If I Had A Daughter…

father-daughter

Most people who know me well know I would have loved having a daughter. I have two of the greatest sons any father could ask for and I wouldn’t trade them for anyone, but there’s a part of me that envies the dads of daughters I know. As much as I think it would scare me to have one (I think I’d probably make them cry daily not meaning to), I often wish I did. It makes me really hope that someday I will have two special daughter-in-laws (I have my eye on one already. No pressure!) and granddaughters. I plan to spoil them greatly!

If I did have daughters, along with teaching them the Scriptures, I think I would have them listen to Kellie Pickler’s song “Don’t You Know You’re Beautiful” and read Angela Thomas’ book, “Do You Think I’m Beautiful”, as they were old enough to understand. My goal would be to show them their own self worth, that they are beautiful not only for their outer appearance, but for the person God had created them to be.

I would strive to let them see that no man can completely fill the deep need of their heart for love. As wonderful as a man may try to be, he can never emotionally complete the heart of a woman. Only Christ’s love can meet that need fully, completely, and continually.

I would, however, try to convince them that their dad unconditionally loved them.

And I would keep my shotgun loaded!

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27 thoughts on “If I Had A Daughter…

  1. continued:
    How do I get through this season in my life. I know my expectations of gaining a daughter was now far fetched. I feel that she would like to have more of a relationship with me but cannot because of making her own mom unhappy.

    I try to wait for them to contact me or ask to do things with us or ask to come visit but its so hard. I want to support his marriage but I know he is also so unhappy being ruled by two dominant women. How can I encourage him to be the leader in his home in all things?

  2. continued:
    The women wear the pants in the family and call all the shots. My daughter in laws mom never let her husband spend time with his side of the family and my daughter in law didn't get much time growing up with her paternal grand parents because it was always about the maternal grand parents. Now I am watching the same thing unfold all over again. My son is in the middle and I know very unhappy. I know he feels he has to keep his wife happy and he should but he cannot stand up to her and be the leader or she makes life miserable for him. i try to stay out of it and I try to make life for him easy by standing back and waiting for him to visit when he is allowed and wait to see my grand daughter when I am allowed. I don't want to get in the way of making him feel like he has to be in the middle between his mom and his wife. So I stay out of the picture as much as possible so that I don't make waves but at the same time I suffer because I don't get to spend much time with him or my grand daughter.

  3. I need help! Are there any good books out there for mom's with sons and letting go?

    I have a married 25 year old son and a grand daughter thats one yr old. My other son is 23 and leaving for a college campus in 3 weeks 4 hours away from home.

    I will miss the 23 year old very much. the problem I am having is with the 25 yr old and trying to figure out how to be a good mother in law. My daughter in law and I got along wonderfully when they were dating and even when they were first married. However it all changed when she found out she was having a girl for their first child. She distanced herself from me. (A little background- my daughter in laws mother is very controlling. She has always lived next door to her mother and so that's how my daughter in law was raised.

    • I shared your thoughts with a lady in our church in a similar situation. She's starting an empty-nester blog. Here's what she said:

      Wow. That’s a tough situation. For everyone. And as a fan of Everybody Loves Raymond, I immediately thought of Marie. I think the only reason poor Debra was able to stay married to Raymond was that it was scripted!

      I can only draw from personal experience here and I’m fortunate that mine was different. My real life example would be my mom. I’ve watched her love three son-in-laws and two daughter-in-laws for over thirty years, even during some unlovable times. There have even been times when I’ve thought she loved them more than her own kids – but that’s made my heart smile. If I had to provide a quick summary of why I think she’s been successful it would be ‘she loves, forgives and never judges – and her home is always open, inviting and peaceful.’ I hope I can be at least half the mother-in-law she is.

      This lady has three kids now. Two sons and a daughter. The saying goes to ‘lead by example.’ Her son and daughter-in-law will be watching. And sometimes, regardless of how old they are, we just don’t know how or what to pray for. So if I were going to recommend a book it would be The Power of Praying for Your Adult Children by Stormie Omartian.

      My heart really goes out to her.

      Shelia

  4. As a mother of 2 boys, who I love with all my heart, I pray that one day God will bless me with daughter in laws and granddaughters. My poor mom bought dresses each time one of her children were pregnant (0 girls, 5 grandsons!) too! Add Stasi Eldredge's "Captivating" to your list of books to share that speak to the heart of a woman-amazing and beautifully written!

  5. The shotgun got to me. When we faced the first date of one of our daughters (we have five), my husband got hold of a toy shotgun and gave the young man a real tough time. Fortunately, the young man had a sense of humor and laughter abounded.

    All five of our girls have been in troubled relationships as they transitioned from home to self-sufficiency. Our youngest just ended a relationship after I counseled her that once a player, always a player (without being transformed in that area through a walk with God). She did the right thing and I am proud of her.

  6. As challenging as my 15 y o daughter can be at times, I know that the relationship between a father and daughter runs very deep. I am a Daddy’s girl, and my daughter is as well. We also have an 11 y o son, and I adore him. I try my best to raise my daughter respecting herself, so that when the time comes, her future husband will respect her as well. I have shared the Angela Thomas book with her, and we do a lot of inner beauty reminders by digging in God’s word to see what He has to say about it. In a world where media is totally opposite of the Bible, it’s hard, but I pray daily that she won’t fall into that trap. We also spend a lot of time praying and teaching our son to respect girls, and to never ever treat them as any less than themselves, nor any less than what God intends for them to be.

    Thank you for your article.

  7. As a family who recently added a baby girl from Korea to our family (her sibling is a 2.5 year-old boy also from Korea), I appreciated your post!

    And thanks for the song / book resources!

  8. Ron,
    Planning for my daughters futures is the very reason I joined Special Forces……. those boys will never see me coming…. literally. I am kidding of coarse (maybe). My girls have memorized Proverbs 31:30 to help them understand what Gods standard of beauty and a woman is. Melanie and I pray constantly for them and their future husbands, but I still have the experience of six combat tours (and counting) as a back up plan.

    Praise be to the Lord my Rock, who trains my hands for war, my fingers for battle. Psalm 144

    Take care,

    David

  9. okay-I had to come back…my little girl has done a ton for me as her Mom…helped me in many ways come to Jesus. Which helped me forgive her biological dad-one of the best feelings ever. They may not be as close as they should-but then God blessed me with the perfect husband for myself=absolutely perfect dad for Tory. She knows the difference now-but calls my husband Daddy-and is still trying to decide what to call her biological. That all takes time, love and prayer. How one can’t love their daughter the way you are saying you would-I can’t explain-I just know her biological fights a lot of demons. But Jesus sure has protected my sweet angel-and she has such a heart-you wouldn’t think she was 7! Blogs like this make you want to make sure tomorrow isn’t taken for granted-for this I truly thank you! Many blessings from our Lord!
    Hetty Siebens ( Hetty4Christ)
    http://hiswill4me.blogspot.com
    http://epilepsy4jesus.wordpress.com/

  10. Ron,
    I want you to know that I think you would have been a great dad to a daughter by what you said. I have two very beautiful daughters. They are the best thing in the world. If I lived close enough I would allow you to help teach those values to my daughters. I as well wish that I had learned what you said about no man being able to fully meet the desires of my heart from my dad. I do know now that God is the only one that can meet those needs. Thank you for sharing this.

  11. ROn,
    loved the message, 5 1/2 years ago my beautiful Daughter was born, and when the doctor handed her to me, she was crying and I began talking to her, she recognized my voice and quit crying and looked in my direction………It melted my heart and it has yet to recover……Since God has blessed me with a wonderful son and another daughter, God continually uses them to show me his unconditional love for us.

    Thanks for the message.
    DJH

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  13. Your twitter page led me here and I’m glad for it! This blog about daughters moved me. Now I’m gonna have to go repent for being jealous of your future daughter in law :)

  14. Your post really moved me to tears. I believe God puts people or even just their kind words :) in our lives at a certain time, to encourage and help us through our own personal struggles.”And I would keep my shotgun loaded” is my husband’s sentiments exactly with our three daughters. Thank you for sharing.

  15. a tweet of your’s brought me here. I have no children and i realised just some days ago, that i would love to have some , especially girls. I dont know why. But i know that i dont’ HAVE TO UNDERSTAND why, because i may give my life a direction and may have wishes, but (God/Universe/life) brings them to fullfilment…perhaps tomorrow, perhaps in a couple of month or years.
    maybe u just want (need) (even)more pure female unconditioned power love&high_energy in your life? i think ur wish is real, clean and clearly motivated, so what?
    “Are You Surprised By The Path Of Your Life?”
    yes!
    and i know somone who liked to be surprised again!
    yes!
    its you!
    and (of course) me …:)
    love from berlin/germany

  16. Ron, I loved peeking into the inner recesses of your heart. I think you need to adopt a daughter! They are so much fun. I have two sons and one daughter. I cannot count the times either I or hubby sat down in a tiny child’s chair to have a special tea party with Meredith. Oh, what precious memories. She is now 33 and married! Maybe you’ll someday have a granddaughter, as we do. Oh, what a great Pop you will make!

    Blessings…Lynn

  17. I have two sons and a daughter – all grown up and married with their own children. I feel a special bond with my daughter, although she has been through all sorts of emotional ups and downs. Daughters bring their own challenges for their dads, but I wouldn’t have missed the blessing of a daughter for anything.

    Now God has blessed me with two granddaughters and two grandsons.

  18. You sound just like my husband. Between us we have three amazing sons who are now grown. For a time, God had me serving as an Acteens leader, with teen girls around all the time and now serving in the student ministry the same.

    My one bit of advice for you: don’t wait for daughters-in-law or granddaughters. There are girls, teen-agers and young women who need exactly what you want to give your daughters poured into them — and very few are getting it. You may not be the “Dad” who will walk them down the aisle, but you’ll make an indelible impression on someone special.

  19. Wonderful article…I never had my anticipated daughter–God thought we needed two sons – wouldn’t trade ‘em most days – but now yearning for some granddaughters some day!! There’s still hope!

  20. Ron,
    This post warmed my heart. One of my greatest joys in life is watching Jeff be daddy to our little girl. It truly is a special relationship they have. She adores him! You will make a wonderful father-in-law because of your desire and perspective. God bless you brother!
    Julie