In my years of counseling and ministering to married couples, mostly in distress, I have learned some principles that run fairly consistent within each marriage. There are some common needs most men and women bring to a marriage in order to make the marriage the best it can be. I have found that we really not that different from each other. We may label these differently; even put them in different categories, but the needs themselves remain relatively similar from marriage to marriage. Over the years I’ve kept notes and in these posts I’ll share with you my findings, which I have shared in marriage retreats for years.
I’ll be with the “ladies first” principle, so here are the greatest needs of a wife (in my opinion).
Ephesians 5:25 “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” How did Christ love the church? 1 John 3:16 “This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us.”Do you love her above everything else including your work, your hobbies, your friends, family, and even the kids? Do your actions prove your words?
Wives want to be listened to (instead of the TV) and know that we believe what they have to say is important. Our wives would prefer to talk with us over other women, even though another woman might better understand.
Wives want their husbands to be the defender of the family; not just against the bumps in the night, but against all the threats in society. They want us to take the ownership in leading our family spiritually and in teaching our kids how to defend themselves and stay strong in an evil world.
Are you going to be there forever? Can she trust you? Wives see their visually stimulated husbands looking at other women. Does she know you won’t cheat on her? Are you going to be faithful always?
Wives want to be valued for who they are as much as for what they do. Most houses wouldn’t run as well without the wife. Could anyone find all our “stuff”? But, wives want to know we see them with value beyond just what she does around the house. Is she more important than anything else? Is she still beautiful?
Wives want their husbands to understand them as “weaker vessels”. Of course this doesn’t mean they are less than men, but that men and women are different. Women are going to respond differently to situations; cry more easily, take longer to resolve things emotionally, feel tired quicker. Also, wives want a little romance in the marriage. (For most of us, if we’ve been married over a week they already know that’s not going to happen with you.) We can all, however, be kind, loving, and occasionally romantic. We usually get good credit here just for honestly trying.
Most wives don’t want to do life alone. They want their husband’s participation in raising the kids, making decisions around the house and yes, sometimes even picking out curtain colors.
What would you add to the list?
Be sure to read 6 Top Needs of a Husband also.