7 Ways to Keep Respect as a Husband

Men, I’ve written before about your greatest need.

It’s respect.

You may not even admit it out loud, but I’d say it’s true most every time. You may use another word. You may even use the word love, but I bet if we could trace how you’d prefer to receive it we could easily translate that into respect.

The song says “All you need is love”, but that’s not true, is it? You need respect. It’s a man’s greatest need. I’m convinced.

If I’m right… (And why else would God command it in Ephesians 5?) …then it makes sense that if you ever received it you’d want to do your best to keep it.

How can you? Let me share a few suggestions.

Here are 7 ways for a man to keep respect as a husband:

Defend the family – Most every wife I know wants a husband who will defend the family. That’s not just against the bumps in the night, but against the blatant and subtle attacks against the family. Turn the television channel. Close the laptop. Say no to friends who distract the family from being healthy.

Be gentle – Men, you can’t talk to your wife with the same tone as you do your guy friends. Being gentle means being understanding in how she is wired and how to communicate with her. Remember your words can be heavy. Think before you speak. Protect her heart.

Be occasionally romantic – Let’s face it…most of us are not wired this way. Our wives know that. The good news is you get credit for trying, but every woman needs to know you are thinking of her unlike you think of anyone else. Be intentional to be occasionally a romantic. Surprise her. Spoil her. Make her feel special.

Don’t fix her – She’s not broke. God made her different on purpose. Don’t always have the answer to every problem. She isn’t always looking for one.

Let her know you’re in this…for keeps – You’ll do this one by being faithful. Do the right things, even when you aren’t with each other. Don’t let her see your eyes wandering. When she does (because we are visual and she notices when you look) quickly let her see you fighting temptation and focusing on her alone. Guard your heart.

Learn to listen – She likely equals love with attention. She knows when you’re listening and when you’re not. Show her that you care by listening carefully. Ask her questions, such as, “So are you saying…?”‘ just to show her you’re paying attention to her. She probably speaks in more subtleties than you do…most women do…ask questions when you aren’t sure what she means rather than ignoring her.

Tell her and show her you love her – Value her for more who she is than for what she does. Ask yourself, if she didn’t do anything for me, what would I love about her? Tell her. Do things you know she appreciates without being asked.

Those are some of my thoughts. Men or women…what would you add?

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

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27 thoughts on “7 Ways to Keep Respect as a Husband

  1. Wat do i do ? My husband talks to me like a dog he cusses me and he tells me wat to do . I’ve tried to talj to him but he doesn’t listen to me at all we go to church and he stil curses me non stop i don’t kno what to do about it

    • Trying to figure out what you did wrong, of u didn’t do anything wrong, will get you nowhere. However, if you truly suspect that you may be DOING something wrong, (present tense) you should humbly through prayer and supplication, request that God bring all wrong doings to your heart and mind and help you repent from them and become the person, and wife, God created you to be, even if your husband doesn’t deserve it. Think about the way God loves you, nonstop, weather or not you deserve it. True love is one that cannot be earned, because no one could be good enough to deserve it. (Unconditional) Next, Pray for your husband, more than you complain, worry, or doubt him. I’m not chastising you for feeling these things, but we as women have a harder job realizing that our emotions are not necessarily in our control, but out thoughts and actions are to be held captive under submission to God, regardless of our feelings. We are not sinning to feel left out, insulted, abandoned, unappreciated, ect, but these feelings, when let free to control thought process and spirit, will lead us to sin, sometimes without even knowing it. Yes, we may be under appreciated, but how appreciated do we think God feels when we spend our time sulking and complaining about the blessings we Don’t have, instead of realizing, experiencing, and appreciating all of the ones we do? Your husband may be wrong in so many areas, and it may hurt you real bad, and there’s nothing wrong with feeling that hurt, but Jesus didn’t leave us comfort less. He is always here, holding our hand, with us, every step of the way, ready to comfort us, when the battle gets horrid, ready to strengthen us, when we have lost strength, and he is “Able to keep us from falling!” You can’t change your husband, but God can! Lean in Him and run to Him with every situation. Trust Him and follow Him while praying for your husband to change, and God will answer your prayer. And you may just find that while praying for your husband to change and investing yourself into that battle, you find peace, love, and joy for yourself, by the Grace of God, because no man to Gods job, but when Man lets God, God never Fails!

  2. Also, I especially appreciate the ‘Don’t Fix her’. Nothing is more frustrating when someone treats you as if you are a big mess needing to be “fixed”. Talk about feeling inadequate. We all need to focus on our own mirrors and work on what we can control – ourselves, and stop trying to change and fix others. That is between them and God to do that.

  3. I think it is important to stress that the husband is the leader and therefore; he is to lead in love and gentleness ALWAYS, even when he is upset or irritated and in return, his wife will soften greatly and naturally show him respect. A harsh, authoritative demeanor stirs up the opposite in women. Men have a lot on their shoulders as leaders but if they would simply be loving and gentle always, their marriages would be a great deal more peaceful.

  4. These are excellent and spot on. The most important ingredient in all of them though is the heart. If a husband does all of these things from an intellectual standpoint rather than a heartfelt one, they won’t have an impact. A woman, a wife knows when you are just going through the motions and doing these things just because you are encouraged to do them or even worse, for the purpose of the anticipated payoff back. Genuine action that is fully giving of self to another will reciprocate genuine action. True actions of the heart will positively impact the life of another.

  5. Be first in seeking God and leading the family to God. Don’t let the spiritual training of the children rely solely on the wife.

    Be an active part of the family instead of decompressing from work everyday at the computer or watching TV.

  6. My wife has found an old Personal Profile, that was still opened after over 5 years of marriage, and canceling… what I thought was all of them!! She is very mad and I don't know how to calm her down. She believes that if one of her friends that are single can still see it after I showed her it was in active… had to activate it to show her (which just made her madder) , now I can not convince her that It is not out there… even though she said it is and her friends have seen it!!! I have tried to get Match.com and they have tried to work with me on getting it taken off but they also say it is inactive too!!!! What do I do to gain her Trust Again?????? Kent Galyon (256) 508-2690 email; k3bkent@yahoo.com!!!!

  7. Thanks for writing. We are on a similar page (with what I write about leadership and management). I wish I knew this when I was first married. Esp. learning to listen. I did a bad job of that at first. 5 Kids later, I have learned something. :)

  8. Ron,

    Been married 28 years, and your wisdom there is as fresh as can be. Thanks for the insights and reminders. Hope ya'll are doing well up there in almost-yankee land.

    kmac4him, thanks too for those wise words.

    Blessings,
    Terry

  9. Great thoughts! As to the words we use. God used his words to set us apart (sanctify) our word to and about our wife should set her apart from all others.

  10. These are very good and true. Men, daily step up to do these things for her; be her husband, leader, lover, servant. When you fail at these things you lose that respect and it can be a very very hard thing to get back.

  11. These are excellent.

    As a husband married for eight years, I feel so much like I am only beginning to actually grasp some of these things.

    One thing I would add that I have particularly struggled with:

    Be a leader by example. I can't count how many times I have criticized my wife about the very same things I do, yet, I am called to be the leader of my family. I am called to set the example for everyone else. If I am not living as a role model for my family, how can I rebuke them for the same faults I have? I find that when I set an example, my wife is much more prone to listen to my concerns.

    Thanks for the great post.

    For His glory,

    Seth Fuller http://www.apoorwretch.com

  12. Take time to pray with her heart to heart. Because a woman whose 1st love is Jesus Christ, needs her second love, her husband to share in her passion for God. Together in Christ in prayer, in thought, in word and deed, being ONE In Christ with your husband is the best thing you can build into your relationship this side of heaven. It takes time to “practice the presence of God” together, but it should be the 1st priority of every married couple to build a “Kingdom foundation” together, more than we do the “earthly things”. Our Kingdom foundation will hold us through everything, where our earthly foundations, as good and fun and necessary for our marriage as they are, they don’t last forever. So I love it when my husband prays with me, when he shares what God has spoken to him, when he leaves me a scripture to encourage me on my voice mail… I love it when we share Christ together, it is an “eternal edge” to our marriage that nothing in this world can corrupt or destroy!

    Twitter: kmac4him