I previously shared the Top 7 Needs of a Wife which are based on personal observation and experience working with married couples. Today I continue with the top 6 needs of a man. (Like it or not, we are more simple creations; not as beautiful, of course, but less complex. Okay, let that comment get me in trouble if it must, but just the fact that you may not like it doesn’t mean it’s not true.)
Here are the top 6 needs of a husband:
This is number one! Men are always lying if they say it isn’t! Ephesians 5:33“However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” God knew what He was talking about. Men want to know that they are revered by their wives. Men want to be honored in their home. The world puts a lot of pressure on men, as men do on ourselves, and we need to be successful someplace in our life. If we can’t feel that respect in our home, we will find that it somewhere else.
Men want to be desirable to their wives. Are we strong enough; masculine enough? If our wife is always looking at the sexier man or the more successful man in the movies or just in the world we certainly will not feel admired. As an example, if a family struggles financially and the wife complains about it all the time the man hears that as “I’m not good enough.” Most men struggle to feel we measure up. The greatest assurance of the fact that we have “what it takes” comes from our wives.Men who don’t sense this will often quit trying.
Peace and Tranquility
Men want their home to be a place to prepare for the world; they want to be able to relax. That is never an excuse for laziness! (Laziness is a sin BTW.) This is an ouch statement, but men want their wives to be their wife, and not their mother!Plus, and this is so important to understand, nagging never accomplishes what the wife hopes it will. It may get done what you wanted done, but not with the heart or attitude you hoped to go with the action. (If you are raising boys, remember this!)
Yes, men want this too! They want to know they are number one with you. Men don’t want to see their wife looking at other men or commenting on how wonderful another man may be. They want to know you are faithful only to them. (Can you women tell we have shallow egos? We do. I may blog about that someday.)
Husbands don’t really want a wife to try and change them. Granted many men need changing, but the Biblical way to do this is to pray about it and model the change for us. Men also want our wives to appreciate our hobbies and interests, since it is so much a part of who we are. You don’t have to love golf, but to know that the lower score is the better is a great plus when we come home after a good game. He’ll need to brag to someone. He’s hoping that someone is you.
Be able to lead
Most men want to lead, but don’t really know how. The wife should allow her husband to make some mistakes and not criticize us when we can’t do something as well as you can, (which we know is many things!) If we take the effort to fix the bed, don’t go behind us and straighten the comforter (or at least don’t let us see you doing it.) If we find we can’t compete in an area, we just quit trying. Applaud what we do right and we’ll try harder to please. We really do want to succeed!
So, there are the top 6 needs of a man. This closing statement is tough to write, but so important to understand. I have believed for years in observing couples and through my own experience that if the woman, who is usually more relationally mature than the man, will respect her husband in these ways that the marriage will dramatically improve. (That, and the fact that I am a man, may explain why my explanations of each item are longer for men.)
The reason is simple. Generally, except in rare cases, the wife wants and understands what a good marriage looks like. Most men don’t. When a man feels respected, he will adapt and learn whatever it takes to earn and keep that respect. (If you watch closely you’ll see this quality displayed in other aspects of his life.) He will in turn become a great lover of his wife, fulfilling her greatest need. The combination of the two working together in marriage is powerful.
What would you add to the list?