All eyes are always on the minister’s family and having been on both sides, as a full-time vocational minister and years as someone with a full-time secular job, let me assure you that most pastors feel the pressure to live up to the standards of excellence people have set. I’m thankful I have a great marriage (most days) and two great boys. I’m fine with you making decisions about me based on my family life, because right now, thankfully, things are going well, but still, I also sense the pressure to live up to a set of unrealistic expectations at times.

The false expectation may often feel like I’m not supposed to have disagreements with my wife, my kids are never to be the ones that misbehave at times, or when you see Cheryl and me in public we should always be holding hands as we pray together.

I know what the Scripture says: He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him with proper respect. (If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God’s church?) (1 Timothy 3:4-5)

Does that, however, mean the minister must have a perfect marriage and perfect children?

Is the standard you have set for the minister’s family higher than the one you have set for your family?

I’m curious, what expectations do you have of a pastor’s family?

I have posted many times before about my attempt at discovering my strengths and weaknesses. The older I get the more I realize things I’m not good at doing. This discovery process has led me to what I believe is the perfect combination on a team:

If we can partner people highly skilled at creating ideas…

…With people highly skilled at implementing them…

We can accomplish anything together.

It’s rare to find one person equally good at both. Not always is the same person who creates the idea the right one to accomplish it.  I’m an idea generator, but I’m not always a great idea implementer. I love big visions, but I miss details. I love to see big dreams realized, so I often push people too hard with new ideas, rather than helping them complete the last idea. While I don’t believe I’m wrong for being an idea generator, it would be wrong for me not to recognize where my strengths end and my weakness begins.  I know I must surround myself with people skilled at making and implementing systems and plans to accomplish them.

Great idea creators sometimes need to be willing to hand off the implementation to someone skilled in doing so.  Otherwise, some of the best ideas never see the light of day.

Consider these questions:

Which are you? Have you tried to be both in your organization?

Do you need to partner with others, give them freedom to stretch you, and allow progress to move forward?

What weakness do you need to balance with someone else’s strength?

Be willing to admit your weaknesses and surround yourself with lots of people wired opposite of you!

Jon Acuff is a funny, intelligent, mega-blogging leader at Stuff Christians Like. When I originally started this series I honestly overlooked some of the best leaders, because I falsely limited myself to people that have positions in a church or ministry. Jon has one of the most read blogs in the church world today. If Jon posts something, others instantly take notice. I call that influence, and if leadership is about influence, Jon is one of the best.

You can buy Jon’s new Stuff Christians Like book HERE and follow him on Twitter HERE.

Here are 10 questions with leader Jon Acuff:

When you were growing up, is this what you thought you would be doing vocationally? If not, what did you want to do?

Since the third grade when a teacher laminated a book of poetry I wrote I knew I wanted to be a writer. I thought she had published it and I really wanted to keep writing from that moment on.

What’s the most different job you’ve had from what you are doing now and how did that job help you with what you are doing now?

I was a mailman one summer. It was hard. I was pretty lazy at the time and not very disciplined. I made that job a lot harder than it needed to be with my complete lack of focus. I would say realizing the self created frustration of that summer helped me make smarter decisions in my current job.

Who is one person, besides Christ, who most helped to shape your leadership and how did they help you?

I would say my dad. In addition to one on one leadership, I got to watch him start a Southern Baptist Church in New England. His approach to what was a really difficult challenge really shaped how I approach things.

Besides the Bible, what is one book that has most helped to shape your thought process in life and ministry?

I would say “The War of Art” by Pressfield.

What are three words other people would use to describe your work style/ethic?

Creative. Motivational. Funny

What is your greatest strength in leadership?

Ability to start new projects.

What is your greatest weakness in leadership?

Ability to finish old projects.

What is the hardest thing you have to do in leadership?

Following through on commitments that have lost the shine and are now down into the grind. I stink at completing things and getting others to complete things.

What is one misconception about your position you think people may have?

People sometimes think I write Stuff Christians Like full time, but I have a full time job and only get to spend about an hour a day on it.

If you could give one piece of advise to young leaders from what you’ve learned by experience, what would it be?

Determine a time to do the thing you are dedicated to and then do it. Don’t argue with yourself about whether you will do it. Just say, “Every morning at 6, I will do this thing.” And then do it.

Are there other leaders I’ve been missing? To read all the interviews I’ve done in this series, click HERE.

I know lots of people look for an opportunity to attend Easter services who may not normally attend church.  If you follow my blog in the Clarksville or surrounding areas, I want to ask you to consider visiting with us.  We have an amazing day planned.  It’s laid back, casual, upbeat, and, unashamedly, we have FUN!  We never put visitors on the spot, so you can get a no pressure experience.  We are moving to the gym for this day to accommodate people, so there will be plenty of room. We have an incredible children’s ministry through 5th grade. (Children usually bring their parents back to our church!)  It’s going to be a great day. Check us out beforehand online at Gcomchurch.com

We look forward to seeing you.  Mention you were invited on this post and I’ll give you a free smile!

I have tried this quick assessment with marriages in distress several times and it opens the couple’s eyes and my eyes to the real state of their marriage.  If you are dealing with a marriage following a major mistake or disappointment, considering trying this process.  If the marriage in distress is yours, considering a self-assessment of your marriage.

I seat the couple separately and give each person a piece of paper and pen.  I asked them to number their paper from 1 to 4.  I then ask them to answer the following questions on a scale of 1 to 10.

Here are the questions:  (You can alter the questions to ones that work for your situation.)

1. How healthy do you think your marriage was before this incident occurred on a scale of 1 to 10?
2. How healthy do you think your marriage is today on a scale of 1 to 10?
3. What answer do you think your spouse will give as to the health of the marriage today on a scale of 1 to 10?
4. What is your personal commitment level today to make the marriage work on a scale of 1 to 10?

We then share and discuss the results.

Some of the observations from using this assessment:

• Most couples appear to give honest answers to these questions.  It seems easier because they are putting them on paper first.
• This gives each spouse a look into the heart and mind of the other spouse that he or she wouldn’t normally share.
• Usually, the female rates the marriage lower than the male, to the surprise of the male, but eye opening.
• In some cases, the marriage has actually improved after the incident, if the couple is finally addressing problems in the marriage.
• The commitment level is a key indicator of where the marriage is going next.  If you get high numbers here; the couple is willing to make the marriage work.

Would this be helpful for you to use working with couples or in your own marriage?

All the Monday Marriage Moments can now be found together in one category HERE.

My most popular post since I started this blog is a post denouncing the myth that “God will not put more on us than we can allow.” It is found by Google search several times daily, indicating people are looking for the phrase in the Bible. I continue to receive challenges to my claim that this phrase is not in Scripture because they have heard it so long they can’t believe it must be there somewhere. So far, however, no one has found that exact phrase in the Bible. Of course, I consistently get pointed to 1 Corinthians 10:13, which says “No temptation has seized you except what is common to man.” I’m sorry, but I can’t see where that verse says anything about the trials of life, which I believe the myth is referring to. This verse is talking about temptation, and even then the context of the passage deals with Christ’s strength in us, not our own.

You can read the original post HERE.

I realize the intended meaning is that if we rely on God we can handle anything, and I know people most often share it with a desire to comfort others, but the reason I like to challenge this claim is that I continue to encounter people that feel something is wrong with them. They are overwhelmed with life, confused, and desperately trying to figure out why they can’t cope with the stress of life. They have heard that God “will not put more on them than they can handle” and yet their circumstances tell them otherwise. The well-intended message almost becomes an indictment against a person struggling to wade through the storms of life, because they are left wondering why they can’t seem to find the power within them to overcome the emotions of distress.

The fact is, as I’ve said before, this world is messed up, broken and impossible to navigate on our own. God will allow more than we can handle ON OUR OWN, because His greatest desire is that we learn to rely on Him completely. The power we have within us to face life’s trauma is the power of Christ. I have had countless times in my life where life was desperate enough that I finally recognized that apart from the grace of God, I could not handle life. I think that’s what God is looking for from His children and that’s a more comforting message to share with people in distress.

Have you heard this phrase applied in your life? Have you had times you didn’t feel you could handle the stress in your life and wondered what God was doing?

Put your complete trust in God and His strength to see you through this time. With His help, you can face anything…but don’t try to handle life on your own.

This was honestly a challenging message for me to deliver to our church, but I’m afraid many times as believers we are tempted to look for the comfortable over the things that God would call us to do.  Listen to last weeks message as I share some “encouragement” not to get too comfortable.

I love real life examples of people willing to do whatever God calls them to do, regardless of the sacrifice or cost. I am happy to share one such story with you.

Jason and Kerby Harpst are a young couple that attend Grace Community Church. Cheryl and I had the privilege of being at their beach wedding that I was honored to officiate. They are dear friends. They’re small group leaders. They’re key volunteers in Grace Acres. In June of this year they will begin a new life of full-time missionary service in Costa Rica. Jason and Kerby are two of the most responsible and capable volunteers we have at Grace. They are professional, kind, loving people. It’s bittersweet watching people that you’ve grown to love move, but we are so encouraged and challenged by their step of faith. We will be partnering as a church with their work in Costa Rica in the months and years to come.

Here’s an interview our small groups pastor Ben Reed did with Jason and Kerby recently to help you learn their heart and next steps:

1. Where are you going in Costa Rica?
We are going to the small town of Villas de Ayarco, which is in the mountains about 45 minutes southeast of the capital city of San Jose.

2. What will you be doing while you’re there?
We will initially work with short term teams that come to Costa Rica as the Volunteer Team Coordinators for the Abraham Project. We will also work with the children that live in any of the three orphan homes that are part of the Abraham Project. Our vision is to set up a sports outreach program for the children and teens of the local community, where the average family lives at the “extreme poverty” level.

3. Why Costa Rica?
Costa Rica is a place we have both visited before and we saw a great need for our help. The Abraham Project, in particular, is in need of help to expand on their vision and to reach more of the hurting people of Costa Rica through the love of Christ. With such a high cost of living, so many of the people cannot afford food for their children everyday and the local communities are filled with drugs, prostitution and gang activities. It is too easy for young children to get involved in these activities that are all too common for them. If they have an alternative choice to devote their time, such as a sports program that is based in the love and need for Christ in their lives, then they have a bright future…spiritually and socially.

4. Do you see this as a temporary thing, or something more permanent?
This is a permanent move. As we surrender to God’s calling, we feel this is a permanent move. Not a permanent move to Costa Rica in a sense, but a life devoted to what ever God has planned for us. Where ever He leads us in the future, we will follow in effort to reach more people around the world for Christ and expand His Kingdom.

5. What did you do prior to committing to going to Costa Rica?
I have my Bachelor’s and Master’s degrees in Mechanical Engineering and I have worked for both the Trane Company and General Motors Corporation. My wife, Kerby, is finishing her degree in Special Education this spring.

6. Why not continue doing that?
To be honest, it would be easy to continue my work as an engineer and having Kerby work as a school teacher. We could live comfortable lives and have a great place to raise a family in the United States but that would be our plans not God’s plans. God has specifically asked us to give that up, and go share our love and hope we have in Him.

7. Have you been to Costa Rica before?
I have been to Costa Rica seven times. Six times for short term mission trips and once in January for a “pre-moving” trip and to meet with the pastor and others we will work along side with at the Abraham Project. Kerby has been to Costa Rica twice before.

8. How do you feel uniquely gifted for what God’s calling you to do in Costa Rica?
As an engineer I am very organized which will help in the Team Coordinator aspect of our work in Costa Rica. Additionally, Kerby will be teaching English in the daycare center at the orphanage. With her specialty in Special Education, it will benefit her greatly when working with these children with physical and social disabilities. We have much to learn about being missionaries, but our focus is on serving our all powerful and wonderful God and sharing with others what He has done in our lives.

9. What are some challenges you’ve already faced in preparing to become a full-time vocational missionary in Costa Rica?
One of the biggest challenges is seeking financial support. We are not affiliated with any international missions agency so we need to raise 100% of our financial support. Costa Rica has a high cost of living; where a simple $8 Wal-Mart coffee maker here in the United States costs over $30 in Costa Rica. Our support will come strictly from friends, family members, fellow church members, or anyone else that shares our hearts for Costa Rica.

10. What is your biggest need right now? Is there a way we can help?
We need monthly supporters. We leave for Costa Rica at the beginning of June and what we really need right now are individuals that can commit to supporting us each month. Nothing is too small or too big. If you would like to support us, you can send a tax deductible check to “Grace Community Church” with a note of “Costa Rica” or “Jason and Kerby” to the following address.

Grace Community Church
PO Box 3980
Clarksville, TN 37043

You can follow us on our blog at www.todalagentecr.blogspot.com and you can always email us with questions or for more information at todalagentecr@gmail.com.

Have you seen this type of faith demonstrated in others? Whose faith is encouraging you these days?

When our boys were in middle school, we did not allow them to roam the mall on their own without an adult in the building.  I know, call us bad parents, but we believed their safety was more important than their coolness with other children.

Once when our school system was closed because of snow, one of our boys spent the night with another boy his age.  He told us they were going to a gym and would be home afterwards, but before he returned home, we received a call from another friend that had seen him at the mall.  He was BUSTED!  What was worse for him was when he found out that we would have been fine with him going to the mall, because the parent was going also.  That was a huge lesson for him in honesty.  Years later, when this same son had another situation that required honesty, he told the whole truth and nothing but the truths…so help him, God.

Scripture is very clear for the believer about how we are to approach honesty.  We are told to “let your yes be yes and your no be no”.   Honesty is a value, however, that is shared by believers and non-believers.  It’s sort of a baseline moral standard of expectation of society.  Raising our children to be honest, therefore, is an important part of our parenting.

With that desire in mind, here are some suggestions to encourage your children to be honest:

Model it – If your children see you being dishonest, even on the telephone with the telemarketer or with your employer as to why you are not going to work, they are learning bad habits.  Be honest with your words and your time.

Teach it – The Bible is full of great stories about honesty.  Spend time reading and discussing them with your children.  A few suggestions are stories such as Joseph and his brothers, Esther and her situation with Haman, and the story of Jacob and Esau.  Obviously, you will need to study them first so you can discuss them with your children.  Ask questions to see if they understand and what their values are towards the issue of honesty.

Enforce it – There are some issues that should be handled more strongly than others in parenting.  Enforcing honesty is one of them.  If you allow even little actions of dishonesty to go unchecked, you are building a negative principle into your child’s life that you will one day see again and regret.  Of course, the punishment should always fit the age and the severity of the wrong, but the issue of honesty is one area where zero tolerance should be a part of your disciple plan.

Encourage it – Honesty should become an aspired value in your home.  Find examples of honesty around you and talk about them with your children.  When you see good news of this value being demonstrated, whether in the news, the church or community, make sure your children are made aware of the positive effects of honesty.   Again, ask questions to make sure they understand the importance of being honest.

Reward it – When your children are found being honest, reward them.  Our boys were told consistently that if they told us the truth we would respond much differently than if we had to figure out the truth on our own.  Make being honest a big deal to them, even something to celebrate.

Working to establish honesty in your children early will help ensure they live honest lives as adults.  Even though honesty is a shared value, most of us would agree, our level of trust in others has diminished in recent years.  As parents, we play a large role in raising the level of honesty in our society, one family at a time.

What are some tips you may have for teaching children to be honest?

(I originally wrote this article for Clarksville Family Magazine.)

Winners are Chris Stevens who selected “Visioneering” by Andy Stanley and Theresa Haskins, who also selected “Visioneering” by Andy Stanley.

Apparently some misunderstood the post, and I apologize for that, but I was only giving one book per person, for a total of two books, so there would be more winners. Try again next week for another Free Friday…

Last week I started Free Fridays and I gave away three books. Today I want to continue that practice.

Yesterday I was privileged to blog from Catalyst One Day. (You can read my posts from that conference HERE.) In honor of that event, I am giving away two books; one from each of yesterday’s speakers.

To give you a selection to choose from, you can pick from these four books, but remember I’m only giving away two of them.

• The Principle of the Path, by Andy Stanley
• The Christian Atheist, by Craig Groeschel
• Visioneering, by Andy Stanley
• Confessions of a Pastor, by Craig Groeschel

Each of these books is incredible. The Principle of the Path is simple in concept, but huge in practicality. Everyone needs to understand this life principle. The Christian Atheist, Groeschel’s newest book, is an honest, hard-hitting and eye-opening look into the ways people believe in God but live as if he doesn’t exist. Visioneering helps you get and keep a vision. Every pastor needs to read Confessions of a Pastor; perhaps everyone who knows a pastor.

To enter:
Comment on this post with your name and which one of these four books you would choose to win. I will give away a total of two books. You have until tonight (3/26/10) 9 PM CST to comment. A RT on Twitter is always apprectated. (I will use Random.org to select the winner and I will eliminate double entries. You can only enter once per post.)

Best wishes!

There are two reasons I am doing Free Fridays. First, I am appreciative of my growth in readership this year and want to thank those that have chosen to follow this blog. Second, I am conscious of the need to grow my interaction on the blog between readers and me if this blog is to continue to get better. This helps build the comments on my blog with people that are already reading. Thanks for reading.