Disciplining Children: To Spank or Not to Spank?
To spank or not to spank…that’s probably one of the most frequent debates I have heard about parenting, but something seldom talked about from those who teach on parenting. I suppose I should not be surprised when I am addressed with this question often since I frequently teach on issues such as parenting, marriage and the family. Recently when I spoke on 5 Words to Shape Your Parenting, I received several questions again about this subject. Yesterday I began this subject of discipline. Read that post HERE.
Here are a few of my thoughts about the issue:
- This is a personal issue and one I do not feel comfortable solving for parents. A parent can and will only enforce consistently those discipline strategies he or she agrees with personally.
- This is an important question, but not at all the most important question about parenting. The bigger issue is having an overall plan for parenting. I know too many parents trying to solve this question, but they have never fully thought through a strategy for where they are leading their children and how they are going to get them there.
- The goal of parenting is far more important than the methods used in parenting. In our parenting we tried many different methods; some worked and some didn’t. The key was that we were intentionally thinking through the goal and working towards realizing that goal in our boy’s lives.
- Each child is different. We saw more positives in corporal punishment with one of our children than the other.
- You should never spank, or do any discipline, in anger.
- The child should never be able to question your love after the moment of discipline has passed.
- I did spank, but I hated every moment of it. At a certain age it was the best method for one of our boys to discipline him through a strong-willed period. The cliché “this hurts me more than you” was really true for me.
- The Bible verse that is often questioned is Proverbs 13:24, which says, “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.” I believe this verse can easily be interpreted as referring to spanking, based on the way the Bible uses the imagery of the rod and staff of a shepherd. The shepherd’s methods to train the sheep were always for the sheep’s best interest, but would not have always been considered gentle discipline. The verse is a principle, however, and I think it refers more to the principle of effective parenting than it gives us a mandate to spank.
- The mother and the father should agree on the form of discipline. If they do not, they should perhaps get help to come to a sense of agreement. Mothers and fathers should recognize that each plays a unique role in the process and one handles discipline differently than the other. I was much sterner on my boys that Cheryl was and she was much more of a nurturer than I was, but both were necessary.
For me the end goal of my discipline was clearly spelled out in the Bible: Proverbs 29:17 says, “Discipline your son, and he will give you peace; he will bring delight to your soul.” What parent would not want to see the principle of that verse come true in their life some day? Good parenting should do what works best to accomplish the goal of parenting.
What are your thoughts on this issue?
One response to "Disciplining Children: To Spank or Not to Spank?"
Child buttock-battering vs. DISCIPLINE:
Child buttock-battering for the purpose of gaining compliance is nothing more than an inherited bad habit.
Its a good idea for people to take a look at what they are doing, and learn how to DISCIPLINE instead of hit.
I think the reason why television shows like "Supernanny" and "Dr. Phil" are so popular is because that is precisely what many (not all) people are trying to do.
There are several reasons why child bottom-slapping isn't a good idea. Here are some good, quick reads recommended by professionals:
Plain Talk About Spanking
by Jordan Riak,
The Sexual Dangers of Spanking Children
by Tom Johnson,
NO VITAL ORGANS THERE, So They Say
by Lesli Taylor M.D. and Adah Maurer Ph.D.
Most compelling of all reasons to abandon this worst of all bad habits is the fact that buttock-battering can be unintentional sexual abuse for some children. There is an abundance of educational resources, testimony, documentation, etc available on the subject that can easily be found by doing a little research with the recommended reads-visit http://www.nospank.net.
Just a handful of those helping to raise awareness of why child bottom-slapping isn't a good idea:
American Academy of Pediatrics,
American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry,
Center For Effective Discipline,
PsycHealth Ltd Behavioral Health Professionals,
Churches' Network For Non-Violence,
Nobel Peace Prize recipient Archbishop Desmond Tutu,
Parenting In Jesus' Footsteps,
Global Initiative To End All Corporal Punishment of Children,
United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child.
In 26 countries, child corporal punishment is prohibited by law (with more in process). In fact, the US was the only UN member that did not ratify the Convention on the Rights of the Child.