Comments on: An Important Parenting Concept: Especially for Parents of Young Children http://www.ronedmondson.com/2009/04/an-important-parenting-concept-especially-for-parents-of-young-children.html The Blog of Leader, Pastor, and Church Planter Ron Edmondson Sun, 12 Feb 2012 18:58:10 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: patti http://www.ronedmondson.com/2009/04/an-important-parenting-concept-especially-for-parents-of-young-children.html#comment-23028 patti Tue, 13 Sep 2011 15:23:00 +0000 http://www.ronedmondson.com/?p=1924#comment-23028 demanding obedience of little onces does not equal bullying. children need to learn about respecting authority. we are their authorities when they are little. we are the most loving authority (besides God) that will ever be in their lives. if they do not learn to respect our authority, they will not learn to respect other authories (i.e. teachers). and then, we are failing them as parents. demanding obedience of little onces does not equal bullying.

children need to learn about respecting authority. we are their authorities when they are little. we are the most loving authority (besides God) that will ever be in their lives. if they do not learn to respect our authority, they will not learn to respect other authories (i.e. teachers). and then, we are failing them as parents.

]]> By: Tori http://www.ronedmondson.com/2009/04/an-important-parenting-concept-especially-for-parents-of-young-children.html#comment-22975 Tori Fri, 09 Sep 2011 21:06:24 +0000 http://www.ronedmondson.com/?p=1924#comment-22975 I agree wholeheartedly with this. I was raised in a household in which we did things because they were expected. Not because we agreed. Not because they were fair. Not because we understood. Because we were children, and our parents told us to. And I am SO incredibly grateful for that. I work with younger students all the time who were not raised in that environment, and they are generally more difficult to work with unless the purpose of the task or rule makes sense to them. Frankly, that's not how the world works. And to raise them in a way that leads them to believe that everyone is as spineless or conforming as mommy and daddy is to do them a disservice. Parents are supposed to prepare their children for success...not a rude awakening! I don't believe in barking at your kids or ordering them around or "controlling" them in any way. I am a firm believer in explaining concepts/rules to children who can use that information to make better decisions. Let's face it, however - no 2 year-old can understand the importance of rules. And if you wait until they DO understand to set the routine in place... well, prepare for a battle. We don't make our children take naps because they'd rather play. We let them watch tv rather than read a book because it's what makes them happier. And then we wonder why the teenagers are "all about me." And I can relate to the nursery bit completely. Let's just say... nursery duty has taught me a few things about how NOT to parent children. = I agree wholeheartedly with this. I was raised in a household in which we did things because they were expected. Not because we agreed. Not because they were fair. Not because we understood. Because we were children, and our parents told us to.

And I am SO incredibly grateful for that.

I work with younger students all the time who were not raised in that environment, and they are generally more difficult to work with unless the purpose of the task or rule makes sense to them. Frankly, that's not how the world works. And to raise them in a way that leads them to believe that everyone is as spineless or conforming as mommy and daddy is to do them a disservice. Parents are supposed to prepare their children for success…not a rude awakening!

I don't believe in barking at your kids or ordering them around or "controlling" them in any way. I am a firm believer in explaining concepts/rules to children who can use that information to make better decisions. Let's face it, however – no 2 year-old can understand the importance of rules. And if you wait until they DO understand to set the routine in place… well, prepare for a battle.

We don't make our children take naps because they'd rather play. We let them watch tv rather than read a book because it's what makes them happier. And then we wonder why the teenagers are "all about me."

And I can relate to the nursery bit completely. Let's just say… nursery duty has taught me a few things about how NOT to parent children. =

]]> By: ronedmondson http://www.ronedmondson.com/2009/04/an-important-parenting-concept-especially-for-parents-of-young-children.html#comment-19681 ronedmondson Mon, 09 May 2011 12:59:13 +0000 http://www.ronedmondson.com/?p=1924#comment-19681 Thanks Jackie. I appreciate this. Thanks Jackie. I appreciate this.

]]> By: Jackie http://www.ronedmondson.com/2009/04/an-important-parenting-concept-especially-for-parents-of-young-children.html#comment-19666 Jackie Mon, 09 May 2011 02:38:07 +0000 http://www.ronedmondson.com/?p=1924#comment-19666 Thank you for reaffirming this concept! I have 2 toddlers...1yr old and a 2 yr old :) I have felt very strongly about the very idea you express in this post. I have been "lectured" otherwise...but my conviction stands and reading this article has helped me understand that it's ok! I set boundaries, try hard to be consistent discipline/schedule, let them know church/preschool is the "norm", and that I love them no matter what and God loves them even more! More! Thank you for reaffirming this concept! I have 2 toddlers…1yr old and a 2 yr old :) I have felt very strongly about the very idea you express in this post. I have been “lectured” otherwise…but my conviction stands and reading this article has helped me understand that it’s ok! I set boundaries, try hard to be consistent discipline/schedule, let them know church/preschool is the “norm”, and that I love them no matter what and God loves them even more!
More!

]]> By: ronedmondson http://www.ronedmondson.com/2009/04/an-important-parenting-concept-especially-for-parents-of-young-children.html#comment-19517 ronedmondson Wed, 04 May 2011 02:52:34 +0000 http://www.ronedmondson.com/?p=1924#comment-19517 Well, I think we may be differing on terminology. I'm okay if you use "in charge" and I use "control". I just know if you don't have control when they are 2, you'll have a much harder time influencing when they are 13. And, I do speak with a fairly good track record. My 19 and 22 year old would agree. And, yes, children do have free will. Well, I think we may be differing on terminology. I'm okay if you use "in charge" and I use "control". I just know if you don't have control when they are 2, you'll have a much harder time influencing when they are 13. And, I do speak with a fairly good track record. My 19 and 22 year old would agree. And, yes, children do have free will.

]]> By: melanie gao http://www.ronedmondson.com/2009/04/an-important-parenting-concept-especially-for-parents-of-young-children.html#comment-19516 melanie gao Wed, 04 May 2011 02:38:48 +0000 http://www.ronedmondson.com/?p=1924#comment-19516 Hmm, control.... I agree that parents need to be in charge and our kids want us to be even though they expend a tremendous amount of energy trying to convince us otherwise. But control... I think as parents we have to accept that in the end, our kids have free will and while we might be able to force them in the behaviors we want, we can't actually control them. That said, my kids aren't "baked" yet so I don't feel like I can speak about parenting with much authority. Let me see first if I spend my son's college fund on bail and then I'll get back to you. :) Hmm, control…. I agree that parents need to be in charge and our kids want us to be even though they expend a tremendous amount of energy trying to convince us otherwise. But control… I think as parents we have to accept that in the end, our kids have free will and while we might be able to force them in the behaviors we want, we can't actually control them.

That said, my kids aren't "baked" yet so I don't feel like I can speak about parenting with much authority. Let me see first if I spend my son's college fund on bail and then I'll get back to you. :)

]]> By: obsteve http://www.ronedmondson.com/2009/04/an-important-parenting-concept-especially-for-parents-of-young-children.html#comment-3574 obsteve Sun, 16 Aug 2009 20:58:09 +0000 http://www.ronedmondson.com/?p=1924#comment-3574 Cool. I suppose got on my high horse about the "stronger, bigger, scarier" sentence in your blog, that's all. IMO, capitalising on the stronger, bigger and scarier wears off once the little ones become stronger, bigger and scarier themselves. Then you're in trouble. And I do trust the "punishment applied" mentioned in your link above does not include physical violence :) Al the best, Steve Cool.

I suppose got on my high horse about the “stronger, bigger, scarier” sentence in your blog, that’s all.

IMO, capitalising on the stronger, bigger and scarier wears off once the little ones become stronger, bigger and scarier themselves. Then you’re in trouble.

And I do trust the “punishment applied” mentioned in your link above does not include physical violence :)

Al the best,

Steve

]]> By: Ron http://www.ronedmondson.com/2009/04/an-important-parenting-concept-especially-for-parents-of-young-children.html#comment-3571 Ron Sun, 16 Aug 2009 11:06:44 +0000 http://www.ronedmondson.com/?p=1924#comment-3571 Obsteve, Yes, I think we are in total agreement. Please read my general model of parenting, called "grace parenting". http://www.ronedmondson.com/2008/10/parenting-by-grace.html I agree with everything you have written. Thanks, Ron Obsteve, Yes, I think we are in total agreement. Please read my general model of parenting, called “grace parenting”. http://www.ronedmondson.com/2008/10/parenting-by-grace.html

I agree with everything you have written.

Thanks,
Ron

]]> By: obsteve http://www.ronedmondson.com/2009/04/an-important-parenting-concept-especially-for-parents-of-young-children.html#comment-3570 obsteve Sun, 16 Aug 2009 09:56:16 +0000 http://www.ronedmondson.com/?p=1924#comment-3570 Hi Ron, you say "I believe you must get control early" this still sounds awful to me. Children are automatically eager to please, eager to impress, eager to make you proud. You don't have to exert control or demand obedience. Clear rules, high praise, the rest works for itself. It's just your use of the words 'contol' and 'obedience' and 'trained' that scare me. If you are talking about demanding your children's obedience to unexplained rules and boundaries, using negative consequences, then I cannot agree. If you are talking about positive relationships through clear rules and high praise, then we are probably in agreement. As to your comment, "Children will naturally resist authority", well I agree. I accept that a child will resist imposed, unexplained and unfair authority. However, if the child has understanding of 'the fair rule', and a hand in the setting of the rule, and a winning stake in the positive outcome of the rule, then you are both onto a winner. It's much easier and healthier to foster the love and respect than to set mysterious arbitrary rules and punishments Hi Ron,

you say “I believe you must get control early” this still sounds awful to me. Children are automatically eager to please, eager to impress, eager to make you proud. You don’t have to exert control or demand obedience. Clear rules, high praise, the rest works for itself.

It’s just your use of the words ‘contol’ and ‘obedience’ and ‘trained’ that scare me.

If you are talking about demanding your children’s obedience to unexplained rules and boundaries, using negative consequences, then I cannot agree.

If you are talking about positive relationships through clear rules and high praise, then we are probably in agreement.

As to your comment, “Children will naturally resist authority”, well I agree. I accept that a child will resist imposed, unexplained and unfair authority. However, if the child has understanding of ‘the fair rule’, and a hand in the setting of the rule, and a winning stake in the positive outcome of the rule, then you are both onto a winner.

It’s much easier and healthier to foster the love and respect than to set mysterious arbitrary rules and punishments

]]> By: Nancy Robinson http://www.ronedmondson.com/2009/04/an-important-parenting-concept-especially-for-parents-of-young-children.html#comment-3443 Nancy Robinson Thu, 06 Aug 2009 01:37:44 +0000 http://www.ronedmondson.com/?p=1924#comment-3443 So much has to do with personality. I have three kids, 28, 25 and 21 and every single one of them is different. I never had to "control" my daughter who was also the middle child. She never had to be spanked, seldom disciplined, wise and caring. The boys had to be handled differently because they questioned everything. I believe that if children aren't allowed to make some minor mistakes so they are taught to critical think and experience the consequences of their own decisions they struggle in that transition into adulthood. Of course, total lack of discipline never introduces the consequences...balance is the key. Sometimes we have to put our foot down. But I have seen how too much "control" leads to some very rebellious teens. Choose your battle wisely. A purple mohawk to me is something to laugh with them about, not a reason for argument, punishment or discipline. My motto as a parent is to never assume that your children know something...keep telling them everything. They are born without anything on their hard drive. We want them to download it from reliable sources. So much has to do with personality. I have three kids, 28, 25 and 21 and every single one of them is different. I never had to “control” my daughter who was also the middle child. She never had to be spanked, seldom disciplined, wise and caring. The boys had to be handled differently because they questioned everything. I believe that if children aren’t allowed to make some minor mistakes so they are taught to critical think and experience the consequences of their own decisions they struggle in that transition into adulthood. Of course, total lack of discipline never introduces the consequences…balance is the key. Sometimes we have to put our foot down. But I have seen how too much “control” leads to some very rebellious teens. Choose your battle wisely. A purple mohawk to me is something to laugh with them about, not a reason for argument, punishment or discipline. My motto as a parent is to never assume that your children know something…keep telling them everything. They are born without anything on their hard drive. We want them to download it from reliable sources.

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