I am asked dozens of questions about what we did or didn’t do as parents. I am amazed that God has allowed us to raise the two young men we have in our house, but there were a few principles we practiced consistently.

Here are three principles for parenting I think all parents should consider:

Be intentional – Parenting is hard work. Don’t try it without a plan. It’s amazing how we tend to plan for everything in life, but seldom for our parenting. I know men who have a plan to improve their golf game, but nothing to help them grow as a father. If you want to be a great parent, you must be intentional about that role. Have an overall plan for your parenting and an individual plan for each child, depending on their needs at the time.

Shape the heart – The Bible is clear that we should “Above all else guard the heart for it is the wellspring of life.” (Proverbs 4:23) I believe in firm discipline. I also believe in extending much grace. More than anything, however, the parent should learn to know, protect and shape their heart of their child. It is that heart, which will determine the decisions and directions the child eventually makes in life.

Enjoy the ride – Children are children for a very short time. Enjoy those days. Be a fun parent, balancing love with discipline. Laughing together with your children will help relieve the stress of your life and keep them wanting to be close to you well into the difficult teen and early adult years.

For my complete parenting philosophy see THIS POST or read other parenting posts HERE.

Which of these do you most need to improve upon as a parent?

(Speaking of principles, be sure to read my disclaimer post about them from yesterday by clicking HERE.)

Someone recently pointed out to me a principle they had always believed, until it didn’t come true for them. They were disappointed in the principle. I had to remind myself of yet another principle. Principles are great, but they aren’t promises; they are principles.

I love principles. I believe in them. I write about them. I even attempt to live my life by some of them.

But principles of men aren’t guaranteed to come true.

You can count on the promises of God, but don’t expect the principles of men to work every time. The truth is that life happens…and sometimes life is more powerful than a principle.

Take one famous John Maxwell principle (I know…how dare I pick on one of his principles…and he’s one of my heroes of leadership…but just for example…please don’t tell him)

Principle: No one cares how much you know until they know how much you care.

That is true…unless you are a detective on a murder crime investigation. If you find a witness, you don’t care how much they care…you just want to know how much they know.

Principles are excellent. I love them. I write about them. I practice them. As I observe life, I even write some of them.

But real life can overpower principles. Principles can’t always overcome reality. The environment, other people, and circumstances will play a part in writing your end story, in spite of the principle you live by.

Don’t base your life on principles of man. Base your life on the promises of God. In them, you’ll never be disappointed.

Can you think of other principles of men that may not always be true?

Ben Reed is our community groups pastor at Grace Community Church.  He’s responsible for overseeing the spiritual formation and discipleship process that happens through groups at our church.  (He’s doing an amazing job and is a great leader too!)  We are both frequently asked to review small group materials.  He does more of that than me, but this is a case where we are both friends with the author.  With that in mind, Ben is guest posting here today to review Holy Vocabulary, by Michael Kelley.

Here’s Ben’s review:

When I picked up a copy of Michael Kelley’s new Threads study, Holy Vocabulary, my first thought was about Batman.  All I could think when I saw the front cover was, ” Holy Toledo, Batman!”  I’m sure I was the only one on the planet who read the cover as, “Holy Vocabulary, Michael Kelley!”  But I did.  And now you do, too.  You’re welcome.

I read a lot of small group curriculums.  And this one really caught my eye.

“Why Holy Vocabulary?  Because I have the tendency to use a lot of words when I dialogue about my faith without considering what they mean.  I assume that everyone speaks the language of the Christian subculture, so I don’t have to think about what ‘sin’ is or what it means to ‘repent.’   Except I do have to think about it, and you do, too.” – p. 7

I grew up going to church every week.  The doctrines of the faith and the accompanying slew of “insider” language were engrained in me through Sunday School, Bible drill, vacation Bible school, youth camps, Royal Ambassadors (which, for the record, I never really enjoyed), small groups, large groups, and the various plethora of cassette tapes that hung in the hallway on the way into the sanctuary.  After college, I went to seminary…which was good, but which filled me with an even deeper level of “insider” language.  And I found that when I preached, I used this “holy vocabulary” so much that I would quickly alienate those I was seeking to minister to.

Kelley addresses 7 categories of the Christian faith  in this curriculum…because that’s a good Christian’s favorite number, right?  He talks about:  God, Humanity, Jesus, Holy Spirit, Church, End Times, and Scripture.  Within each of the categories, he addresses 5 words that are commonly thrown around in Christian circles.  This helps the reader to view these “insider” words within the context of a broader category of faith.

I really like the layout of this curriculum.  Each week’s category ends with a “Read. Think. Discuss.” section that helps you to process through that day’s study on an individual level.  Then, when you gather together with your small group, you can discuss what you’ve been working through throughout the week.  So it’s the idea that you’re working on your own spiritual growth…collectively.

I see this study being helpful for long-time followers of Christ.  I’d count myself in that category.  If you’ve been around a while, you’ve picked up on the language.  And the scary part is that you probably don’t even realize that you’re saying words that make your message inaccessible to the outside world.  Kelley helps you come back to reality.

I also see this study being helpful for new followers of Christ.  From an outsider’s perspective looking in, I’m sure that lots of what is said and done in local churches seems odd.  But don’t let that keep you on the outside looking in!  Much of what goes on in churches is rich with history and meaning.  You’d do yourself a great favor by reading and working through Holy Vocabulary.

I hope that church leaders read this curriculum, and are reminded that our language can keep those outside the faith…outside the faith.  And that we need to strive to use words that are accessible AND communicate the Truth. (I know that God’s the one who saves…don’t roast me there…but I also know that He uses language in that process; thus, we need to choose our words wisely)

This study really can help your small group quickly get on the same page about the foundational truths (and their meanings) of our Christian faith.  You can pick up a copy HERE.

To win a copy of this study for yourself, click over to Ben’s blog HERE for details.

We have an amazing team of leaders at Grace Community Church. Part of my role and how God has wired me is to constantly be in development mode, therefore, I continually encourage our staff to develop themselves personally. I realize that as they mature and grow individually; in their careers and personal lives, that the strength of our staff and church will only increase. I put out this encouragement again at a recent staff meeting. Apparently, I said the right words this time, because in the past week almost half our staff mentioned they want to improve their plans for personal development.

Recently one staff member asked me to help them get started writing their personal development plan. Here’s what I shared with him. Perhaps you need this as well.

Take a break from your daily routine, grab a cup of coffee, a pen and some paper, and ask yourself three questions as a guideline to if you want to improve personally.  Keep in mind, I can’t write your plan for you, so these are just tools to fuel your thoughts.

Where am I now?

Be honest with yourself. What are your strengths and weaknesses? Where do you most need to improve?  Consider each aspect of your life.  Where are you in your career, family, social, financial, physical, emotional and spiritual well-being?   Which of these areas are most neglected?  In which areas do you excel?

Where do I want to be?

Think in terms of each of the categories above.  Think through six months, one year and five years.  What areas do you most need to improve?  In what areas are improvement most critical?  What areas would improve your overall satisfaction with life?

How can I get there?

For every goal you say you want to achieve, write some concrete action steps/a plan to get you there. This is the hardest part, but simply write one or two action steps for each broad goal. You will need to update this plan periodically and you can continually add to and refine these action steps. The key is that you take action to move forward in the direction you want your life to develop. Ask yourself: Where do I need more training? Do I need a mentor?  Could I use more practice?

Now work the plans; take action.  A piece of paper with plans of them, or an idea in your head, is worth very little until you take steps to achieve them. Get started today!

This sounds simple, but if you will spend a few hours thinking through your individual plan for personal development, the time could make the difference in achieving or not the goals you have for your life. When you finish this plan, you won’t necessarily have a professional looking document you could turn into your college professor and there are certainly methods more complex for writing a personal development plan, but for me the end goal is progress towards my goals, and we are more likely to do something easy and less time consuming. This is a method I can and do use frequently.

Do you need to do this?

Years ago in a company I owned, there was a young man who worked for me who had tremendous potential. I believed in him so much that I personally invested in him and paid special attention to him. I thought his future with our company was worth the extra time. Sadly, he never measured up to my expectations and we ended up having to part ways.

Every time I would meet with him to “encourage” him, he would say the same thing. “I’m doing the best I know how to do.” I have come to realize over the years that this response was actually his primary problem. He was doing the best he KNEW HOW to do. The best you know how to do is never the best you can do!

Here are 10 problems when you do the best you know how to do:

• You leave out a critical thinking…
• You quit learning new things…
• You fail to be stretched…
• You never develop personally…
• You quit asking questions…
• You resist change…
• You dismiss new ideas…
• You stop growing in your field of expertise…
• You never become an expert…
• You fail to allow God to work through you…

There is a huge difference in doing the best you know how to do and doing the best YOU CAN DO. The best you can do is to continue to get better. The times you are being stretched beyond what you know how to do may prove to be the best times of your personal development.

Never settle for the best you know how to do. It seldom will take you to the places you really want to go!

What’s your current plan for personal development?

Tomorrow I will share a simple method to writing your own personal development plan.

I love watching the dynamics of organizational growth and leadership. It is always interesting to me how people approach the position they are given. Some step up and lead quickly…others take a short time to adjust to the organizational culture before leading…some never move from employee to a leader on a team. I personally like to surround myself with leaders. It’s harder to lead leaders.  Managing workers who are told every move to make is easier in structure, but, in my opinion, it’s more effective, more productive, and more fun to create environments that let’s people lead.  (Read a similar post about this difference HERE.)

I want to encourage you to step across the line to leadership excellence.  You don’t have to have a title or a position to be a leader in your organization.  You just have to respond as a leader.  Others will follow your influence.  Too many people never take the initiative to personally become the leader God has equipped them to be.  Moving from an average employee to one of excellence takes self-initiative.  Are you up for the challenge?

Here are a few examples of what I mean by stepping across the line to leadership excellence:

Are you willing to step across the line? What would you add to my list?

We have a new local online magazine in our community called Clarksville Now. Recently they asked me to participate in a series of interviews they are doing with people in the community.  I realized I hadn’t even shared my answers with my family, so I did this weekend.

Since you often don’t get to know the online person behind a blog, I thought I’d share with you also.

Here’s where we’re giving you a chance to find out more about different people in our community. We recently interviewed Pastor Ron Edmondson of Grace Community Church.

How long have you been in Clarksville, What brought you to Clarksville?
I’m an original Clarksvillian and my family has been here for as long as I can trace. We are the Edmondson Ferry Road Edmondson’s.

Tell us about your family. Are you married? How many kids? Any siblings?
I’m married to my best friend Cheryl and together we have two boys, Jeremy 21 and Nate 18. Jeremy just graduated from Austin Peay and is a third generation AP grad. Nate is a freshman at Moody Bible College in Chicago. I have one older brother and one younger sister.

What do you like most about Clarksville?

To read the rest of this interview, click HERE.

So did you learn anything you didn’t know?

There’s a competitive spirit in most of the leaders I know…even church leaders. I saw mine kick in while running recently…

It was 6 AM and already 76 degrees with near 90% humidity. I was casually running, listening to our former worship pastor and my friend Daniel Doss’s song Masterpiece, when out of the corner of my eye I sensed someone trying to pass me. I looked around and it was a girl! She’s the wife and sister of two good friends from college, and a dedicated athlete, so I may have normally been okay with her passing me, but something snapped in me. I exchanged a few cordial remarks and then I gradually picked up speed. I killed myself…and I suffered for it the next day…but I won! YEA!!!Not that it was a race, and I’m sure she could have taken me had she wanted to, but there was the thrill of victory when I pulled ahead on the road.

I have written about this concept before (read a previous posts HERE and HERE) and I know it creates controversy to talk about, but what if we used that competitive spirit in a way that helped grow the Kingdom? Is there a way to satisfy a natural tendency of many leaders and still glorify God? (Seriously, I’d love your input!)

As I reflect on Scripture, Jesus picked disciples who seemed to have a competitive spirit about them. (Consider Matthew 18:1-3 and Mark 10:35-45) Jesus didn’t condemn the disciples for entering a competition. He even acknowledged, “Whoever wants to be great”. Then He simply pointed them back to the correct way for a disciple of Jesus to compete: in service to others. Consider also Paul’s encouragement in 1 Corinthians 9:24.

Personally, I think we should not be as afraid or freaked out when the natural competitive nature rises. Instead of asking people to check that competitive spirit at the door (along with enthusiasm and excitement), I think we should learn to channel it towards energy, which honors God, serves others, and advances the mission He has given the church. The strange thing to me is that many will leave our churches on Sunday and experience the “thrill of victory” by watching a competitive sport, yet we tell them this is a wrong attitude to have in the church.

What if, in our desire to win, we strived to be great in service to others, excellent in the way we love the unloveable, or awesome in how we forgive the people who hurt us most? What if we competed with our natural tendencies towards sin…with a competitive desire to win? I know some will suggest I’m advocating pride, or even false humility, but every good thing has the potential to be corrupted if misused. What I’m really suggesting is that maybe our goal is not to do away with a natural tendency towards competition, but to figure out how to balance that with a command to be holy as He is holy.

(Plus, sometimes I just like to stir discussion!)

What do you think?

I love the ministry of Soles4Souls.  Their success in doing their mission has been a phenomenal achievement.  In fact, I understand a book is being released soon that chronicles their journey over the last five years.  I interviewed Soles4Souls founder and CEO Wayne Elsey previously. You can read that interview post HERE.  

Wayne has taken a personal interest in Haiti.  He’s crying out for Americans to see the need.  He’s going to Haiti monthly.  Recently Wayne shared a plan he has to help with the tremendous housing problem they have.  I thought it was worth sharing here.  See this powerpoint presentation on Soles4Souls Haiti project.  For more information, contact Soles4Souls through their website.

Soles4Souls Project Haiti –

If you can’t see this, you may need to open it in another browser type, or click on the link. http://www.docstoc.com/docs/47961120/Soles4Souls-Project-Haiti

Have you heard of Soles4Souls?

This is a precious picture from our time in Sierra Leone. I recently returned from teaching pastors in the country and I’m forever changed. You can read a post about the children HERE.

The children wanted to touch us, hold our hands, crawl in our laps, and share love with us. This picture helps share that story.

What caption would you give this picture? Comment on this post with your caption and I’ll pick one of them and send the book The 3 Big Questions for a Frantic Family by Patrick Lencioni. (This is a great book to help frantic families restore sanity to the most important organization in their life!)

Again, all you have to do is comment a caption for this picture.  I’ll pick the one I think best captures this image. You have until Tuesday, July 27, 2010 to answer.

(Please understand this winner will simply be based on opinion.)

Also, will you say a prayer for the children of Sierra Leone?