife, so it’s Cheryl approved, although it wasn’t hard to write. As a counselor and pastor, I’ve worked with hundreds of couples and have seen this countless times. I wish I could say I never did any of these, but this would be a lie. This post is written with one finger pointed forward and four more pointed my way.

Here are 7 ways a husband injures a wife – without even knowing it:

Cuts her out of the discussion – When you act as if she isn’t even there or wouldn’t understand what you’re talking about, she feels a part of her is detached. She sees the marriage as a partnership – in every part of life – even the parts she may never fully understand.

Fails to notice the difference she makes – A woman doesn’t want to be appreciated for only what she does. She wants you to appreciate who she is, but you can admit it – she does a lot. Whether it’s decorating the house or making sure the clothes are clean – or that you have your favorite soap – a woman wants to know what she does is valued by you.

Underestimates the small stuff – You only said “this” but it was “THIS” to her. And it hurts. You may even think it’s funny. She may even laugh. But it is often building a wall of protection around her heart each time you do. The key here is that you can’t talk to her like you might talk to another guy. She hears and feels deeper than you do. Words can and do hurt.

Speaks with curtness – When you talk down to her, as if she’s somehow less than you, you bruise her spirit. Deeply. And, you know she’s not less than you – you don’t even think she is – she just can’t tell that sometimes based on your tone and the way you talk to her.

Corrects her as she’s talking – This could be finishing her sentences or speaking for her in the company of others. She feels demeaned and devalued when you present her to others as if she can’t compete with you in original thought…which you know isn’t true. (My wife is much smarter than me.)

Acts suspicious – Don’t misunderstand or misapply this one. When you hide information, even when you think you’re protecting her, you cause her to question your motive. When you protect your calendar or act like you are upset at the question, “What did you do today?” or “What did you talk about?” or “Who was that?” when someone calls, it gives her an eerie feeling something is wrong. And, that hurts.

Admires other women over her – She sees you looking. She may even understand your highly visual make-up. It hurts her, however, when a glance becomes a stare, especially when it happens everywhere you go – all the time.

A wife’s heart, no matter how independent or strong she is, is tender in places. Lots of places. She can bruise easily in some areas of her life – especially the places which involve the people she loves the most – like you. A husband who understands this is more careful in how he speaks and responds to her.

Most husbands I know would never injure their wife knowingly. They want to be her protector. Men, when we don’t realize the damage we are doing to our wives emotions, we invalidate every desire we have to be her defender. I always like to use this thought as a reminder: Would I ever allow another man to speak to or treat my wife like I am doing? She’s a precious gift guys – let’s treat her well.

What other ways do husbands injure their wives, without even knowing it?

(Note: I used this post in a message I preached on marriage. You can view it HERE. Also, I wrote a parenting version of this post about ways parents injure a child. Read it HERE.)

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

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261 thoughts on “7 Ways a Husband Injures a Wife – Without Even Knowing It

  1. I was searching the Internet just to better myself and make myself a better man. I was wrong I never knew how bad I was tearing my wife down till I read this. I bout brought me to tears I looked at other women I tore her down I failed to show appreciation for my wife in the ways she would like to be shown so to all the women bring this article to your husband and let him read it himself and if he come to a understanding that he did somethings wrong that man loves you dearly we not perfect by any means but to make it work somebody has to swollow there pride and shit out stubbornness this was a blessing that I stubbled across this post

  2. My husband puts his mother as #1 and if I say something about her I am wrong. We've been married 34 yrs and once we came back to his home town it has been this way, even when she's mean to me.
    I feel so lost and if I try to talk to him he says I don't want to hear it.
    any ideas?

  3. My heart breaks almost everyday,and i cry everyday.Nothing i ever do is right nothing i ever say is right. The way he speaks to me rips my soul apart. When we first met he use to tell me he hates to see me cry, and now hes the reason for it. Im emotionally drained i just dont know what to do anymore. He works i dont we have eight kids between us one together. I AM JUST TIRED 🙁

  4. Great post, I have been married to my husband for 3 years now and he is guilty of all of the above.
    My husband on a daily basis will talk about other women and how gorgeous they are. Now I am a confident woman and not a jealous woman but I feel his behaviour is disrespect ful and hurtful.

  5. I was reading this article as well as some of the comments; Which surprised me that most where women complaining about there husbands but nothing was said from there husband which there is always two side to a story. Not saying that us men can be not so sensitive, but remember lady’s and I’m not speaking for all men just the one who do work hard for there family and take time to try spending time with them all when he can. Now I’m going to explain to you women that we are men and men thank different than women, that’s why are body’s are different it how God created use to be different including are mind’s. Now saying that and again I am not speaking for everyone, us men ways of thinking is that we are providers not saying that the women don’t do there part because I’m sure they do. Again but men fell that when we work it show are love for are wife and yes we know you work also, but when we men get busy we sometimes only have one thing on are mind and thats work. No this I not a excuses but men like to hear how well they are working makes them feel as we men would say, “THE MAN” so after a while when the wife say hey you need to do this or do that more times than saying to the Husband I know you worked hard this week or today your such a hard worker you see what I’m doing women leading my way into asking not just coming out to ask and yes that can work both ways also women take in consideration that some times men hear this more from freinds and others, than there wife or kids so thats why sometimes so fast to help others than to help you. That and also they might be getting paid something which is another way to use for you husband and not money and lets be real most men only like a few things find out what it is and award them with that. But also take in consideration that some men do alot of physical work with their body and mind along with being in different weather which could really take the body down some may your man is sometime over worked and needs the rest. But was ever the case is the best way to do it is give it time and work it out not posting negative things about him on line with others with the same problem because messory loves company and I’m not a professional and nether are the people commenting because if they really cared about there husband they wouldn’t be on here talking nagtive about them they would ask for professional help or set down to talk it out with hubby. I sure if your husband saw some of the stuff y’all write to everyone to read thing would probably get alot worse. Plus it is like I said it is two sides to every story and I’m sure he would have something to say about you as well and you might just find the problem was you or it might help you understand him better but most of all it might just fix the problem all together or a least start. Well I said what my options where sorry if I offended anyone. Thanks for your time: The simple man

  6. My husband often makes fun of my mother. His mother would do that to me but I ignored as she is not an important person to me. But when my husband does that it hurts badly and if I tell him he fights with me.

  7. For the last two years my husbands parents were both ill & then passed away. My husband when he wasn’t working took care of them and spent many hours on the phone with his sister. I’ve tried to be understanding and patient. But I think my husband is in such a habit of setting me aside for other people & things for the last 20 years I no longer feel any hope of being cared for. If I need help fixing anything in the house I know it’s hopeless to ask. If his friend or relative ask for help he does. For example I did major spring cleanup and asked him to help me with it & then go to the dump. (I can’t manage driving the truck). As months passed I would occasionally ask again. A year passed. In the meantime he helped a friend of his do some clean up. In fact he hauled over a truckload of recycling his friend needed to get rid of & left it for months in our yard until he got around to dumping it. His friend is single, able bodied grown man. But when he needed help my husband was there straightaway.
    When hornets built a nest under our porch I kept asking for help but my husband didn’t pay attention until I was bitten several times.
    Its basically these kind of things all the time. I asked him not pile stuff in our room because I wanted to keep at least one space in our house nice and relaxing. But he piles stuff. Bills, tools, papers.
    My husband is a good man, well respected & hardworking but I can’t remember the last time we went on a date he initiated. Or the last time he fully listened to me. The point is I’m just kind of a side note to his life not really a meaningful part. Things that are important for us to tackle together just aren’t to him. When the closet door fell off I managed to fix it. On my own while he was making something for a friend. On my own. I feel like he leaves me on my own a lot. He doesn’t participate.
    While he’s busy with life I’m still waiting. Waiting to see if I matter beyond sex and providing housecleaning.
    I’ve tried to talk to him about but he half listens so then I get sad & depressed & he always says please don’t be like that.
    I think i see this happening a lot for most of the women I know. I don’t think men see partnership as something you actually have to participate in. Wives are their partners because they have sex, kids, and a mortgage. But their not partner partners the way women long for.
    I keep trying to except it. But I feel more and more like I’m not building a life with someone. I’m just on my own.

  8. My husband hurts me more than anything. He keeps his phone on silent for when people call him I can’t hear it go off. When I asked him who is it he gets mad and says it’s none of my business. I barely even ask. He stays gone 24/7. I don’t get out of the house I look at four walls and all I ever hear but I was in jail for 6 months I deserve to get out. Hell I never ever get a chance to get out I stay in the house 24/7 taking care of our two girls. He’s always saying everything’s my fault all I think about is myself. He finally kisses me or touches me I just wish I knew what was going on in his head. He says he loves me but I’m starting to think it’s just saying that so he can have his girls around. But he hardly pays attention to them then.He Acts like he love me at certain points and then the rest of the days I’m no one. I love him and he says he loves me but I don’t know .

  9. Wow this article could not come at a better time. I was starting to think I was going mad and imagining everything. Am going to send this to my husband right now xx

  10. My husband hurts me a lot!! He's cold distant always a mean tone. Tells me I'm controlling when I ask about his day in detail. When I tell him I feel lonely and neglected he says "if you don't like who I am then leave" we have two toddlers agree 1 and 2. I'm a stay at home mom. I don't feel in my heart is going to get better to I hide my pain and tears and keep it together for my kids? Or do I find a job and leave?

  11. my marriage is over even though we are still living in the same house. the most important thing i took away from this article is how my husband would repeatedly talk down to me or close his eyes while i was talking. my question is: if a wife tells him how this hurts her, why would he continue to do it for over 20 years?

  12. I have been through it all…its to the point where he thinks a good day consists of us being in seperate rooms on our off days…..we dont do anything together… he cant have an adult conversation without yelling…its horrible….it have caused me to reach out to other men just for simple conversation….i have even considered divorce…..i hate being married to him….i know things could be a lot better with us but he wont open his eyes to see that im really unhappy.

  13. My husband tunes me out all the time. He can be watching t.v. and be so into the show he doesn't hear my talking OR I can say something to him and he "can't" hear because I "mumble." He has a hearing problem and doesn't want to deal with it.

  14. So on point and exactly how I feel at the moment about everything 🙁 ! It honestly hurts me like he has no idea and I try so hard to make him happy yet I feel like I have to either beg him for things it hurts me so much not having anyone to talk to so that they won’t judge I wish he knew how much it hurts ! Every word on here is so true… I can no longer stop my tears from coming down and when I try to tell him he acts as if I’m the one that’s wrong.. Sometimes I feel like he no longer loves me which isn’t good I know but I try to do everything right for our child! All this pain I feel now it’s harder to smile I feel useless at times. He has no idea how much I love him but I also don’t want to continue to hurt

  15. My husband makes me feel like I’m 2nd plate all the time! Every time on his days off he goes to church and forgets I exist! I don’t go nowhere because of his religion everything is a sin!! How the hell do I compete with Jesus?! I believe in God but not in institutionalized religion! SMH! I can’t take it no longer!

  16. I do all of these things to my wife. That's how I ended up here on this article. I really need help. Pray for me. I feel like I married the wrong woman. Everything about her makes me angry or upset, and she continues to disappoint me daily. I try to love her as best I can but the damage has already been done.

  17. my husband does every one of these. he tells me i'm worthless and have no value outside of cleaning house and having sex. we have 3 small kids. im not perfect and deal with some of the things you talk about in the wifes version of this. i wish he cared about me or loved me as much as he says he does.

  18. My husband hurts me in many ways, he is so sensitive to anything I say or want to discuss that he then gets mad at me. He stonewalls me. He could ignore me for days. When I do something that offends him (which isn’t hard to do) he sweats the small stuff and chooses to make everything a big deal, and he lets me know! But he’s okay to do the things that piss him off, to me. Hypocrite
    I don’t say anything until he gets mad at me for it. 1 example- his kids don’t attend my family’s events many times. I dont say anything. But my girls usually attend 90% of his family gatherings that we attend, but this last time they didn’t because one to and wanted to work on her church project (but she would’ve gone) I suggested that my eldest daughter NOT go because she was sick and asleep. Then my husband disinvited me and left. He’s been ignoring me since… He also got really mad that my daughter wanted to sit out in the foyer at church last Sunday. And kept bugging me about it, even after I had a talk with her. But then I said at least she was at church unlike his son who didn’t want to go and stayed at his cousins house. My husband gave him a crappy excuse and kept focusing I my daughter. I’m feeling helpless and hopeless. 4 years of this roller coaster

  19. How about this. Systematically ignoring me when I speak to him so I have to call his name and then repeat everything. Making a mess as he goes along because literally EVERY wrapper, empty can, sock etc. just gets dumped right there. And for someone who basically just sits staring at a screen all day long, it’s a lot of mess. Not trying to make any money (just a kind of welfare). Not doing anything in the household except ‘cooking'(mostly microwave, deepfry or oven readymades) and ‘groceries'(only gets food and drinks, never checks anything else that needs buying like cleaning supplies). So not even an ashtray gets emptied when I don’t do it.

    I figure out everything by myself. In the process he yells at me, works against me, demands the whole process go as he plans it, then leaves me to do the calling, searching, writing, finance dealing and afterwards when friends need advice on the subject, he uses all the knowledge I gained while getting the project done to ‘give advice about it’ to our friends (read:keeps repeating how he knows it out of his own experience, along with some pretty dumb and pointless advice). There is no talking to him as he gets aggressive – his way of disagreeing with me. I’ll tell him something I want done differently with the reasons why, in a calm manner, and will get cussed at. He never hits me though, although I have a hunch that’s just because he doesn’t want trouble with authorities. He does throw things, yell at me, threaten me, get really up close and intimidating, belittle me etc. Recently he made me say ‘Yes *** I’m a dumb b.tch’. There are no arguments between us. It’s just an almost daily thing where I’ve done something wrong and he calls me the stupidest piece of sh.t on earth. And without feeling sorry or apologizing, just a couple of hours later he says I love you and hugs me; as soon as I hug him back or display any affection, he’ll want to do it. And I never orgasmed even before him, so that’s not a thrill either.

    I feel like a worthless human being and a bad wife. Also I feel like nobody respects me and I’m a pusharound. Maybe because before him, I only had abusive boyfriends, abusive parents and was bullied my whole life. Never had any friends. Ironically, friends I do have since I met him. Real friends. I just don’t want to tell them this because of respect for my husband. Therapy didn’t help my despair and depression. Hope you guys never end up like this.

  20. My husband hurt our relationship by not acknowledging special days and keeping them priority. He will make plans to do things with and for family. Example: On my birthday I wanted to spend time with him only, and he got upset because he wanted his son to come over that day. And for our First Year Anniversary he offered me to babysit for his daughter. Although we have plans to celebrate at a later date, I would like to not have to be tied down doing things that I don't agree with. Those days to me should still be kept secrete.

  21. I agree with all of the items on the list. Husband and I have been married for 23 years. Seems to me the biggest issues seem to be with communication. I will express my needs and tell husband how his looking at women makes me feel but it never stops. I used to take it personally and was very hurt, felt rejected, unloved. I saw a man who was full of lust for every pair of legs that walked but had no interest in me. It seemed to me that he expected me to fill a role of housekeeper, cook and nanny taking care of everything around the house and with the kids while he sits on the computer and picks his nose. I eventually stopped talking to him about my needs as I was not being heard and little by little I emotionally separated myself from him. We have had counseling, I have suggested reading material but nothing has changed. I find his behavior quite selfish, then he gets angry with me when I don't want to jump in the sack with him. He just does not seem to get it at all. I am the problem in his eye and he just does his own thing. We ignore each other about half the time it seems.

  22. Every man I have ever met thinks his wife is stupid, emotional, irrational, inferior, and impulsive. Mine is no exception. He talks over me, belittles my comments, treats me as if I am not his equal in any way, dismisses my feelings, ignores my requests and has this wonderful non-verbal way of being condescending and dismissive of everything I say and do. He also does not see my work as being of the same value as his. Anything he does, knows or says is automatically correct. Anything I do, know or say is automatically assumed to be incorrect. He sees me as being of absolutely no value i our relationship even though I am the one that brings home the paycheck, pays the bills, cooks, cleans, does all the shopping and all I see is his contempt – never gratitude for anything. He never apologizes for anything he might say or do and he expects me to always be the one that gives in whenever there is a disagreement.. Every man is this way, it seems. Why? What makes them think that women are just dirt under their feet?

  23. I have a very difficult and unfamiliar situation and don’t know where to go for help.


    My husband and I are from the same town and we were great friends for about three years before we actually got together.

    He joined the military two years before I did and he served five years… I am currently at the end of my fourth year of service and we have been married for two years now.

    After finishing his military service, my husband came to live with me in Hawaii, where I am stationed. He originally intended to reenlist for another four years, but due to the draw-down in forces, he was involuntarily separated.

    Now we are living together and he is working at a place that he isn’t very happy with. He only works there to contribute to bills and necessities while I finish my last year of obligated service.

    I know that this makes him unhappy and I know that he is frustrated with where he is at in life (his dreams were to become a navy seal and I fully believe he had and STILL has what it takes to become one… This can attest to the kind of person he is)

    Understanding his frustration, I continue to support him. I make just enough to cover our bills and small purchases. However, I find that I’m becoming more and more depressed and feeling like I am unappreciated or taken for granted. I have to ask him to tell me he loves me, I have to ask him to hug me, hold me, kiss me, show me any affection at all. It honestly tears me up inside and I do not want to make it a big deal and sound like I’m needy and whiny, but I feel like I’m running on fumes.

    He recently added another woman on his Facebook account who years ago, had proven to be a wedge in our brand new relationship.

    I am currently 25 weeks pregnant and I was outside bathing our very difficult, 100 lb German Shepherd ALONE until 10:30pm while he was inside laying on the bed with the AC running.

    This began an argument because I have noticed he doesn’t try to ease my load being pregnant with our first child.

    The argument ended with him leaving the room telling me he was done, wanted a divorce, that he had stopped loving me long ago, and that he doesn’t love me anymore.

    I then discovered his renewed acquaintance with this woman from years ago and I confronted him about it.

    He adds numerous females that he either doesn’t know personally, or he DOES know personally and has expressed interest in and I honestly don’t trust him or know what his thoughts or intentions are.

    He came from a Christian family and I believed he had very strong morals, but recent actions have led me to question who he really is vs. Who I THOUGHT he was.

    I do not believe in divorce, I still love him, I remain faithful to him in every possible way, I try my hardest to be a good wife, I even planned a great evening out for his birthday which is coming up in two days.

    I try my absolute hardest to let him know without a doubt that I love him and that I MEANT what I said in those marriage vows, hoping and praying that he will love me the same.

    I asked him to look me in the eyes and tell me he wanted a divorce. His response was, “I don’t want a divorce, but I think it’s what’s best. You deserve better and you can get someone better than me. I’m not enough.”

    I communicated to him clearly for what felt like the hundredth time that I don’t WANT anyone “better” and I don’t WANT anyone but him. I communicated to him clearly that all I need from him is:

    1) for him to love me as a husband loves his wife and to SHOW me that he feels that love.

    2) for him to not make me feel like I’m competing against other women for his attention.

    Two mornings ago he woke up at 4am, kissed me and smiled at me, pulled my hand under his pillow and fell back asleep.

    That moment was the HAPPIEST I’ve felt in MONTHS and I don’t understand why he doesn’t do those things when we’re together.

    Like I said, I have to ask for his hand to hold. I have to ask him to wrap his arms around me when I lean on his chest and hug him. I have to practically beg for a small kiss.

    That ONE sweet moment of affection at 4 in the morning made my entire world. That’s all I need from him. That’s ALL that will make him “enough” for me. Yet he wants a divorce because he thinks he “isn’t enough”

    I am laying awake at 1am and have to be getting out of bed for work in four hours. I am 25 weeks pregnant and haven’t slept since yesterday.

    I know the stress and depression is not good for my growing baby, but I just cannot hold myself together with my world falling to pieces.

    I have talked him into going back to church, but I feel it hasn’t helped our situation. That was my last bit of hope for saving my marriage and I’m just completely lost with what to do.

    I’m drained of love, I’m drained of energy, my hope is running on empty, and I’m heartbroken.

    Alone on an island and everything I love most is slipping through my grasp.

  24. He says he loves his wife,wants to spend time with her and he doesn't want to hurt her. But he hardly has a response to when she is talking with him,he is rude to her when he says something to her, ignoring her, not going out of his way to spend time with her and when she tells him that he is being this way to her a lot more than him being nice,caring and loving. She tells him that it hurts when he is this way towards her,that it is wrong to be this way towards her and if he didn't want to hurt her in anyway,he would stop being this way towards her. He tells her that he has not been this way at anytime to her, that he is not treated her anything like she has said to him.(Does not ignore her, does go out of his way to be who her, is not rude to her,does respond when she is talking to him and does have conversations with her .) He says the reason he denies what she said he does to her,because he doesn't' want to argue with her. So he denies treating her this way, that he would never be this way towards her,that they get in quite a bit of arguments. She is tired of trying to explain to him how bad he is hurting her by being this way towards her,tired of arguing with him,she has gotten very depressed,cries quite a bit. He asks her what is wrong,like he has no feelings about or why she is hurt,crying and she is depressed. We have been married over 35 years,he never used to treat her anthing like this.I just don't know why he would treat her or would want to treat her this badly

  25. What about when the disrespect is on purpose. I keep reading how most men don’t do this on purpose. But if that is true how did they manage not to do it before marriage and how do they manage not to do it to anyone else? What about when it is with full intent?!

  26. Some examples of situations you might experience these 7 things would have really helped to solidify the points as they are very true IMO. Thanks.

  27. Howdy exceptional blog! Does running a blog like this require a large amount of work?

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  28. I believe that anytime you read an article there is either something you learn or not. You can relate or not. For those who can’t relate to this article, save your breathe and move on. Plenty of people need to hear this information because it’s still happening in the world. Both my partner and I are very intelligent, strong willed and opinionated people. We point these facts out to each other when we hurt each other whether intentional or not. I think this article serves as a great way to open conversation for couples who need to hear it from someone else. Since our egos can be quite sensitive. For myself, today, this is just confirmation. So before I blow steam at my partner, I need to remember that he may a victim of ignorance. This articles reminds me to find a clever way to communicate to my partner, so these things happen less often. Granted, I do feel lucky enough that he’s willing to look at our issues even if it’s not resolved immediately. For the women who have been hurt by their husbands actions or words… I ask that you find the courage to speak your truth to best of your ability and don’t give up on what you believe. It can be a big process to work through but I can promise your heart and nerves will be happy that you chose to stand in your truth. If you want change in your life, it must begin with you first. So if this article rings true to your heart, listen. Your Heart is asking you to stand up for it. I have found that for every time my heart breaks, it is mended by a deeper love. Because I chose not to allow ignorance to be the ruling emotion. Since my heart only wants to love, I must follow its lead. I try to find ways for love to be my center of attention rather than-what if or why me. I am the reason I am able to love. This article reminds me to love our imperfections. And work on the ones that need to change. Thank you for this post and allowing me to express myself.

  29. Well this Information is really true and reality ,I honest one of the man failing in some of the area mentioned,especially Hurting her feeling without knowing and Considering her less over other women and sometimes in Actions while walking with her and sometimes in words telling her how other woman are smart than her,

    Now the other things i want to say is on her side,there are weakness that she have that support us both to fail more on communicate Love proper in signs and Actions,she is short temper person and hard to forgive and forget ,again the worse part of her when she is hurt the answer is she will start cheating secretly by phone communication and other social Network like Facebook and what-ups messages just for her to feel that there are men out there can keep her company than me the husband and really my finally words is that some marriage is not easy to mend,,

  30. I think this post belittles women in all senses of the word. It casts women as objects, housewives and nothing more. It fails to acknowledge that many women are independent, intelligent and leaders in their communities. This entire post is probably the BIGGEST way a husband injures his wife: by failing to acknowledge her intelligence, independence and ability to excel outside of being a wife and a mother.

  31. I agree with most of this. My one contention is that I don’t think a woman “feels more deeply” than a man. There is nothing more heartbreaking then seeing a man cry, and they do sometimes. I believe men and women become emotional over different things, and in different ways. But the truth is, everyone has a soul, and the soul transcends gender, hormones, and the body. The soul is where your emotions reside…it’s what governs your heart. And that is what makes a healthy marriage so special…two souls combined and co-habitating in harmony. I don’t have a perfect marriage, but my husband and I respect each other, we work together, and we love each other as equals because we are both adults, and both children of God.

  32. I so understand these women my husband loves to cut me down with his words till I spend days crying. I live on eggshells trying to not upset him or set him off in any way but some time it is the easy I breath that does it. He is nice and loving in front of others but when we are in the car or at home I hear it loudly. It’s like I have to ask permission to do go or say any thing . And I know my opinion is wrong and do sent matter and he tells me iT all my fault. AND that one Day he’s leaving then I will be sorry and wondering why he left and he says just know it’s my fault for running him off with you disobedience .

    It gets so bad sometimes I pray to God that I just die and he and the e kids will be better off.

  33. My husband makes fun of me. Treats me like a “child”, talks down on me, Screams, shouts and tells me to shut up.

    When in-laws comes to visit us or we visit them…My husband, starts to disrespect me by shouting, gossiping and treats me as if I’m not there. He says I deserve to be shouted at..etc. He abuses me to make his mother and sister happy. My mother-in law and sister-in law hate me. They cause conflict between my husband and I.

  34. My husband disagrees with your post. He says as a Christian husband it is the mans job to correct and punish his wife in order to keep her in line. That is how a Christian man controls his household.

  35. My husband will mock my laugh, even in front of other people. Sometimes hell mock what I say. I've told home a few times that this hurts my feelings and leads me to think he doesn't like the way I laugh or he just doesn't like me. I've started shutting down some in front of people, try not to laugh to much, always worried he'll moke what I say and people will think he is not a very kind husband, which I don't want them to think at all. this morning I told him again to please stop mocking me, it isn't nice. He said ok I won't do that anymore. I just didn't want to talk much after that, afraid he'll forget and hurt me again.he's been doing this for several months, not often, but enough to cause me to not speak too much.

  36. Hmmm… I noticed on this article most men are owning up to their weaknesses and women are saying "yes that's right, and here's 3 more ways my husband makes me mad". On the women's article, men hardly responded at all, but women jumped right in with justification why they do the mean things they do, and blaming the men for it.

    Could it be possible that, in general, women tend to 1) complain more, 2) accept responsibility less, 3) don't accept positive criticism, 4) justify their abusive behavior?

    It certainly seems so, at least on this site.

  37. I think husbands forget to CHERISH their wives as God called them to! They forget to each day treat them as they are the special ones they chose. If they remember this I don't think they can do all the things listed above if their hearts are right with God. When wives are treated like listed above, I think then they react by building a wall which then keeps them from nurturing the marriage. My husband does some of these things saying he is joking or he corrects me about something I'm saying in a group but does with a tone that is hurting me deep. Also jokes saying I talk to much so not wanting to but have stopped talking as much to him.

  38. My spouse is a great guy really he is but he does do something which really annoys me. When talking to others whom I am talking to, I may know them I may not, he tends to stick me in the conversation when I am not intended to me and says stuff about me which is supposed to be humous and the person he is talking to may think so but I dont because I can often overhear it ( and its not hard, he talks loud) I dont like being apart of his conversations just thrown in there. If you wish to be uplifting or telling them something postive fine, but I am not part of you humor to be all good with the person. Does that make me too sensitive. I especially do not like this when he does this with people in our work, we work together, people who I want my reputation and how I am seen to be correct. He knows how I feel, I hope he can adjust that because I do Not do that to him, he is not part of my attempts to be funny to people he may look up to.

  39. 'Gives a solution when all I am doing is letting off steam'

    This one hurts me the most. I am perfectly capable of finding solutions to problems. Sometimes I just want to communicate how irritating something is or how much it affected me. After the communication is over and I have calmed down, I will obviously find a solution to it. I only want a listening ear sometimes and all he wants to do is suggest solutions, which I need absolutely no help in, as I know my job much better than he does. This hurts me because it suggests I am incapable of finding solutions in my own field of work.

  40. im a women and relate to all what you have said in this post..
    and my husband is to proud to see the hurt hes cousin me, for that reason im at my breaking point and accually living on hopesits enoff i just want him to tell me the thruth or leave me alone because hes not the man i loved and still love and that hurts me alooooooootttttt…
    so much that if i didnt have any children i would leave him in a heartbeat and leave evrything behind me and even the place he live in along with my family who is blinded with hes lying acts towards me..

  41. I would add that taking business calls that are interrupting a conversation with your wife when you are supposedly "off work" makes your wife feel small and unimportant to you. Not to mention the fact that it is disrespectful. Give your wife your full attention when it is your time together.

  42. My wife is so fat and gross, I can't stand looking at her! So many fat rolls hanging out. I simply take it as a sign that we are not suppose to reproduce. But, I love her so much! I will always do my best to take care of her and be a good husband! I guess a life of celibacy isn't so bad.

  43. The worst injury is to refuse your wife any affection, a compliment, no touching or sex for the 2 1/2 years that they have been married. The wife has told him how important it is to her. If husband is asked by the wife if they could make an appointment or make a plan for sex, he goes into a rage. He refuses to listen to the counselor. The husband likes to sleep alone and does not like to be touched. The husband knew how important affection was to the wife when they got married, but he always goes into a rage if mentioned. He thinks sex is not important. Help.

  44. Posts like this make me feel so sad and heavy hearted. I feel bruised and broken. My husband and I were friends for years before we started a relationship together. Now I’m seeing a completely different side of him. I’ve never been the recipient of such name calling in my life. He doesn’t directly say “you are a bitch”…but he says “you are acting like a: bitch, asshole, cunt, spoiled princess, selfish brat, etc”. He’s called me stupid. We never argue over anything major. He can be really mean at times and then the nicest person ever at others (his mom even told me today that he is good at hurting feelings but you just have to get over it). He does have a history of depression issues.

    He makes me feel like a child and I’m a 30 year old woman with a master’s degree. I grew up in a KIND, loving, supportive home. It makes me cry at the thought of my parents or older brother or family knowing what I’m going through…maybe I’m just crying for myself. I’m supposed to be strong. I had a failed marriage before and this time it was supposed to be different. There were signs of issues before we got married but I honestly believed in our friendship and I think that misled me. I can feel myself slipping away into depression and I don’t know how to fix it.

  45. To this list I would add giving more love to anyone besides her. We want to captivate your whole heart and be so wanted by you that loving/serving/valuing others more hurts us…well, where it hurts. It bruises us. Whether it be a sister or mom, or in my home its a dog. We want to be first in your heart.

  46. I loved the how wives hurt husbands post. Im guilty of all but one. Ugh. 🙁 so im surprised I didnt relate to this one as well. I feel like my love hurts me alot with curtness as you say, and I think you almost got to the point but i would add focus on speaking gently. Most women (who arent hardened by bitterness already) are “bruised” much easier than men. It only takes two or three seconds and not much thought to change an answer from “what” to “yes love” when she asks your attention. I say purpose to make your words and tone gentle could be added to that curtness point.

  47. My husband just seems to nit pick and makes jokes about my housework in front of my mom and MIL. It really wears on you after a while. You start to really think it’s your identity to not be good at cooking and cleaning. I ask him not to do it. He sincerely apologizes then goes back to it seemingly by default to liven up the conversation. He’s not a bad person, but it just wears me down where I feel like I such at being a mom 🙁

  48. Hello, me and my wife are on the verge of seperating. We have three children in our home, the two youngest being mine. I love my family dearly, but have been feeling anger I my wife. Which, in turn, makes me angry. I have been recently laid off, and my wife has been working and going to school full time, not leaving much for us. When she gets home its studying, and shes gone two to three days a week at school, then two away at work. I have been doing my best to help around the house assuming the role, washing clothes, cooking, cleaning, taking care of the youngest two. But she is now getting upset over the little things. She was getting the kids dressed and it started a fight. She is resentful and sarcastic towards me. I told her I wish she would spend more time with us, but it started a fight about her working so hard for us. I love her, but not sure if she feels the same anymore. She mocks me now, and says im moping when I truley am concerned about us. I am not perfect, and tend to persue things sometimes, but I just seems like when I talk to her in a non confrontational time, she uses it during a fight. I feel like when I share with her my feelings, she uses that as fuel. Thank you, I dont really have anyone to talk to, and feel so lost.

  49. I enjoyed your blog. Have any insights on remarriage? I have 2 children and he has 4. Our only problem is the children. His are all that matters to him especially the youngest she does and gets whatever she wants, and if I do anything for my children it’s an argument. This has caused me great animosity towards his child. What to do???

  50. Another way husbands can and do disrespect their wife and make them feel bad and unloved is to do more for their sister and basically ignore the wife to please his sister because she waves money in his face. My husband lets his sister control his life.

  51. You have written it beautifully. I totally agree with you since I am also a wife and I know how does it feel to be treated like that by your husband.

  52. What about commenting about her "duties as a wife"…even if it is "just a joke" and the husband is "just teasing" because he likes to rile her up because he thinks she is "cute" when she is mad/frustrated. Women don't mind doing things for their spouse or loved ones like cleaning the house, doing the dishes, washing the laundry or more importantly having sex…until they start feeling unappreciated and like those duties are expected of them. After a while the joking/teasing starts making her feel like he really thinks those duties are her sole purpose in life. Joking and teasing maybe funny the first couple of times, but it honestly wears on a person's nerves after a while and makes a person feel horrible and resentful. It doesn't help matters either when the man rarely ever (if at all) helps with cleaning the house, doing the dishes, washing the laundry and often asks her if he has any clean clothes for work the next day or where something is located as if he has never even lived in the house at all. Also it is just blatantly rude and disrespectful to leave your trash, dirty dishes or dirty clothes laying around the house for her to pick them up on a daily basis like she is your servant. You want her to treat you right and for her to bitch less then treat her right by helping her out more often and for God-sake pick up after yourselves when you make a mess.

    Additionally you men need to stop expecting sex from women when your relationship lacks any ounce of romance anymore. FYI – A nice sweet hug without man-handling her is romantic! A sweet kiss on the forehead, cheek, nose, or mouth is romantic. A whisper in her ear of terms of endearment like I love you, I want to love you forever, you make my life complete, you are beautiful, etc. are romantic gestures/sayings. NOT smacking her on the ass and saying stupid piggish remarks like some douche-bag in a bar or grabbing/grazing her boobs as many chances as you can get. And saying weird-ass shit like I want to slap your ass, put butter your butt, poke you in the ear or even weirder sayings. Seriously, if you didn't do or say the things to her in the beginning when you first won her heart then saying and doing them now when she is your wife (higher status) isn't gonna make her melt into a loving pile of mush that bends at your will.

    If you feel like you are losing connection with her then actually take the time to do things with her that are actually romantic…picnics, date nights, flowers, romantic movies at home, etc. Don't have the money? Then leave her sweet love notes, poems, a recording of songs that make you think of her, or call/text her during the day just to say you love her and miss her. Just tell her how much she means to you!!! If she is the kind of woman who only expects expensive gifts from you then you might want to rethink your relationship anyway.

  53. Wow! Amazing Article! I think this really great content. These are obvious to women, but sometimes these are not obvious to us as men. I have a community website for Dads. This type of information is extremely valuable. Thanks for sharing it.
    -Larry Hagner, Founder of the Good Dad Project

  54. Something my husband does that I don't really see in the 7 above is he takes everyone else's opinion over mind. Example I got a set of hot rollers for my hair the instructions, which were already thrown away, stated to heat them with the lid closed. So everyday before getting in the shower I would turn them on with the lid shut. Come out and the lid is open "you shouldn't have the lid shut when these are heating up". This went on forever, till I finally gave up and just left the lid open. My daughter came up to the bedroom to ask my husband something. She shut the lid and said "I have a set just like these and you're supposed to close the lid". When I come out of the shower he promptly tells me I have been using them wrong, the lid is supposed to closed. Really? Act's like he has no memory of the recuses ions before, maybe he doesn't, but I do! It makes me mad that I told him over and over and I still didn't know what I was talking about. She said it one time and her word is golden. That's just one example. Happen's all the time!

  55. I didn't only read this but also printed a copy as a daily reminder because I'm guilty of all but one.
    Thanks for the post.

  56. I felt a great deal of compassion when I read the post about wives injuring husbands and felt thankful for the insight (I am a wife), especially since men so often have trouble communicating their emotions. However, this post seems to give less insight into the woman's heart than it simply points to a group of dehumanizing behaviors devised to keep dominant figures in their position. Some of these may be relationally hurtful at best, but many are outright abusive at worst. Less subtle forms are serial affairs, harmful words, physical threats/restrains/batteries. These are not "women's feelings" (except #3) (men expect to be valued for the work they do, respected in word and deed, safe from betrayal), rather these are "minority" feelings. If a man is doing this list to his wife and does not know it, then I would think they both need an education in equality, respect, power/control, boundaries, and dignity. A man of character will reject these behaviors when they are exposed for what they are. But the womanizer/abuser/controller will not be prevailed upon by a blog appealing to his compassion for the feelings of the weaker vessel.

  57. Ephesians 4:31 and 32 Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamor, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice. And be ye kind one to another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.

    The apostle Paul, although single, sure knew how to give good marriage and family counsel.

  58. With over 46 years of marriage under my belt (plus, we met in Mrs. Dunagan’s 3rd grade classroom at South Elementary School in Midland TX, so we’ve known each other a long time) and now in our 42nd year of ministry, I figure I have some skin in the marriage game and can analyze a few things that may not be apparent to others.

    My heart goes out to this young lady, because I fear she has just experienced what may prove to be a fatal flaw in her fiance. I read her reply three times, the 2nd and 3rd times trying to sharpen my sensitivity to find anything to offend, but found absolutely nothing that could be twisted or otherwise interpreted as worthy of offense.

    She even wrote that she “told him I had read the other article for wives so I wanted him to read this one.” I cannot fathom that any man of upright and honorable character would misinterpret her note.

    While I think Ron ‘s advice is well-liked and perhaps even helpful, it bothers me deeply. This relationship is starting off with a wife apologizing for something which was perfectly understandable in both intention and word. Methinks the apology belongs on the tongue of a young man who should be grateful he is engaged to a young woman who is anticipating potential problem areas before them and is taking reasonable efforts to avoid conflict between them.

  59. I simply don't understand how a man could not know he was talking down to his wife or being condescending or speak as though his wife was beneath his contempt. How could that be? How is his wife supposed to deal with that? How could a spouse ever believe their husband really loves them when they are being treated badly? The amount of anger would be tremendous and the stress level off the charts. That person would certainly find living each day extremely difficult, if not impossible. Performing even the most mundane tasks would become excruciatingly painful. Intimacy would be difficult to say the least. Who would want their husband to touch them under those circumstances? Living a life like that would be exhausting almost to the point of death.

  60. My (now-ex) husband was VERY insecure, and he thought it was funny to TELL me, "Wow! Did you see the (anatomy) on that woman! etc., etc., etc." or (my favorite and spoken with jealousy), "How did someone who looks like HIM get such a gorgeous wife? What's he got that I haven't?" No matter how often I asked him to stop doing that, he continued, and defended his actions by saying he was just having a little fun. Well, if I had had a men's magazine model's figure, I MIGHT have been able to confidently laugh off these comments, but I knew I could never measure up to his fantasies. There were many other issues, from both of us, that we never resolved and finally divorced after many painful years. But "wounded" is a great word to cover the hurt inflicted. Some of these wounds won't be healed until Eternity.

  61. I believe this true for any relationship. If we think or admire a person enough to share our precious time with; then, we should appreciated each other with love, kindness and respect.

  62. I read both articles and have to say I think they are both on point. As some readers have mentioned, some points may deserve to be on both lists. The truth is neither of these lists are exhaustive and are both simply a view if one(two) persons ‘top 7.’ It’s a little irritating to read some of the comments that ‘read more into the text than is written.’. The examples given are simply that, examples, which, in their very nature are insufficient to explain the infinite situations out there. It is also more than irritating (although not unusual given our ‘blame someone else’ nature) that one person would ‘forward’ the article as a ‘hint’ or whatever, and not one (that I read) took the approach of … “honey, I read this article about how *I* possibly hurt *YOUR feelings* (provide link and leave it to them to read the self-applying article) – is this true? Which one do you feel most often? Can you give me an example? I’ll try and work on #X and #Y. The only way we’re likely to change another person is by changing the way we react or the way we treat them. Just my 2¢.

  63. My wife sent me this as a "hint". Just after that she reprimanded me while standing in line at a restaurant, for what she felt was my inappropriate behavior. She did this in front of her son and definitely loud enough for others to hear. Then she reprimanded me again at the table in front of her son. If I were to have read this post or discovered this by myself, my reaction would have been different. Instead, I read it and scoffed, and then went and found "7 ways a wife hurts her husband". I might have done a tit-for-tat to get my point across, but the counterpoints for wives didn't even come close to justification.

  64. When men say they give you a place to live when both work and pay the bills. Thats usually the first thing he brings up if I say my needs arent being met. Or if I tell him I dont feel appreciated.

  65. I think both of these posts should be combined and renamed, "ways a person can injure their spouse without knowing it, " because all of these things can hurt both ways. For instance, I'm sure a husband would be just as hurt if his wife corrected him every time he spoke. Yes, I have seen that happen a lot.

  66. One thing men need to remember is that many of the 'things' in a marriage are both of theirs. For instance, our house. When he says, my house or my car, when OUR money bought those things, I get irritated. That is a small thing that I need to work on, but it has bothered me for 35 years of marriage and he still does it. Guess this one might be both our problems, but mostly mine. Also, someone else mentioned giving something to your wife. One little flower for no reason at all, makes a world of difference.

  67. Forward this to my husband? No way. He couldn't deal with it. He rather hurt me in ignorance. As for being a defender, he is not. I've learned to defend myself. Yes by putting up a brick wall around my heart. I long for a better marriage and I 've been doing all the work and he reaps the benefits. Yes, I believe God can work in our marriage, I just don't believe my husband can.

  68. My husband literally does none of these things. He's not perfect, and I'm certainly not perfect, but these things are right in our marriage. On the days when it seems like everything is wrong, I'll try to come back to this list and remember that there are many good things between us that outweigh the bad.

  69. my most painful injury- when I ask him to do something for me which I cannot do myself physically- most especially home repair work and three years later the work is still not done- (repair of wall in kitchen or repair of half bath so it functions) This behavior tells me my priorities are no where on his list of priorities. He "tells" me he loves me every day. He hugs me- whatever- …. He neglects our home and dismisses my desire to have a home which is not falling down around my ears.

  70. I think this post and the other post should be consolidated and called ‘Ways we may injure our spouse… and not even know it’. I don’t really feel that in either post the points had to be gender specific and people reading this should review both instead of one or the other. Great points all around though.

  71. I would send him what you just sent me and apologize, asking for his forgiveness. On my blog ronedmondson.com I just wrote how to write that kind of letter. In this case you can email. If he can't accept the aololgy, which I'm sure he will, I'd be concerned. Marriage is full of times where our intentions are misunderstood. 
    Twitter: Ronedmondson

  72. While I am married, I’m as independent feminist as they come. I am educated, work outside the home, and have three boys (#4 due any day). I found no offense to this. If anything, I’m reminded how easily offended women get and how much we read into something that was never said. He can’t possibly list the million things we claim to do as women. He merely listed a small amount of things he does appreciate about his wife. If we want men to stop wanting moms, maids, and mistresses then we need to start treating them with the same respect we’d like in return and quit talking to them like we are their moms. I have worked hard for my education and place in the workforce as a woman, but I value companionship and family. Let’s learn to be educated hard working women and appreciate that there are still men out there, like this one, who think about how they injure women and want to better themselves. I’m guilty of injuring my husband emotionally, probably more than he injures me, because I am a feminist. We’re all guilty of doing it to each other. Thank you for your honest post by the way.

  73. I always give in to my boyfriend. Don’t want to fight. When I say something or remember things or whatever he rolls his eyes. When I tell him to stop he gets this high pitch whin. I didn’t roll my eyes. It makes me feel like a nuance and a pain for him. That I’m to much trouble or again a pain in his butt. I hate it and tired if feeling like that. It’s demeaning to me. Makes me feel less of a person.

  74. Glad this helped some people. Honestly. BUT, I have to agree with the previous commentor about this being offensive towards women. Especially women who work outside the home. As a nurse, I have a much more demanding job (mentally, physically, and schedule wise) than my husband. I’m responsible for all household chores as well as taking care of the children’s needs. I love and respect my husband. He would agree that I’m NOT easily offended. BUT, you have “hurt” myself and many others without even knowing it. I feel like my role as a wife and mother was belittled by you. We do much more that iron, wash dishes, and buy soap. You might want to rethink your words next time.

  75. I have read both posts. I believe that after 12 years of marriage my husband and I have been guilty of almost everything listed between the two articles. I did, however, notice that we were both guilty of things from both lists. I do not think the lists should have been so gender specific. I have to say that we have been fortunate enough to work through most of our differences on our own, but these articles are real eye-openers and will give us something to think about! Thanks for that!

  76. I would like to add the three M’s. Don’t make us feel like your MOM and a MAID and expect us to automatically turn into your MISTRESS!

  77. It definitely hurts when you feel unapraciated for the little thoughtful gestures we do for our mate . It’s almost like it’s expected of us but I’ve often witnessed it go unoticed .

  78. Wait, really? "Whether it’s decorating the house or making sure the clothes are clean…or that you have your favorite soap" is that really all that wives do? Yeah, last time I checked, although I am not married, I am a woman studying to be an ER/Trauma doctor, and I am most certainly not the only woman who does things that are comparable. Guess what? We women are capable of a lot more than being barefoot and pregnant, and it deeply troubles me that A.) people still perpetuate the idea that we must be housewives and B.) there are women who AREN'T offended by how demeaning this is. If this is marriage, I want no part of it.

  79. I am 26, have been married for 7 years.. We recently split and between the two blogs about the husband and wife you couldn’t have hit on more perfect. I hope when people read these they have an open mind.. We were both hurt and now confused, but only time will tell where we end up. Thank you for this blog!

  80. Pingback: Happy Friday! -
  81. Reading this has been bittersweet for me. I found it all to have occurred in my marriage. I’m divorced for over a year now, and I’m trying to find all the help I can to ensure that Ihave fixed the parts of me that were wrong in my first marriage before beginning anything else. Thank you for this good word. I also read the other post and got good information from that as well.

    If you want to have a Proverbs 31 woman you’d better be a specimen of 1Timothy 3!

  82. How about not defending her to his family? Letting a sibling or a family member interfere with how she runs the house and raises the kids? Letting this same sibling/family member disrespect her by telling her she does nothing with the house and children without so much as a "That's my wife! You're not going to talk to her that way!" Or spending money ($100 or more) on an item for this sibling without discussing it with his wife?

  83. After reading, and rereading this, I can only agree! Having been married for 48 yrs., raised 3 sons, endured mutual infidelity, monetary shortages, etc. etc…and still in love with the same fabulous lady!

  84. I have been married for over 20 years, the 7 ways are true and they hurt the women and we should be respectful to watch for them. However lets not forget how mean and hateful women can be too. As a marriage is a foundation built by 2 people not just one. Some days you give equally 50/50, others 60/40, 70/30 or maybe 90/10. Both men and women have needs and they both should be respected equally. The give and take never ends, and good deeds never forgotten. When you do great things you should not always expect a compliment but be thankful you were given the opportunity to do something special. For the gift of giving should not expect return. Above all one should learn how to forgive, as we are not perfect and should be expected to make mistakes. Love is a gift men should treat your wives with great respect but so should women!

  85. Thanks for these strong points cause this was me who you where talking about. I needed that in yes I have to email my wife and thank her for the message I got from this email she sent me.

  86. What if your spouse just won’t talk to ypu at all. As I read the article, I found myself thinking, alot of these could go both ways. Sometimes men and women, in general, tend to take communication forgranted. One may think the other “Just knows” what they are sayin. How do we keep from hurting one another, if we keep thinking we are mind readers.

  87. There are some men who really do look down on their wives, even while having a charming/gallant image. I'd tried hard to be a good wife and stayed 3 decades trying and trying to communicate with him. When we separated he told me that he felt "shortchanged in the wife department" and that he never noticed all the efforts I was making to try and be a good wife. So , I guess what I'm saying is, most men might do some of these things by accident, but there are those who do them because they really do think their wife is not good enough. I've since learned that some abuse is emotional (not physical)…that was not something I was prepared for so for years I assumed (as this article does) that he was doing these things accidentally.

  88. I can’t seem to get my husband to communicate with me about my feelings and how he hurts me and he even does the things that are supposed to make men hurt to me (like correcting things after I do them ect pretty much everything on the list) I try to overcompensate by making sure he feels super valued but all that seems to have gotten me is an over confident over egotistical man. He now thinks he is the greatest husband and father who has ever existed and I feel like I am just a second class fat unloved nothing that’s just here to please his ever whim. My spirit is so crushed that most days I dread the moment he walks through the door. His bashing of my body has made me develop an eating disorder. I’m depressed and tired and all I can think about is how much longer can I go through this? I know we need counseling but he will absolutely NOT even consider it and if I went and he found out (which is likely because he controls the money) he would think I just had a mental problem and hate me even more. He calls me weak and fat in front of the children. Says I never do enough, well enough. Says I “always” or “never” and the times I do make him happy he says “finally you did something right” I could go on. The worst part is he doesn’t even know he is doing this. When I get upset he thinks there must be something wrong with me. He is a hard working and caring individual and a good man but he just no longer values me as a wife/partner and I am just the woman that does his bidding. Unfortunately his mom was a child bride so he thinks how he treats me is perfectly acceptable because it’s what he grew up seeing his dad do (rest his soul) 🙁 thank you for your article and I just feel so disheartened because I don’t know how to get these things through to him and it makes me want to make sure I work harder as a wife to make sure I don’t do any of these things to him as well. 🙂

  89. The difference a woman makes by “decorating the house or making sure the clothes are clean…or that you have your favorite soap.” Wow. I am sorry but this post is clearly geared towards housewives or moms. What about the working woman, who might actually be the primary breadwinner? Or the smartmouth wife who actually herself being the one who is curt with her husband sometimes? I found both posts to be a bit old fashioned in respect to male vs. female personality types and roles in the family.

  90. Im guilty I have to admit ive gotten better but I had a problem with the last one thanks for your post you have really helped me throughout discovering your page… I’m a young man been married 3 years but we been together since grade school I no I messed up but I’m tryin to do better . I agree with the other’s also we are all human and make mistakes. All I would like to say is.. men/women when we make mistakes dont hold on to it , if you see your partner making a effort to change let em. Dont hold that to them forever thanks again be blessed everyone

  91. Sometimes we need encouragement to do things and try things and want you to take our hand and say "come on… you/we can do this" So often we have to do that for everyone else… be the strong ones, encouraging others… that I think men forget how insecure we sometimes are… but we get stuck in ruts too and need a little tug along to be adventurous and try new things for ourselves. We try to boost confidence in others but don't always succeed for ourselves and need our men to encourage us too

  92. Another one to consider is NEVER take the side of your mother against your wife especially in front of others or the mother. She WILL feel betrayed and look at you as a traitor.. She won't feel that she can trust you ever.

  93. My husband and I read through both 7 ways a husband/wife can hurt their wife/husband. And we are both guilty of every one of the 7 . Not proud to say that. We, however, through GOD, have grown in our marriage and have gotten better at avoiding a lot of these. Somtimes we slip up but we have grown so that we are able to talk about it without it becoming WAR as would have been in our younger years of marriage. I must give credit to GOD being more prominent in our lives now and HE has given us the awareness to be more kind and loving to one another.

  94. Don't know why exactly, but something bothers me about these sorts of posts that make insightful comments on relationships but start out with a photo of a woman of almost unparalleled physical beauty. Once, only once, I want to see such a write-up with an average-looking creature at it's header.

  95. I don’t think that’s all true, sorry for my opinion, but most of those seven things is done to me instead of her. I love my wife but women most of the time asking men to care for them, and don’t even appreciate it. When problem happen they blame their men.

  96. All seven are so true, and very hurtful/harmful. You've done marriage a good service by naming these for husbands to read. Hope it gets a very wide reading.

  97. Walk in front instead of beside her. My husband did this all the time and I felt like he was either embarrassed to be with me or where he was headed was more important than I was. Even after I told him how it made me feel, he said he couldn't walk that slow. I'm 5'1" and he was 5'11". His legs were a lot longer, but I practically ran just to keep up with him and still was left in his dust.

  98. How would apply this if you’re separated? Is this marriage so far gone from being restored or fixed?? I wish I would’ve read this a year ago

  99. Spot on Adam! My fiancé
    tells me so often how intelligent I am but when I come up with a solution, suggestion, or even a fact he seems to downplay it and give me the ” correct” answer (he seems to know everything about everything. If that is the case… What can I contribute to this?) I don’t give these suggestions out to tell him I am right but it would be nice for him to actually stop and consider them versus brushing them aside so quickly. It hurts. It feels as though I am actually not as intelligent as he makes me out to be.

  100. I don't really know if this is important for any other women, but for me I need to be shown that he loves me. I think my biggest let down is that 99% of the time he just says I love you but usually doesn't do anything other than that. For us, he is in the military and we are rarely together at this point in his military career so it would be very nice for him to do cute things to remind me he loves me and says hey… i know we are apart but I love you and want to show you. Now I don't mean things all the time, just every once in a while. One example is maybe sending a card every now and then. Or flowers for special occasions, but he never does anything to show me he loves me. I feel like this is hard for me to explain and I hope I am not coming off as shallow. This is just one thing I struggle with in our relationship.

  101. I have always worked on these things intentionally. My take on Ephesians 5 for men is that we need to be sacrificially concerned for our wife's spiritual development. If I think she is screwing something up, then I should bear the blame with her rather than pointing a finger at her and letting her bear the blame alone. Then I look at what the Holy Spirit is doing in her life and try to work in agreement with Him. I don't presume to know what she needs spiritually beyond that and offer myself sacrificially to meed her physical needs. Do that and all the points in this post will take care of themselves.

  102. That is amazing information I honestly feel that way with my fiance. I love sports anything im a tomboy but he thinks otherwise so sometimes i question r relationship….

  103. I’ve been guilty of all of these on occasion, but have only ever made a habit of #’s 2 and 3, as far as I can tell, and trying to be completely honest with myself here. I always try to be respectful, I don’t have anything to ever hide (except maybe a surprise for a woman, like a gift), and I don’t gawk.

    There are times, just like with any person, regardless of their gender or relationship to you, that you have to say, “look. You simply don’t seem to understand why I can’t change a tire with a small piece of wood and a screwdriver, so why don’t you either watch and learn, or occupy yourself with something else and let me handle it?” (example from an actual real life discussion with my ex wife.)

    No excuse for talking to a woman the way you would a bro though, and that’s my bigger issue between these two. I spent some of the most formative years of my life surrounded by other men who thought, felt, and acted exactly as I did (four years Marines). So when you consider we didn’t recieve “sensitivity training” back then like they do now, I’m STILL working on trying to break that mindset.

  104. My wife and I have been married for over 8 years. Over that time, we have both been guilty of a few of these. One of the worst things for me, is texting her. In a text, I can say all the right words, but when I get home, my tone will negate everything. We, as men, need to realize that sometimes it isn’t what we say, but how we say it.

    I strive daily to remind not just her, but myself, that she isn’t just my wife, she’s my best friend.

  105. This may be similar to your #1, but I would add "Doesn't take her input" or maybe "doesn't give her input proper weight in a discussion." I have struggled with this one before. I might even ask my wife what she thinks, but I already have my mind made up about a decision. She is wise and very intelligent, and I need to give her input serious consideration, especially in major decisions.

    Great post!