Sometimes life throws curves at us that take the wind from our sail.  If we aren’t careful we can allow the injury to haunt us for life; never regaining what we have lost.  Have you lost a job recently?  Have you had a business failure?  Did you suffer from divorce?  Has the person you trusted the most hurt you the deepest?  

What steps should you take to get back on track and succeed again?  Here are a few suggestions to consider during the recovery process:

1.      Reconnect with God.  This is always a wise idea, but it becomes necessity at times like this. 

2.      Evaluate your life.  Use this time to reevaluate the decisions you have made in life and what got you in the situation you are in today.  Are there changes that you made?  If so, be willing to change.  If you did nothing wrong in this case, release yourself from responsibility. 

3.      Create some new dreams.  Don’t allow past mistakes to keep you from discovering your passions in life.  Keep those creative forces going in your mind so you’ll be ready when the next big opportunity comes along. 

4.      Call in the advisors.  Others can usually see things we cannot see.  They approach our life from a different perspective. Give someone you trust, who has your best interest at heart, access to the painful part of your life.

5.      Don’t take your pain and anger out on others.  It doesn’t make things better (usually worse) and it hurts people who did nothing to deserve it. 

6.      Take a break.  Don’t expect to recover immediately.  Your struggles probably didn’t start overnight and they will not end overnight. Give yourself time to heal.

7.      When it’s time, be willing to risk again.  Yes, you may get hurt again, but just as life is full of disappointments, it’s also full of joy and discovery.  Remember that everyone is not the same and every situation is different. Don’t hold your past experiences against others who weren’t even there.  

8.      Don’t let failure or disappointment in life define you.  Be defined by God’s love for you and His plan for your life.

9.      Do something.  Rest yes, but at some point, just do something to stay busy and occupy your mind.  It’s true that the “idle mind is the devil’s workshop”.  If you lost your job, find somewhere to volunteer until you find another job.  If you lost a relationship, find non-sexual relationships through church or civic activities to keep from being alone.

10.    Get back in the game.   Choose your next steps carefully and don’t keep repeating the same mistakes, but at some point it will be time to enjoy life again.  Life was not meant to be lived on the sidelines.

Beginning with my post yesterday I am writing an open letter to each of my boys. Yesterday I wrote the oldest, Jeremy. Today I am addressing Nate. Nate is a 17 year old senior in high school.  Next year he hopes to move away to college. You can read more about Nate at www.nateedmondson.com.  

Dear Nate,

Nate, formerly known as Nathaniel, thank you for adding spice to life!  Your wit and humor are beyond your years, but that goes well with the equally advanced character and maturity you display.   I have always lovingly called you my “weird child”, but the term of endearment is said with the greatest admiration.

I can’t imagine how a person could be anymore gifted with leadership at your age.  What you have accomplished this year as president of your school is remarkable.  What is even more amazing is that you are so skilled at multi-tasking.  Not only are you accomplishing much with school, but you have some amazing church work you are leading, and you find time to keep a well-read blog as well.  Your talent for productivity astounds me.  You and I are not as relationship-oriented as Jeremy, and yet God has given you a sincere heart for others.  You genuinely care for the hurting and would never willingly injure someone.  Your passion for Christ and His glory is contagious.   

Nate, I can’t imagine the house next year without you in it.  It will be much quieter, but somehow I don’t think it will have as much energy.  You and I are so much alike. We are best buds, but as you know our likeness sometimes really gets on each of our nerves.  (I guess we probably do that to others too.) You started spreading your wings early in life when you decided before the doctors said you were ready that you no longer wanted to drink from a bottle, but requested (by gesturing) a cup like the adults used. You are Mr. Independent. I have simply tried to get out of your way and let you find your way.  I know Jeremy will always want to “hang out” with us. I pray you will as well.   We love our time with you both. 

My life has changed.  In the past few years I’ve transitioned to someone who invests in others and I have people who actually seek my advice. I know that sounds egotistical (which would not be unusual for me), but I don’t mean it that way at all.  It’s just that at almost 45 years of age, with a wealth of practical experience; including many negative experiences, I am at a mid-life stage where I have learned some things and, because I believe so strongly in sharing experiences, people sometimes seek out mine.  Looking back over my life I now think often, “I wish I had known then what I know now”. 

So, here are a few of those things I have learned.  If you are a young person, this is some advice I’d love to share with you.  You may not take it as seriously as I want you to, because I never did when I was that age, but I hope you do.  I know now that this is valuable information.  I only wish I had known it back then. 

1.      All experiences, good or bad, shape us for life.   Don’t let any of them pass you by without learning something. 

2.      Stay in physical and spiritual shape throughout your life.  It is much easier to maintain than to try and get back in shape. 

3.      If you have a strong passion to do something, (and it is honorable) be willing to risk everything to do it.  You can always recover if you fail and, if you fail, you will learn valuable lessons in the process.  Someone once said to me, ask yourself: What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail?  Do that! 

4.      Never quit dreaming.  Dreams often fuel the best of life. 

5.      It goes by fast.  Let me say it again, because you read that too quickly.  IT GOES BY FAST!

6.      Things are usually not as bad as they appear right now.  Be patient, make wise decisions, and it will get better. 

7.      You will look back and wish you had done some things more and some things less.  Figure out those what those things are now and prioritize your life accordingly. 

8.      Let a few people into the deepest parts of your life. Allow yourself to be vulnerable with a select few.  There will be a time when this is needed.  (Trust me.)

9.      Make relationship decisions carefully. 

10.  Above all else, guard your heart, for it affects everything you do.  (Proverbs 4:23)    

Now, I’m looking for someone in their late 50’s or older to share their list like this with me.  Anyone? 

And now I want to urge you, dear lady, that we should love one another. This is not a new commandment, but one we had from the beginning. 2 John 5 NLT  
  
Repetition is sometimes used to emphasize a point. If anyone closely examines John’s 2nd epistle they surely see the repetition John uses. The point John makes by repetition is that you and I are to “love one another”.   
   
If you have spent any time in church then you have heard that repeated over and over again.  The problem is that most of us are slow learners.  We can know the truth, but following through with it is often hard for us to do.  So let me ask you, Is there someone in your life that you really are having a hard time loving? Maybe you’ve told others that you’ve forgiven this person, that you have no hard feelings towards them, but the truth is there is still an element of hate in your heart that just won’t go away. If you think about the hurt this person caused you, you would get angry all over again. Maybe you would even secretly wish harm upon this person.  I have often said that if the first thought you have about someone is the hurt they once caused you, then you haven’t truly forgiven them.  Is that the case with your story?    
  
Today I dare you to listen to the encouragement of John? “This is not a new commandment, but one we had from the beginning….We should love one another.” Allow God today to look deep into your heart, examine your love quotient for those who have hurt you the most, and ask God to help you love these people (or this person) the way Christ loves you.  If you can ever get there you will find a freedom in true love and forgiveness that cannot be achieved any other way.

But you belong to God, my dear children. You have already won your fight with these false prophets, because the Spirit who lives in you is greater than the spirit who lives in the world. 1 John 4:4 NLT  
 
Of what are you afraid? Why has the world shaken your trust? Don’t you know that you are a child of the King and that everything is under His control?   
  
Sometimes the Christians look like everyone else when it comes to how we deal with the pressures of life. We tend to allow stress to be our motivator, instead of relying on God’s light to direct our paths. Christians should have a power that the world cannot measure. We have been bought and paid for with the blood of our Savior Jesus Christ.   
  
Recently, during one of those really hectic days, I saw myself getting caught up in the fast-paced rat race of life. I was moody, sarcastic, easily angered, all because the world was tossing more at me than I could handle. I walked into my son’s bathroom and my eyes were attracted to a plaque on the sink which reads: WISE MEN STILL SEEK HIM!   
  
I realized that I was fighting this “battle” completely on my own. I don’t have to win the victories of life. My battle is over! I am on the winning side! My life can now be focused on building eternal treasures. I am now in the process of decorating my Heavenly mansion.   
   
Suddenly my disposition changed. I had a new perspective as I reflected on who He is and who I am with Him instead of the problems surrounding me. It was a great way to end the day!   
  
Do you need a new perspective? Is life getting you down? Focus on your victory in Jesus! Remember you are on the winning team!

Has a divorce in your past kept you out of church? 

“Not one person from that church has ever called me in three years.”  That was the response from the man I ran into at a store recently.  “I’ll never set foot in that church again”, the man concluded.  Sadly I’m not sure he’s setting foot in any church these days. 

Little would need to be said to convince people that divorce is a major problem in our society.  There are now more people in families that have experienced divorce than there are families never touched by divorce.  If the church today wants to reach families for Christ it must learn how to minister to divorced people. 

There are no easy answers. As a pastor who has experienced the pain of divorce personally, I feel it is imperative that we continue to teach Biblical truths and never allow our culture to dictate our teachings. (I realize there are plenty who feel a divorced person can’t be a pastor, and for that I would just say we disagree.) On the other hand, we must live within our culture and find ways to reach the people within the context of that culture.  In my counseling of people who have experienced divorce, I have learned there are a few things which are imperative for people who want to be accepted into the church following divorce. 

Don’t Be Plagued by Divorce.  Most divorced people feel that they are no longer welcome in the church. Many times this feeling is self-induced, but often it is a result of attitudes within the church.  Divorced people tell me they are often made to feel dirty in the church, rather than being ministered to with God’s grace as any other person would be.  The Bible is clear that God hates divorce, not because He hates divorced people, but because divorce hurts the people God loves.  Church is the place where hurting people belong!  You should feel welcomed into the church following divorce.  Don’t allow bad representations of who Christ is by other Christians to keep you from worshipping God. 

Find a Church of Grace.  I would never encourage someone to attend a church that doesn’t teach God’s Truth. God’s Truth, however, is that His grace is available for all.  There are churches that apply God’s grace to divorced people, while maintaining their allegiance to the truth of God’s Word.  Don’t be scared away from church by the legalistic and unloving attitudes of a few misguided Christians.

Be willing to learn from your mistakes.  Ask for help in discovering the mistakes you made in your marriage and the things that led to its breakup.  In every situation, each spouse contributed some part to the breakup.  Be willing to humble yourself and admit your part. 

Allow your hurts to help others.  One of the greatest needs in the church today is for people who are willing to be real and vulnerable before other people.  All of us can learn from the mistakes of others.  If you have been hurt by the pains of divorce, your experiences are valuable to others and to the church.   My divorce has “scarred” me in some people’s eyes permanently, but I know God has used my experience to minister to hundreds of others.

Prepare for future marriages.  When my sons each turned 16 years old they spent about 40 hours in driver’s training.  In most churches today they will be blessed if he gets ten percent of that time in counseling before marriage.  Before you consider remarrying, invest some time in premarital counseling.  If free counseling isn’t available, be willing to invest financially in professional counseling. A great marriage is worth the investment.

Find your strength in God:  Divorce is hard on everyone involved, but the recovery is much faster if the person is growing spiritually.  Even though you have been hurt by divorce, God still has a plan for your life.  It is with His strength that you will be able to recover from the pain of divorce.

As a person who watches statistics, I have wondered if one of the reasons church attendance nationally is declining is that we aren’t reaching the divorced people of society; one of the largest segments of the American population.  If you have been hurt by words and actions of people in the church because of your divorce, or if you feel unwelcome in the church, as a pastor speaking on behalf of the church, please accept my apology.  The Jesus I know from the Bible would surely not want you to be further wounded by the church He gave His life for and would welcome you to His church! 

The church should not embrace divorce, but it should certainly love and embrace the people who are being hurt by divorce and offer solutions to hopefully change the culture away from divorce.  That will never occur if the subject of divorce is taboo in our churches.  Certainly Jesus would have hated divorce.  His father does. I have often told people that I understand God’s Word when He says “I hate divorce” better than most people.  Divorce injures the people God loves so much.  I have the idea, however, that if Jesus lived in our culture He would have contacted the man who had been missing from church these past three years.  My question for the church today is this: Shouldn’t we do likewise?

Please accept my invitation today to be a part of the Church of Jesus Christ!

I’m a dreamer. I always want to do more with life.  I believe dreams are a healthy way to stretch the mind, keep a person growing, and even stay emotionally healthy.  (“Where there is not vision, the people perish.”)  On a recent plane ride I jotted down ten goals that I still have for my life.  God willing, I’m going to spend my life dreaming they come true! 

1.      Train young leaders to be “giant killers” for the Kingdom of God.

2.      Help hurting pastors be restored to vibrant ministry.

3.      See dying churches revitalized.

4.      Help Cheryl fulfill her dreams; and help her dream bigger dreams for herself!

5.      Watch more boys marry godly women.

6.      Become a granddad!  (I’ll take number 5 first, but I’ll be ready!)

7.      Travel to Africa and Asia.

8.      See patriotism restored as a personal value for all Americans.

9.      Accept fully Christ’s love and forgiveness (with no regrets from the past).

10.  Hear “Well done, my good and faithful servant!”

What dreams do you have for your life?  What are your current goals?  Feel free to share them here. 

I’m a fairly even keel guy.  My moods don’t go up and down a lot.  I just pretty much stay the same.  I frequently get asked, what gets me excited in life?  What fuels me?  Here are a few things.  Feel free to add your own list.

1.      Helping people get excited about their Jesus relationship.

2.      Making Cheryl happy. (Walks with Cheryl.)

3.      Spending time with my boys (when they want to spend time with me!)

4.      A peaceful long run in the cool of the day. 

5.      Uninterrupted study time (or uninterrupted time period).

6.      New thoughts, dreams, ideas, and strategies.

7.      Throwing my plastic balls into Michael Bayne’s office across the hall from me and scaring him every time.  (Just generally picking on people.)

8.      A sense of accomplishment!

9.      Seeing my sweet Yorkie get so excited when I come home (every time!)

10.  Knowing I’ve pleased my God!