How To Honor Your Pastor’s Wife
One of the toughest jobs in the church is that of being a pastor’s wife. No doubt I have one of the best in Cheryl. (I would say the best, but I have a co-pastor and he has an excellent one also!) Cheryl has a full-time professional job, is an excellent mom and wife, but the demands on her as my wife are often overwhelming. Still she handles it with grace and a smile.
I want to help you know how to honor and protect your pastor’s wife. Here I am not talking on behalf of Cheryl. She would never ask for this and frankly we are in the best church environment I have ever experienced as far as the way our staff and spouses are treated. I know, however, because of my work with pastors outside of Grace that many pastor’s wives are facing burnout, a sense of loneliness, and often struggle even to come to church.
If you want to treat your pastor’s wife well: (These may work equally well for the husband of a pastor or minister, but I can only speak from my perspective.)
- Do not put too many expectations on the pastor’s wife. She cannot be everywhere, at everything and know everyone’s name and family situation and still carry out her role in the home.
- Do not expect her to take your side on an issue opposing her husband. She will protect him as you would your spouse.
- Protect the pastor’s wife from gossip. She does not need to know the “prayer concerns” that are really just a way of spreading rumors.
- Let her have a husband and enjoy her family time. The pastor is pulled in many directions. If you can limit your demands on his schedule to his normal working hours it will help the pastor’s wife have a family life also.
- Include her without placing demands or expectations on her. The pastor’s wife is often one of the loneliest women in the church. She rarely knows whom to trust and often is excluded from times that are just for fun.
- Never repeat what she says. If the pastor’s wife happens to share information with you about the church or her personal life, keep it to yourself. There will be temptation to share her words as “juicy news”, but you will honor her by remaining silent.
- If your church really wants to honor the pastor’s wife, find ways to give her time away with her husband and/or family. That is probably what she needs the most.
- Pray for your pastor’s wife and family daily.
Feel free to give a shout-out to your pastor’s wife here on this post and share ways you can honor your pastor’s wife. If you are a pastor or pastor’s wife, I would love to hear your thoughts.
13 responses to "How To Honor Your Pastor’s Wife"
•Never repeat what she says. If the pastor’s wife happens to share information with you about the church or her personal life, keep it to yourself. There will be temptation to share her words as “juicy news”, but you will honor her by remaining silent.
I'd have to say that for me, this is pretty important. I'm not fragile, nor are any of the other pastor's wives on staff at GCC, but no matter what we do, how we act, etc, our words and actions are already magnified by a thousand. If I say something to a friend, I need to trust that it will stay there. I can honestly say that I can count on one hand the number of friends that I have like that….outside of the other Pastor's wives on staff.
Thanks so much for your comment Michelle. For some reason it went to the spam folder. Glad I caught it to get another pastor's wife's perspective.
I am a pastor's wife. Definitely agree with the majority of your thoughts on this. I think the best way really to honor any pastor's wife is to remember that they are loved by God first… then by their husband. Also that each couple/family are not the same in how they approach things.
I could go on.. seriously could write a book on this.. but I'm in the middle of making a cake for a baby shower tonight that I'm a hostess of at a church I've never even been to. That's a prime example of what I mean.
Thanks again for your thoughts on this.. and for how it also shows your love for your own wife. You and Cheryl have been prayed for! Praying for all who comment and/or read.
Thought your wife might enjoy this book! http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/hiscalling-mypurpose.html.
Thanks Wendy. Looks like a great resource.
I thank God for you, Cheryl. You always have a smile and a sweet manner when dealing with people. I know from being pastor’s wife for 30+ years how thankless and demanding it can be. Yet what blessings God gives you and your family. Thanks for being so compassionate last Sunday when we had lost our Dad. esp dealing with all you and your husband are going thru. I hope we can become better acquainted, but I love you already and pray for you and the ministry at Grace.
Thank you Cynthia. It’s always easier to minister to someone when you’ve walked in their shoes. Thanks for ministering to Cheryl through encouragement!
Wow! Only a Pastor could describe exactly how his wife, or other Pastors wives feel. You have hit the nail on the head. I struggle with all of this and more as a Pastor’s wife. It can be very lonely at times. My husband was a Pastor for 25+ years before we married two years ago. While it was all old hat for him, I was stepping into a position that I had never been in before. We have been truly blessed to start our marriage in Erin United Methodist Church…what an awesome group of people that have loved me through all the transistions in the last two years.
Thank you for this article….amazing!
As a Worship Pastors wife I agree with everything you said! It is a very lonely position to be in!
just want to say that I think Cheryl is awesome! ;o)
I agree! You nailed it!
It was hard. I can honestly say I’m glad the Lord gave us a rest from leading. He blessed with a wonderful worship experience at Grace. That’s not bitterness…just honesty. As wives we don’t always have a say in what our husband is going to do for a living…especially when his boss is our Savior. Be obedient. If it’s hard, don’t quit. When you are allowed rest, take it. Be prepared to work again.
Our pastor’s wife, Rhonda, is a woman I admire. She is so filled with God that it just oozes out of her! She has been one of those hurt by being the pastor’s wife, and trust is still difficult for her, but she’s learned to let a few of us get close. It is such a blessing for me to be able to let her share her burdens with me as often as I share mine with her. She is a true friend and loves unconditionally. Someday, when I grow up, I wanna be just like her.
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