Well Meaning Questions Better Left Unasked
Part of being a mature person is learning when to speak and when not to speak. Consider the encouragement from the Book of James:
If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless. (James 1:26 NIV)
Do you ever struggle to say the right thing? Have you ever suffered from foot in mouth disease?
We all at times say things we shouldn’t say. Recently, while talking to someone that had just been offended by awkward questions about her life, I was reminded that there are some questions that, while probably well-meaning, are better left unasked unless you know the other person well. Some questions are simply not good conversational questions and they are often more hurtful than helpful.
Here are the ones that instantly come to mind:
When are you going to retire? One, it insinuates an age. Two, it is often interpreted that you think the person should.
When are you getting married? This is often a sensitive question. It could be the person wants to be married, but hasn’t found the right person to marry. It also could be the person has no desire to be married.
When are you having children? This could be one of the most difficult and awkward questions on the list. It often is received as more painful than it is inquisitive.
Which child is yours? This is often asked of blended families or families with adopted children. Most likely, the parents feel as though ALL the children are theirs.
Are you pregnant? If you make a mistake in your diagnosis, you are in obvious trouble.
How long have you been married? For blended families, this question can be embarrassing. If they have children older than the years of their marriage, they can see you doing the math in your head.
The bottom line is to avoid asking questions that may be seen as too personal for a casual conversation. The end goal is to think before you ask.
What would you add to the list? Have you been offended by other people’s questions about your life?
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2 responses to "Well Meaning Questions Better Left Unasked"
Well, never thought of those questions before. While I cannot find any questions to be added to the list right now, I think it helps to know what questions I should avoid when in conversation.
I would add questions related to why I got a divorce. It feels like the person asking is trying to figure out who is to blame, and I always feel defensive.
Another line of questioning I don’t care for is when folks ask me why I would want to have MORE children at my age (when I mention that we plan to try next year.) Most people are excited for us, but others make “icky” faces that seem to say, “why would you torture yourself like that?”