5 Questions That Could Help All Marriages

I have talked to dozens of marriages in need of help, but the couples are too ashamed or proud to ask for it or accept it.  Somehow, I think if we admitted that all marriages struggle at times, it would help the ones in trouble to seek the help they need.

My Bible describes the process of becoming one (marriage) as a “mystery” (Ephesians 5:32), yet many people mistakenly believe they can do it on their own.

Would you do me a favor?  Will you consider these 5 questions?  Then, if you have had to work on your marriage; if your marriage has had to learn a few things the hard way to make it work, help us all by sharing some of your experience here on this post.  Perhaps the combined synergy of transparency will be good for all of our marriages.

Here are the questions:

  1. What if couples weren’t made to feel guilty, or a failure, or as if you were all alone, if you decided your marriage wasn’t all it is supposed to be?
  2. What if the stigmas against seeking help for marriage disappeared?
  3. What if seeking counseling or asking for help figuring out marriage became socially acceptable?
  4. What if couples were commended for admitting mistakes in the marriage and it was seen as a part of the process in making the marriage stronger?
  5. What if couples realized that every marriage has struggles; that no marriage is perfect, but that good marriages got that way through hard work?

Has married life been hard for you at times? Share a comment, even if it’s just “Yes, my marriage is a work in progress”, and let’s encourage some marriages to seek the help they need.

All the Monday Marriage Moments can now be found together in one category HERE.

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

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33 thoughts on “5 Questions That Could Help All Marriages

    • Baby steps. Date your husband. Write out something everyday you love about your husband. Pray whenever you think of the other man. Ask God to direct your thoughts. He will be on your side in this. 

  1. I know its wrong to get a divorce and i have tried hard to pray these feelings away because i dont want to feel the way i do about another man because i feel bad about it but i do unfortunately.

    • I don't know that I can help in this format, but I want you to read the book “Love and a Respect” by Eggericks. I'm not at all trying to be cruel, but I think you can be “in love” with the man you're married to. Love, the deepest level of love, is more than emotion. It's also commitment and promise. Think of it this way. You don't wake every morning with the same emotion towards even God. But it's the commitment that keeps the relationship. My gut is that you're fueling the emotions of the other man. Your thoughts are consumed his direction. And as long as you are, the longer they'll be there. I'm praying for you. Please also consider counseling. 

  2. I am a young wife I have a good husband and good marriage for the most part we have our share of problems and it definitely gets hard at times sometimes i feel like its harder for me because im a lot younger than him so i didnt exactly know all the principles of marriage when i got married but i am learning but my marriage isnt really the issue the issue is that im in love with someone else. I knew the other person before my husband you know how God says to close one door before opening another. Well i learned my lesson there. I never resolved issues with the other person before i moved on and got married i kind of rushed into things even though i still had feelings. I love my husband and care for him and keeping my family together but i cant ignore how i feel on the other side of the coin. I need help.

  3. My Name is ADAEZE..I never believed in Love Spells or Magics until I met this special spell caster when i went to Africa to Execute some business..He is really powerful..My wife divorce me with no reason for almost 4 years and i tried all i could to have her back cos i really love her so much but all my effort did not work out.. we met at our early age at the college and we both have feelings for each other and we got married happily for 5 years with no kid and she woke up one morning and she told me she’s going on a divorce..i thought it was a joke and when she came back from work she tender to me a divorce letter and she packed all her loads from my house..i ran mad and i tried all i could to have her back but all did not work out..i was lonely for almost 4 years…So when i told the spell caster what happened he said he will help me and he asked for her full name and her picture..i gave him that..At first i was skeptical but i gave it a try cos h ave tried so many spell casters and there is no solution…so when he finished with the readings,he got back to me that she’s with a man and that man is the reason why she left me…The spell caster said he will help me with a spell that will surely bring her back.but i never believe all this…he told me i will see a positive result within 3 days..3 days later,she called me herself and came to me apologizing and she told me she will come back to me..I cant believe this,it was like a dream cos i never believe this will work out after trying many spell casters and there is no solution..The spell caster is so powerful and after that he helped me with a pregnancy spell and my wife got pregnant a month later..we are now happy been together again and with lovely kid..This spell caster has really changed my life and i will forever thankful to him..he has helped many friends too with similar problem too and they are happy and thankful to him..This man is indeed the most powerful spell caster have ever experienced in life..Am Posting this to the Forum in case there is anyone who has similar problem and still looking for a way out..you can reach him here: shakesspear23@yahoo.com…… CONTACT THIS POWERFUL SPELL CASTER TODAY VIA EMAIL:shakesspear23@yahoo.com..

  4. My Name is QUEEN.I will love to share my testimony to all the people in the forum cos i never thought i will have my girlfriend back and she means so much to me..The girl i want to get marry to left me 4 weeks to our wedding for another man..,When i called her she never picked my calls,She deleted me on her facebook and she changed her facebook status from married to Single…when i went to her to her place of work she told her boss she never want to see me..I lost my job as a result of this cos i cant get myself anymore,my life was upside down and everything did not go smooth with my life…I tried all i could do to have her back to all did not work out until i met a Man when i Travel to Africa to execute some business have been developing some years back..I told him my problem and all have passed through in getting her back and how i lost my job…he told me he gonna help me…i don't believe that in the first place.but he swore he will help me out and he told me the reason why my girlfriend left me and also told me some hidden secrets.i was amazed when i heard that from him..he said he will cast a spell for me and i will see the results in the next couple of days..then i travel back to US the following day and i called him when i got home and he said he's busy casting those spells and he has bought all the materials needed for the spells,he said am gonna see positive results in the next 2 days that is Thursday…My girlfriend called me at exactly 12:35pm on Thursday and apologies for all she had done ..she said,she never knew what she's doing and her sudden behavior was not intentional and she promised not to do that again.it was like am dreaming when i heard that from her and when we ended the call,i called the man and told him my wife called and he said i haven't seen anything yet… he said i will also get my job back in 3 days time..and when its Sunday,they called me at my place of work that i should resume working on Monday and they gonna compensate me for the time limit have spent at home without working..My life is back into shape,i have my girlfriend back and we are happily married now with kids and i have my job back too.This man is really powerful..if we have up to 20 people like him in the world,the world would have been a better place..he has also helped many of my friends to solve many problems and they are all happy now..Am posting this to the forum for anybody that is interested in meeting the man for help.you can mail him to shakesspear23@yahoo.com I cant give out his number cos he told me he don't want to be disturbed by many people across the world..he said his email is okay and he' will replied to any emails asap..hope he helped u out too..good luck:shakesspear23@yahoo.com.ONCE AGAIN HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS: shakesspear23@yahoo.com

  5. I read many of your articles on marriage. I agree with most of the content. In India we have a good family support but sometimes it becomes an hinderance in marriage. Both of us come from hindu backgrounds and believed in Christ. Both the family sides have rejected us or accept grudgingly. Being alone to face difficulties has strengthened our marriage.

  6. SANTANA VALDEZ SAYS
    i am giving this testimony cos l am happy

    My name is mrs. Santana Valdez from Houston,taxes.i never believed in love spells or magic until i met this spell caster once. when i went to Africa in June 28th 2013 this year on a business summit. i ment a man called dr. Atakpo.He is powerful he could help you cast a spells to bring back my love’s gone,misbehaving lover looking for some one to love you, bring back lost money and magic money spell or spell for a good job.i’m now happy & a living testimony cos the man i had wanted to marry left me 3 weeks before our wedding and my life was upside down cos our relationship has been on for 2 years… i really loved him, but his mother was against me and he had no good paying job. so when i met this spell caster, i told him what happened and explained the situation of things to him..at first i was undecided,skeptical and doubtful, but i just gave it a try. and in 6 days when i returned to taxes, my boyfriend (is now my husband ) he called me by himself and came to me apologizing that everything had been settled with his mom and family and he got a new job interview so we should get married..i didn’t believe it cos the spell caster only asked for my name and my boyfriends name and all i wanted him to do… well we are happily married now and we are expecting our little kid,and my husband also got a new job and our lives became much better. in case anyone needs the spell caster for some help, email address atakpotemble@yahoo.com

    Great Atakpo i thank you very much thank you in 1000000 times.. if not you i would have been losted and wasted thank you. Email Him Through his email address… atakpotemble@yahoo.com

    please make sure you contact him for any financial difficulties okay..

    What a powerful man such as Dr Atakpo.. he is so much powerful..\ email him for any difficulties.. atakpotemble@yahoo.com

    • To Mrs Santana Valdez, I just want to ask you please,How much you pay for Dr. Atakpo to do the work? Please reply. Thank youso much, Alicia

  7. I am 26 years old and have been married for one year. I started counseling a few months after our marriage because my husbands and I were experiencing some challenges that were brought on some sexual abuse I suffered as a pre-teen. I have been very excited to share our counseling experience with other couples that struggle with issues of intimacy because it helps to take away the stigma in our circle of friends. Slowly progress is being made and I am confident that it will only get better. For those looking for free marriage resource watch the Staying In Love series by Andy Stanley @ North Point Church. It will change your perspective on marriage for the better!

    • Thanks for your honesty and for sharing your story. Way to go working on your marriage. Too many are just letting it go.

  8. Hi Ron. I thought you would be encouraged to hear that among our young church family, there is very little stigma about counselling or coaching in marriage. In our sphere, as soon as a couple starts courting (ie. dating with a very serious intent towards marriage) we are encouraged to connect with one of a few couples in the church who have a handful of years of marriage ahead of them. This is not marriage prep courses. We do those too. This is a relationship & accountability with a couple who want to see you succeed as a team and to really spell out what life can be like on the "other side" of marriage.

    It has been so beneficial to surviving my first year of marriage to have a woman in my life who I can call when I just want to throw my vow to the wind and walk out the door. This couple reminds us of our commitment to love unconditionally, to have grace for one another and to forgive quickly. They suggest things that have helped them move beyond their differences. Having someone there to say that things are rough but to remind me to have hope and focus forward has changed my life.

    • That is wonderful. I think starting a church like that, or building it into the DNA of the church, will break the cycle of divorce and marriage issues which plagues the church as much as the world. Thanks for sharing!

  9. My husband and will be married 11 years on May 8th. He told me he doesn't love me and won't do marriage counseling. I have done everything my pastor has said to do – by myself – because he will not participate in saving the marriage. We have 2 small children, a beautiful home, great jobs, but no love. I'm willing to still work on this, but it is so hard when he not only doesn't love me, but doesn't respect me. I've read all the books, I'm in a bible study, I go to church. It's so sad!!! I don't know if I should hang up my hat and move on, or stick it out some more.

    • Carla – Have you read Love & Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs? The whole book is based on one verse in the New Testament. It challenged me to examine my perspective of marriage & changed my attitudes. I have really learned to believe for miracles and for Holy Spirit to change my husband's heart and not for me to try & push the change.
      I know it can be so hard, lonely, discouraging in the situation you're in. However, I encourage you – when we didn't love Jesus, he loved us. He laid down his life. He won our hearts with his love. God's love is stronger than death. I believe that you can pour out God's love to your husband. His kind of love changes things and I believe with you that it will change things for your marriage.

  10. I've been married almost 7 years, and my husband and I have just started some long-overdue marriage counseling. Some of your posts about marriage have been very encouraging. We do want to avoid that 7 year slump you talked about. There's a lot of deferred maintenance in our marriage. We've both been so BUSY we haven't put time into our relationship. Even with just one counseling session so far and reading "Fighting for Your Marriage" together, we're doing so much better. At first I hesitated to tell people we are going to counseling, but I realized the stigma against counseling is so damaging. I have started to tell people to encourage others to do it. Counseling is NOT just for marriages that are totally on the rocks! It's a benefit even to healthy marriages, to keep them that way.

    • Absolutely. Thanks for sharing this Becky. If more couples would be proactive with counseling…when both parties are still interested in making the marriage work…the failure rate would be far less than it is now.

  11. My wife and I have been married for 24 years. My wife and I were married young and she is 43. She is an outgoing bubbly person and full of life. Over the years she says she has become tired of trying to take me along for a fun filled life. I regret to say that she is right. I am dependable, a good provider, a great friend to her, but the excitement and passion has been missing for years. She is still in the house but has built up emotional walls where she says she is not able to let me get through anymore. Most of our friends tend to end up divorced. She is a psychologist with a lot of insight which seems to impact and tug at my fears. I pull back and might even be intimidated. I would love for her to fall in love with me again. I do love her so much. Any advice?

      • Thank you for your quick response.  It is appreciated and yes, hard to hear.  She has said so many times over the past few months that she needs to feel control over her decisions and that my fears (yes fears!) get going and I tend to keep pushing her for answers and results that I want.  I am trying very hard to back off (not text, not call, not question – but to wait for her).  As an anxious and worrisome person, I find it very difficult to just wait.  My tendancy is to feel that if I am not in contact in someway, she will be distant.  The reality I am finding is that she pulls back further.  She does find this fear very unattractive  in a husand.  She feels it is ok for her best friend to have, but not her husband.

      • I was not able to find the previous posts you referred to earlier.  My system says that they have been removed or deleted.  Could you resend the links again?

        Thank you so much,

        Dale

    • Take her out for dinner or dancing…or a walk on the beach. Talk to her open up now let her know how you feel…:) God bless. I pray that you guys start to talk and hug :)

  12. I think fear, pride and expense are huge barriers, at least for men. It is easy to lose sight of the consequences of doing nothing. I’ve had more than one counselor recommend that I leave and let the counselor decide when my husband is well enough to come home. My husband seemed to argue this morning that we were spending too much money to treat my suical 9 year old and shouldn’t spend any more to treat his own depression. He thinks his own pain is no big deal. Too many Christians and pastors have mistaken his obsessive need for approval for a servants heart and ignored my cries for help in the face of 20 years of emotional and sexual abuse. I made my wedding vows foolishly but I made that promise to God not my husband. So the vows stand and I will continue to push him toward health and holiness. I have been deeply loved by our Lord and that is enough for now and enough for me to give him the grace and forgiveness I have so richly received until he is able to give and receive again.