When I was in school I had a love-hate relationship with math. I loved doing math, working to find an answer to a problem, but I hated having to solve it with the teacher’s methods. On tests I would do poorly if the teacher made us “show our work”. I could get the right answers, but using my own systems. I realize the teacher’s need to make sure I wasn’t cheating and that I knew how to think through a process but I wanted to invent my own process. The years I was on the math team and did best were when I had teachers who allowed me the freedom to do it my way.

Successful leaders understand this principle as it relates to organizational success. If you want creative team members to be energized towards progress the leader must allow team members to develop their own systems and strategies for attaining them. When you allow people to script the “how” they are more motivated to complete a task. Creative people especially need space to create.  They need to have input into the process of completing the vision of the team or organization.

Is your team stalled? Perhaps the system is too defined; too restrictive to allow changes and creativity. Try handing out some freedom passes. Hold team members accountable for progress, but allow them freedom to choose the process.

What about you…do you desire more structure or less structure to do your best work?

It took years before I felt comfortable teaching about parenting. I don’t feel adequate to teach about parenting adult children now, since I’m still doing that, but I feel better about helping parents of younger children. Our boys have become healthy, well-adjusted, God-fearing children.

This week is Orange Week; a ministry of The ReThink Group. It’s a week to talk about the Orange strategy of partnering churches with parents, believing that the combined effort works better than either one of them working independent of each other. I’m happy to participate. Grace Community Church uses and believes in the Orange strategy. If you want to improve your ministry to families, attend the Orange Conference next year.

Cheryl and I owe all our success at parenting to God’s grace, but it’s also true that we were extremely intentional with our parenting. Our boys were early teens when I surrendered to ministry, but they were raised in the homes of committed church members. My boys have been “pastor’s kids” less than 10 years, but we were “orange” parents before we knew the term. The ideal arrangement for us was to be in a church that believed in helping us direct our children towards Christ, but not doing it for us.

I didn’t want the church parenting my children. I didn’t want my boys to learn all the important life principles, even the Biblical principles from the church, but I realized that the church should and did play an important role in the life of my two boys. Some of their best friends were in the church, which helped them make wiser decisions in school. They found mentors in the church, which helped for times they didn’t want to talk with me. Cheryl and I became better people and more committed believers in the church, which made us better parents. The reality of us working with the church in our parenting was powerful and I’m confident it helped mold our boys character to what it is today. For more on my parenting philosophy, click HERE.

Are you partnering with the church to improve your parenting? Are you taking advantage of the opportunities the church offers? Are you being intentional in your parenting? How has the church helped shape your home?

For more information about the Orange strategy of helping churches partner with parents, click HERE.

I write a lot about introversion, because I’m an introvert.  Introversion is a personality preference, based on the way a person has been shaped by experiences and life. In very simple terms, it means we prefer a world of inner thoughts and reflections over a world of social engagements and interactions with others.  It’s not that we don’t like people, it’s that if we had a preference of how to use our free time, we would mostly spend it in quieter or more controllable environments.  Chances are you have lots of introverts on your team, in your organization, as your customers, or even in your family.

I will often get requests to write about extroversion. (Extroverted people are seldom shy about asking for what they want!)  The fact is, however, that I’m not as much help on understanding extroversion.  Perhaps someone can guest post here sometime.

I do want to accommodate the requests, however, so here is an attempt.  Allow me to share 7 ways that extroverts can help introverts:

Give us advance warning – Don’t put us on the spot for an answer or opinion. We have one, but need time to formulate our thoughts.  If you want our best answer, then you can’t demand it immediately from an introvert.

Don’t assume we don’t have an opinion – We do…and it may even be the best one, but we are less likely to share it surrounded by people who are always quick to have something to say and tend to control the conversation.

Don’t assume we are unfriendly or anti-social - We may not be talking, but that doesn’t mean we do not love people or that we don’t want to communicate with them. The opposite is probably more true. We just prefer to do it in less extroverted ways.  Plus, we talk one at a time, so if there’s someone always talking, we may not get a chance.

Give us time to form the relationship – Introverts don’t form relationships fast.  We may appear harder to get to know, but when we do connect, we are loyal friends with deep, intimate connections.  And we can actually be quite fun…even silly at times.

Allow us time alone - All of us need personal time, but we require even more time alone than an extrovert.  We energize during these times, not just relax…there’s a huge difference.

Don’t expect us to always love or get excited about extroverted activities – The social activities where you get to meet all the cool people you do not know…yea…that’s not too exciting for us.  It may even be a little scary.  We’ll find excuses not to go, even if we know we need the experience or will have fun once we do them.

Allow us to use written communication when available - We often prefer emails over phone calls.  We are usually more engaging when we can write out our thoughts ahead of time.

Are you an introvert?  What would you add to my list? Extroverts, is this helpful information?

I was talking with a 25 year old pastor recently. He is frustrated with the church where he serves. He was brought to the church because they wanted him to help the church grow again, but they see him as too young to make decisions on his own. They won’t take his suggestions. They consistently undermine his attempts to lead. They expect him to speak each week and visit the sick, but they won’t let him make any changes that he feels need to be made. It has made for a very miserable situation and he feels helpless to do anything about it. He’s ready to quit and the situation is negatively impacting every other area of his life.

It wasn’t the first time I have heard a story such as this. I hear it frequently from young leaders in churches and the business world. I didn’t want to be the one to tell him, but I didn’t want to mislead him either. The bottom line in this young pastor’s situation:

He is the pastor of the church but not the leader.

(Of course I’ll get kickback from those who want to remind me that Jesus is the leader of the church. I couldn’t agree more, but He does use people to lead His work and this pastor is not the one.)

Perhaps you share this young leader’s dilemma. If no one is following your attempt to lead it could be because:

• You haven’t been given authority to lead…
• You haven’t assumed the responsibility you’ve been given…
• No one is leading in the organization…

If this is your situation, you have a few options as I see it:

• You can live with the power structure in place and complete the role within the authority you’ve been given…
• You can fight the power structure, lining up supporters, building a coalition in your corner…and be prepared to win or lose…
• You can figure out how to “lead up”…build a consensus for leadership, confront where needed, win influence and the right to lead…even sometimes learning to lead people who don’t want to be led…(read THIS POST)
• You can leave…

Think through these options and see which feels best in your situation. Every situation is unique and this post is not an attempt to solve your problem; perhaps if anything it can help identify what the problem is in your unique circumstance. I would say, however, that if you are miserable now and things are not improving that you shouldn’t wait long without doing something. Life is short and many have left the ministry because of situations like this. Don’t be a casualty. Address the problem!

One final thought, don’t handle a situation like this alone. Reach out to someone you trust, probably outside the church or organization; someone who has more experience in situations like this than you have. And, don’t let the stress from this destroy your family or personal health. If you need additional help processing next steps send me an email.

Have you ever been in a situation where you were given the responsibility to lead without the power to do so? What did you do?

(I might suggest some of these church leaders read THIS POST or THIS POST.)

I’m exploring options…thinking through some ways that I can invest in the current and future leadership of the church.  One of the most common themes these days among leaders I admire is to start a coaching network, basically as a way to “coach” a small group of leaders for a determined period of time.  I’ve never been one to copy what everyone else is doing, but I don’t want to miss opportunities either.

So I’m curious…would you help me by answering a few questions?

Have you ever been part of a coaching network?

If so, was it beneficial?  How?

For what reasons would you most want or need coaching today?

What do you think is missing now in the world of coaching networks?

I’d love to hear your thoughts, questions, comments, etc.

Thanks for your assistance.

It’s a strange phenomenon…I’ve seen people serve in leadership roles who I didn’t think were the most qualified to lead, yet they are leading well and people are following. And, many times, they are achieving great results…

The reason is not their abilities as much as the way they have positioned or presented themselves to a group of followers.

The opposite is equally true. I have seen people who have positions where they are to be the leader but no one seems to be following.

That’s because of one principle of leadership:

Leaders posture themselves as leaders…

• They seem to be in control or they take control…
• They aren’t afraid to take a risk…
• They are willing to go first…
• They have battle-scarred hands from life experience…
• They are still dreaming, when everyone else is settling for mediocrity..
• They have the latest information…
• They appear to have a plan…
• They have impeccable character and integrity…
• They hold a big vision…

You may not have all the answers, you may even be fooling yourself at times, but if you are postured to lead…others will follow…

Consider your leadership posture…would you want to follow you?

What do you look for in a person you will consider following?

If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Luke 6:32a NIV

I wonder if Jesus got an answer to this question!

Be honest…it is easier to love some people than others. Some people quite frankly are just difficult to love. (No names necessary, but you know who I’m talking about.)

Jesus doesn’t always call us to easy tasks, does He? We don’t live under the same standards as the rest of the world, do we?

You and I, the children of God, are called to live a life of love. That requirement stretches far beyond the loveable. It reaches those that are down and out; those who smell funny; those outside of our social class; those of different colors; and yes, those who are not capable of returning our love.

Jesus even calls us to love our enemies! As tough as that is, it is at the very heart of our Christian faith. Afterall, you and I were once in a similiar predicament as those so hard to love. Think about it, we were seperated from God. The crud of our sin left us unattractive to God. There was nothing any us of any value to a Holy God. We were outcast; down and out; without hope…….enemies of God!

But, praise be to God, He loved us in spite of who we were! He reached down with the depth of His love and sent us a Savior! He restored us from our sin state and gave us access into His presence! He loved us with the cross!

Now we are to love others as we have been loved…

Who is God calling you to love today?

This week I was at the Story Conference in Chicago.  Ben Arment and a team of volunteers put together a conference designed to help us creatively tell the story of Christ’s redemptive love for the world.  I was challenged personally to be a better storyteller.

It got me thinking though…

We all have a story….  We should share some of them…

Let’s share some of them today.

Here are 10 questions…Comment on this post to answer them….Answer all…one…or as many as you want to answer…

What is the hardest decision you have ever made?

What is one question about how your life has turned out that you have yet to answer?

If you inherited $1 million, what would you do with it?

If you could go back to any period of your life, where would you go?  Why?

Who is a friend from the past you would love to connect with again?

If you could change one thing about your personality, what would it be?

What is the craziest thing you have ever done?

What is the biggest trial you have ever faced?

How did you meet your spouse/girlfriend or boyfriend?

What is your greatest fear in life?  How do you fight it?

Let’s have some fun learning our stories.  Again, answer as many as you want…or all of them…

I realize there is room for debate and even disagreement on this Friday discussion post. I decided when I began this series that I would not shy away from issues only because they may appear controversial. My criteria is really issues I’m wrestling with personally or have a special interest in the discussion. Today’s post fits that category.  I put this off for a couple weeks before I posted it, because I’m not trying to encourage division in the church, but this is really something I’m wrestling through.  I’d appreciate your input. (I think we can disagree on this issue and still be partners in Kingdom-building!)

Should churches be comparing numbers of attendance with other churches?

Recently I’ve read controversy over the recent “fastest growing” and “largest” churches article published in Outreach Magazine. I admit, I read the article and I was encouraged by it and the stories of some of the churches. To this point, I have chosen not to submit our numbers, even though we would easily qualify in the fastest growing category. (I share that now only to illustrate that this is not an issue of bitterness…one of the counter arguments I have heard people say.)

Recently I tweeted that we had our largest non-Easter attendance and instantly people wanted to know the number. Most conversations with pastors start with a discussion of number. Keep in mind, I’ve posted before that the spirit of competition is not always a bad thing, even in the church. (Read those posts HERE and HERE.)

I’ve heard counting attendance numbers compared to 2 Samuel 24 where David wrongly counted the fighting men. At the same time, I’ve heard others counter that there is a whole book named “Numbers” and that most churches count their offering. (True that!)

So, my question remains: Should churches be comparing numbers of attendance with other churches?

What’s the value? What’s the harm? Is it good or bad? What’s your opinion?

I’d love for you to add to the discussion.

Here are 10 random things you should know about pastors….these are true for me, but I suspect they may be for your pastor too:

The temptations you face…I face…

The larger the church gets…the less I know about anything…

If you tell me something on Sunday morning…you probably should back it up with an email to remind me…

Pastors, does this list reflect you in any way? What would you add?