Communicating with Men Tips (Repost)

(Reposting the most read posts of the year.)

I hear from both sides continually. Between the two sexes, communication appears to be the biggest struggle. It’s a constant work in progress in my own marriage. The differences in men and women make communication difficult. (I also posted 5 Tips When Communicating with Men.)

My counseling background and years of experience working with couples has given me insight into some of the barriers men and women face when communicating. I realize not all men are alike, but there are some generalities that can perhaps help a woman better understand a man and improve communication.

Here are 5 tips to communicating with a man:

We meant what we said…not what you heard – Thats true 99% of the time. (Statistically verifiable :) ) Men are usually more literal, and frankly simple-minded, so we aren’t usually talking in a code language. Not that women would be… :) Try to hear only what was said without attaching extra thoughts triggered by emotions. Ask if his statement had a deeper meaning before making assumptions. Most likely he meant only…nothing more…than what was said. (I can’t tell you how many classic examples of marriage problems I’ve seen develop with just this one tip.)

We don’t often like to give details – If we said where we were going, who we had a discussion with or what we had for lunch, that’s usually enough for us. We may not like going into detail beyond those simple facts. I understand you may need and even deserve more information, especially when a man hasn’t proven trustworthy, but know its often out of our realm of comfort to provide it. When it’s not a matter of trust, the less you pump for details the more likely we’ll be to share facts, and even occasionally, details.

Our range of emotions are limited – Most men don’t feel as deeply or multi-faceted as a woman feels about an issue. It’s not that we don’t care. It’s just that we are wired differently. If you ask us how we feel, “happy” or “sad” may be as descriptive as we can get. Because of this, men tend to communicate more factually and less emotionally.

When you may tend to cry we may tend to get angry – I get criticized for this point sometimes, but I wrote a post about this issue HERE. There is never an excuse to misuse anger and abuse of any kind should not be tolerated, but anger in itself is not a sin. The Bible says “in your anger do not sin”, but it seems to assume we will have moments of anger. The same things that cause most girl’s emotions to produce tears, often cause a man to develop testosterone-producing anger. A godly man learns to handle that anger responsibly, but it doesn’t eliminate the response. When an issue riles a man emotionally, it helps if you understand his emotions may be normal and you may even be able to help him channel his response to that emotion. Cheryl does that for me continually.

Sometimes we have a hard time communicating what’s on our heart…often we never do – This is sad and we may even know it. The more you make us feel we’ll be respected regardless of the situation or the emotions we display, the more likely you’ll see our true emotions. You can actually help us with this one!

Please understand. I’m not making excuses for men. The basic premise of all of these is to remember that men and women are different. You can read my thoughts about mutual submission in a marriage HERE and HERE. I’m simply trying to help you communicate with a man.

Men, what did I miss?

Wives, any tips on how we could better understand you? I’ve learned a few and could share them, but thought it may come better from you :) .

Do you care to hear my women’s version…even realizing I’m not one?

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

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18 thoughts on “Communicating with Men Tips (Repost)

  1. Wow these are such an amazing facts and I really like your idea to write this awesome post. many useful ideas you have shared and I found it helpful. A lot of people try to have such great idea but you are great to have it for us. DDental Implants Hungary is also good for any kind of dental treatment with the best lowest price.

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  4. True, and I think until we understand each other in this context, most marriages or relationships may not last long; at least not as long as God may have planned. Wanna recommend Dag Heward-Mills' "Model Marriage". It's truly a marriage that serves as a great model. The author has been married for over 25 years, pastor of a worldwide denomination with over a thousand churches in more than 50 countries. He can definitely teach a thing or two, so check it out. Be blessed! :)

  5. Very wise allocation about the communication way of women and men. This topics is really very handy to know about this and I hope through reading about in such post everyone will able to know what is the main fact. Thanks

  6. Hi dude, you have written an efficient topic with women and men communication fact. I've gotten some useful idea from the content what makes me wistful and experienced about the fact. Thanks a lot for knowing us!

  7. Yes! I would like to hear your woman's version. :) Each one of these tips are so true. I've seen them all in my husband. I almost said, not the one about me crying and him getting angry. But then I realized when I cry, he gets angry with himself if he feels he has caused my tears or he gets angry on my behalf at whatever or whoever caused the response.

    Great post btw!

  8. All I can think to add, "What we can't say, we try to fix, (or build)! Not that we think it has been done wrong or that it doesn't meet our standards, just that we are usually very goal oriented. Being verbal is not a strong point, but using our hands is! For men, or me at least, it is more of a way to make the statement : I am involved in what you are doing.
    Twitter: bryankr