Sometimes in marriage, things have to get worse before they can get better. Don’t be afraid to let that process work. If there is a continuous major problem in the marriage, find the courage to address it.

I’ve met numerous couples where there is an obvious major problem, but the offended party is afraid to deal with the issue. I’m not referring to minor differences, such as whether the toilet paper should roll from the top or the bottom…that’s easy stuff…(top, of course)…I’m talking about those non-negotiable concerns in a marriage.

Things such as…

Physical or verbal abuse…Confidence crushing negativity towards the other spouse…Substance abuse…Extreme laziness or not supporting the family… blatant neglect…

If you have a serious issue in your marriage, you have to push through the problem as difficult as that process will be.

I realize when I give this advice some immediately rebel against it, because they fear their marriage will be pushed over the edge if they address the problem. When there is a severe crippling problem in a marriage that goes unchallenged, however, one spouse will suffer in more areas of life than just the marriage. (If this is your situation, you already know that to be true.) The problems in the marriage will affect the person’s health, job performance, and entire well-being, not to mention the marriage will never be all God intends it to be.

When the injured spouse refuses to face reality and address the issue, I usually ask him or her one question:

Are you going to be satisfied with your life and this marriage if nothing changes or improves with this situation for the next 20 years?

The fact is that more nagging won’t help. Worrying about the problem will not make it go away either. If the answer to my question is no, then some action must be taken if you have any hope for improvement.

Obviously, I can’t offer specific advice in a short blog post. Your situation is unique, complicated, and personal, but I can encourage you to get some personal counseling. Force the issue. Work through the problem together. Allow it to make you stronger in the end, but don’t be afraid to address the hard stuff.

Do you have an example of this principle in your marriage? Have you and your spouse had to work through a serious problem before you could make your marriage better?

Have you ever had something in your life that you just couldn’t figure out? I know I have. There have been some situations, which have occurred to me personally or people I love that left me asking God “why”. I have witnessed friends go through trials that seemed at the time beyond God’s repair (they really weren’t) and I kept wondering how God could possibly “work all things for good”. [...] Continue Reading…

We continue our series on missions this Sunday at Grace Community Church, this week focusing on local missions. Don’t forget to set your clocks ahead one hour for daylight savings time. You do not want to miss this series. I’ll be looking at a familiar story to challenge us to think. We will also have some community ministry opportunities represented. The music lineup is incredible. Join us at 8:30, 10:00 or 11:30. We love visitors!
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My boy’s can “fondly” remember the time we drove from our driveway heading to an undisclosed location on vacation. I decided in advance not to tell them where we were going, but to let it be a surprise. We were actually heading to St. Louis, but to complicate the situation, I decided to drive all side roads. We went through what seemed to be every back road between our house and the hotel. What should have been a four and half hour trip ended up being an eight-hour trip. The boys complained frequently, which I expected, but when the trip was over, they realized we had experienced a great time just being together. [...] Continue Reading…

The people Joshua was supposed to be leading were not going in the direction he was supposed to be taking them. The Israelites had fallen to the ways of the world, following other gods, and choosing to reject their commitments made to God and to Joshua. [...] Continue Reading…

In a previous post, I wrote the reasons to micromanage. (Yes…there are times…Read that post HERE) Most of the time micromanaging is not a positive characteristic of leadership. Here are some reasons leaders resort to micromanaging: [...] Continue Reading…

Congratulations! I am sending your Twitter ID’s to Catalyst and they will be in contact. Thanks so much for playing along and look me up at Catalyst One Day. If you didn’t win, I still recommend you invest in this conference. All our churches and organizations can use a momentum refresher! [...] Continue Reading…

One of my pet peeves as a leader has been for people to refuse to try something new or fail to follow through on a project, giving up before it’s completed, because they think they do not feel they know how to do the task. I encounter far too many people that want responsibility or leadership assignments, but they are not willing to invest the time and energy it takes to learn the requirements of the task. [...] Continue Reading…

Thanks to Cross Point for allowing our team at Grace Community Church to learn from them. Pete Wilson and Jenni Catron have assembled a superstar group of people that love Jesus and truly desire to reach their city for Christ. Today we brought our staffs together for a joint staff retreat. [...] Continue Reading…

I have written about leader Scott Hodge previously. (Read that post HERE.) Scott is pastor of The Orchard Community Church. He and his father are part of an amazing story of transformation in a church. I will say again, he is one of the nicest guys I have ever met. Scott is a creative, inspiring leader. He is highly connected and was recently seen as host of Ben Arment’s Story Conference. You can follow Scott on Twitter too. [...] Continue Reading…