Assessing the State of the Marriage

I have tried this quick assessment with marriages in distress several times and it opens the couple’s eyes and my eyes to the real state of their marriage.  If you are dealing with a marriage following a major mistake or disappointment, considering trying this process.  If the marriage in distress is yours, considering a self-assessment of your marriage.

I seat the couple separately and give each person a piece of paper and pen.  I asked them to number their paper from 1 to 4.  I then ask them to answer the following questions on a scale of 1 to 10.

Here are the questions:  (You can alter the questions to ones that work for your situation.)

  1. How healthy do you think your marriage was before this incident occurred on a scale of 1 to 10?
  2. How healthy do you think your marriage is today on a scale of 1 to 10?
  3. What answer do you think your spouse will give as to the health of the marriage today on a scale of 1 to 10?
  4. What is your personal commitment level today to make the marriage work on a scale of 1 to 10?

We then share and discuss the results.

Some of the observations from using this assessment:

  • Most couples appear to give honest answers to these questions.  It seems easier because they are putting them on paper first.
  • This gives each spouse a look into the heart and mind of the other spouse that he or she wouldn’t normally share.
  • Usually, the female rates the marriage lower than the male, to the surprise of the male, but eye opening.
  • In some cases, the marriage has actually improved after the incident, if the couple is finally addressing problems in the marriage.
  • The commitment level is a key indicator of where the marriage is going next.  If you get high numbers here; the couple is willing to make the marriage work.

Would this be helpful for you to use working with couples or in your own marriage?

All the Monday Marriage Moments can now be found together in one category HERE.

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

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