I was sitting in a restaurant at the Atlanta airport. The people around me were laughing, joking, story telling. Obviously, they had a layover like I had and decided to grab a bite to eat. In addition to filling their bellies with food, they found a way to make it fun. They appeared to have a great time talking about March Madness, politics and life. They didn’t know each other, but they formed some common bonds and passed their time by building temporary friendships.
It looked like a lot of fun.
But I missed the party.
I watched. I laughed. I said nothing.
I missed out.
It happens all the time. It could be in a coffee shop, at a party, or any social setting.
My introversion won’t allow me to break the ice. Sometimes I do and when I do I have a great time. I’m always glad I did. But, most of the time, I keep eating my soup alone, admiring the party from the distance. Sometimes that’s okay, because I like my time alone, but in this case, I had things I wanted to add to the conversation (even better thoughts than were being expressed…at least I thought) 🙂 , but I couldn’t push through the introversion to share them.
I can wish it weren’t true, but it is.
I missed the party, because I’m an Introvert.
Anyone else like me?
No, not like you. I'd do the same as you – sit and observe – but I would not miss being part of it, because the act of observing is fulfilling in itself.
It is to me sometimes…most times…but not on this particular day. I was in the mood to talk, but couldn't break into the conversation.
Great post Ron. Those of us that are natural extroverts can, and should, also take notes from introverts about how to sometimes just sit back and listen rather than always preparing our next comment. My husband jokes that he's going to get me that t-shirt "Help me. I'm talking and I can't shut up.". God speaks to us most often in silence and if we're always making noise we may miss something truly important.
I can identify with your experience in several ways. My natural personality is that of an introvert, but I have a learned or aquired personna in public speaking environments. Even at events and conferences that I speak at, I have to force myself to find a group and interact. My natural reaction is to find a quiet corner and watch and listen to the crowd, or retreat to a quiet restaurant or my room and pull up a book on my Kindle. Speaking of which, I'm looking forward to reading "Quiet:The Power of Introverts in a World that can't Stop Talking" by Susan Cain. Maybe I will find some clues there! Great post.
Not familiar with that book. I'll have to check it out too
It used to really bother me, being an introvert. I heard a stat last week that stated 3 out of 5 people are Introverts! We rule the world….quietly. They stated, also, that when we are allowed to work on our own, the work we do is far better than that of extroverts. Maybe because we toake the time t finish, whereas an extrovert is , possibly, more likely to rush.
I haven't seen that statistic. Originally when I learned Myers Briggs I was taught that we were well in the minority but I've had a theory for several years that we are producing more introverts. The more we deal with technology, the less we deal with people directly and I think over time that makes a society more prone to introversion.
I often complain about being lonely, but at the same time, I find myself refusing to reach out. I hate crowds and am so much better one-on-one. However, I know that if I never reach out to someone in the crowd, I'll never get to the one-on-one. It's hard…
I'll be moving to a new state later this year and will have to "start over" again socially. I'm dreading that part.
I understand.
I was an introvert (raised by a very outgoing salesman and a total introvert) until I went away to college. I was befriended by Marty who took me witnessing with her at a local hospital. I was terrified, but when I got back to my dorm room later that day I was a different person. You know, like Samuel told Saul would happen to him when he ran into the prophets. I really enjoy being extroverted. I laugh way too loudly. I have a good time just about everywhere that I go, and I love meeting all different kinds of new people. I could be wrong, but it sounds like some of you could use a friend like Marty to drag you out of your comfort zone. Then again, maybe God made you to be just the way that you are. I don't know the answer. I can only say what happened to me.
Where's Marty?
Hand raised!! Missed out on many-a-parties!
Thanks! High five while your hand is up there 🙂
Twitter: eccle0412
says:
It is a lot easier for an "intro" vert to "extra" vert digitally. 🙂 I was tempted to look up the root "vert" but lunch is cooking.
Thanks again, Ron.
Ha! That's funny.
That's me too!! My husband says that I'm "LOUD" online! He's right. That's mainly because I have time to sit and think about what I'm going to say.
So true. Much easier to be extroverted online.
Twitter: KariScare
says:
Not only do I know exactly what you're talking about, I often take it even further by not even getting anywhere near the party. I would find as quiet of a corner as possible and just be "alone." If there were people nearby, and if they were "having a party," I would get annoyed and have to try hard to hide my annoyance. When I am completely honest with myself, I admit that my annoyance really comes with how much I realize that I am inept socially. I'm not saying that I want to be anything but who I am, and I know God made me an introvert for a reason. But I am saying that He is made strong in my weaknesses, and I need to allow that to happen more in this area. There's a great book called "Introverts in the Church" by Adam McHugh that addresses this issue, and reading it really helped me become more accepting of who I am and willing to let Christ make up for what I'm not. So much I could say on this… I've thought about it a lot.
I'm familiar with that book. I actually gave it away at one point.
I am your polar opposite a total extrovert. This past week I pondered the following question: What do introverts think when extroverts are busy dominating the conversations of their lives.
I decided that most of the time they are just fine with being who they are.
In social settings I will many times hone or zone in on someone who is not participating to hear what they have to say. This is almost always appreciated and yields good results. I am at a stage in my life where there are now times when I hang back.
I see quieter people stepping up in those times. It is nice.
And most of the time they are.
Yes yes yes!! I've had this same struggle thousands of times too. Thanks for being so transparent about this, Ron. It helps the rest of us introverts feel not so alone 😉
Me, too – but we introverts need to stop associating that with some kind of inferiority complex, just because certain societal (and church) pressures express a preference for extraverts. I'm on that journey – a long and sometimes difficult one, but I think it's worth it. And it's certainly where some of the Myers Briggs stuff has been tremendously helpful in opening my eyes to the strengths I can offer as an introvert, rather than forever being dissed by others or even myself for not being an extravert.
Amen, Dave.
I agree with you Dave. I was insinuating otherwise. I enjoy who I am, and wouldn't change it. I wish I could push through it sometimes though when I want to.
Definitely me. I wish that I more easily interacted with people so I could witness more.
Good application.
Twitter: donnabuice
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Oh yeah – this is me. I’ve missed the party on several occasions, only to have my own conversation in my head with people so in some crazy way I felt part of the group. I work hard at getting out in groups of people, but it’s hard work! Glad to know others feel it like I do.
That's true. I have done that as well.
This happens to me more than I’d care to admit. Like a lot of introverts I deeply value my time alone. But at the same time I crave these kind of moments too. I’m not always sure when and how to break the ice. I need to get better at this.
Thanks for the post Ron. Glad to know I’m not alone.
You're not alone.
Twitter: bobbalkcom
says:
I am a bit of an introvert too. I’m fine with it most of the time as well until I’m in situations and groups that, overall are pretty outgoing. I really see it then where I would like to be more extroverted. It’s interesting in these groups – I’m considered a part of it but because of that little different relationship that develops between the extroverts, I feel separate somehow. Regret it, really. Maybe I shouldn’t.
I was actually thinking about it this morning (Sunday) as thegroup where this happens is at church and I’ll likely see it play out again today. Timely! Thanks.
Thanks Bob.
This happens to me all the time too! I was made differently than an extrovert though. For every hour of big social time, I feel I need an hour to myself later on. It can occasionally hold me back, though, and I never seem to be able to push through in those times.
Sometimes I can. Often I can't.
Twitter: Justinlathrop
says:
This happens to me all the time Ron. There are many times I wish I could just jump into the group and add my two cents but my personality just doesn’t allow me. This is why I rarely travel to a place that I don’t already have strong key relationships that will invite me into the party. Otherwise I’d spend the whole trip on my own.
Nice to hear I’m not alone. Next event we can have an introvert support group party.
Let's do it! I can see that in you, but yet you seem to be such a great networker also.
Ron, I'm sure there are times when introverts miss out. But speaking as an introvert myself, I'm fine with that most of the time. Being around a lot of people drains me, and hanging out with a bunch of strangers in the Atlanta airport sounds like torture. I find a book to be the best company in such moments.
Several years ago, Jonathan Rauch wrote a now-famous essay on the habits and needs of introverts. I think it's pretty well spot on.
Most of the time that's my preference. In this particular instance, I had things to say, but didn't join the conversation.
Maybe it's a tradeoff. For all the times we miss out, we have so many more times when being apart was just what we needed.
That's a good word.